Me and my clock are seriously no longer friends. It torturously keeps on ticking and each tick brings with it, time that's without Rex. Snuggled up on my sofa, with a waffle throw keeping me warm, I look at the time with a sorrowful stare. It's nearly ten thirty, and I've heard absolutely nothing from Rex.

Maybe he's got cold feet about us?

Maybe having some time for the truth to finally settle in his mind, has become all too much for him?

Bringing the throw up higher around my shoulders and neck, I shiver. I'm not shivering with coldness, I shiver with loss.

I should have known that last night and this morning was just too good to be true. I was stupid to ever believe that we could move on from our thwarted past; ridiculously and painfully stupid.

Angry at myself, I throw off the blanket and stand up with my emotions beginning to choke me. I can't cry now. I don't want to fall apart just yet. There has still got to be some hope left for me and Rex? I don't think I can cope with losing him again.

Not now.

Not like this.

With slow and sad steps, I carry my infused with sorrow body, up to my cold and empty bed. I know it will be a slumber-less night, but at least I can lie there in the dark and imagine all of the things that I might have enjoyed with Rex. The clock has been taunting me all night long, why not taunt myself a little while longer with what could have been?

Lying on my side, with my head cushioned by my pillow, I stare at the dark shadows that stretch across my bedroom floor and walls. Those shadows are much like my thoughts; silent and unnerving.

All alone, I wonder how I could have it got it all so wrong.

Had I just fooled myself into believing that Rex did love me?

But I heard him say it. I heard those wonderful words of I love you, Angel slip beautifully from out of his mouth. I felt the way that he had touched me, how immersed in pleasure he was when he made slow and sensual love to me this morning. I also have the way that he looked at me, sweetly committed to my memory.

I will never forget that look, it's a look that will never be forgotten.

He looked at me like I was the only person that he lived and breathed for.

That was mine.

I own that look.

No one can take that away from me, no one...not even Rex himself.

That is when my tears start to fall, soaking my pillow and dripping from the tip of my nose. I have tried to hold it together—all the while falling apart.

I finally give in to my loneliness and sadness. I have cried an ocean over Rex in the past, and sadly, I am about to cry another.

To have been given just the smallest taste of the sweet nectar of happiness, to then have it all taken away again; leaves me depressingly down.

How many times am I to suffer because of Rex?

How many times do I keep going back for more?

Wrapped in my duvet and in my isolating misery, I cry over Rex and I cry for my pathetic self. I masquerade as being someone who is so very strong, when really, I am so very pathetically weak.

I was weak when my parents died.

I was weak when I ran away.

I was weak when I got into Rex's father's car.

I was weak when I ended it with Rex.

I always told myself that all of those weaknesses put together, forced me to become strong. But I was wrong. All of those weaknesses have forced me to become a pretender. I pretend to be strong. I have convinced everyone around me, and my stupid self, that I am someone who is resilient and strong.

What a complete joke.

I'm a joke.

I am not strong. I am the same weak person that I have always been. Only this time, denial has blinded me. Denial clouded my thoughts and numbed the bitter truth—I am weak.

My weakness is what made me pursue Rex.

My weakness is what made me go to the hospital to see him. I should have just stayed away.

My weakness is also what made me open the door to Rex last night. I shouldn't have let him in. I have cut open an old scar and that old scar is going to take so much longer to heal now.

Why do I keep hurting myself in this way?

Why can't I just close the door forever on Rex?

Why can't I stop loving him?

That's when the sobs fracture my soul. They painfully puncture every part of me. Engulfing me in an aching desolation. Curling up into a tight foetal ball, I cry until no tears are left to cry and wait for the devastating tiredness to come for me. Exhaustion and devastation; the only two things that I know I will find some sleepy solace in.

**

My swollen eyelids slowly open, my depressed body is stirring amidst the stillness of the dark night. Blinking the soreness away, I think I hear something. I don't move, not even to blink.

Tap! Tap! There it is again. A gentle knock to my front door. With my heart thudding, I lift my head to see what the time is: 01:27AM.

Dragging myself out of bed, with my heart fearfully thumping, I rush down the stairs. Intuition tells me that it's Rex. My wildly beating heart somehow knows that it's him knocking on the door at this dark and unsociable hour.

Quickly opening it, I am not prepared to see the broken and withdrawn man that's propped against my cottage porch with his head hanging low in self defeat. "Rex! What's wrong?" I cry, reaching out to hold him.

He doesn't look at me, he only mumbles. "I've been to see him!"

As soon as he says him, I need no further explanation of who Rex is mumbling on about. Bringing him into the warmth of my home, I coax him towards the sofa in the unlit living room. We sit down together and I just hold onto his arm because I think he needs holding. I say nothing straight away. I just keep holding on, stroking him with small and comforting sweeps of my fingers. With his head still sadly down, he stares out at the darkness that chillingly fills the room. "Why did you go to see your father, Rex?" I need to ask, I want to try and understand.

With his elbows on his knees, he holds his distraught head in his hands and sighs. "I don't know why. I went to work feeling happy, but as the day went on, I began thinking about my dad. I needed to have it out with him. What happened between the two of you, I needed him to know that I knew." Just explaining his reasons for wanting to see his father, Rex is still very much in the grip of his sombre anger.

Taking one of his hands into mine, I give it a thoughtful little squeeze but Rex winces in pain as I do. I frown, turning his hand over to see a badly bruised and swollen knuckle. "What happened?" I ask, tenderly stroking it with just one finger.

Rex turns his head sideways, quietly answering. "I hit him."

Once again, my heart thuds with fear. "Why?" My question is followed by a nervous swallow, the thudding now felt inside my head.

"Because he said that once a whore, you will always be a whore." He's now the one to thoughtfully squeeze my hand before solemnly needing to look away. His father's bitterly said words are obviously still torturing him from the inside out.

Sitting closer, I wrap my arm lovingly around him. "I'm so sorry." I don't know why I am apologising, I just feel like I should. Rex has never asked for any of this. He doesn't deserve any of its painful ugliness.

Without warning, Rex suddenly grabs hold of me; clinging desperately onto me as he starts to cry against my chest. With an equal measure of desperation, I cling onto him. His pain is my pain. I feel every single hurt as if it were my own. "Sshhh, it's okay." I hold him tighter, kissing the top of his head with tiny kisses of regretful condolences. "I'm sorry that we've both put you through this." I tearfully apologise, kissing him over and over and over again.

Rex lifts his tear-stained face close to mine, his glassy eyes needing to seek sad solace within mine. "I was the one that pushed for the truth, Angel." He holds my cheeks in his strong but gentle hands. "I needed to hear the truth. The truth was keeping us apart. I asked you to tell me the reason why you left, and you told me. I didn't like what I heard, but it was enough for me to understand why you left. It was enough for me to know why I still loved you." Holding me still, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs, he whispers so very close to my mouth. "I love you more than ever, Angel. Knowing the truth has crushed me, but without you, I'm nothing." His velvety lips softly touch mine, just sweeping across them with affectionate ease. "You were once my everything and you're my everything now. My father once destroyed everything that we could have had. He'll not destroy it again." With his softly spoken declaration, he kisses me. Kissing me until I can't breathe.

Holding him ever closer, I break our heartfelt kiss. I break it because there is something that I so desperately need to say. "I love you so much, Rex. I have always loved you. I will always love you. I took away both of our happiness nine years ago, but I promise you that I will spend my entire lifetime making it up to you. I promise." My embrace is one that is shrouded in tender-hearted truth.

I am graciously given a small and loving smile before Rex begins peppering my face with the most exquisite of butterfly kisses. "I need to take you to bed." He whispers, not stopping his sensual onslaught.

I also need for him to take me to bed, it would seem my need is greater than his need to take me to bed. Slowly standing, I hold out my gracefully outstretched hand to him. Placing his palm into mine, we walk in anticipating silence. Each step that we ascend, we ascend with eager expectation of what is to pleasurably come.

Once inside my shadowed bedroom, we begin to peel away the layers of our clothing. Each garment is slowly removed; using only seducing and unhurried movements to do so. My flimsy camisole and matching pyjama bottoms leave me the first to be nearly naked. I am left standing in only my black satin knickers, and Rex is so very keen to remove them. Pinching the corners of my underwear, he effortlessly pulls them down my legs as his narrowed eyes worship the journey that they make down the length of my lean limbs, only looking back up at my face in order to allow me enough room to step out of my lingering lingerie.

With his hands now either side of my lower legs, his fingers upwardly trace the contours of my skin in a languid and slowly erotic way. Rex only has on a fitted black vest and his attractively fitted black boxer shorts. It's the first time that I have been able to fully appreciate the entire man that now stands before me, reacquainting myself with the sensational feelings that he used to stir within me. Everything about Rex is tender. I don't just mean his touch, I also mean his thoughts. I know that as his fingers smoothly glide across my warm skin, there are loving thoughts running through his mind. As tired, exhausted and as hurt as he is, he is thinking of me. I have suddenly become his world again and it's being expressed in the way he is worshipping my body. He slowly tangles and untangles me, all at the same sweet and confusing time. My confusion comes from a deeply scared part of myself. Scared, because I know that I don't want to ever lose the man who is reminding me of all the wonderful ways he used to love me. Scared, because I don't want this to ever end. Now that Rex is back in my life, I know that I couldn't bear the thought of him not being in it again. I somehow managed to go on without him nine years ago. But now he is here, adoring me with his fingertips and his mouth, I just know I couldn't do it again. Shuddering at the thought of losing him, I close my eyes, unaware that my tears are already waiting to fall.

In silence, they quickly tumble down my cheeks. Sniffing gently, I try to imagine that everything is going to be okay. Imagine that although Rex now knows the truth and that his father now knows that he knows the truth, we will still be okay.

"Hey, why are you crying?" Rex is soon comfortingly close, swiping my tears away with the sweetest look of concern on his face.

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

I falter in saying anything, too afraid to say my fears out loud. I know my eyes can't hide what the lips don't want to tell, so I dig deep to say what exactly is ripping me apart inside. Staring back at him with my tears now blurring my vision, I mumble out my trembled reply. "I am scared that this will all end again."

"Angel, listen to me." The way in which he says my name is like loves lullaby, so my heart urges me to listen to what he has to say next. "An ocean of words float around inside of my head and I'm really trying to find the right ones to say to you." Rex brings his face intimately close to mine, wanting his words to reach the parts of myself that are so very scared. "I love you. I always have. I always will. Love is a mapless journey. Who knows where our love will take us? All I do know is this, we will be together. Whatever has happened, doesn't change my feelings for you. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't hurt, because it does. What happened between you and my father boils down deep in my gut. It stews my insides raw and that keeps my anger painfully simmering. That's why I went to see him after work. He needed to know that I knew. He needed to know that I couldn't ever blame you, because you were just a distraught kid. He was the one in the wrong. He is the one who now disgusts me. Because of him, I lost you. Because of him, my life was empty. I wanted to look him right in the eye and tell him how much you still mean to me and how little he now does. So this will never end. We will never end. I am going to take our second chance with both of my impatient hands and never let it go. Whatever gets thrown at us, I am not ever letting go." Resting our heads against each other's, Rex slowly lets out a long sigh. "I love you, okay?"

The dulcet rhythm of his loving words, creates a sweet symphony in my soul. Needing to feel his safe embrace, I quietly answer. "Okay." Those tremendous arms of his are soon wrapping themselves right around me, giving to me the solace and security that I so desperately crave. "Thank you." I whisper into his warm chest, gently rubbing my cheek against the soft tufts of hair upon it.

"Why are you thanking me?" He asks, placing a kiss to the top of my relaxed head.

"For still loving me, even though I have hurt you. For still loving me, even though you have got caught up in the biggest mistake of my life." Lifting my eyes to his, I continue with remorse coating my every word. "The whole time I thought I was doing the right thing, I was hurting you with the wrong. I am more sorry about that, than anything else." My shoulders quake with a suppressed sob that seems to come from out of nowhere.

Rex gently holds me by those quaking shoulders, urging me to look his way. "I know you are, Angel. I also understand that you were trying to protect me, but I can't help but wish you had told me the truth." His reply isn't said with anger, it's said with solemn regret.

Extending my hand to stroke his tired but beautiful face, an understanding and regretful smile slowly reaches my mouth. "If only it had been that simple." I admit, sadly looking just over his shoulder because right at this moment, I feel too guilty to look him in the eye.

"Did you think I would have pushed you away?" He quietly asks.

My eyes flick back up to his, my smile now faded from my pale lips. "I knew the pain of being without parents, Rex. The truth would have torn your family apart. I just couldn't do that to you."

Grabbing me desperately, he envelopes himself around me. "I'm so sorry." He squeezes me tighter, like he needs me to feel just how sorry he is. "I don't want to keep raking up the past. I want to ignore it and concentrate on our future. My whole life has been built on broken dreams. You're the foundation of who I am, Angel. We have nine years to catch up on and I don't want to waste another second of it by talking about something that can't be undone." Holding my face gently between his hands, he smiles. "Love can heal a thousand hurts. Our love, can heal a million more. What we have isn't diluted or weak, it's strong. It's strong enough to withstand anything. You need to know how much I love you, how serious I am about being with you."

My eyes shine back at him, locked on the source of my deepest love. "Until the last star in the night sky takes it last lit breath, I will love you, Rex Ford." My lips move towards his, wanting my effusive and mushy declaration to be sealed with a soft and meaningful kiss.

Separating our passionately sedate mouths, he begins peppering my neck with the softest of tender kisses. "Because we've got all that emotion out in the open, can I make love to you now?" His softly spoken words are just like a warm and lingering hum against my charmed skin, seducing me with every sweet syllable.

Closing my eyes with a growing smile, I dreamily answer him. "Yes please." My bewitched reply lazily falls from out of my slightly parted mouth, feeling nothing but bliss from what his mouth is now doing to my outstretched neck.

"Me and my genitals will be most grateful." He playfully says with a broad and gorgeously crooked smile; an overture of seduction accompanying his reply as he pushes me back against the bed.

Body to body, beating heart to beating heart, we lie down. Our bodies start to feel heavy with loving consciousness as we slowly discover each other again. Fingers leisurely trace skin and our mouths desirously kiss and groan as an expression of our combined love.

Rex is the only man who completes me and I am the only woman who completes him. We both now know that. Our bodies now know that. They're just wanting to do what comes natural—carnally natural.

With Rex deeply embedded inside of me, both emotionally and physically, we made love until there was no more lovemaking to be made. Blissfully exhausted and emotionally satisfied, we eventually fell asleep in each other's arms—unsure of what is to come, but never more sure about us.