The next day when Saga woke up, she had made a decision. The day before her mind had replayed again and again how she had hurt Kai. How she had wanted to protect him, but her magic had instead caused him pain. It couldn't happen again. She would not let herself be the reason why Kai got hurt again.

So she needed to do something about her magic, and she had made a decision as to what.

Not knowing where else to find him, Saga ventured to the library. As she had hoped, Hrafen was there. He wasn't awake, however. Seated by a table next to a candle flickering its last breaths, with his arms folded over the pages of a book, and his head resting on his arms, the mage was fast asleep.

She hesitated in the doorway. Waking the mage up seemed like a poor idea. If he could be rude normally, she suspected his mood would be like a thunderstorm if his sleep was disturbed.

Turning around, she decided she'd just have to do the second thing she had decided upon first.

"Did Lady Saga come here for a purpose or simply to ogle me a bit?" Hrafen's lazy voice spoke behind her.

Twisting back around, she saw as the mage stretched his arms out and yawned with his whole face.

"I did not want to disturb your rest," she answered and took careful steps toward him.

"You did the moment you stepped in here." He threw her a slight annoyed look before his expression smoothed out to be impassive. "So what does Lady Saga want with me?"

She had reached the table, but instead of sitting down, she grabbed hold of the backrest of the chair in front of her for support.

"It is regarding my magic," she confessed.

A glimmer entered Hrafen's eyes. "Have you decided to take me up on my offer?"

"I don't want anything to do with my magic. I want to get rid of it." The words tumbled out of her mouth, and following them, silence spread in the room. Her heartrate quickened as the mage studied her. His eyes narrowed as they went from one eye to the next of hers.

"You want to get rid of it?" he repeated her words.

"Yes. Is there any way of doing that?"

He clicked his tongue. "Why would you want to rid yourself of it?"

Her hold on the backrest tightened until it caused her pain. "It hurt Kai. I don't want it hurting anyone ever again."

"And it won't if you agree to let me teach you how to control it."

She shook her head. "I rather want to get rid of it."

He stared a bit more at her with eyes so intense she was certain he could see all the way through her. That he could see the damage she could do, the damage she had done in the past. To not let him find out too much, she bent her head.

Her eyes landed on the candle. The flame licked the wick one last time before it shrunk into nothing. Smoke swirling upwards took its place.

"Magic isn't something you can easily get rid of. Everyone is born with magic within themselves which some chose to cultivate and others chose to ignore. Getting rid of it would be similar as getting rid of one of your organs, it could kill you."

"But there is a way?" She looked up again and saw Hrafen's turquoise eyes swim in darkness.

"Not one you should ever try. Not one I'll ever perform."

Her head fell again. She had so hoped it would be possible. If magic didn't run through her veins anymore, she could relax. It would be such a big burden off her shoulders. Her evil gone from her.

But though Hrafen didn't want to help her with it, he had said it was possible. That meant she maybe one day would find a mage who was willing to help her. She really hoped she would.

"Just let me teach you to control it. Then you won't want to get rid of it anymore," Hrafen implored. But Saga shook her head, causing Hrafen to sigh before continuing. "I can help you in other ways as well. I can make you a storage stone. They are meant to absorb magic, used mainly by planting on other mages to drain their magic. But I can make you one in which you can send your magic if it's close to surface again."

She gave him a tentative smile. "Is there really such a thing? Can you really make me one?"

"Yes. Though it's a complete waste of your potential. But I'm not going to force Lady Saga to learn magic. That has to be a decision you make."

Her smile grew a little. "Thank you."

"Yes, yes, thank me. Now let me have a few moments more of rest before the knights who are yet to heal come barging in." He waved his hand for her to leave, and she wasn't even annoyed over his blunt and rather rude dismissal of her. Instead she felt lighter as she left. Though it hadn't gone exactly how she had hoped, she would have a way to avoid harming others in the future now. It was at least one step in the right direction.

Feeling encouraged by the success with the mage, she set out to find the next person she wanted to talk to, who could hopefully help her be better prepared for next time danger came.

She was unsure where to find him, however, though assumed the training grounds were a good place to start looking.

Getting outside, Saga's eyes fell on where the fight had been. It was a good thing she had decided to redo the garden because parts of what had been was now destroyed.

Grass had been rooted from the ground, leaving patches of brown earth visible. A tree, which had stood tall was now only a stump. And the bush, the one she had exploded, had burnt down to the ground, and dark patches in the grass, making the area reminiscent of a checkers board, showed where the sparks had landed.

Just looking at it caused Saga's breakfast to want to come up. To force herself to not see it, she closed her eyes, and turned her head to the other side while they were. On that side, a few marks of the battle could be seen, tufts of grass missing here and there, but it was far from as much. And there was no sign of how close she had come to causing irreversible damage.

Without looking back at the more damaged parts, she walked in the direction of the training grounds. But as she reached it, no one was there. The whole place was deserted with the different equipment they sometimes used, like dulled weapons and shields, standing neatly in their containers.

She sighed, having no idea where else to look for him.

"Lady Saga? What on earth are you doing here?"

Saga turned around and came face to face with Astrid. The female knight watched her with furrowed brows and her lips in a thin line, making Saga bend her head, feeling as if she was in the wrong for being there. And truthfully because she found Astrid a bit intimidating.

It wasn't due to anything the other woman had said or done. As a matter of fact, Astrid had only ever been kind to her. A bit rough in her way of speaking and the topics she and Kare often exchanged words about. But she had never done anything toward Saga.

Nonetheless, Saga found her intimidating, though also envious at how free Astrid acted.

"I was looking for Kai," Saga admitted after a deep breath.

"He's probably in the knights' house. Everything is still a bit out of order after what happened, so plenty are lazying around instead of training," she answered.

"Oh." Saga bit her lip lightly. "Would it be... Ehm, is it okay for me to go there?"

"Has Viggo told you that you can't?"

Saga shook her head. "He's not said anything about it."

"Then who else would be able to tell you to keep out? Come on, I'll show you," Astrid nodded for her to walk with her, and Saga quickly fell into steps besides the female knight.

Peering up at her, Saga noticed for the first time that Astrid was a whole head taller than her, having only ever before interacted with her when seated. There was also something elegant and calculated about the way Astrid moved. A bit like a cat.

As they walked, Saga remembered something else as well.

"Did you get hurt during the attack? I thought I saw a goblin jump you." Scanning the knight, Saga saw no traces of any wound in her movements.

"Aye, one did," Astrid nodded. "But nothing to fret about. The wounds weren't deep. And all the rest insisted Hrafen healed me among the first." Astrid tone carried bitterness, which made Saga's eyebrows contract. But the eye roll accompanying the words made Saga feel too awkward about asking further.

"Has Hrafen healed everyone?" she asked instead. Her mind replayed how she had dressed Kai's wound.

"Not yet. He heals us in order of severity, with breaks to regain strength in between. Those left are ones with wounds which can easily heal on their own. Nevertheless, they'll be sorted after lunch."

Saga nodded, and wondered if the state she had found the mage in earlier, sleeping on a book, had been due to exhaustion from using magic.

They came to a long stone building, and Astrid held the door open for Saga to enter first. Then they walked together to the middle of it, where an opening revealed a somewhat large room with several places to sit.

At one table, Kai was seated with his squire friend Evind. But as soon as Kai saw Saga, he stood.

Flashes from that night came into Saga's mind. Of his darkened eyes, the warmth in her body, the feeling of his skin against her fingers. But she hadn't managed to make any sense of it all, so she ignored them, and ignored how her pulse quickened upon seeing him.

"Lady Saga!" Kai exclaimed and smiled wide. "To what do we owe this pleasure?"

"I wanted to speak with you," Saga admitted, but then knew not how to continue. What she wanted to ask of him was a request she didn't necessarily want anyone else to hear, but she also couldn't say she wanted to speak with him in private. It wouldn't be appropriate and a few more knights sat in the room, all glancing her way, and all might assume the wrong thing.

"I... I just want to familiarise myself with the weaponry and such," she found the excuse. "I'll be making preparations for winter soon and will need to know better about it to know if there is anything I should order."

Kai's smile brightened even more as he made his way over to her.

"Of course! It'll be my honour to show you," he said with sparkling eyes.

With him leading the way away from there, Saga felt Astrid's eyes following them until they stepped outside again and the door cut them off.

"How's the wound?" Saga asked when it was just the two of them.

"All healed. Hrafen took care of it yesterday," Kai answered, not looking at Saga as he did.

"I'm glad. And it didn't give you too much trouble before then? It didn't get infected or anything?" she continued to ask.

With slightly pink cheeks, Kai shook his head. "You needn't worry. The Lady's care of it was impeccable."

Her pulse quickened again, and her skin remembered Kai's thumb resting right below her lips. But once more she ignored it all.

The storage for the weapons and other equipment was right by the knights' house. It was quite large and made from wood compared to all of the stone buildings, making it stand out.

Kai held open the door for her, and as she walked in, her eyes swept over the different rows of things. Apart from weapons there was extra armour and clothes as well. Out of it all, it was mainly the clothes she might need to order things for. From having read through the previous years' reports, she had noticed it had been quite a while since they had, so surely boots and such needed to be replaced.

But all of that was far from her mind as Kai stepped into the space with her. The request she had burned too strong.

"So, did Lady Saga actually want to see the weaponry or is there something else on her mind?" Kai asked, keeping his distance from her, but some of the brightness had disappeared from him. Instead more of the same look he had sported when she had finished bandaging him met her. The lake, not the sky watching her.

She swallowed as warmth gathered in her stomach, but she ignored the sensations for a third time.

"I spent a lot of time thinking yesterday, and I have a request I'd like to ask of you," she admitted, feeling her throat dry up with every word.

He still smiled at her, but like his eyes had shifted to the lake, his smile carried a different undertone compared to only moments ago. Though Saga couldn't tell what it was or what it meant.

"Ask away," Kai encouraged her.

"I want to learn to fight."

His brows knitted together, and the somewhat dark emotion which had been over him was replaced by confusion.

"You want to what?"

"I want to learn how to fight. If there is an attack again I don't want to be a burden."

"You were not a burden. And if there is an attack it's better if you hide."

"But what if I can't? What if those attacking still find me? I don't want to know much, only a little so I can defend myself."

Kai shook his head. The confusion had now made way for something more stern, and all smiles were gone as his lips pressed into a hard line.

"The commander will always ensure you're safe. I will always protect you. There is no need for you to learn to fight."

"But I want to. What if..."

"There is no what if, Lady Saga." His voice had risen in volume, but it also trembled a bit, and it was now the sternness turn to give way for another emotion. One which made Kai look vulnerable, like a dog with its ears hanging and eyes round. "We will never allow you to get hurt. So stop worrying about this. You have plenty of other things to worry about. Let us take care of all dangers."

Saga opened her mouth to argue a bit more, but Kai never gave her a chance to. He turned and left with an excuse me, leaving the door open behind him as he hurried back to the knights' house. Saga sighed as she walked to the entrance and watched his retreating back. It had gone much, much worse than she had thought. In truth, she had believed Kai would agree without any hesitation.

"So the Lady wants to learn to fight?"

Saga jumped as she turned to Astrid who had spoken.

"Forgive me for eavesdropping. The Lady's behaviour before simply got me curious," Astrid said. She had been leaning against the side of the wall, but took a few steps closer to Saga. "You want to learn some self-defence?"

Knowing Astrid had likely heard the whole conversation, Saga nodded. There was no point in denying it.

"I think that sounds like an excellent idea. All women should know how to defend themselves. We do have much scarier things than dire wolves and goblins to protect ourselves from, after all."

Astrid's eyes grew heavier as she spoke, filled with scars, and Saga wondered what had led the other woman down the path of becoming a knight. From the looks in her eyes, it hadn't been anything good.

"Does Viggo know you want to learn?" Astrid asked next, her eyes clearing a bit.

Saga shook her head.

"Good! If you are willing, I'll teach you on one condition. Don't tell Viggo I am."

"Why not?"

Astrid shook her head as her lips turned slightly downwards. "Because I'm certain he'll unfortunately have a similar reaction as Kai. Neither of them mean anything bad by their refusals, but it is a foolish type of protection."