"Do you need a hug or some shit, or is your bitch ass always like this?" -Ro to me

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Dabria: What did you do?

Me: Okay, I will tell you but you can't be mad at me.

Dabria: What. Did. You. Do?

Me: Well I was minding my own business----

Dabria: Bullshit

Me: I was!

---------------------------------

Me: You don't choose the vigilante life, The vigilante life beats you with a crow bar. blows you up, resurrects you, then goes 'FUCKER YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME NOW'

Ro: Stop pretending you're Jason. You're not Jason.

Me: How dare you?!?

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Me: I have a great idea!

Dabria: You're last idea was murder. I'm pretty sure that doesn't qualify as 'great'

Me: Well this idea is way better that that one.

Dabria: *sighs* okay, what is it?

Me: *spreads hands dramaticlly* homicide

Dabria: That's the same thing as , murder.

Me: Yeah, but this way it sounds cooler

Dabria: True.

-----------------------

Me: *is extremely sleep deprived again* Hey uhh what's 7 x 10

Ro: ...

Charlie: ...

Wade: I am severely concerned for your health.

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Ways to sleep faster:

Read a book before you sleep, it can help you relax and eventually doze off.

A nice cup of milk before bed helps

Get a knife. Stab yourself. Eternal sleep.

Just get, like, REALLY TIRED, then you have no problem

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Me: Are you done?

Mom: I'm done with your whole generation

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Me telling a story to my future children (Also a reason why I would make a terrible parent in the future)

My son (imma call him billy): Tell me a story

Me: Once upon a time there was a boy eho drove his brother so crazy that he sold him to a circus

Billy: An evil circus?

Me: Yes, a very evil circus with evil monkeys eat eat humans.

Billy: *is shaking scared*

Me: Anyways sleep tight.

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Me: *Just wakes up from a coma*

A: *is crying tears of joy* Jay you're awake!

B: *pats A's shoulder* I know I know. He was so adorable and peaceful, like an angel of coma. And now he's back to being the spawn of satan and all things evil.

A: I'll miss you coma Jay, Sweet little Angel.