When Saga saw Astrid waiting for her by the stables in the afternoon the following day, Saga wanted to run over to her and give her a hug. But she held back the impulse, knowing it was inappropriate as well as uncertain how Astrid would take it.

"How are you?" Astrid asked in a low voice when Saga reached her, with eyes scrutinising her.

"I'm fine," Saga answered, though Astrid's eyes tightened around the edges. It was true Saga was fine, however. She had woken up that day feeling lighter than in a long time. At first she had worried the previous evening had been a figment of her imagination, but Erna had brought her breakfast, followed by leaving to allow Saga to eat in peace.

Saga brought Magni out of the stables; the horse huffing and puffing profusely as she did. And off they went. Through the city and out the gates.

"How are you really doing?" Astrid asked again as they headed for the forest road.

"I am fine," Saga insisted.

"And how have you been doing?" Astrid rephrased her question.

Saga sighed, shook her head. "I'm just glad to be away from the castle for a bit."

"Apart from not listening and forcing the maids on you, has he mistreated you in any other way?" Astrid's voice was low, and her hold on her reins grew tighter.

Saga frowned until she realised what Astrid was asking, what Astrid wanted reassurance about.

"He's not been violent," Saga mumbled, keeping her eyes fixed forward.

As awful as Viggo had acted, he hadn't crossed that line. There had been moments when Saga had feared he would, when his shouts had gained enough in volume that she had expected him to strike her. But it hadn't happened. He had crossed many lines, but not that one.

"You'd tell me if he did, right? So I can teach him to never do it again." Astrid stared at her until Saga nodded. Then the woman fell silent for a moment before adding. "In fact, if anyone ever touches you, tell me, and I'll make sure they never do it again."

A pleasant warmth spread through Saga's body, which had nothing to do with the sun finding its way through the trees' crowns.

"Thank you," she replied, but coldness chased the warmth, for Saga knew she wouldn't heed the other woman's words. At least not if she somehow ended up in her father's hold again.

"Have you been to the capital before?" Astrid asked after a short silence.

"No," Saga shook her head.

"I hate the capital," Astrid admitted. "Too much extravagant luxury and people playing games with you."

"Games?"

"They'll say one thing while meaning another. Some enjoy trying to make you stumble and reveal things you otherwise wouldn't. Always better to be cautious and say less when mingling with the nobles in the capital."

Saga felt tiredness sweep through her just hearing Astrid's words. But her back remained straight. She had pushed to be allowed to join; she could not show any regret about her decision.

"Are they all like that?"

"The northerners are better."

"Why?" A frown came upon Saga's face, for she had never heard anyone talk about the nobles as such, never heard a clear divide between them. Not that she had ever before been privy to political conversations.

"My assumption is that the north is harsher. Colder weather and the closer proximity to Vander causing more monsters to walk their forests. So the northerners need to rely more on each other compared to the south. The south is relatively safer, and they can grow much more. Places like Rivborg, Orea, and the Islands also have good trade routes to the neighbouring countries, making them rich."

"I've never considered that," Saga mumbled.

"Not surprising. Though they are aware of the divide, I doubt the nobles themselves speak openly about it often."

"But they will all fight the same if necessary, right?"

Astrid gave a short and cold laugh. "No. Especially not with the threat being in the north. The south will send men, of course. But fewer, and the nobles won't lead their own men. Not that those nobles know how to, anyway. Or well, the Duchess of Flattery's son will probably come to seek glory. And the Earl of Nalmar views himself as a good military strategist and will come to flaunt his capabilities."

They fell silent. The horses' hooves to the earth and the sound of distant birds filled the space while Saga considered how to best ask her next question. Though as she considered it, she reached the conclusion that she didn't need to wrap it in nice words or take a winding road to reach there. With Astrid, she could ask any and all questions without fearing anger or misunderstandings.

"I want to follow to where the fighting will be. But I don't know how to convince Viggo."

A bird sailed through the air, crossing their path. In small clusters along the road, the first few flowers had penetrated the ground. The scent of spring, of rebirth, lingered in the air.

The sun didn't warm Saga anymore as she waited for Astrid's answer.

"He has good reasons to say no," Astrid said, hollowing Saga's heart. "If fighting is necessary, there is no telling what will happen. Harsh living conditions and constant danger. It is not that I don't believe you are capable of enduring, but it would be unlike anything you've faced."

Saga wished to tell Astrid she knew that better than Astrid maybe thought. She had in her dreams seen the state of where the battles would happen, after all. She was not naïve about what she might face.

"And it also isn't as simple as whether Viggo agrees or not," Astrid went on, her eyes fixed straight ahead. "It might become long, a siege, not a single battle. Resources, food and such, will be scarce. Only those necessary for the battle will be allowed to come. Knights, other fighters like mercenaries, mages, healers. There will be no place for a lord's wife. So if you want to come, you need to have a use."

Saga contemplated the words. She, of course, knew of the use she could have. How much her dreams held the potential to help. If she told someone about it, then she knew some would insist that she came. Hrafen had said as much when he had told her his version of how Ranriki had come to be.

Auogir had kept Sejd close while banishing Galdr though both possessed magic, because he had seen the use of Sejd's foresight.

Could she admit to it, though? Finally speak of her magic?

No, she didn't think she could. Even if she only admitted to her foresight, but kept the rest a secret, the potential ramifications were too much. Viggo had been upset with her and ordered constant surveillance because she had been injured. Who knew how he would react upon finding out she had kept secrets from him all this time?

But what other use could Saga have?

Healers, Astrid had mentioned healers.

During her nightly conversations with Hrafen while Viggo had been away, he had taught her some about medicine and healing. Of course, it was only the absolute basics, but maybe it would be enough, especially if she could get Hrafen to help her. She could tell the mage about her true reason for wanting to join; he would see the benefits and could help convince others.

Though would he be agreeable to such a plan?

I shall remember this the next time the Lady wishes me to lie for her, Hrafen had said during their last conversation when Saga had drawn a clear line between them. She had not spoken to him since, and she felt shame at the thought of asking for his help. But if she wanted to join, she would have to face him again.

"It is getting late. Shall we head back?" Astrid suggested, and they turned the horses. "Will you join us for dinner?"

Saga opened her mouth to say an automatic no, but stopped it. She was free of the surveillance, so maybe this could return to normal as well? And she surely missed the knights' boisterous company. So she nodded instead.

"Good. The knights have been missing you, you know."

That became very evident when Saga and Astrid entered the dining hall about an hour later.

Kare rose from his seat. "Do my eyes deceive me, or is that Lady Saga in our midst again? This needs to be celebrated! Squires! Fetch the wine!"

The younger squires stood to carry out the task while Astrid led the way to the middle of the middle tables. They sat down so Astrid was opposite Kare and Saga opposite Audun.

"It is good to see the Lady again," Audun smiled at her, and she returned it.

"It has been far too long! This reminds me of..." Kare said and dived into telling one of his many stories. By the time he had finished, all of them had wine in their glasses and mountains of food on their plates. Saga felt a fussy warmth from being surrounded by the knights once more. Hearing them tease one another and laugh.

Several pointed out they had seen the merchant a few times and wondered what parts of the castle she was renovating this time. Those who had been away to Palaja asked her about how her first time drinking had been. And all expressed joy at her presence.

It all climbed upwards in Saga to her eyes, but the tears which pressed didn't feel like any she was familiar with. She wasn't sad. She was happy and couldn't understand why it made her want to cry.

Her head leaned on Astrid's shoulders while she listened to a knight telling the story of an adventure. By then she had emptied her glass quite a few times, and her head felt comfortably dulled. Kai had taken the seat on her other side, and her eyes rested on him while listening to the tale. He had a wistful expression and looked adorable.

Her own personal sunshine.

The knight fell silent, but it took her a moment to react. All the knights stared in the same direction, and Saga turned to see what it was.

By the entrance, Viggo stood. His eyes pierced her.

She straightened herself, eyes sweeping the table and the empty wine bottles. Hide the alcohol, her mind screamed at her, but there was no place to hide it.

Viggo walked over to her in the silent room. With the number of loud men present, it was impressive how silent it was. Viggo's steps on the floor echoed through the room.

"You are drinking," he stated as he reached her. "How much have you had?"

"I'm not certain," she mumbled and bent her head.

A long silence stretched, and Saga had time to imagine a million reactions. Everything from Viggo grabbing her and pulling her away from there, locking her up in their bedroom and never letting her out to him sitting down next to her, joining them and acting like before winter. And the worst of them all was her mind imagining him pulling her away from there to beat her with a belt.

But then his hand landed on her head. Soft. Gentle.

"Enjoy yourself," he said, then withdrew his hand. By the time Saga looked up, he was half-way out the dining hall.

Air and sound alike rushed back into the room when Viggo closed the door on them.

"I thought for a moment he'd make a ruckus," Kare mumbled.

"You should give him more credit," Audun answered. "He's realised his mistake."

Kare shrugged his shoulders. "Won't trust that until I see it."

"Isn't this enough proof of it?" Audun's eyes narrowed.

"Or just something temporary, and tomorrow he'll be back to how he's been. One time doesn't say a lot."

"Have a bit more faith in him, will you? He's trying to do better, and it doesn't help if we treat him poorly."

"And all I'm saying is that..."

"Can the two of you stop?" Saga said with her eyes closed. All the fussy warmth from earlier had evaporated from her. Left was a hollowness, dark and deep like a grave. The emptiness of one of the people she cared for the most being on the outside.

"Lady Saga, I'm sorry..." Audun said, but Saga didn't stay to listen. Instead, she rose from her chair, opening her eyes again to see Audun and Kare looking at her with hanging heads while Astrid and Kai had wrinkles between their eyes.

"I'm going to bed," she announced and didn't wait for a reply before weaving her way out of the room.

"Lady Saga, please wait," Audun's voice followed her as she walked through the corridor to the stairs.

She stopped and turned around to look at him. His head still hung, shame weighing it down.

"I'm sorry our conversation made you uncomfortable. It was thoughtless of us," he said when he reached her, but she shook her head.

"It wasn't the conversation. Not really," she answered, looking toward her and Viggo's bedroom.

"I know he has acted awfully toward you. I'm not trying to say he hasn't," Audun went on. "But I hope you will give him a chance to do better. As I said before, he cares a lot about you."

She nodded, for she knew he did. He always had, and no matter how awful he had acted, she still cared about him as well.

"If you are forced to go to war, will you stay close to him and make sure he cares a little about his own safety at the very least?" she therefore asked Audun. She still hoped she would manage to come along, but if it failed, she needed to have some kind of reassurance Viggo would be alright.

The shame lifted from Audun's face as he smiled at her. "I always have, and I always will."

"Thank you," she said with a sigh.

"I really am glad you are the one he married," Audun said next, catching Saga off guard. His eyes had the soft glow of the moon. But like the moon, there was a sorrowful darkness behind them. "You are the best wife he could have asked for."

Warmth spread over Saga's cheeks, but she felt both happiness and sadness over his words because she knew his words weren't true. She wasn't the one Viggo had wanted to marry. He had someone else he would rather have as his wife. And as seldom as she thought about that, it gnawed at her. So much of what she had done since arriving at Sinkbek had been aimed at trying to be a perfect wife, a perfect lady. But no matter how she tried, she wouldn't ever accomplish that.

"Your words are kind, but I'm not sure they are true," she answered, tilting her head until her eyes found the floor.

"There are few things one can be certain about, but regarding this I am. So thank you, Saga, for being who you are."

With her head still down, she saw Audun shift somewhat closer to her before he took a step back.

"Go and sleep now. I will see you at dinner tomorrow, if not before," Audun said, then retreated down the hall, back toward the rest of the knights.

Tears stung Saga's eyes as she walked the remaining way to the bedroom. Audun's words echoed in her, but they gave her no sense of accomplishment or belonging. They rather made her feel lost. Their marriage was a labyrinth, but instead of her and Viggo seeking the same treasure in the middle, she felt as though they searched for different things, and the current divide between them only strengthened that. She had strayed so far from Viggo that she had forced the rest of the castle to pick who they wanted to walk with, and based on the dinner, they had picked her over him.

It had been long since she had feared he would throw her out. She had feared punishments, but not that. Now those fears came back. Had she, or would she, stray so far from his goal that he eventually would want nothing to do with her?

Outside their bedroom door, Saga halted for a moment. She dried underneath her eyes, took a few breaths to push the tears away, then opened the door.

He stood by the window, his back to her, and didn't turn as she entered and closed the door. The only light source in the room was the fireplace. It cast its light around the room, but reaching far from it all, making most of it shrouded in darkness.

"I expected you to stay later at dinner," he said, his voice a low murmur.

"I'd already finished, and it is late," she answered, forcing herself to smile, and she hoped the smile could be heard in her voice instead of the hollowness in her.

"I hope my appearance doesn't have anything to do with it. I really wouldn't have minded if you stayed longer."

"It didn't," Saga lied, though not completely. His appearance had soured the mood, but it wasn't because she felt obligated to leave because of him.

He turned around. Through the dim light, Saga could see that he frowned, could see as his eyes travelled over her. Then he walked to her, and much to her surprise, he pulled her in for a hug.

"I don't know what got you upset," he whispered to her. "But whatever it is, if it is because of me, I'm sorry."

The tears broke free. Even as she had tried to hide them, he had noticed without her saying a single word, and that was enough for her right there and then. Enough of a reassurance they hadn't strayed too far from each other.

"I've missed you," she told him.

"I'm sorry," he answered.

"Can we... Can we do something together tomorrow?"

"Maybe not tomorrow," he said with a kiss on the side of her head. "I assume you've had quite a lot to drink and might not feel like doing much tomorrow. But the day after tomorrow we can."

They stood in the middle of the room for a bit longer. Then Viggo helped her undress before they lay down in bed like they had the night before he had left for Palaja. His arms around her, feeling protective, calming, grounding.

"I'm so sorry for how I've been acting," he repeated his apology as she drifted off to sleep.