*Listens to Jet Pack Blues to get in the mood for another review. Lets do this shiz!*

Word Count : 1145

B I G   C I T Y   V I L L A I N

Cover :

Okay, I am surprised ... I'm actually impressed by this.

Okay, never mind.

First of all, I first saw the image, it looked professional, like it was a book that had already been published BUT then I looked down and inspected it more closely. You should move the writing up slightly and maybe a slightly smaller font to make the whole thing 'fit' properly'. Another thing you could do is to make the image bigger so it fits everything in. The writing is just sort of disappearing against the white background, I don't think you should change the colour of the writing, just position in more cleverly.

Also the 'Big City Villain' title, okay - this is most likely just my OCD kicking up but the alignment looks wrong. I think it would look better if it was centered.

Another thing is your name, it just looks misplaced - maybe it's the size, maybe it's the all-caps, I don't know, maybe it's where it is, I'm not sure but whatever it is it doesn't look right to me.

Blurb :

I EXPEL YOU, DEMON!!! Joking, I listen to P!td too much. Sorry.

Nothing really interesting, it's just words.

Before I go on I'm going to move to the bottom parts. The symbol ( ~ ) you used, looks unprofessional; especially when you used it twice.

If you're going to add the all caps and unprofessional wording such as 'which is awesome', do it somewhere else such as the extra chapter you have before your story starts, don't do it where the reader will expect a sense of professionalism. If there is even the tiniest hint of unprofessional-ism, then the reader will automatically think that you're one of those writers that doesn't take their writing seriously enough.  It's a tough world.

Long story short = Keep unprofessional stuff in extra chapters.

Okay now onto the actual writing, 'he's your average joe ... " I don't get it. What's you average joe? A name should be in capitals shouldn't it not?   Oh wait, is it because he was just an average and plain boy? Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know.

Again with the name issue - 'coal'. Do you mean Cole? Isn't coal something you put into a fire? Maybe you did it on purpose for symbolism maybe? I'm just going to assume that.

So, I love the last section of it - about the secrets and the cliffhangers and all. Definitely keep that the way it is but I think you should add information onto the middle two parts to 'bulk' your blurb up. Right now it looks plain, so add more information about maybe his most prominent features or something. Maybe hint at a 'secret'.

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Story :

Okay, you cleared  the whole 'Coal' thing quick enough and the 'headphones name' in the title. Good.

Description is your friend, not enemy, use it wisely. Take Margaret Mitchell's 'Gone with the wind' as an example;

"She left the dining room without eating, and went out onto the back porch where she found Pork, barefooted and in the ragged remains of his best livery, sitting on the steps cracking peanuts. Her head was hammering and throbbing and the bright, sunlight stabbed into her eyes. Merely holding herself erect required an effort of will power and she talked as briefly as possible, dispensing with the usual forms of courtesy her mother had always taught her to use with negroes."

She made a very simple few actions and turned it into magic basically. If you took away everything it would be left with something similar to this;

"Scarlett left the dining room without eating, and went out onto the back where she found Pork sitting on the steps. Her head was hammering and throbbing. She spoke briefly  and spoke how her mother had taught her how to speak to negroes."

Of course, it's difficult to use description like how this particular author did but you get the idea don't you? You wrote the description of an amateurs -

"I sighed loudly, enough that it echoed off the graffited ( Don't think  that is an actual word??? )walls, and began my long journey down the nearly fifty flights of stained and sticky concrete stairs."

Instead,  ( Depending on what type of person you want the character to be, alter the graffiti part)

" The sigh that escaped my parched lips had echoed through the graffiti-styled walls - (many consider it graffiti - I consider it expressions through an art form) . While making my long journey back down the fifty flights, I  treasured the moment of peace that the beautiful, painted walls gifted me with. The feeling of emotions in the 'graffiti' washed over me, entrancing my body, and I gratefully seized the opportunity as it made me forget about the unsightly, sticky steps under my feet.

I quickly just wrote that down but you get the idea - Use the extensive range of vocab that is in our reach. And don't use I to begin.

 This is an example of how even the smallest thing can make up a book ... "sped down the path toward the driveway as fast as her small ribbon-laced slippers would carry her."

At 3 Minutes you write; "finally getting frustrated that I couldn't see worth beans ......" what does that mean? I'm not too sure.

I love the dialogue between the two characters haha. It just almost makes up for the lack of great description.

The other reason I was talking about the description so much is that there is way too much dialogue. Yes it is humorous, but for me, it's too much.  As you probably already know, I like description, so if I was writing this book, I would add description in between a few of the dialogue sections. Or perhaps put a hint of foreshadowing or a dash of character description like the way, the wind blew onto their perfectly kept hair, blowing it out of place or something

Honestly, apart from the lack of description and too much dialogue, AND starting with too much I's  I love the story and when I have time I will be reading on!

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Description:

I kinda went overboard when writing the story aspect so I joined the story with the description.

Overall Rating: good

15.99999/20

PRIZE -  *Gives gold star*

SAMPLE

"It's not easy being the city's super villain and wanting to change. How can you even begin to start, or live up to your twin brother's impeccable track record, when everyone knows you as the bad guy?"