〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜
Jack: Sunday, 10 September
〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜    

"Mark? Mark?" I repeated it several times over but there was no answer, just the dead line. I could hear commotion but I had no idea what it was. "Mark!" I was practically shouting. 

"Jack, stop shouting." Mrs. Fischbach said as she walked in the room. "What's the matter?"

"I called Mark and he picked up and I don't know something happened and he's not answering me." I panicked and she took the phone from my hands.

"Hello?" She said. "Oh! You're not Mark." There was a pause and she nodded along slowly. "Yes, I'm his mother." Then her calm expression changed to panic. "What?!" 

"What is it, what is it?"

"Yes okay of course." She nodded. She put down the phone. "Go get in the car, Jack."

"Am I driving?"

"No, sit in the passanger seat." 

I nodded and complied with what she said. A few moments later, Mrs. Fischbach came out and got into the driver's seat. 

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Mark's at the hospital." She told me as she glanced at me a little bit. "He got hit by a car." 

"Is he okay?" I asked. 

"I'm not sure." 

I leaned back and swallowed the frog in my throat. I didn't have anything else to say, just questions that I couldn't answer. We drove to the hospital in silence. We rushed in to the front desk. 

"Hello," Mrs. Fischbach greeted her almost out of breath from running in here. I didn't listen, I looked around the room hoping this was a game, it had to be a game it had to be!

"Jack, come on sweetheart." She said and grabbed my wrist and rushed down the hallway. She ran into the room and nearly collided with the nurse. "Excuse me I'm his mother." 

"Sorry you can't be in here." She said and pushed back on me. 

I crept around the nurse who didn't even noticed me and poked my head over. "Hey!" One of the doctor's shouted, "Get him out of here."

They reached out of me and I heard Mrs. Fischbach shout, "No don't touch him, don't!" They froze. "You can't touch him, he has ptsd, you can't touch him."

"Oh, alright." The doctor said. "Are you his mother?"

"No I'm his mother." She said and pointed at Mark. I couldn't see his head but I could see his wrist lined with wires. I wanted to hold his hand but they weren't going to let me. 

"Please, the nurse can fill you in, but we need to focus." The doctor said and the nurse ushered us out. Mrs. Fischbach was holding on to me tight, I was amazed I hadn't broke into tears. I just didn't know how to understand it.

We went into a small room with chairs and a television. What was this? A grieving room? 

"So, Mark was hit by a car, we know that." Mrs. Fischbach began.

"Okay, so when he was hit by the car he hit his head. It appears the skin split and his head bled but it also appears that he has traumatic brain injury. Which we won't know exactly how it effects him until he wakes up." The nurse said. "The doctors are operating, they say he lost a lot of blood before he even got here." 

"What does traumatic brain injury do? What does that mean?" Mrs. Fischbach asked.

"Well it could mean many things, that's the issue." The nurse said. "He'll probably have frequent headaches for a while, uh.. It could cause nausea or vomiting, mood issues, behavioral issues, sensory to light, issues with balancing, dizziness, fainting, fatigue."

"That's it?"

"Well, there's more serious problems. Those are things that if those happen, that's problem the best side of things, but worse things that could happen include cognitive issues like unable to understand speech or say things himself, amnesia goes in with that. Difficulty understanding, thinking and concentrating. The ability to remember new things or the ability to recognize common things. There's also nerve damages which could cause him to loose certain senses like vision and smell." The nurse said.

"That's a lot of serious issues." Mrs. Fischbach looked the nurse up and down. "And you know nothing?"

"What I do know is that it appeared he hit the back of his brain. He hit the front too, but it wasn't as harsh as the back. Which it is usually the other way around. So the back of the brain has where it processes vision for the most part. So I think what you have to worry about the most is Mark could become blind. But also the coordination center, so he could very well not be able to walk very well. And then the part of his brain that makes choices, as well as understands certain things. The language center is also on the sides near the back, so it's likely that could have been damaged too." 

I was trying really hard to understand everything the nurse was telling me. But it was hard to imagine Mark blind, unable to walk, unable to make decisions and not being able to speak or understand people speaking to him. 

The nurse turned to me for once and registered my face. "He has PTSD, you said? Has he ever been treated by a psycho analyst?" 

"No, we're working our way there. This was recent." Mrs. Fischbach disclosed. 

"What's his relation to Mark? Certainly not brothers, right?"

"No. Jack works for my family. Him and Mark are close." Mrs. Fischbach said. 

"I see, okay." The nurse said and stood. "I will be back with as many updates I can give." 

Mrs. Fischbach nodded and pulled out her cell phone. "Your family needs these." She told me blankly, but I wasn't really listening. "Everyone else is here, I'm going to greet them." I nodded and she left me alone in the room. 

I couldn't imagine a life where Mark couldn't talk to me, that scared me, he couldn't talk to me.. I couldn't talk to him.

I pulled my knees and began crying, and it began to sit in. The guilt that I couldn't help. 

This was all my fault, I shouldn't have gotten close to Mark. Because he tries to do nice things and gets himself practically killed. 

Killed.

Oh no, he's not dead.

...Is he? 

No, he's not.

He's not.

He can't be.

He can't be.

He can't be. 

I took a deep breath and tried to relax, but it was shaky and I felt like I was going to lash out. My entire body was shaking I needed something, I needed to do something. I don't understand what's happening but I'm losing my mind and losing all sort of self control, and I think I may be twitching. 

"Hey Jack." I turned to see Marika coming up to me. She crouched in front of me. I felt her hands wiping my tears away. "It's okay. Mark will be okay, and we'll find out who did it."

"Yes speaking of that I have to go down to the police station for that." Mrs. Fischbach said. "Should I.. Do that now?"

"Yes, go ahead Mrs. Fischbach." My mother said to her. She nodded and headed out of the room.

"How are you doing, buddy?" My sister asked me.

"I..I don't.." I shook my head.

"Not good?"

"No."

She nodded as if she understood. But she didn't know how to help me, she was searching her head for any sort of thing to he me. "Why don't we go down to the gift shop and get Mark something for when he wakes up?"

"Oh that's a good idea." My mother smiled at me as she corralled my rowdy sisters. 

"Come on." My sister grabbed my hand and walked me to the gift shop. She looked around at all the things. "Wow look at this Ja -" She stopped. "Jack?"

"Mark got hit by a car and it's all my fault." I said quietly. 

"What? No it's not." My sister replied. "It couldn't be your fault, you weren't driving." 

"He went to the store to get me something, that's why he got hit. Because he was trying to do something for me." I told her. 

"That's not your fault."

"But without me -"

"Mark would be lonely and unhappy." Marika said with a firm tone. "You light up his world, Sean. Did you ever think about that? He made the conscious choice to go out. You didn't make him. He stood beside you when everything happened when you thought you were used and dirty because he cares about you. He cares about you." 

"I was on the phone with him when he got hit." I said and felt myself choking up so Marika removed me from the store and outside the hospital. "I don't remember it all, but he told me he loved me." 

"Loves." 

"What?"

"You said 'loved' like past tense. As in he no longer does love you. But he does, you can tell. So, it would be 'loves.'" Marika explained and I didn't say anything to that. I didn't know what to say. "Do you love Mark?" I thought about it for a moment, I guess I really hadn't analyzed this in my head. 

"Yeah, yeah I do." I nodded. 

"Okay." Marika smiled. She put her hands on my cheeks. "It'll be okay, I promise. Even when the world feels like it is crashing down, there's always a positive side to the situation. Come on now."

~AN

This makes me sad.

Also, was listening to Linkin Park while writing this. If you don't know, their lead singer killed himself in August. When I was a little kid I listened to Linkin Park religiously. They were the first concert I ever saw so whenever I hear their music I immediately begin crying because it feels like something was taken from me. But if you've ever heard any of the lyrics, it's an obvious cry for help the entire time, but no one bothered to step forward and say anything because no one noticed it. They just thought it was music. But the reason it was so good was because it was from the heart, and that was how he felt.

I don't know, a little bit of ramble but yeah. I find that it always makes me extremely sad to listen to them. Music is important to me. So you get a sad chapter lol.

Also I haven't decided on what I want to do with Mark. So if there's something in that entire list of shit I listed that you REALLY want to happen. Just let me know and I might make it happen. I don't know what the best path is really. 

Rinny