My alarm is screeching but I am too desperate for the toilet to do anything about it just yet. The darkness is so complete it takes me a while to find my way around. My eyes are dry and itchy, I rub them desperately while I sit on the toilet seat, trying to wake myself up and praying that it won't be long before I can go back to sleep.

Once finished I head back the way I came, the alarm still wailing. I walk into the bed and fumble around for the bedside lamp. Once on it burns my eyes, despite being on the lowest light setting. I turn around and scoop up my alarm clock. The noise quiets somewhat but doesn't stop.

I settle on to the bed, prop up pillows, get comfortable and release my right breast from its prison. The little bundle in my arms is suddenly silent as she quickly latches on and floats back to sleep.

The real alarm clock says 12:36.  I have been asleep for around two hours and this ritual is likely to take nigh on an hour.  I try to read a book in the meantime but my eyes keep sliding shut so I pick up my phone instead, try to play some mindless game that keeps my mind working just enough.  Eventually, and slowly, I am released.  Slowly, ever so slowly, I get out of bed with as little movement to by upper body as is possible.  As I lower her down she stairs and I freeze.  Chills run down my spine and my tired body prays to all the gods that she will carry on sleeping.  She does.

I put her down as quickly as I dare and jump back into bed.  Sleep is hard, my mind too much awake now.  The clock says 1:30.  I breathe in slowly, hold it and then exhale.  It takes a few minutes but at last I feel ready for...

My alarm is screeching, I rub the sleep forcefully from my eyes and head to the toilet.  Once finished I head back to the bedroom.  The high pitched wail relenting a little as my hands wrap around the small body.  I settle on to the bed, get comfortable and release my left breast from its prison.  The alarm clock says 3.52. She settles to feed again, I glance at a book but when I start to drift I replace it with my phone. Eventually she detaches from me and I manage to place her back in her bed. It is 4.40, I pray for some sleep.

My alarm is screeching. It is 6.23, the sun is kissing the horizon. Giving in to the inevitable I collect her in my arms and snuggle into the bed, with her on the side nearest the wall. As we snuggle I wonder how long we will have to continue like this, living on repeat.

Sleep starts to take me and I realise I wouldn't have it any other way.