This is me.... I can't change the way I was developed, at least until I am ready....

I find life hard to grasp somedays the urges and the pain that transpired into a scary moment of insanity that I tend to mask with a smile and a laugh that could be heard from miles.... I lie to protect the emotions of myself and others if only people know the five weapons or ways I'd leave this world each day with no hesitation... it would scare others..... I come from a fucked up situation that people would never begin to think of or understand would ever happen to me....

I stare into a long drifting abyss each night the lights fade from the lights and the soft sober voices who sound like the tears that fall from my eyes... and the doubts that shoot holes in my dreams hand hopes....

I've wanted to get up and go someplace I felt I belonged but my elementary mind wound rip me from this woman who I've clung to and have been ripped and shaped and reformed into an living image of them.... 

I cry  as she slings the lashes of brutal harsh expectations and wants of mine and cleans my wounds with her bitter lemon squeezed  words 

She formulated a plan for my future of where my career and sucks the money from my trees where she shoves into my mouth and forefeeds me reality and pain... 

She sprinkles her blame upon others and places the shackles upon my feet where I here lay in this poisoned bed...