0 4

✱

I DESERVED A gold medal for my unparalleled ability to avoid Carter Abrams, despite his intrinsic presence in my life and clearly recognizable impact on my livelihood. I had never really talked to him besides a "'sup" or a head nod in each other's directions on a day like garbage day where we were destined to run into each other when we took down our bags. I had set up a whole system with Landon in order to keep it that way, to ensure that we would never interact more than we had to, especially when his existence in my life was ruining my grades and sleep schedule.

I had managed to do this for so long, but tonight changed everything. Now I couldn't help but think about him. After all, I was in his house, so even if I didn't see him, I was seeing the things he interacted with daily. I could almost see the ghost of him sitting on the large, kitchen island in the mornings and watching the flatscreen television in his living room, and it added a layer to the boy next door I felt uncomfortable trying to fathom. Maybe leaving this place was the first step to clearing my mind and getting a fresh start on the night. But there was something that just seemed to be keeping me here.

That aforementioned 'here' was on Carter's balcony which was about two feet longer and wider than mine, not to mention situated on the east-facing side of our building, so he had a much better view overlooking the city than I did. It was lonely and peaceful out here, despite all of the chaos that was just a thin, glass sliding door away. Maybe that's how things between us always kept from escalating; a thin balance between us that was just enough to keep us from colliding.

It was comfortable out here, at least. The cool breeze of fall air blew through my hair and seemed to lift away all of the chaos that had been following around me throughout the night. For a second, it was just peaceful.

That is, until the door slid open and two other people barreled through, ferociously making out with each other and by the way they slammed up against the guardrail, I was scared that they would fling themselves over it.

Not that I stepped in to remind them of that possibility, no I was terribly uncomfortable, so I backed up against the far railing to be as inconspicuous as possible. I mean, I was sure they weren't expecting to not be seen by anyone since it was the middle of a pretty large party, but I also knew that they would instantly assume I was purposefully watching them make out like I was some kind of pervert.

Sadly, all I could do was turn around and try not to look at them as they went at each other until they decided to find a room where they could finish what they started. As mad as I was at Carter right now, there was a part of me that hoped to God they wouldn't choose his. At this point, maybe only Landon deserved that cruel fate.

The couple opened the sliding door and made their way inside, but someone else entirely stepped out after them. And with my luck, someone just happened to mean Carter.

His shirt was buttoned now — only in the middle section, so his bared body was cut into triangular halves that were slightly more modest — and it made a difference with how I viewed him, but not a huge one. He was still incredibly, unbelievably annoying, but he was just as handsome. And after the events of this night had dulled my steel reserve, I was all the more aware of it than ever.

There was a stiffness in the air that hung between us and every piece of me hoped he wouldn't say anything to me, to just leave me alone in the silence and let me get back to being the me who wasn't wrapped up in his world.

"You done?" he asked against my best wishes. He looked bored, but also genuinely amused, as if there was something funny here. A joke to laugh at. Maybe it was me since I really thought I could be a part of his world.

"With what," I spat back, not caring how upset I sounded. Maybe if I made an ass out of myself, he would throw me out and we would be done with this charade.

"Being mad at me," he said as he made a step closer towards me. "Twenty-one minutes is a long time to be mad. Especially over a dance, Casey."

I rolled my eyes. "So you counted, huh? I'd find that endearing if you weren't such an asshole."

I could only guess he was used to that designation, in fact, I was surprised that I expected him to be fazed. What surprised me even more was how he closed the gap between us, bringing himself only inches away from me and it was almost like I could feel him there without touching him.

"Well if you're done having a fit over it," he said in a lower register, but I could swear I had caught a hint of real feelings like I never felt them before from him, "I think I liked this party a lot better with you inside."

Maybe these were just his player ways taking the helm and using any and all methods of persuasion to get me to come back inside and not him actually caring about me or caring about how I felt towards him. I had already been hurt by Landon tonight, I didn't need some other idiot boy to pile more pain onto my plate than I even needed. But it did feel nice to hear those words, that he liked this party a lot better when I was a part of it.

✱

SO DID I.

Which is why I found myself back inside, nursing a new plastic cup and a new attitude as Carter and I danced together towards the middle of the throng of dancing people in his living room. Sure, I still felt uncomfortable around him, ready for a pin to drop and for us to switch back to our old selves any second tonight, but maybe tonight was a night about letting your guard down for something new anyway. I had already been ousted from my relationship, who cared if I danced and had a few drinks with Carter. Maybe we could have a good time together.

Maybe we could become friends.

I gagged at the thought, causing for Carter to shoot me a concerned look. His brows furrowed and eyes felt as if they were looking into me, trying to find the first thing wrong about me.

"Is the beer okay," he asked, taking me slightly off guard. "Like, I don't want you to feel pressured into drinking just because you're here with me."

Something in my stomach turned at the way he sounded so concerned about me, something I couldn't place. Maybe the alcohol was a bad idea after all.

"I'm fine," I said, holding my free hand up in my defense and just the sudden movement made my head spin a little. And, of course, he was right in front of me there to notice it.

"I don't know," he said, snaking his hand around my arm which held the cup, his warm fingers sending every follicle of hair on my body standing up on edge. "I think you should sit down, maybe take a breather."

I rolled my eyes at him. "You've probably had more to drink than I did, that's for sure. Why are you singling me out? It better not be because I'm a woman. Or that you think I'm a lightweight."

"What? No," he chuckled, his free hand reaching out to brush a loose strand of hair out of my face. "You ever stop and think that maybe I just care about you?"

No, I hadn't ever thought that in my life and hearing it now which alcohol running in my veins was enough to make me dizzy, like a push to the chest and I was sent spiraling backwards. What in the world did Carter Abrams mean he cared about me? Especially after making me feel like an idiot earlier during this party, how come his tune decided to change all of a sudden.

I didn't think I wanted to find out in all honesty. "Yeah, I think I'll take that seat after all," I said, expertly brushing off his question.

I could see a trace of something linger in his eyes, just for a second and then it was gone. Something like vulnerability and general concern, but this was Carter we were talking about. He quickly recovered, dropping his hands back to his sides and taking a step back from me.

"Okay, just hang tight then," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "I'll be back, there's some people I want to talk to real quick."

And with that, Carter disappeared into the party and I found myself alone again except this time, not by my own doing. Now it just felt lonely standing around with a drink in my hand I wasn't even sure if I should finish. He was the one who said I needed a beer, but I guess he could tell that I was getting close to being in over my head and wanted to prevent that from happening as much as possible.

For all of his craziness and the fact that he was holding me back from a perfect grade point average, Carter seemed like an okay guy tonight. Of course, this was just the tip of his iceberg that I was resting on and there was no way I would ever want myself to fully immerse myself in his life, especially if I wanted to succeed and catch up with all of my goals. This was the end of the line for us, right here, tonight.

"Casey?" I heard a familiar voice ask behind me before a slender finger gently rapped my shoulder. "You're Mia, right?"

Turning to face this person, I felt my heart drop into my stomach at the sight of her. Tall and leggy, with dark brown hair and glassy blue eyes, I recognized her as one of Carter's ex-girlfriends, Liza Hamilton. I was confused for a second as to why she was here, but then again I fit in on this side of the hallway even less. She and Carter had history, I just had boundary issues with him.

She was definitely one of the prettier girls in school, meaning that she was very popular and didn't exactly talk to me and my friends unless during a class. But she was probably the nicest out of her group of friends, so I wasn't as uncomfortable in her presence as I could've been.

"Hi," I said after recovering from the shock of bumping into her here. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Liza said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and smiling at me. "Actually I was just looking for Carter. He's been avoiding me basically, haha, but I saw him talking to you  a few times, not to mention you're his neighbor. I was just wondering if you could let him know I was looking for him."

Wow, that probably explained why Carter left me behind so quickly, so he could slip away from her without dragging me around. I heard through the rumor mill that their breakup was messy, but Liza was a sweetheart so I was confused as to why he was avoiding her.

But I had my fill of Carter for not just a night, but a lifetime as well. Anything that was going on here had nothing to do with me and once I left this party at the end of the night, my life would go back to normal — back to not associating with him.

"Sure," I said with a grin. "I think he took off, but if I find him tonight or tomorrow morning, then I'll make sure he gets your number."

"Thank you so much," she said, drawing me into a hug and drawing out her vowel sounds in a way that told me she had quite a bit to drink as well. Maybe she'd been here trying to get to him for a lot longer than I assumed.

After she let me go, I watched her as she made her way to Carter's door and couldn't help but feel as if something was set in motion that I didn't want to be a part of.