Cops: Mr. Jason, is it? "I did it for my mommy" is not an excuse for treason.

In which mom excuses herself in the middle of a meeting with the devil to make a few calls. Like a mother called to the Principal's Office.

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JJ: Hey. Don't die again.

Me: That's the plan.

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Mom: Alright Guys! We're going to start eating healthy

Momma: *slowly hides his bag of chips behind his back*

Mom: We're going to plan out some well balanced meals

Ty: *slowly hides there candy bar behind there back*

Mom: And we're going to cut out junk food from our - *turns around*

Me: *eating a poptart*

Mom: Jason *disapproving look*

Me: *narrows eyes* go ahead and try to take it from me.....I dare you

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"That came out a lot gayer than I expected"                
— Mom, talking about momma, multiple times

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Me: I need you to take me out with you

Ty: What did Cookie say?

Me: She said no

Ty: Then why should I take you

Me: Because she's not the boss of you

Ty, internally:  this is a trap this is a trap this is a trap

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Me: *throwing stones at Ty's window in an attempt to get there attention after being kicked out of the manor*

Ty: YOU HAVE A PHONE FOR A REASON, JASON!

*loud bang*

Ty: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR FUCKING PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!

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Me, on the phone to Mom: Mom, help. I'm trapped under the tree and the branches are tangled in my hair.

Mom: what? Why were you under the tree in the first place?

Me: ... because I'm a gift to this world?

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Me: dear Santa,

Me: I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty.

Me: and it was worth it you fat, judgmental bastard.

--------------------------------------------

Me: *trips and knocks an expensive vase of a table*

JJ, while running down the stairs: what was that sound?!

Me:

Me: *looks at the smashed vase*

Me: the sound of somebody else's problem. Let's bounce.

------------------------------------------

Me: because she is a bitch.

Ty: Jason, she's dead.

Me: dying did not make her any less of a bitch.

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A, walking down stairs: Hey guy's, what's vore?

B: It...it's like .. uhh

C: Vore is what you shout when playing golf!

B: No I think you mean Score, Vore is when a bunch of people use ballots to decide something.

D: No that's vote. Vore is the center of a sphere.

A: No that's a core. I thought vore is the bit of land along the edge of a large body of water that is usually sandy.

E: No, that's shore. Vore is something that lions do that's also the name of a Katy Perry song.

F: No, that's roar. Vore is the capital of El Salvador

G: No, that's  San Salvador. Vore is the number after three.

B: No that's Four. Fore is also the term I was getting at in my original comment. Score is not a golf specific term. Vore is what bands do when they travel around performing.

H: no that's tour. Vore is melted chocolate and marshmallows between Graham crackers.

I: No, that's s'mores. Vore is those tiny holes you have on your skin.

P: Nah, those are pores. Vore is a noise some people make when they sleep.

K: J, that's snore. Vore is a kind of wild pig.

L: No that's boar, Vore is the paddle that you use to row a boat with

M: That's an oar. Vore is the word you use when describing a horrific scene.

N: you're thinking of gore. Vore is something that you can open and close to get in or out of a room.

O: No you're thinking about door. Vore is in names of members of groups corresponding to adjectives ending in -vorous, such as detritivore corresponding to detritivorous.