Listen to the song while reading the chapter. Trust me! XD
Fore-warning: there's a fair amount of swearing in this one. Just so you know.
Oh and the early update is because WE REACHED 250 VOTES!!! *FIREWORKS ERUPT*

Aaaand this chapter is dedicated to Queen0fHell for supporting this story and being a lovely person! I Love you!! ❤❤❤
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Breathing laboured and heartbeat racing, my finger hovered over the play button. I had been in this same position since the last twenty minutes; the tip of my finger barely scraping the screen, floating just above the glass but never quite touching it. I think I might have even made a new record for holding in one's breath, since I don't remember the last time I actually exhaled the foul dread-filled air inside my lungs which was slowly poisoning me from inside out.

I gulped, squeezed my eyes shut and finally let out the breath I had been holding in, in a long, painful exhale.

Time had come to a stop around me.

Pressing play, I tightly held the phone against my ear.

Voicemail of 1st May' 2015

03:11 a.m.

"I'm not drunk. Let's just clear that out before I start.

"I had been drunk previously; I had to get myself drunk to drown the pain shooting through every single fibre of my body, the pain caused by you. But we'll get to that later."

Coming at me like a sucker punch, the bitterness in his tone knocked me back.

"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay? I'm falling to pieces!"

He screeched out in a raspy voice - though I was sure of his talented singing because of his generally melodious voice, I knew that then he was doing this to purposefully hurt me, verbally and emotionally.

"Fucking stupid song really knows how to convey feelings, doesn't it? Do you know how many times I've listened to this in the past two hours?

"It's okay if you don't, I don't know the answer to that either, but my best guess would be uncountable times. See the thing is that I'm fucking breaking apart right now and I'm this close to just being done with all of this once and for all, and this stupid idiotic song is the only thing still rooting me here."

He laughed a devious laugh, so completely venomous and hurtful that I gasped in horror.

"So yeah, I've had the bloody thing playing on loop for some time now.

"Now would you want to know why I feel this way, Ems? Why I need a song to stop me from doing what I actually want to be doing right now?"

Seconds ticked by, his silence melting my bones and making my whole body feel wobbly. I was almost about to throw the phone at the nearest wall to break it by the time his voice came across the speaker again.

"You, Ems; you are the reason behind this."

And just like that, my last wall of defence broke down to dust. His words twisted around my heart, squeezing it and drawing out blood as they wrapped around my heart with their thorny vines.

"Turned out that the tosser from yesterday was a friend of your friend, and then soon he asked you out. And you said yes, Ems; right when your husband was sitting a metre away, staring at you with wide glossy eyes."

Never had I ever regretted an action of mine this much; never ever. But I also was quite an oblivious damsel back then, wasn't I? And I most certainly couldn't be held responsible for my lack of knowledge.

Then why did I feel like ripping my heart out of my chest, only to somehow lessen the guilt I was currently drowning in?

"So I did the only thing any heart-broken husband would do-"

Every single word coming out of his mouth was like a knife, slicing its way through me.

"I first followed you to your home, and then waited around for some time until he came to pick you up for the date.

"Ems...

"Emma you were wearing a blue coloured dress. Why, love? Why hurt me so bad that I can't even get back up on my feet?"

He exhaled a slow, painful breath. At least he was breathing though; I couldn't even get myself to do that in fear of my lungs collapsing.

"I then followed you to the restaurant you guys went to and situated myself in a secluded corner from where I could just catch a glimpse of you two. I swear I haven't turned into a masochist, love. But I couldn't have left you alone with another man. I just... I couldn't do it.

"Unfortunately or whatever, the date went good and he dropped you back to your house. And before letting you go the sodding tosser had the audacity to kiss your cheek!"

He then whispered:

"And you didn't stop him. Instead you smiled, waved goodbye and then went inside."

He laughed bitterly once again and then asked in an angry tone, which was really just a desperate show of a lost little boy.

"I thought the cheek kisses were our thing, love. Were they not? I...I still have that picture of us in which I'm pecking your cheek and you're smiling more radiantly than the sun.

"You always used to say that it was your most favourite picture of us. Then what happened, Ems? How can you forget even that?"

He sighed; I cried.

"Why do I keep forgetting I'm leaving a fucking voicemail?"

Never more desperately had I wished for the return of his dorky self. I guess, even if unknowingly, I was the reason behind the death of that side of him.

"Later then I went to a bar. I had to drink, you know. I had to drink a heck-load to numb the excruciating pain and the thousands of questions.

"Then this really pretty red-head with a flushed face came to me, obviously quite plastered herself. And she started flirting with me, and you know she was really sweet and nice and kind.

"And I was so close to giving in, Ems. God, I wanted to give into the temptation. I wanted you to feel the burn of watching your true love have a good time with someone else! I wanted to do it so bloody much!"

He breathed heavily.

Tears were flowing down my face now. Yes, Mathew. I feel the burn.

"But then I figured how pathetic that'd make me. You don't even know I exist and there I was, about to lead on some poor girl just to get my revenge on the woman who doesn't even know I exist!"

I breathed a sigh of relief, my eyes pouring out salt water.

"Pathetic.

"I felt sick to my core with myself; so green that I actually threw up."

Another bitter laugh, another chunk of my heart crushed to a mush.

"And do you know what's even more desperately down-right pathetic?"

I listened intently, catching every word of his despite the wreckage being caused by each syllable.

"This. Me. This whole situation,

"If you're listening to these sodding voicemails sometime in the future, then I have a question for you, Ems. Where has this phone been all this time and how was it always turned on to receive and then save the voicemails?"

Gulping down the cotton ball in my throat, I nodded to myself. To tell the truth I had been fleetingly wondering about the phone and since he had mentioned it, I felt a strange and toxic mix of dread and excitement coursing through my veins, setting me on edge.

"I have this phone."

Time stopped, my heartbeat stopped, the background noises stopped, everything stopped.

"Yes, Emma. This phone was amongst the things I received from the package your parents had left for me.

"And since then I've been charging it, leaving voicemails on it and then saving the very same ones-"

He was shouting by now - shouting out all his pent up anger and frustration and pain. All of these feeling were then seeping in me, consuming me until I couldn't tell one ache from the other.

"-just in the hope of that sodding one day when everything will get better! Just because I'm too much of a wimp to accept the reality that you have lost your memories! Just because I'm so foolish and love-sick and plain pathetic, that I need to leave voicemails on a phone I technically own myself so that I could retain some sort of connection with you!"

I whimpered because my whole body and even my soul were hurting and aching.

I had been living a life of lies in a castle made of glass. He had shattered that glass with his heart-breaking reality and the shards of broken glass were now digging into my skin, leaving me a bloody weeping mess on the shaking ground.

"Emma, even now as I'm sitting here in my bedroom, listing down reasons for why I should continue with this and I'm just so goddamned angry, I'm still leaving you a voicemail. Even now, after everything that has happed, I'm recording this message, talking to you as if you were sitting right here beside me."

He quietened down, allowing me to collect my pieces and try to breathe again.

A few moments later, in which his heavy breathing was the only sound coming across the speaker, he sighed.

"It's because I can't give up on you, love. I just... I fucking can't. I'm way too deep in love with you to give up now... or ever for that matter."

He sucked in a deep breath and then sniffled.

Was he crying? No! I was already broken and burnt to ashes, imagining him crying would leave me irreparable for the rest of eternity.

"So, I guess this is my life now?

"Rotting on the sidelines as I watch you live your life without a clue of my presence. Waiting and hoping for everything to not go in vain. Praying for the strength to keep this up and not to disappear somewhere along with the blurred lines and fading time."

His defeated sigh was the last thing I heard before the voicemail ended.
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Lyrics of song "Breakeven" by The Script:

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even

Her best days were some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even... no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, ooh
'Cause you left me with no love and honour to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break...
No, it don't break
No, it don't break even, no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
(Oh glad you're okay now)
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
(Oh I'm falling, falling)
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even)

Oh, it don't break even no
Oh, it don't break even no
Oh, it don't break even no
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Sooooo yeah. I wrote that. Hehe. *laughs nervously*

Kay bye. *runs for life*

*shouts back over shoulder* I'm sorryyyy! It was required for the plot to develop!!

Please share, VOTE and comment?

Love, love and much much love, ❤❤❤❤

-zainab