Contest by: contest_fun ('song-fic')

Song : Stone Cold by Demi Lovato

Fandom: Torchwood

Ship: Janto (Jack and Ianto)

Minor ships: discussed Gwack (Gwen and Jack), Rhen (Rhys and Gwen) and Toshwen (Toshiko and Owen)

Characters: Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper, Rhys Williams, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, (Lisa Hallet, Suzie Costello, The Doctor, Diane and Katie mentioned)

Spoiler warnings: minor spoilers about the characters personalities and the general storyline. Series one episodes 'Cyberwoman', 'Countrycide' 'Out of time' and 'They keep killing Suzie' referenced with spoilers. Series two story arc of 'Reset', 'Dead man walking' and 'a day in the death' referenced. Set during S2 - 'Something Borrowed' (the episode)

Okay, this is probably too long to be considered a oneshot but I couldn't make it shorter or split it up. It's also not my best, sorry.

Word Count: 3573 including note before.

Ianto glanced over at Jack from where he was busy doing the music at the wedding. Gwen's wedding.
The girl in question was busy dancing with Jack. His Jack.

He instantly cursed himself for thinking like that. Jack wasn't his. Sure, they shagged. A lot. But just because Ianto had a huge emotional investment, didn't mean Jack felt the same.

The older (oh, so much older) man turned, as if sensing eyes on him, and waved. Ianto waved back, fixing his face into a smile.
It wouldn't do to have Jack know that he was upset. Sure, he may have got a bit of his attention, but it what they had was very decisively 'casual sex'.
If Jack new that he felt so much more than that, he might have stopped, and as unhappy as it was making him, he couldn't stop. He didn't want it to stop.

Ianto was no good at casual sex.

Stone cold, stone cold, you see me standing but I'm dying on the floor.

He turned back to the music, occasionally stealing glances at Jack and the limpet.
They were at her wedding, for heaven's sake. They were at her wedding, to another man, and yet she was gazing at Jack as if he was hers.
If Jack 'belonged' to anyone here, it was him. At least they had something, even if that something was nothing more than friends with benefits.

It had started off as less than that. A distraction so Ianto could sneak his half-cyberconverted girlfriend into the hub while he tried to cure her.

Of course, cyber conversion isn't exactly something you can cure, which he found out when she went insane, killing two people and nearly the team as well.

Ianto would forever have their blood on his hands, but in his defence, she had still been Lisa until then.

Not that the team would believe that. Supposedly she 'tricked him' or he 'made a mistake'.

He wasn't stupid. He'd been at Canary Wharf, he knew what the monsters could do. He'd seen it. Lisa hadn't been one of them until the end. He wouldn't have tried to keep her alive if she hadn't been.

They thought he was a traitor. Couldn't he see that his loyalty wasn't to Torchwood? As long as Lisa was alive, his loyalty was always to her.

Of course, when she changed, something he hadn't anticipated, he couldn't bring himself to kill her.

Of course he hadn't - he had always loved her. Loved her with everything he had, even if he was beginning to care for his boss a considerable amount, too.

He had cried for months after her death; cried for the whole six week suspension. And then he hadn't. Even when faced by cannibals, he hadn't let one tear slip out.
Perhaps if he acted like he didn't hurt, the pain would go away.

Stone cold, stone cold
Maybe if I don't cry,
I won't feel anymore

He had long ago accepted Jack's tendency to flirt with anything and everything. It didn't mean anything, he knew that. What he was struggling to accept, however, was when he flirted with Gwen.

Jack held a soft spot for the newest Torchwood employee, and, what with her making heart eyes at him the whole time, she was definitely a threat to Ianto.

His one consolation was that he knew that Jack wouldn't do anything with her out of respect for her long standing boyfriend (now husband), Rhys. He knew that, even if Jack had hated Rhys, he would have stayed back due to a simple respect for people's relationships.

If only he had the same sort of respect for theirs, whatever it was.

The problem was that even if Jack respected relationships, Gwen certainly didn't, and he wouldn't put it past her to pretend to break up with Rhys, just so she could get Jack.

He really didn't get what Jack found so appealing about Gwen. Sure, she was kinda pretty, but she was also self-centred, annoying, and unfaithful.

Yeah, Ianto really wasn't her biggest fan.

Jack looked happy, though, so he guessed he didn't mind. As long as he got to stay with Jack - he didn't know what he'd do if the man left him again. When he went off with the doctor, leaving Ianto behind, it pretty much broke him.

He glanced back over at Gwen. Yeah, he really didn't get the appeal.

Stone cold, baby, God knows I tried to feel, happy for you. Know that I am, even if I, can't understand.

They had restarted their little arrangement again after Suzie died. He had seen that Jack was struggling after the betrayal and loss of his friend and second in command, and had taken it into his own hands to comfort him. Jack was a very physical person, so, obviously, sex was the best option.

He, himself, hadn't needed the comfort, he had never liked Suzie, but he needed Jack. He always needed Jack.

Ianto had been the only one to realize that Suzie had changed. She'd been nice at the start, but, well, the job changes people. Changes them in so many different ways.

He, for example, had been a normal guy before he joined Torchwood One. Just an average guy.

Sure, he was intelligent, with brilliant exam results on his record, but he went round the pub and hung out with friends, he played darts when he'd had just under the amount of alcohol that would have affected his aim.

Then, he joined Torchwood, and changed. He had always been well mannered, but due to the strict regime of Torchwood One, under Yvonne Hartman, he was expected to be just like the others; the perfect employee, the perfect soldier, thinking with his mind, not his heart, willing to shoot with a cold professionalism.

But of course, Ianto was an archivist, not a soldier, and he was never quite like the others. He thought for himself, he questioned the Torchwood morals, even the simple fact that he was well liked for his coffee, something his grandmother had taught him to make all those years ago, made him different.

And it was perhaps because of that that he managed to escape from Canary Wharf, alongside Lisa, and two other archivists who said they owed their lives to him.

So yeah, Torchwood changes people, and he saw it in Suzie. He just didn't realize how bad it was.

And so when she came back and betrayed them, and Jack had to kill her, he went straight to comfort his boss. Because he spent time in the archives and so he knew about Jack, and in such a long life there was so much pain.
And if Ianto wanted to get rid of as much of that pain as he could

I'll take the pain
Give me the truth,
me and my heart
We'll make it through

Ianto exchanged a sympathetic glance with Rhys. It was the poor guy's wedding day, and the bride was off dancing with another man. He felt bad for the guy. He knew Rhys had felt threatened by Jack since he first met him, and they really didn't have to dance like that at his wedding.

He sighed when the Welshman walked over to him, interrupting his thoughts, but he didn't mind too much. He liked Rhys.

"Hey, Ianto"
"Hello, Rhys"
"You know...." the man started, and while Ianto payed attention at first, his mind and eyes wandered towards Jack and Gwen again, to the soundrack of slow music and Rhys' voice rambling on about the ceremony or the football or something.

He was so lost in thought that when Rhys noticed what, or rather who, he was looking at, it took him three tries to get his attention.

"Ianto?"
"Oh, sorry, zoned out" he apologized quickly, but Rhys shrugged.
"You see it too?"
"See what?"

The newly married man gestured to where his bride and her boss were dancing.

"Ah, that. Well, yeah, but I don't think you really have much to worry about from Jack. I mean, he respects other peoples relationships, even if he doesn't exactly respect his own" he was trying to convince himself as much as Rhys, but the man cut him off.

"I know. But I also know that Gwen has no such boundaries"

Ianto raised an eyebrow.

"She told me about her affair with Owen, then drugged me with that thing you use to make people forget. I...I remembered, when I saw him, but I haven't told her that I know. I just want her to be happy, even if it's with other men, you know?"

Ianto sighed, sadly. "Yeah, I know the feeling"

Oh, he knew, alright.

If happy is her,
I'm happy for you

After Rhys had gone, he glanced back towards the couple on the dance floor.

Gwen was gazing at the captain like he was her everything, and he wanted to hit her. She had a husband, she'd also had Owen on the side for a while, and, to be honest, could probably get him back. She had family she spoke to, and friends back on the police force. She had a good job, with a good salary - Torchwood was hard, but it was good. The one thing she didn't have was what she wanted.

Jack.

She was looking at Jack like she should be looking at Rhys, and it made Ianto feel ill.

For him, Jack was his everything, but he hid it behind a veil of not caring, hid it behind his role as 'part time shag'.

He remained in the corner of the room, watching the dancers. Owen and Tosh were dancing awkwardly im one corner of the room, but it made him smile. He liked the quiet technician, and he knew how long his friend had loved the harsh medic.

He knew how much it had hurt her whenever he took a new girl home, knew how it had hurt her when he fell for Diane. But through all that she pretended she was fine.

Owen Harper, with his string of one night stands, affairs and ex girlfriends, was a hard man to love, but Tosh loved him completely.

What had broken her the most was when he died. But even now, when he was back but damaged, she wanted him. And if that wasn't love, then what was.

That was another reason why Ianto disliked Gwen. She flaunted her affair with Owen, made it so obvious, and yet was so oblivious to the fact that it was hurting Tosh.

He wanted to dislike Owen, for the same reason, but he understood the medic. Like him, he had lost someone he loved, and was coping with it as well as he could. And despite his rude, snarky attitude and occasional cruel insults, Owen wasn't a bad person, and when he was in a good mood, he and Ianto could have a laugh.

He glanced back over at Jack, who hadn't let go of Gwen since they had started dancing. He supposed he was being all chivalrous, and congratulating her and telling her how pleased for them he was.

He supposed he'd forgotten all about Ianto, who wouldn't mind, because they weren't together.

Of course, Ianto did mind, however much he pretended not to. Their arrangement might have been casual, but he wasn't good at keeping his feelings separate.

Stone cold, stone cold

You're dancing with her, while I'm staring at my phone.

I

anto was the one Jack could come back to. The one who would always be waiting. Ianto was safe, he wouldn't leave him until the reaper came for him and cut short his life.

Gwen on the other hand, was exciting, desirable, yet forbidden. And, Ianto supposed, that was part of the allure. You always want what you can't have, and Jack wasn't the sort of person to break someone else's relationship. He couldn't have Gwen, but he knew Jack wanted her.

He was boring, Ianto thought to himself. Someone to flirt with, someone to shag, but he was still just the coffee boy.

When Jack had first flirted with him, he had wondered what the older man saw in him, but then he realized he flirted with everyone. When they first began shagging, he again wondered what was the appeal. Sure, he was available, but so were so many others. What made him special enough to be the one man in the world who was lucky enough to have the attention of Jack Harkness, at least for a while.

And then he realized - he didn't. He might be the only man Jack lay with, but he was far from the one who held Jack's attention.

He may have been familiar, someone attainable, someone Jack could have, but Gwen was like the latest model, and he was sure that if she had been single, he would never have gotten a look in.

Stone cold, stone cold
I was your amber,
but now she's your shade of gold

Ianto loved Jack, that was the simple, inexplicable truth of it. And whatever happened, however bad it made him feel, if Jack was happy, he'd be happy for him, even if he was heartbroken at the same time.

And even if Jack did leave him, he would be there waiting, in the hope that one day he would need him again, that one day he would come back to him.

It was kind of pathetic, that he'd keep waiting for the return of someone he knew didn't love him back. Jack would never love him back, and Ianto had accepted that.

He never thought he'd be the sort of person to stay in that sort of relationship, but he loved Jack and he couldn't stop loving him.

Stone cold, baby
God knows I tried to feel
Happy for you

And he tried, he really did try. When Jack had left, when he'd found his doctor, Ianto had been hurt - no, he'd been broken. They'd betrayed Jack and then he'd left and he fully considered it his own fault.

But he'd found his doctor, and for that Ianto was glad. Even if, back then, he hadn't understood why Jack would want to go back to someone who had left him.

The Doctor was the one person Ianto knew for a fact Jack would leave him for. Jack himself hadn't told him about the Time Lord, but there are a lot of things you can find if you know where to look, and Ianto spent a lot of time in the archives anyway. 

He didn't really understand why Jack had gone running after the doctor, who had left him, until Jack came back and he, admittedly surprised by the offer of a date, forgave him instantly, even if he didn't show it.

Because he was happy that Jack found his doctor but even happier that he came back to him.

Know that I am,
even if I
Can't understand,

They hadn't ended up going on that date, because it was Torchwood, and there's never spare time when it's convenient, but Ianto forgave him immediately, and it resumed to the arrangement they'd bad before, only better. Because now Jack talked to him, talked to him properly. He wasn't just an easy shag, he was a confidant, too.

But there was something Jack never told him, never told anyone, and that was what happened when he was away.

Gwen had pressured him until he'd snapped at her that it didn't matter. She'd quieted down after that, not used to Jack being mad at her.

Ianto hadn't asked once, just hugged him that night because he could tell it was something bad, and told him that "you can talk to me, you know".

Jack had replied that it wasn't anything anyone wanted to hear, but Ianto, while he didn't press him, didn't care. He wanted to know, wanted to help the immortal captain in any way he could.

I'll take the pain
Give me the truth,
me and my heart
We'll make it through

H

e glanced back over at the dancing pair, sighing, and walking over to them, tapping Jack on the shoulder and asking if he could cut in. He wasn't altogether sure who he was asking to dance with - Gwen, because it was expected, or Jack, because he loved him.

The older man nodded, stepping away from Gwen and taking his hand and his waist, resting his head next to Ianto's.

He smiled, instantly feeling safe and secure and happy. He guessed, if he could still have moments like this, he could try not to mind what Jack did with Gwen.

If he could still have the nights when he lay in bed by Jack and just slept, pressed against each other, as there was only one small bed in Jack's quarters. Or the mornings when nobody else had arrived at the hub yet, and Ianto would make them both coffee and they would just sit and talk until the others started drifting in, ready for the next rift-gift or weevil attack or whatever washed up.

Gwen could have her hero worship, because at the end of the day, Ianto, undeserving as he was, was the one who knew the real Jack, with all his flaws and the little things that made him so perfect.

And, he supposed, if Gwen made him happy with her infatuation and devotion, then Jack could have that. Because Ianto didn't deserve the Captain, either.

If happy is her,

I'm happy for you

Before long, the wedding was over and the clean-up was finished. The wedding guests were passed out from retcon and they were leaving the hall Gwen and Rhys had chosen for the reception.

They got back to the hub, dropping Gwen and Rhys back at their flat on the way. They set about finishing off for the night, Tosh was the first to leave. She had been yawning while she checked the systems and rift monitor, and had headed off immediately.

Owen hadn't really had anything to do, but due to his newfound inability to sleep, or eat, or even go out to the bar to drink or to pull, had decided to clear up the autopsy wing a little, before he, too, headed home.

Then it was just Jack and Ianto, and they worked in companionable silence for a short while, until Ianto, stifling a yawn, decided to call it a day.

"I'll be heading home now. Night, sir"

Sometimes he wished an exit like that could be his last, but he knew he couldn't do that. Jack was like a drug and he was addicted.

"But I thought -"

"Goodbye, Jack" he repeated, in a tone that brokered no arguments.

Don't wanna be stone cold, stone
I wish I could mean this but here's my goodbye

F

ast forward a few nights and they were lying together, on the narrow bed that occupied Jack's cramped quarters, their limbs tangled together, as they slowly drifted off to sleep.

In Ianto's dreams they were together in a little house in a world that didn't have any Gwen in it. But still, nothing changed. There were other girls, other men who had Jack's attention, and some of them were a whole lot worse than Gwen.

He supposed he'd just have to deal with it. Jack wasn't the sort to settle with one person, he was not the sort to settle, full stop.

They weren't together, anyway. Ianto was just his bit-more-than-part-time-shag. It was his own fault that he let emotions get involved, but he supposed, even if Jack never thought about him in the way Ianto wished he would, the Torchwood archivist would still be happy so long as the Captain was happy, too.

Oh, I'm happy for you
Know that I am, even if I
Can't understand
If happy is her,
I'm happy for you.

Little did Ianto know, that before Jack eventually dozed off, he kissed his forehead softly, and looked at him with wide, sad eyes.

"Why do you have to be so human?" he whispered against his skin. "You'll die one day, and then I'll be left alone again. I wish I didn't care, it would be so much easier. I can't love you, Ianto. I just can't. It'll just hurt more when you leave me"
He sighed sadly. "It would be so much easier if I didn't love you, Ianto Jones. So much easier"

If happy is her
I'm happy for you