Somethings never change, no matter how far one's trials can leap ..they just never do.

Like how I wish to die even though it's an end I fear. Every single day hoping it'll be the last , even though It had memories I'll always cherish and hold dear.
I'm not depressed , I'm happy. My life doesn't suck that much , yes it has ups and down like anyone's else but I don't hate it to the point of wishing to die because of it ..

Does that make sense ?
Like everything is truly fine but I just ..I want to die. I want the loud echoing of my thoughts to stop , my heart to stop slapping me with this much emotions that confuse me. I just ..I crave the stillness. It never comes to me in straight lines but always in zigzags and chaos even though to everyone else it appears simple..I just ..I don't feel it in 'simple.

Doesn't make sense.

I'm happy , I swear.
I'm grateful for everything I have , I'm blessed and I know that my life is truly amazing but..

I just want it to end. I hate death and fear it but still.
It's the only 'straight line to me. It's not confusing. It's not tiring. It's just peace.

Somethings never change and no matter how beautiful my life becomes by the day there's always this far thought in my mind that never diminish : I want to die.

That's just the simplest way to put it.

- A n o n y m o u s