"Deborah, here's the final draft of all the photographed items and their descriptions that I want sent to the graphic designers." With a professional smile, I give my attentive assistant the file that has kept me incredibly busy these past few weeks. With the help of Deborah, I have been collating a small but impressive collection of Roman artefacts that will be used for future school tours. I want the children to enjoy the rare and exciting experience of handling glass and metal artefacts from that historical time, which will also encourage an interest in not only the artefacts themselves but also the social history of Bath. In order to nationally promote this to all schools, I have to produce a snazzy brochure with photographs of the artefacts that the children get to see and touch, as well as an informative and educational invitation that will entice the teachers. Angela is keen for the graphic designers to work their magic before the brochure is sent to the printers. The sooner we have the brochures, the sooner they can be distributed.

"I'm on it!" Deborah brightly replies, opening the folder and scanning it with her impressed eyes. "You've done a great job with the photographs." She nods approvingly. "And as always, your descriptions are fab." Her brown eyes look up at me, her smile broadening across her cute elfin-like face.

I really like Deborah. She has a subtle confidence about her, that I can totally relate to. At twenty three years old, and only being my assistant for six months now, she previously used to work as a medical receptionist. On weekends, she used to volunteer here at the museum. We always got on. So when a position came up as my assistant, I told her to forward a covering letter along with her CV.

At her interview, she sweetly showed up all nervous even though she already knew me quite well. She would keep flattening the fringe of her razor cut short dark hair, an obvious reaction to those pesky nerves. As it was, she totally impressed me with her local historical knowledge, which was all self taught through her avid reading of books. With her voluntary experience, genuine enthusiasm and her calm demeanour; I knew that I wanted to give her a chance. And I'm so glad I did. "Hey, you did a lot of the textual leg work, too!" I grin, wanting to praise her for all of her input as well.

In typical Deborah fashion, she sceptically smiles with an embarrassed eye roll. "It's my job." She does this awkward little hand flap, promptly dismissing my well deserved praise.

I playfully point at her, using my index finger. "You know I'm right." I tease, tilting my head and looking at her with narrowed eyes that warn her not to even dare to argue back.

With a small, resigned shrug; she answers with a gracious nod. "Thank you so much."

With my satisfied smile just starting to fall away from my mouth, Angela pops her head around the heavy wood door to my office, the deep creaking of it always alerts me to when someone has just opened it. "Angel, can I have a word?" Her pale face looks on at me from across the long room, wearing tightened anxiety.

I warmly place my hand on Deborah's shoulder as I leave to meet Angela at the door. When I get closer, she says nothing but walks with hurried steps towards her own office. My thoughts are desperately trying to recall whether I've recently done anything to upset Angela, because she seems really on edge with me. I apologised weeks ago about involving her in the whole Rex thing, but I honestly thought that we were okay since then. With confusion, I tentatively step inside of her office; studying her facial expressions as she closes the door behind me.

She doesn't sit down, so I don't either. Instead, we both remain stood by her closed office door. With an anxious, darted gaze; Angela seriously addresses me. "I have some bad news, Angel."

Oh God, she's going to fire me! That's what my mind presumptuously tells me, so I start rambling with nervous apologies and excuses. "I know I've not been completely focused on my work at the moment, but I'll do my absolute damnedest to get back to how I used to professionally be." I quickly blurt, almost pleading.

"Angel, stop!" Angela holds up her right hand, her voice so curt and clear as she cuts me off from saying another word. As soon as she has my anxious attention, she quietly continues. "It's Rex, he's been badly hurt during an anti-terror raid."

My blood runs cold, a shiver of fear runs down my spine as I slowly process Angela's regretfully said words. Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to take control of the pain that her words deeply cause within me. Badly hurt. Those two sickening words play over and over in my panicked mind. Trying to calm myself down, I slowly open my eyes to look at Angela's so very pale face. "How bad is it?" I powerlessly ask, terrified of what her reply will be.

Angela's expression is agonised as she lethargically shrugs. "He's at the hospital being treated. Marion called Aidan, and he called me."

I have no idea who Marion is, so solemnly need to ask. "Who is Marion?"

"Rex's ex wife." Angela simply states, before comforting me with a gentle stroke of my shoulder. "Rex's mother is on a cruise in the Mediterranean, so Marion was called because Rex hadn't removed her as his next of kin...an oversight on his part." She smiles with her softly told explanation, though no explanation is needed—I just need to go and be with him.

"I need to go." I mumble, growing more anxious with each passing second.

Angela pulls on my arm, preventing me from leaving her office. "Do you think that's wise, Angel?"

My foggy mind isn't able to think clearly, so the answer is probably no. I numbly reiterate that. "Probably not." I quietly say, lifting my tearily-filled eyes back at Angela. "It's probably not a good idea, but I still need to be with him." I confess with a tear breaking free from one of my lower lashes and falling down fast on my left cheek. Instinctively, I brush it away with the back of my left hand, softly sniffing. "I have to go." I tell Angela as I pull free from her hold and open the door as fast as I can.

As I'm walking with steely determination, she shouts after me. "He's in University College London Hospital!"

I turn my head to thank her with a weak yet grateful smile, not slowing down my pace one little bit. Each hurried step that I take, the more I fill with fearful urgency.

Will Rex be okay?

Is it right that I go?

Is it right if I don't?

My own worrisome questions persecute me with each and every single step that I take to leave the museum swiftly behind me.

I just go onto numb auto-pilot. I get in the car and just keep following the road signs to London. I have no idea where the hospital is. I have no idea of absolutely anything. The only thing that makes any sense at all to me—is the need to be beside Rex.

I don't know what awaits me once I am there.

I just know that it feels right to be going there.

**

Walking into the main reception of the overwhelming hospital, my nerves are by now practically left threadbare. Angela had texted me during the stressful journey, apparently Aidan is already here and that both he and Marion are now waiting for more news on Rex in the Acute Medical Unit. I scan the large hospital map, growing more and more tense with my frustration of being unable to find the place where I so desperately need to be. As that frustration coils me up inside, I suddenly spot where AMU is. I take note of where I am, memorising where I need to go and walk with impatience spurring me on.

As soon as I see the AMU, nervy relief washes over me. Pushing the large swing door, I walk inside feeling more nauseated by the minute. Just the smell alone of an hospital, reminds me of when Faith and I were frantically brought in by our terrified grandparents on the night that mum and dad were killed. We only ever knew my mums parents, as dads had both died before we were even born. Dads father had died of pneumonia, and eight months later, his mother died of a sudden stroke. That dreadful clean smell that hospitals always seem to have, the one that you know only masks the smell of misery and despair; just takes me right back to that traumatic night. As it invades my senses, so does my growing panic. I anxiously look around, feeling myself succumb to painful past memories and a fearful and unknown future.

"Angel?" Aidan's soft and enquiring voice lift me from out of the reach of my unseen fears.

I turn quickly. "Aidan!" I rush towards him, surprisingly wrapping my arms around his stiffened body with bittersweet relief. "How is he? Any news?" I throw my questions at him, so very pleased to see a familiar face.

Aidan pulls back, looking a little uncomfortable. "They have him in surgery at the moment. They need to repair damaged blood vessels made by the bullet and to check that no other major veins have been hit by it."

My hands clutch tightly together, held hard against my chest. "Oh God!" I shakily cry out, feeling overcome by what Aidan so glumly has just said. "Do you know what happened?" I sensitively ask, my brows pulling inwards with desperate angst.

Aidan deeply sighs, a thoughtful expression now sitting on his face. "During an anti-terror raid, Rex was shot. As he entered a building, a man was hiding under a stairwell and shot Rex from behind as he made a run for it. Luckily, it was a low velocity gun and the bullet went cleanly through Rex's right side of his neck. The doctors think that nothing critical has been damaged by the bullet, which is what they are checking now. Apparently Rex was very responsive both at the scene and in A&E, which is good I guess?" He warily shrugs, not confident enough to shrug with total conviction.

Trying to instil us both with some much-needed positivity, I nod with a painted on smile. "That does sound good, it really does." I enthusiastically tell Aidan, needing to relax my forced on smile just a tad; so it appears more natural and agreeable.

"Here's your coffee—strong and dreadfully sweet." A woman comes between us, carrying two plastic cups within her slender hands.

I turn slightly, knowing that this immaculately dressed blonde must be Marion. Intrigued by Rex's ex, my eyes quickly skim her freckled features and her mid-length precise blonde bob. She's not stunning, yet is undoubtedly attractive. Slim, incredibly slim. I quickly look down, not wanting to look like I'm checking her out, even though I totally am.

"Thanks, Marion." Aidan quickly lifts his coffee from her outstretched hand. She quietly stares across at me with a smile intertwined with subtle confusion, Aidan obviously feels that it's time to introduce us. "Marion, this is Angel." He says it so very casually, which actually eases any awkwardness that may be wanting to settle itself inside of me.

She graciously nods with a small smile. "Nice to meet you, I only wish it could have been under better circumstances." She says, holding her coffee tightly between her long fingers.

"I couldn't agree more." I quietly reply, now seemingly unsure of what I should say next to her.

Aidan too, seems a little lacking in the conversational department. We all just seem to stand there with worried and useless smiles etched across our straining faces, trying to find the right words to say to one another. Taking a cautious sip of his hot coffee, Aidan lifts his dull, dark blue eyes to me. "Let me go and get you a warm drink, we might be here a while." He digs into the front pocket of his jeans, the coins within it all clinking against one another.

"There's no need, really I'm fine." I protest, not wanting him to leave me alone with Marion.

"It's no problem, I won't be long." He smiles at me first, then at Marion as he quickly turns to get me my very unwanted hot drink.

We both watch him disappear around the corner of the long corridor, an awkward atmosphere quickly descending upon us. I am not ordinarily the most confident of people when meeting new people, so to be faced with my lost love's ex is actually all the more disconcerting. I start taking nervous little steps away from her, glancing at only the walls and the ceiling of the bright hospital corridor.

"So you're the irreplaceable ex? The one who left my ex husband so very incapable of ever loving me." Marion is staring at me as I slowly turn on my heels in the direction of her condescending voice. Her narrowed green eyes are darkly calculating as they wait for my response.

Now fully facing her, with a fair and comfortable distance between us; I purse my lips in thought, eventually having an assertive answer to give. "How do you know I'm the right ex? I'm sure there were more after me." I think I am being cleverly confident with my reply.

Marion sardonically smiles, like she knows something that I don't. "Don't go all coy on me. You're Angel. I know all about you."

Well that certainly told me. Slightly caught off guard, I pull my small shoulders back and lift my chin higher; like I'm ready for whatever else she wants to verbally throw at me. "Even if you do happen to know all about me, I'm hardly irreplaceable. Rex doesn't actually want anything to do with me." I abruptly drop the confident act, feeling a complete and utter fraud. "I don't even know why I am here." My solemn and mumbled admittance begins to fill the awkward gap between us.

That quiet, dejected reply has Marion slowly walking towards me. "And yet you still came." She isn't asking, she's simply stating a fact.

My lowered eyes, slowly lift to look right into Marion's. "Yes." I resolutely say. For all of the uncertainty that surrounds my being here, I am absolutely where I need to be. Right or wrong, I had to come.

Marion starts talking, now with a softer and more sympathetic edge to her voice. "Rex is a strong, stubborn man. He will get through his surgery and he will get through the hurt that you once caused him."

I weakly shake my head, unable to believe that Rex could ever forgive me. That's when the sudden and full force of my guilt vengefully hits me, because I'm tearing myself apart over whether Rex will ever be able to forgive me, when he's undergoing emergency surgery and fighting just to survive. With jerky, frustrated hands thrown down by my sides; I angrily respond. "I shouldn't be here worrying about whether Rex will ever forgive me. I should be here for only him!" My words spill out with harsh force, my anger and vexation tightening up my chest and stomach.

Marion agrees with a tilted nod and small smile. "Everything will be fine." She says it like it's the absolute truth. That even though I have only just met her, that her adamancy should be enough for me to believe in her.

Still feeling incredibly angry with myself, I can't be bothered to reply to her. I stalk away, needing to look once again at only the walls and the ceilings of the oppressive corridor. That's when Aidan comes back in, and I'm actually glad of the coffee that's he's brought me. "There you go. I couldn't remember if you take sugar, so I put only one in."

I smile, eager to have the hot coffee between my cold and clammy hands. "Thank you." Then I take a cautious sip of the scalding hot drink, smiling gratefully in Aidan's direction.

"Has anyone come with any more news?" He asks, looking more at Marion than me.

"No." She flatly replies, sighing loudly as she decides to take one of the seats that are neatly against one side of the pale green corridor walls.

Aidan decides to join her and I'm left anxiously standing. As they quietly sit, with just the odd bit of conversation thrown around, I start worrying about whether Rex's father will show up. Aidan briefly mentioned Rex's mother, but not his father. Part of me wants to ask questions, but my worrying about Rex overrides any fears that I have about his father. I just need to know that he's safe and successfully pulled through his operation. The not knowing is quietly killing me. Inwardly, I am being pulled apart by the fear that has managed to hide beneath my skin. That very same fear invisibly circles above me like a hungry vulture, just biding it's time before it devours me. There's no getting away from it. It's everywhere. Within me and around me. The more aware I become of it, the stronger its hold on me becomes. Everything feels like it's closing in on me. The sparse corridor walls. The miserable hospital smell. The traumatic memories of my parents. They all overwhelm me. A wave of coldness travels through my body, causing a shudder to my soul. That's when the panic overpowers me. That shudder tells me that something is wrong. It's an omen. I start to get tunnel vision, becoming sensitive to every single sound, and then a weakness to my legs. Just when I fear that I may succumb to the growing panic and the numbing fear, a doctor pushes the door open and walks towards Aidan with a satisfied stride. "Mr. Ford is in recovery now. The operation went very well. No vital structures have been hit by the bullet and all the damaged vessels have been successfully repaired. He is an incredibly lucky man. We will bring him back down on the ward, as soon as we can."

Aidan quickly stands, wanting to shake the hand of the staunchly built and very well spoken doctor. "Thank you so much. That's really great news. We are all so relieved to hear that." He enthusiastically has hold of the doctors hand, smiling broadly with earnest thanks.

"It's my pleasure." The formerly dark, but now mostly grey, surgeon brightly replies as he politely pulls his hand free of Aidan's.

Marion then smiles up at the doctor from where she's anxiously sat down. "Thank you for all you have done." Her smile now spans her far more relaxed features.

I graciously nod in the surgeons direction, my very own way of saying thank you for saving the life of the man who used to be wonderfully mine. Swept up in a lightening mixture of relief, gratitude, happiness and anticipation; I sag against the wall.

"Are you okay, Angel?" Aidan is looking at me, his head sympathetically low.

I blink rapidly, nodding. "I'm good, Aidan...just a little overcome."

His arm reaches for mine. "He's through the worst of it now." Aidan smiles with his softly spoken assurance.

I nod again, looking heavenward. "But...am I?"

Aidan removes his arm, staring at me with an uncertainty sitting deep within his eyes. "What do you mean?"

Parting my lips, my face grimaces slightly. "I know in my heart that I needed to be here but I'm not sure whether Rex will understand my reasons." My confession makes me grimace even more as I stare down at the speckled vinyl blue floor.

Aidan stands tall, the sympathy slipping from his face. "After everything that has happened between the two of you...he has every right to be angry, Angel." He calmly reins in his disgruntled feelings before saying another word. "You hurt him. He told me absolutely everything. How you were together. What you meant to him. All the plans he had for you both...then you left him." He stares down at me with a lack of understanding. He obviously cares a great deal for Rex, and Rex has obviously confided in Aidan. So I don't react to Aidan's disappointment in me. I am very familiar with such an emotion. As a friend, Aidan feels there is still more to say. "You can't expect to simply slip back into his life without there being any questions asked and consequences to pay, Angel. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Rex doesn't want to see you when he wakes up. He's been through hell and back trying to get over you...so don't expect anything from him."

Marion's voice softly echoes down the long corridor. "And yet he still loves her." We both turn to watch her confidently saunter towards us, wearing an honest and sincere smile. "I, more than anyone, knows that." She looks at me, then rests her slowly blinking eyes on a very still Aidan. "You're his friend, so of course you are protective of him. Whereas I, was once his wife. I know all about his hurt and his agony over Angel, but through all of that crippling hurt and agony; I saw love." She looks at me with an undercurrent of resentment; interwoven with her own bitter memories of her times with Rex. Then with a gentle blink; it's gone. "He will continue to push you away until he is ready to admit to himself that he can't stop loving you. Believe me, he has tried...I'm the truest testament to that." She chortles to herself. A sarcastic, regretful kind of a chortle.

I hear myself apologising. "I'm so sorry."

Marion frowns, adopting a challenging tone. "I don't know why you left, but now is the time to try and make things right, Angel."

Apprehension wraps itself around me, convincing me that if I try to put things right, I'll invariably make things terribly wrong. After all that has happened. After every single thing that I feel...how can I possibly tell Rex about his father?

My life is one big and tragic contradiction.

I want to run, yet stay.

I feel weak, but stubbornly strong.

I stand within a lie, protected by the truth.

With my heart and my thoughts bombarded, I need some air. "I..I'm.. just going to the toilet." My stutter is low, almost a whisper.

With heavy feet, I leave Aidan and Marion behind me. I try to banish the thoughts that hound my mind and bruise my heart. I keep walking until I find myself outside in the fresh, breezy air. It refills my aching lungs, bringing clarity to my soul. I accept that Rex may not want to see me, but at least he will know that I have been here. It's all I have to give at the moment. He can choose to take it, or he can choose to leave it...it's up to him.

**HEY LOVELIES.... I HOPE YOU'RE ALL ENJOYING THE REASON, THUS FAR!!
IF YOU REALLY ARE, EVERY VOTE, SHARE AND COMMENT IS MASSIVELY APPRECIATED.
MWAH XXXXX