Tammy

"I don't want you to go." Mark's voice is hard and clipped, even though he fakes playfulness.

Ever since the fight, Tammy plays, a strange balance act, between Mark and Alexei. There are unspoken boundaries and expectations. It felt as though the two of them ganged up on her. As much as Mark says he doesn't want her with Alexei, the two men have all but made a schedule to where each can have the time they want with her.

Alexei is still hiding behind the guise of wanting to be 'better for his daughter.

Tammy tells herself, that Alexei, truly wants to be a better father, but she has an idea of his truer motives because he told her.
Tammy tries not to think about the things that Alexei says. Although the time spent between them includes Angie, Alexei finds the moments to remind her that there is 'something' between them and Alexei will make it difficult for her to ignore it.

Mark is his normal self, but Tammy couldn't forget the murder in his eyes and the promise in his voice when he threatened her. Deep inside, Tammy knows that getting involved with Mark hadn't been the best choice. Tammy doesn't want to admit it, because the failure makes her feel weak and broken, but she didn't think she could stop things now. Tammy isn't in the position to exert her will with Mark.

Mark brightens her day with just one look. Tammy does find something wrong with that. Yet, powerless to the effect. Mark makes it clear that he isn't going to let her walk away. It chills her blood when thinking about that side of Mark. Tammy doesn't want to not be with him, yet, but what if she did want to walk away?

The way Mark's been talking also gives her anxiety because she's slowly thinking that she's not going to return to life as she knew it. All of this time and it's almost as though her father and that situation didn't exist. No one speaks about Tammy as a captive or even brings up the fact that she's 'kidnapped'. It worries Tammy because something in her gut is beginning to tell her that she needs to leave this place.

Mark needs to leave this place.

The reality is, that once Tammy seduced Mark, her consent became rendered null and void. Tammy entered Mark's game, and Mark makes it clear that she should want what he wants, at all times.

Just like with her time spent with Alexei, Mark says he doesn't want to be here. Mark romanticizes their leaving and gives Tammy hope that any day now, they will leave. He makes promises about how things will be when they get back.

He promises their place. They talk about an art space for them both. All sorts of dreams that Tammy craves. She can almost see that life with Mark and it's perfect for her. Tammy avoids thinking about the subtle ways, Mark imposes his desires, on her. Mostly, because she doesn't mind, often.

Mark picking out her clothes or him asking her not to wear any kind of makeup doesn't disturb her peace. She doesn't mind. Tammy doesn't mind Mark asking her to stay in his room for days at a time, isolated because she wants him to have peace of mind.

There has been a shift since that night Alexei and Mark fought. Tammy has to hope things are getting better, that Mark will hear her concerns more and that he will decide to go home. They need to leave. She needs away from Alexei and she needs this weird dynamic to end.

Tammy has experienced that a man will play pretend with you for however long it entertains them. They will talk about marriage, living together, every hope and dream with you, and choose someone else. Or, Tammy's personal favorite, they will bring up how they never said they were committed to you after all the stringing along.

Tammy sighs placing her lip balm in the bag. "I don't want to go. We go through this every outing. "

They still haven't spoken about her having sex with Alexei in the restroom or Alexei's, possible, emotional blackmail, with Angela as a bargaining chip.

Mark puts his head down. "I know and I shouldn't be acting like this. It's really good for Angie that you've been around and spending time with her. "

Mark could put an end to all of this and it angers Tammy that he won't.
Alexei circles, like a killer shark, who smells the blood in the water. Mark keeps throwing her at Alexei and then Alexei throws her back to Mark. She's getting tired of being played catch with.

Mark could take them back to America, away from Alexei, but he wouldn't. When Tammy even attempts the conversation, Mark purposely shuts her down. It hurts thinking that Mark didn't truly feel the need to protect her. Love is protection, or at least Tammy thinks love should be protection.

"Yeah, I like Angie. She's wonderful and I can see that these outings and just time spent are doing very well for her." Tammy decides to just keep the conversation normal.

They are going out, within moments, and she doesn't want to get Mark upset. They have argued a few times. Not anything wild, but it's been arguments and she doesn't want to have one now.

"you're right." Mark seems to avoid argument as well.

Mark doesn't seem very happy but he is doing his best to be nonconfrontational, with her, especially since he threatened her. He's apologized so many times and tried to explain why he said it and acted the way he did. Tammy understands him but she can't stop thinking about it.

Another thing, Tammy notices, maintaining this balancing act, is that neither Mark nor Alexei wants to hurt the other; or be apart. It is odd but when they complain and Tammy implies the obvious, both men back down.

Alexei will not ask Mark to leave and Mark will not leave. Instead, they both like to expect Tammy to pretend, she is dumb, and say little white lies that ignore the obvious.
Tammy resents feeling like a shared game controller, between the two men, and yet in a sick way it thrills her.

It thrills Tammy and she can't admit it, not even to herself, because then; what does that make her? What would be the end game for her? Did she truly even have feelings for Mark?

The nagging sound of Mark's accusation, on her sexuality, never left Tammy's mind and still riddles her with heavy denial because that wasn't her. She isn't broken.

Tammy blows out a frustrated breath as she sat next to Mark on the couch. "Come on, don't be that way. It's only lunch. I'll be right back and then I'll be in your room until you're home."

Mark finally looks at her and Tammy goes all warm. He's still upset, but he's pleased with what she says to him. His warm eyes sweep over her and she can feel he wants her right now.

"Promise?" Mark cradles her hand.

Tammy already knows the promise, is to stay in the room, away from everyone, and definitely away from Alexei. Mark seems to want her all alone unless he is with her, and even then he prefers them alone, not socializing.

"Promise." Tammy is glad to have avoided the argument.

"Okay, Just make sure Angela is always in, the same space, as the two of you. I don't trust him." Mark holds her hand and kisses the back of it.

Instead of feeling like a very loving gesture, his request feels threatening. Before Tammy could respond, Alexei, and a nervous Angela, enters the room.

"Hey, Tammy can you take a picture of me and my Dad?" Angela asks in that shy reserved way that is adorable but the more she gets to know Angie, Tammy believes it's an act for Alexei.

Tammy nods taking the smartphone to capture a photo of the two. You could see the pride in Angela's eyes and her confidence already looking better. Tammy smiles at Angela's outfit. It looks like something a president's wife would wear.

"Okay, Mark, take one of all three of us." Angela hands the phone to Mark, with muted excitement, and missing how Mark felt about the request. He doesn't want to see the three of them as a unit. Yet, Mark obliges Angela.

Tammy feels her body go stiff as Mark comes behind her to grab the smartphone. "Same space Tammy," he whispers in her ear, as she smiles at a slightly curious-looking Angela.

With Mark close like this, and his voice so close to her ear, Tammy tries to stop thinking dirty thoughts of him. She wishes they had time to go upstairs quickly. They hadn't done anything for a little while now.

After taking the photo, Tammy looks at the picture with Angela, pushing all thoughts of Mark out. Her focus was now Angela, Alexei, and this outing. The outings are usually very pleasant. Alexei is even pleasant. They do have a lot in common.

"Wow, look how pretty we are Tammy!" Angela swipes through the photos and doesn't delete any.

Tammy bit her lip not knowing how to answer the girl. Her gaze bouncing between a tense-looking Mark and a smug-looking Alexei.

Both men have bruises on their faces still fading from the fight. Their necks both had fingerprints around them. Alexei looks worse because he is so pale. Alexei's very light coloring and the contrast of bruises are sickening. Tammy looks over the bruises and remembers they had appeared worse at one point. Both men look all the more dangerous with the cuts and scrapes.

Angela may not notice the tension in the room, but Tammy felt stifled by it. She wants to, at least, smoke a spliff, but Mark is very strict. He insists that she be sober unless she is with him. Tammy can't fight the directive because she did what she did with Alexei under the influence.

Tammy wants Mark to be happy and if she just did what he wants, then he would be cool. She prefers relaxed and affectionate Mark, to whoever he is when feeling insecure. Mark took a look at the photo and he kept his face neutral, but Tammy could only imagine his real thoughts.

They did look convincing as a family. It was a very beautiful photo.

"Omg, look! We're getting so many likes." Angela kinda wiggles in a toddler-like happy dance.

"Wow!" Tammy couldn't stop her excitement as the notifications flew on Angela's post. Tammy is still young enough to appreciate 'likes'.

Alexei quietly came over keeping an odd distance from his daughter while looking over her shoulder.
"Angela, who is the boy...the one saying' your mom is as cute as you babe ' ?"

If the girl was as fair as her father she would be beet red.
"No one daddy, well he's a really good friend I met in physics and his name is Raphael."

"He looks like a hip-hop thug." Alexei wore a twisted look.

Tammy rolled her eyes. " wow? Really Alexei? "

"What?" Alexei acts affronted.

"He's dressed like Carlton!" Tammy exclaims. The young man seems perfectly safe.

"Carlton?" Alexei questions because the pop culture reference is lost on him.

Tammy ignores him. "He seems nice and I'm sure your DAD would LIKE to meet him one day. "
Tammy gives Alexei a Stern look. She's trying to convey the proper way to act like a concerned parent. He should meet the young boy at some point.

"Alright, guys get on to your lunch and I'll see you, Tammy. " Mark said and probably sounding more bitter than he intended.

Tammy grabs his wrist as Mark was ready to storm out. He stops and looks at her seeming ready to go. Being bold, but feeling very unconfident, Tammy kisses the spot right by his lips before pressing her cheek to his.
"I'll be waiting in your room. I'll miss you. "
She whispers the words just so he hears.

His body seems to relax a little and he nods. "Have a good outing. "
Tammy knew he felt more assured but he just didn't like the situation and he left still hastily.

"He must still be mad about the fight...what even happened?" Angela inquired quietly.

Tammy stayed silent. She gave Alexei a look, realizing he wasn't going to say shit.
" Alexei, would you like to explain? "

"Our cousin is a bitch and got what he deserved. " Alexei shrugs and places on his sunglasses.

"Alexei!" Tammy was so through with Alexei. He can be very childish to be so much older than herself. Sometimes she forgot he was even older.

Angela giggled.
"Wow, today is going to be so fun guys! I can just tell..."

"It is the truth...."
Alexei mutters making Angela giggle harder.

"You know parents don't say shit like that to their kids. " Angela had gone ahead of them into the car. Tammy scolds Alexei's lack of parenting skills.

"Well, I'm not a parent who likes to lie. I am a lot of things but I just won't answer her before I lie to her. " Alexei looks at Angela ahead and Tammy could see his thinking and his regret eating away at him.

"Just keep doing the awesome job you're doing and maybe, I mean just maybe..." Tammy rolled her eyes.
"Y'all will end up in therapy together. "

"Keep fucking around and you'll be there too...family shit"
Alexei brushes past her obviously in his feelings and getting in the driver's seat.

"Get out, the two of you now. " Tammy sees another flaw in Alexei's parenting. Alexei is supposed to open the doors for Angela.

Alexei and Angela looked at each other shrugging before exiting the car. "What?"

Tammy shook her head. "You're supposed to open the door for her. At least MY dad always did for my mom and me."

The duo obliged, giving Tammy the moment to slide into the backseat. There was no way she was going to sit next to the major asshole weirdo that is Alexei. While the thought passes her mind about Mark's threats and the years-long beef between the two hot-headed men, Was whatever happened between really worth her life?

The thing she hadn't expected upon leaving the car, was the instant flashing lights. It wasn't an overwhelming amount of people but enough with cameras to feel uncomfortable. Alexei walks through with no worries, but Angela and Tammy link arms in shared nervousness at the Russian shouted demands and flashes. Angela is insecure and Tammy didn't grow up a high profile and being watched. Tammy had a feeling she was going to look very stiff in her photos.

Grinding her teeth, she hopes the photos weren't going to be anywhere or made a big deal of. The last thing that Tammy needs is for Mark to see the photos and any headlines to get in his head. She wishes she could find a way to let Mark know that she only wanted him. Tammy felt doomed to lose Mark because she still had no plan to keep him.

It is a relief to get into the nice restaurant. It is very bright and clean. The tables have nice white, silver, baby blue table cloths, and beautiful but functional chairs. Tammy suddenly felt very underdressed in her plain sundress and white sandals. Mark wouldn't allow her to wear anything else. He had scrutinized every outfit and this matronly ensemble was the only one they could agree on.

"I wish I had known this place was so nice," Tammy mutters sitting and feeling eyes on them.

Alexei took the seat between Tammy and Angela. "You and Angie are the most beautiful women in the room."

Tammy looks into Alexei's eyes and sees he means it. She watches him playoff nervousness by taking a sip of water and Tammy doesn't respond as she feels a warm feeling that is foreign to her. Nothing is sexual about her right now and Alexei thinks she's beautiful. She's never experienced that before.

"Smile guys?" Angela's smartphone makes the shutter sound as she snaps a photo "Come on look happy. "

Alexei moves closer.
"Don't you dare put your arm on me or my chair" Tammy says through a smile.

Having Alexei so close still feels very confusing after the bathroom situation. It still hadn't truly been addressed. While Tammy did want the moment to be as though it never happened, she knew realistically that didn't work. The moment would come up and need to be addressed but Alexei seems perfectly content to ignore the matter.

"Maybe, my hands will go somewhere more interesting..." He smiles but his timber so close to her ear gave her goosebumps.

"You wouldn't dare..." Tammy responds playfully.

"Only because I'm waiting for you to ask. I like it when you seem to need it." Alexei responds quickly and unexpectedly.

He moves away leaving Tammy with a slight blush. She picks up her water glass taking a big sip when a waiter arrived with a big tossed salad, breadsticks, and pours glasses of white wine. Alexei and her hands brushed both reaching for salad tongs. They both shudder. They make quick eye contact before both moving away and insisting the other go first.

"Dad, I wanted to ask...ask about my um mom." Angela's voice broke the awkward air.

Alexei looks at Tammy like 'help'. Before he took a really big gulp of his wine. Tammy didn't know anything at all about Angela's mom but she knows it is a touchy subject from Alexei's reaction. She wonders why Angela chose to ask now and why Tammy herself is present.

Either way, there is a new discomfort.

"I promised myself when you were a child, I would never lie to you. I don't think either one of us is ready for the truth..."
Alexei grabs Angela's hand and his discomfort is present. He even appears to be forcing the physical contact but it is obvious he is trying hard to communicate he cares to Angela.

Angela visibly shatters before trying to play it off. "It's alright..."

Alexei looks at Tammy before just looking at the table.
"Um, she was really pretty. She was the same coloring as you and you have her nose and lips. Um, she wanted you bad. We went through a lot to have you and you were the best parts of us together."

Angela wipes away at tears. The words mean everything to the girl.
"So whatever happened, you don't wish that I wasn't born?"

Tammy feels like she is intruding on such a private moment.

The young lady needs her father to help her be able to find her way in life and love herself. This moment probably will change Angela's life forever. Tammy saw Alexei's obvious shock at the question. Hearing this interaction did make Tammy curious about Angela's mother and why Angela would think her father wished she wasn't born.

Alexei shook his head. "Angela, I don't dislike you or wish you weren't alive. I don't know what my life would have looked like without you. I'm just not a good dad."

"You're not a bad dad."Angela couldn't stop her tears.
"Excuse me, I need a moment. "

Angela excuses herself and went to the bathroom. Alexei is red and wouldn't look anywhere but down. Tammy wants to reach out and hold his hand and comfort the obvious feelings he was going through. She wanted to follow Angela and hold the girl, but much like Alexei, Angela made it sort of clear she wanted to be alone. Tammy was feeling very out of place.

However, her hand finds a way to hold Alexei's although they don't look at one another. As much as Tammy does it to comfort him, she realized she needed comforting. Seeing Angela cry and hearing Alexei admit his parental failure touches the little girl within Tammy. She hates her father for allowing whatever business associate that would advance his career to have his daughter. She wishes to hear her father admit, I just am not a good parent.

"Tammy..." Alexei's voice sounds unsure.

"Mmmhmmm?" She sips her glass of wine and struggles to hold back tears.

"Please tell me I'm doing okay...please." He sounds so worried and just desperate.

"Alexei, you're doing ...your best right? My mother always told me parents are just people who ended up having kids while still learning life. You can't be perfect but Angela does need to know more about her mother and Angela needs you to be more open and keep spending valuable time with her. "
Tammy did feel so bad for Alexei right now. She couldn't begin to imagine what failing as a parent felt like.

"Tammy, I killed her mother and I'm not sure how to ever tell her that. Angela is hoping her father is a good person and I'm not sure I am. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to see my daughter hate me. "
His blue eyes met her gaze and her heart stopped.

This was what she'd been seeing in that cold gaze. Alexei is broken. When and how she doesn't know. But suddenly Tammy feels like she has to choke back her tears. Their hands tighten and Alexei reaches out to wipe an escaped tear from her eye seeming contrite. He's blaming himself.

"I don't think Angie could ever hate you. " Tammy finally responds once feeling her emotions are stable.

Alexei nods but swallows hard. "I don't want you to hate me either. "