My head was spinning as I opened my heavy eyelids. I couldn't quite remember where I was or what had happened. It took so much effort to keep my eyes open, so I let them fall closed again.

Richard's voice broke through the haze. "Ashten? Are you okay, Darling?"

I could feel someone stroking my forehead, but it wasn't Richard's manly hand. It was more delicate. Most likely my mother.

"I'm fine." My voice came out raspy. I forced my eyes open again and saw the it was actually Mrs. Banning stroking my head as she knelt beside me. My feet were resting up on the arm of the couch with my dress tucked carefully around my legs. I was glad someone had been concerned for my modesty.

My mother and father were standing behind the couch on which I was lying, Richard was next to his mother, and Louis stood at the end of the couch with a worried look on his face.

Wait, why was Louis here?

"I'm okay, really," I said, trying to sit up.

"No, Darling, don't get up yet." Richard turned to Louis and directed him, "Get her some water."

Louis obeyed and quickly came back with a tall clear glass. He handed it to Richard who held it in front of me while his mother helped me to sit up. I took a few small sips, and then I felt dizzy again, so I closed my eyes once more.

"What happened?" I asked.

My mother spoke up, and she didn't sound very happy. "Richard proposed to you and you fainted!"

Oh, no! That wasn't just part of a bad dream. I felt nauseous again.

"Can I have another sip of water, please?"

Richard raised the glass to my lips and I gulped it this time, trying to push the sick feeling back.

My father told me, "It's a good thing Louis here had some first aid training. He picked you up almost before you hit the floor and carried you over here, and then he elevated your feet so you would get more blood flow to your head."

I smiled at Louis. "Thanks."

Then I turned to Richard. "I'm sorry, I was just...surprised, I guess."

He kissed me on the lips with everyone watching and said, "I hope it was a good surprise."

I glanced at Louis and there was no disguising the hurt on his face. "If you don't need any more help from me, I'll be going," he said.

My father nodded to him and he left.

Richard tried to help me stand up, but my knees felt weak so I fell back into the sofa. "Take your time," he encouraged me.

"Richard, I'm so sorry. I know this is a special night, but I'm still feeling rather ill. I would like to go to my room and lie down for a bit longer."

"Certainly. I'll help you." He waved to our parents, telling them to go ahead and get started on dessert.

Instead of walking by my side, Richard picked me up and carried me to my room. He'd never done that before; I think he was genuinely worried about me. He set me down gently on my bed, grabbed a quilt and spread it over me. Then he sat down in the chair closest to my bed. Louis' chair.

I closed my eyes and hoped that he wouldn't stay too long. Another rush of nausea swept over me as I remembered that I was engaged to this man now. And all I could think about was the look on Louis' face.

"So, I thought a Christmas wedding would be nice. What do you think?" Richard asked.

My eyes shot open. "Th...this year? Like in five months? I...I don't know, Richard, this is such a surprise and I'm only 18, and it takes a long time to plan a wedding. Besides, I've always wanted a summer wedding. Maybe next year? Or even the following year so we have time to make it extra special?"

"If you want a summer wedding, I'll think about it. But I mean, it's my wedding, too, right? The sooner I get married to you, the better." He stood up and kissed me on the forehead.

"Before you leave, will you bring me the trash can from my bathroom? I feel like I might throw up."

Richard grimaced. He hated illness as much as my mother did and he'd never really comforted me when I was sick, but instead, he stayed away from me until I was well. "Take off that dress, Darling. You don't want it to be ruined if you do get sick." He placed the trash can by my bedside and then he left.

"I'll take it off after you leave," I said.

As soon as the door clicked closed, all of the horrible emotions burst out of me. I sobbed into my pillow for a long time.

"What am I going to do?" I groaned. "Everyone is thrilled about this engagement except me."

All of a sudden, I had this overwhelming need to get out, feeling like I was being suffocated in my own room. I had to get out of out of the house and breathe some fresh air. I slipped on some flip flops so I wouldn't be clopping around in my heels. I sneaked down the back staircase and quietly out to the garden.

The air was so refreshing. With the afternoon's storms, the rain had washed away the sticky, stifling heat of summer, and it had left behind a soothing breeze and a glorious fragrance. I filled my lungs with fresh air and blew out. I repeated that several times and my head began to clear just a little. I walked around the garden, feeling the damp grass tickle at my toes. The solar lights combined with the bit of mist still in the air created a dreamlike image. I remembered playing out here when I was a child. My friends and I used to play hide and seek behind the shrubs and statues, or sometimes cops and robbers, but my mother told me that I shouldn't play games like that because they're not feminine.

I walked over to an ornate bench that my mother had custom-made in France. I sat down on it; it felt like any other hard wooden bench.

I closed my eyes and continued to focus on my breathing, the sounds and the smells of the yard. I felt the bench shift slightly and I knew that someone had sat down next to me. I assumed it was Richard; maybe he'd come to check on me in my room and discovered I wasn't there.

But it was Louis' voice that flatly said, "Congratulations."

I didn't open my eyes, I didn't respond in any way.

His presence was comforting. I just wanted to cling to that for a moment.

"It's customary at this point for you to say thank you," he said, his voice still sounding heavy.

I took a deep breath and when I let it out, I sighed, "I don't want to marry Richard."

"Then don't."

"Oh, Louis, it's not that easy and you know it!" I was a little sharp with him, but not because of anything he said. I was working out my own anger about this disaster.

"Why not? Tell him you don't want to marry him. Simple as that."

I finally opened my eyes and looked at him in the pale light. "Remember when you said that I had no idea what it's like in the real world? Well, you haven't a clue how things work in my world either. You have no idea what it's like to be raised under a microscope, your parents drilling it into your head every single day that you had no choice but to be successful at everything. I can't even tell you many times my father has said to me, Don't settle for anything less than the best. Or You have a great amount of power and influence, make sure you use it wisely. If I don't marry Richard, I will have failed at everything my parents expected of me."

"Forget what your parents want, Ash, at least for a moment. What do you want? If you could make all the decisions for your own life, what would you choose?"

My lip trembled and the words came sputtering out along with my pathetic cries. "I have no idea what I really want."

Louis put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close so that my head was leaning against his chest. With his other hand, he stroked my hair. If anyone found us like this, we would be murdered. But I didn't care. I realized that I knew one thing I really wanted – I wanted this; I wanted the warm and safe feeling that Louis gave me. There was something else he gave me, too, although it was a bit harder to define. The best way to sum it up was that he made me feel good about myself.

We sat that way for a long time. Eventually, he said, "I think it's about time for you to figure out what you want for yourself then."

"But this is how it is for almost everyone I know. Their parents set the expectations, and they blindly follow unless they want to their money supply to be cut off."

"That's disgusting," he scoffed. "Forcing your kids to obey and live up to some impossible standard. Spoiling them with wealth and then threatening to take it away when they don't comply with your wishes."

"You make it sound so evil," I remarked. "My parents aren't evil."

"I know," he said apologetically. "I didn't mean to make it like that. But when you love someone, you want what's best for them. You don't force them to live according to your expectations. 

"Yeah," I whispered.

He slipped his hand delicately under my chin, lifting my face so it was only inches from his. Oh, how I wanted him to kiss me! How twisted was that? I'd said yes to Richard's proposal, but I wanted to kiss another man in the same evening.

"I think you know, somewhere deep inside you, what you really want. You just have to find the courage to admit that to yourself and everyone else."

I nodded. "I just need time to think, okay?"

"Of course," he said, pulling me up to stand in front of him. He leaned in and placed a kiss to my temple. "Get some rest. I'm here whenever you need to talk."

I pushed up on my tiptoes and hugged him tightly. Then I went back into the house, which didn't seem as suffocating now.

I got ready for bed and I was just about to turn out the light when I heard a knock on my door.

"Can we come in?" It was my parents. Without waiting for an answer, they opened the door and my mother came to sit on my bed. She threw her arms around me, practically squealing, "Oohh, I'm so happy for you. This is so exciting!"

I faked my best happy face and agreed.

"I mean, I can't believe you fainted, though," she said. "How embarrassing!"

"So, now we'll need to choose a wedding planner and start a guest list and oh, we'll have to choose flowers, and music. Oh! I wonder, if we give him enough time, maybe Michael Bublé could perform at the reception. Dear, call Michael up tomorrow, would you?" She said barely glancing at my father. "We'll have to invite the Kensingtons; they always give the most extravagant gifts. And your wedding gown – I can't wait to help-"

"For heaven's sake, Charlotte," my father interjected. "You're going to hyperventilate. Give Ashten some space. You know she's not feeling well."

The look on my mother's face changed. "Oh, right." She stood up quickly, like she had just learned that I was infected with the plague. She gave me a little wave and said, "We'll start planning tomorrow!" as she walked out the door. 

Daddy came and hugged me, his words painfully ironic. "I hope he makes you happy." I managed a slight nod and another false smile. He kissed my head and left.

* * * * *

One thing I love about Wattpad is "meeting" people from all over the world. I'm pretty sure I have friends here from 6 continents. (But hey, if you live in Antarctica, give me a holler!) I live in Michigan in the US, and it's currently -30F (-34C). Now that is COLD! Exposed skin can get frostbite in less than 15 minutes. So I'm staying warm today writing and reading! :D

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