"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

~Cayla Mills

I woke up early the next morning, but I had never felt so refreshed in my life.

I had gotten more then a couple hours asleep, which hadn't happened since Steph had gone into the hospital four years ago.

I found Tessie already downstairs, playing on the tablet with Sienna watching TV beside her.

"Ms. Lys! Good morning!" I smiled at Sienna's greeting, squeezing her hand on my way toward the kitchen.

"Good morning, Sienna. It's nice seeing you back. How is Eddie doing?" She frowned, the wrinkles around her eyes around her eyes more predominant.

"He's doing all right, dear. They have him on some good medication." I smiled, nodding in encouragement.

"That's wonderful, Sienna. I'm so happy to hear that." She thanked me with a nod, giving me the chance to slip into the kitchen to make myself a Mocha.

I was pouring the water into the coffee pot when I heard a giggle from behind the fridge. I could feel a smile making it's way on to my lips as I acted as if I hadn't heard it.

"Boo!" Tessie jumped out, giggling as she waved her hands in the air. I threw my hand over my chest, gasping.

"You scared me!" I cried, kneeling down and ruffling her hair, "Don't do that." She giggled, wiggling out of my grip and jumping up and down so she could see over the counter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm making coffee." She made a disgusted face.

"For Daddy?" She guessed with a big grin.

"Yeah, baby girl." I replied, before turning around and hitting the On button.

Tessie stood beside the fridge, looking at the picture of Steph and me being held on it by a magnet.

"Who's this?" Tessie whispered.

"That was my little sister." I explained, hoping my voice sounded as strong as I thought it did.

"Where is she?" She stared at the picture, reaching for the letter magnet that held it there.

"She. . . she died a little while ago." Tessie blinked, her eyes wide.

"Is that why you found Daddy? Because you were sad?" I was a little too shocked to answer right away, so I let my eyes stay on the little girl in front of me as I tried to come up with one.

"Sort of." I finally answered, "Daddy needed help, and my little sister was the one helping him. So when she died, I. . .I had to take over for her. That's why I helped Daddy." She nodded, but I could tell by the confusion in her eyes that she still didn't quite understand.

"Daddy said that we go help at the hospital today." She said quietly, then her eyes grew wide again. "Is that where your little sister was?" I wished that the four, almost five year old, in front of of me wasn't so smart.

"Yes." I jumped at the sound of the coffee pot going off behind me, "We're going to go make some little kids really happy."

*

My whole body was stiff as we walked into the building, my lips feeling as if they'd fall off the second I moved them.

I hadn't been in this building since. . . since she died.

"I was talking to Tessie this morning." Ty whispered beside me, obviously trying to distract me, "She explained to me how she got the judge to lean more toward us then my mom." I glanced sideways at him, keeping my arms crossed across my chest.

"Really? What'd she say?" I questioned, my eyes on the sleeping girl in his arms, her wild brown locks covering the lower half of his face as he spoke.

"She said she explained to the "big man" that she wanted to have a family. That soon you were going to be her Mommy." He was laughing, shaking his head as if everything he was restating was nonsense.

"I can't believe a four year old said that." I said with a smile, my eyes closing a fraction when we met a familiar, petite woman standing in front of the doors to the office.

"Alyssa! My dear, look how much you've grown!" Gretchen cried, throwing her arms around me. She only reached a little above my heart, making me feel like some sort of giant.

"Hi, Gretch." I whispered in her ear, forcing myself not to cry. The last time I had seen her, she had been standing behind me as the nurses carried my sister's still body to the ambulance outside.

"Oh, hello. Are you two together?" She let her eyes fall on Ty behind me, her lips pulling into a thin line, "I didn't know you had a child." I shook my head, fixing the strap of my purse.

"No. This is my friend Ty and his daughter Tessie." She nodded, offering him a smile instead of taking his hand, before she led us down the hall.

"The kids were so excited to hear you were here, Alyssa. They loved Steph, and they remember all the times you would sing to them or read with them." I smiled, feeling Ty's curious eyes on me as we continued on through the corridor.

"Hey, guys!" Gretchen said with a grin once we walked into the play room, "Guess who's here?" I saw a few familiar faces light up, and some that I hadn't ever seen, do the same.

"Alyssa and her friends here are going to stay today and do some activities with you guys. How does that sound?" Everyone clapped or nodded, smiling at the middle aged woman in front of them.

"Go right ahead. If you need anything, feel free to ask me or any of the employees or nurses." I thanked her with a nod before stepping forward, glancing back to make sure Ty had woke Tessie up.

"All right." I smiled as I looked at all the pale, grinning faces around the room, "Who's ready to have some fun?"

*

"Ty!" I gasped, looking up from the little girl, Mona, in front of me and at Ty as paint splattered against my shoulder. He held his hands up in surrender, pointing down at Tessie on his lap. She was staring across the table at me, her eyes wide with innocence.

"No, Daddy did it!" She said, shaking her head and reaching up to wipe her own paint covered hands all over Ty's face.

"My Mommy says that I can't laugh a lot." Mona whispered beside me, finishing up her drawing, "She says that it'll hurt my lungs and. . . and I could die." I saw Ty's smile fall from his face at the ten year old's words, her dark eyes darting back and forth between the two of us.

"My Mommy didn't want me." Tessie replied before we could say anything, "But that's okay. Because it's not my fault." Mona frowned at the four year old sitting across from her, her eyes glistening.

"I'm sorry." Tessie shook her head. It was Ty, to my surprise, that actually answered Mona directly.

"Sometimes Mom's think they know what's best for us, when they're really trying to fight their own internal problems. I'm sure, Mona, that it would be okay for you to laugh once and a while. Laughter's the best kind of medicine." I smiled just as much as Mona did at his response, my hands unclenching under the table.

We sat there for a while, moving from station to station to help the kids with their Christmas decorations. It took us a little while to drag Tessie away from making the clay snowmen, since she had already made two or three and the other kids were running out of material.

"Look, Ally!" One of the little girls I hadn't caught the name of ran up to me, holding a coloring page of Rudolph, perfectly colored inside the lines.

"Wow!" I knelt down, holding the page in my hands, "This is amazing!" She giggled, taking the picture back and hugging me.

"Thank you, Ally. Mommy said sometimes people don't care about us, stuck in here all the time, but you do. You always have." I squeezed her hand, watching as she walked back over to the coloring station. I stood back up slowly, watching all the little kids around me, smiling and talking, or just singing along to the Christmas music playing in the background.

After a second, I let my eyes meet Ty's, a small smile on my face. He nodded, almost as if he could read my mind, before returning the smile.

*

Ty left Tessie with me that night. He had said nothing other then he was going out and would be back soon, but not to wait up for him.

I ended up watching a few Disney movies with Tessie before she fell asleep, leaving me to sit and stare at the front door with worry.

It had been over the few hours Ty had claimed he'd be gone, and I was honestly pretty terrified that something had happened.

My wild thoughts were momentarily put at ease when he finally stumbled into the house around two in the morning, his hood over his head so I couldn't see him. I had no doubt in my mind the reason why he wasn't facing me.

He was drunk.

My dad had done it enough times for me to know. Pulled the whole hoodie and avoiding eye contact trick.

"Ty." I whispered, gently movie Tessie's head from my lap and laying her on the couch. He had tensed, but he still hadn't turned to me.

"I know you're drunk." I whispered, "Look at me." He finally turned his head after a few minutes, revealing his bloodshot eyes.

"Why?" I said, feeling my stomach clench into a knot.

"Why what?" He asked, pretending to be innocent.

"Why did you go get drunk? Why did you leave me here worrying for over three hours? Why did you drive home drunk? You could have got yourself or someone hurt." I saw a muscle in his jaw clench as he pushed his hoodie off his head.

"You wouldn't understand, all right? Just go to bed." I grabbed his arm when he tried to walk off.

"I wouldn't understand? Ty, I'm hurting so bad right now that sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in a box and running out of air. But you don't see me drowning my demons in alcohol, do you?" I snapped, trying to keep my voice quiet.

"People deal with their problems different ways, Alyssa. Leave it alone." I grabbed his wrist tighter when he tried to pull away again.

"You promised." I took his jaw in my hand when he refused to look at me, "You promised you wouldn't leave me. And if you fall back into this life, Ty, you will be. You'll lose your daughter again, you'll end up on the streets." He winced, my words physically hurting him.

"It's hard. Do you not understand that?" He whispered, "I have to rely on you, a woman, to help provide for my daughter. You won custody of her, not me. You buy her everything she wants, you-"

"You love her." I cut him off, "That's all she wants, Ty. Maybe she doesn't realize it now, but when she gets older, all that materialistic stuff is nothing but crap." He didn't say anything, his eyes on the small lump of blankets on the couch.

"And women can provide just as much as men-"

"That's not what I meant, Alyssa. I know that. It's just. . . you shouldn't have to do this, you shouldn't have to deal with me and. . ." He trailed off when he saw my eyes start to pool with tears.

"I'm not doing this because I pity you, Ty. I like you, I like Tessie. I. . . my sister may have wrote that list, may have knew you first, but I'm thankful she helped me find you. Maybe we would have met, maybe not. I guess it would have depended on if our paths were destined to cross." I dropped my head, "I would like to think they were."

He took my hand and smiled bitterly down at my hand.

"I know they were, Alyssa. And I hate it. You deserve the world, and I can't even give you a dollar." I let out a shaky breath, laughing quietly.

"I don't want anything, Ty. Don't you understand that? All I want is to be loved."

***AN***

Hope you guys enjoyed!

Let me know what you thought!

~ChasingMadness24