O N E

J U D G E M E N T

upright: judgement, rebirth, inner calling, absolution | reversed: self-doubt, inner critic, ignoring the call

ϟ

I DESPERATELY WISHED this were an online conference call.

Not only was the notion of being cramped in a narrow office room with thirty of my coworkers in total silence enough to send chills down my spine, but also the fact that I had been dreading this very meeting for months now and it had crept up on me the moment I figured that it wouldn't come. The fact that I knew the extent of just how awful this meeting would be and I was forced to endure it here in this stiff swivel chair and my work clothes instead of the comfort of my apartment through a computer screen was torture to the highest degree.

And yet, here I was, being tortured.

The only thing that was more of a dream and less of a nightmare, although technically fitting into neither category, was my friend Lyra sitting next to me, giving me the only semblance of comfort in this otherwise anxiety-inducing environment. Then again, the sequined stars on her dress and the moon-shaped pendant that she fiddled with in her fingers absentmindedly made it all come rushing back whenever I noticed it.

Normally, I wasn't the type who flourished in social situations regardless, however as a normal, functioning, adult human being, I was able to at least hold my own without getting fidgety or making a fool out of myself. Lieberman & Costner Consulting was no different, especially when considering it was my job as well as the only thing keeping me from moving back in with my parents just five short years away from turning thirty. There was no room for me to not suck it up and run away from things outside of my comfort zone if I wanted to be successful, or much less: still alive. I came in two years ago, played nice, made myself very uncomfortable but thankfully didn't show it, made a friend (even if it was with the weird girl in the office), and quickly made a name for myself within my first year.

However, this meeting was pretty much a slap in the face if anything; a sign from the universe that maybe I should've ran away before it was too late.

"Evil manifests outside of this door," Lyra whispered to me, her voice deepened for a more mysterious intonation. As if there were any mysteriousness behind the fact that our boss should be here by now. He was the one who set up this meeting in the first place.

Because the room was so quiet and she was insanely bad at whispering, I could see our coworkers shooting the death glare at the two of us even from out of the corner of my eyes. She didn't seem to notice, she seemed to be in her own little world as usual and I decided she was better off there than here.

I did, of course, want her to be quiet so I could use this time before our boss came in to mentally prepare myself as much as possible to hear the worst news I had heard this morning all over again right before it was time to go home. Of course with Lyra, that was the last thing that happened.

"Do you feel that energy, honestly," she whispered again because I didn't respond the first time. "Very chaotic and troubled, I can tell."

Even though she wasn't looking in the general direction of my face, I didn't roll my eyes at her because something in the back of my mind told me she would notice. Maybe she would somehow sense it in the air.

Before I, or anyone else, could do anything to make an asshole out of themselves, Mr. Lieberman waltzed through the door with a crap-eating grin on his face and an unusually bright, green suit: his usual fare. What was unusual, however, was the sealed manila envelope he held in his hands and even more so, Parker Anders trailing slowly behind him.

Charles Lieberman was our boss here at L&C, so of course, there was usually bad energy surrounding him in the words of my friend. Not that he wasn't a good guy, but he was way too bubbly and naive for his own good sometimes and he held everyone in this room's financial stability in the palm of his hand yet tried to act like we were all friends here. That wasn't the issue at hand.

I turned to face Lyra and could see that she was watching Parker, her warm, brown eyes zeroing in on him intently. In any other circumstance and for different reasons, I couldn't blame her for staring, Parker David Anders was the most attractive and likable guy in the office by far. His smooth, brown hair and honeyed eyes cut against his angular jawline and olive-toned skin was a recipe for disaster. Not to mention he talked to nearly everyone at Lieberman & Costner like he knew them since way back when and kept a pleasant demeanor about himself. If he wasn't having Lieberman eating out of the palm of his hand during the work day, he was by someone else's desk making sure they got everything filed and squared away before happy hour like the saint he was.

No matter how hard I tried to be cool and focused and goal-oriented, making progress in impressing our boss, I always felt like I was tripping up whenever Parker was around. Which, of course, was to blame on the giant crush that I had on him. I had first met him at my hiring orientation and somehow knew that he was going to be the death of me at some point. We were both bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, although he had three years of intern experience from college that he lucked upon with his parents' relationship with the co-founder of this company. Meanwhile I had nothing to my name but one measly semester of shadowing at a different consulting firm and a bevy of minimum wage jobs just to afford my college studio apartment. I was so desperate back then to make a lasting impression (some things never change), but there was just something mesmerizing about him that made me fall back and let him take the lead.

It probably was his secret to dealing with the competition; they're all too busy fawning over him to be on top of their game, the bastard.

"Good evening, my lovely ladies and gentlemen," Lieberman started and I could feel my anxiety spike. To top it all off, Parker must've felt either of us staring at him because our eyes suddenly met. It was a fleeting second of casual eye contact, with no sort of underlying tension in any degree and yet it felt like I had been reminding my body not to suddenly melt into a puddle on the swivel chair I was situated in. "As many of you know, my partner, Mrs. Costner is opening up her own branch of this firm down in sunny California. Good for her that she kept her last name in our marriage so she could keep our business name in the divorce. While she is mainly building her team outside of our pool of employees because I told her this was the one place where she couldn't poach from me, I was happy to offer some of the best members from our Portland team to serve as her senior advisor."

It was already pretty jarring watching him try to positively spin the regrettable elasticity of his ex-wife's control in even his extra-marital affairs, but what was due next was the one thing I had been dreading for the past twenty four hours of my life. I could feel it. Whatever the hell Lyra was trying to worry about in her weird voodoo slang or whatever, it was right here in this room in the form of—

"Mr. Parker Anders," Lieberman said excitedly, way too excitedly, which he realized along with the fact that he had forgotten about half of the dramatic buildup he still needed to go through in order to properly announce Parker's promotion.

All around the room, confused murmurs danced between people's lips and Parker shifted the weight from his left foot to his right uncomfortably, offering everyone a slight wave. If he wasn't ruining my life right at this very second, I would've been able to dwell on how adorable it was. But I could only afford to acknowledge it for a second, I needed my rage to be concentrated in order for me to not completely unravel on the way home.

"My bad, guys, I was a bit too excited back there," our boss said with a chuckle. He slapped an arm around Parker's shoulder, effectively sealing him with masculine approval. My heart sank like it was tied to an anvil. "Quite a few of you very well-qualified team members here applied for this position, but we've decided we will be going with Mr. Anders as our senior advisor for the California team given that he really knows his way around the company like no other and would do well to represent us. And this Friday night, we've been invited to the California branch's grand opening celebration to cheer on Parker's promotion as a team. Can we get a round of applause for Parker?"

Because it was Parker and not anyone else, the room erupted into ceremonious applause. Everyone in the room except Lyra, Parker, and I.

ϟ

"CAN I SEE you in my office, please," Lieberman asked, shooting me a soft smile.

I was in line with everyone else filing their way out of the conference room, hoping I could slip past him and Parker and back to my desk unnoticed when, sure enough, he found me and there was no escaping him now.

Of course, this was to be expected, he was too nice of a man to not say something to me afterwards, even if this was the last thing I needed right now.

I noticed Lyra shoot me a cautious glance out of the corner of my eye, trying to gauge how I was feeling about his proposition, but I averted my gaze from hers so as not to prompt a further conversation. If I didn't need Lieberman emptily trying to comfort me, then I didn't need Lyra speaking in riddles at me either, and right now I needed to deal with the one that was personally affecting my standing at my job.

I gave Lyra a quick pat on the shoulder before slipping past her, out of the doorway and heading in the direction of Lieberman's office, hearing his footsteps follow behind me. Our boss's office tucked away at the end of a narrow hall that was closed off from the main floor, allowing him to carry out executive business in private. Of course, this hallway wasn't very well-lit, leading to a spike in anxiety whenever one was called in for a one on one meeting. On the far wall, though, there was a clock reading 4:45, meaning that in fifteen minutes, it would be time to clock out and head home for the day. I had bought a chicken yesterday at the grocery store yesterday, and it looked so good this morning when I was going through my fridge to pack my lunch. There was no way I wasn't going to town on it tonight.

That was the only thought able to console me as I opened the door to Lieberman's office, holding it open so he could follow me inside and making my way to sit down in one of the plush chairs facing his desk.

"So," he started awkwardly as he situated himself across from me. "You know why I brought you in here, right, Ms. Haas?"

"Yes, it's because--"

"Look," he interrupted, not even seeming to realize that I had began speaking. "You are so amazing at your job, Andie. Like, completely exceptional, one hundred percent. That's far from the reason why you weren't picked for the senior adviser promotion."

"I know," I sighed, trying to hide how hurt I felt and how patronizing this was. "It's just that Parker is so much better. I'm not upset about it, don't worry about me."

"No, that's far from it," he cried indignantly. "Now don't take this the wrong way, but your time just isn't done here. We just feel that you haven't given us your fullest potential just yet and we know there's so much more you can offer us here in Portland. We can talk about a raise, for sure, I think it's best for the company if you stick around for a little while longer and show us what you're fully capable of."

Somehow that straddled the line between extremely demoralizing and touching. Definitely leaning more towards the demoralizing side because at the end of the day, I still wasn't good enough to get my dream promotion and I was losing it to the one person in the office I had a crush on, but at least he was a thoughtful boss.

I just nodded, shooting him a soft smile. "Thank you, sir. I will keep that in mind. Do you mind if I head out, though? I have to get ready to catch my train home."

Before he even answered, I was out of my seat, knowing he would say yes because I had done this before on numerous occasions. No wonder he thought my full potential had yet to shine through.

"Yes," he said as I made my way to the door. "And remember, don't be sad. You're a hell of a worker, Haas."

I smiled before opening the door and slipping out into the main hallway. When it had closed behind me and I made sure I was several steps away, I leaned against the wall and let out a sigh of relief, glad to be out of that meeting. Lieberman wasn't wrong, of course, Parker had been groomed and handpicked since birth to be here so it made perfect sense that he had proven his worth as a senior adviser and possible partner sometime along in the near future despite starting at the same time as me. I had no financial background, besides my degree and some work experience here and there. I definitely had the ambition, at least until yesterday morning when I had gotten the email from L&C that informed me that they had went along with someone else in the hiring process.

After that point, it all seemed to have been crushed out of me, like I was a deflated balloon yet they were still holding me by the string. I still planned to be good at my job, because I wasn't an idiot, but I definitely needed to adjust to this defeat and by adjust, I meant indulge. Maybe that chicken when I get home or maybe a hot bath, hell, maybe even a weekend trip.

I was salivating at the daydream of me eating my dinner while scrolling through flights I wasn't going to buy and instead cave in and ask Lieberman if I could work from home for the rest of the week when I felt someone rest a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, there," Parker Anders said, gently waving his free hand in my face. "Are you alright?"

Despite the fact that I was almost drooling over rotisserie chicken mere seconds ago, my throat and mouth went completely dry the second it registered that Parker of all people was touching me.

Despite being coworkers who were hired together, me having a crush on him, and him being the most social guy in the office, Parker and I had never shared more than ten words with each other in a casual setting for the whole time that we had been here and we were halfway to beating our record within seconds of this interaction. It was always, 'here, have a bagel' and 'thank you' when he brought the catering in for staff meetings or a curt 'thanks' when we held the door for each other, 'thank you' if there's some tension in the moment.

In other words, for a twenty-five year old woman with her head on straight, Parker sure turned me into an awkward fool whenever we were within two feet of each other.

I swallowed. "Yeah, fine." We weren't beating the record this time.

"Alright, just gonna..." he said with a nod in the direction I had come from earlier, letting my shoulder go before heading towards Lieberman's office.

"Wait," I called after him before I even knew what I was going to say. He turned to look back at me, a puzzled look on his face, which was definitely warranted. "I just wanted to say congratulations on the promotion, California."

I had no idea what possessed me to go for casually giving him a nickname, my mouth was running on autopilot, but I couldn't cringe at myself while he was still standing there watching me. It took every muscle in my face to keep it straight.

But surprisingly enough, he let out a chuckle, scratching the back of his neck. "Thank you, haha, I'm pretty excited. Especially for the party on Friday," he said, accentuating that last part with some friendly finger guns and I couldn't put up a fight against the smile my lips curled into. I could only hope it didn't look ridiculous.

With that, he ducked into Lieberman's office, possibly to talk more in detail about the new promotion and I felt the wave of sadness begin to rush back in now that I had nothing to distract myself with.

But of course, my quota for people surprising me out of the blue today while I was lost in thought hadn't been filled yet because as soon as I turned to face the other end of the hallway leading out to the main floor of the office, Lyra was standing a few paces away from me as still as a statue and giving me the creeps while doing it. I definitely needed to talk to her about that.

"Hey, girl," I said, trying to smile at her and ease the nervous tension I could feel in my chest. "You have a meeting with Lieberman, too?"

"No," she huffed. "You're in love with Parker Anders, the man who will soon be gone, who you have coveted for as long as you've worked here, yes?"

I frowned, confused by this about a number of things. First of all, that was such a weird and direct way to approach me and I was completely caught off guard. Secondly, I had no idea how she knew that considering I had never told her. Then again, if she was in the hallway at the same time as Parker and I, then it was probably obvious to some degree. And third of all, I couldn't possibly fathom why she would care when she usually kept to herself and her little trinkets.

She was a strange woman and I knew that when I chose her to be my friend, but sometimes I just wished she could save some normalcy just for me. As a token of appreciation.

"Um...," I started, but she chuckled, cutting me off.

"Don't worry," she said, easing her voice a bit from the inquisitive tone she held seconds earlier. "You don't need to lie or anything, I already know it's true. And I want to help you win him over before you potentially lose him for good."

I had no idea if she was serious or not. Or it was more so the fact that I knew she was serious in her offer, but not so sure about her results. But today had been long enough already and whatever she had to say, I just wanted to get it over with so I could finally wallow in my self-pity.

"And how would you do that?" I asked, crossing my hands over my chest, bracing myself.

Lyra cleared her throat. "A love potion,"she said simply. Way too simply, in fact. "You know how I'm a witch, right?"

I did not.