Alexei Smirnov

Laying in bed, he feels restless but doesn't bother with tossing and turning. His hands rest under his head and a white Egyptian cotton sheet hangs carelessly around his Polo boxer briefs. Alexei breathes evenly eyes fixated to the ceiling. His body still hums with all the emotions and insecurities of telling Tammy everything today.

Is she going to betray him?

Tammy could be in Mark's presence, telling everything. The sharp pain at the thought, gives him a nervous energy to check the monitors, wait for the moment sleep arrests the duo, and leave holes in their snuggled bodies with his desert eagle. Alexei chuckles at the thought, maybe when all of this is over he can really seek some help.

Alexei wants to see what therapy is about ,but the timing has never been right. Maybe Tammy will be by his side. The thought sent a hum of soda bubble feelings through him which he tries to push away immediately. His getting better isn't about a lady being in his life, it is about having a life.

Tammy's presence and Mark being around ,after so long, makes Alexei realize so many things about himself. Alexei wants to be different. In actuality, he doesn't know how to begin. Yet, he has an odd hope that things can be different. Everything that's happened has been so long ago and once he's out of crime then he can fully dedicate himself to that wellness.

Tapping on the door, has Alexei now standing in front of it. "What?"

Tammy brushes pass him, wringing her hands and flushed. "Alexei, I'm not playing games. I don't want anything to happen to Mark, but I know that what he wants me to start doing is what you wanted me to tell you."

Tammy turns her face up to him, the lamp light reflects off her face showing her worry. Alexei closes the door before walking to his bed and having a seat. He grabs his glasses and put them on to see her better, Tammy has been crying. He leans back into the pillows faking a calm be doesn't feel.  Alexei is interested in what she will say next. This is the moment where Tammy betrays him or she chooses him.

Alexei's heart is beating fast.

Sex has never been casual for him. That's why he didn't have casual sex, there has to be agreements and order. Alexei is obsessive and hates wondering how someone else feels. He wonders why Tammy is choosing to give him information. Is she setting a trap with Mark or. . .

Does she feel what he feels?

For Alexei, attraction had been instant but he feels everything  begun growing between them during the outings with Angela. Pain isn't the best thing to bond off of, but Alexei knows they have pain in common. His breath stills waiting to see if Tammt is truly choosing to help him over Mark.

"Mark wants me to steal papers from your office. He says that you're getting messages from someone ,in blue tipped envelopes, and that if I see them peaking out, to take them. He knows you branded me and he knows that...things have happened."
Tammy began crying silently. Her eyes close and she covers her face like the emotional pain is a physical pain.

Alexei feels sad to see her like this and know he's an active part of it.

"So, why tell me?" Alexei's heart races as she seems to approach.

Tammy sits on the bed near him. "Although I care about Mark, I don't want to be another person who lies to you. I am hoping if I am honest, you will take another approach to this. You guys are family."

"Mark will never work things out with me. Mark wants things his way and that way includes me staying in crime and overall being someone I won't be."Alexei looks at the wall ahead. "This isn't the first time I've wanted out of crime. Mark slept with my first love. I finally met someone I could be myself with and he worked with Cassandra to ruin it for me because I wasn't giving him or Cassandra what they wanted from me.

They made my life hell, Mark and Cassandra. Cassandra realized so was mature enough and in love enough to never be that boy she could torment again and she gave me an out, I took it. I didn't know Cassandra was using that time to try to get pregnant, I guess in her warped mind she would always have a part of me.

Mark however never gave me that out, he felt he and I should always be one way. The more I distanced myself the more he ruined my life. So the night I decided to kill Cassandra, I had gotten into an argument with my girlfriend over Mark. I didn't like how close they seemed and then she turned the argument on me and said I wasn't intimate enough with her.

That was the night I made up my mind to kill Cassandra for ruining me, for destroying my life. I came back home with a toddler and found the love of my life in bed with Mark. He didn't even want her. She chose to be with Mark over me and Mark laughed in her face. Mark admitted to using her to get to me and get my attention. I hated him and he hated me for not doing what he wants. So this is what it's always going to be. 

I don't see myself not getting payback for all the years of shit with him. Even him trying to take over the family is just to get at me. He wants me trapped under him.  "

"Am I payback?" Tammy's soft question causes butterflies in Alexei's stomach as he watches her eyes flutter over him for the thousandth time since he opened the door.

"I don't know. At first, I just wanted to take something from Mark, to have something he wants really bad. Then, it turned confusing. I wanted to be better than him. I still want to be better than Mark. I got to know you and I know what I feel about you isn't just about payback to Mark." Alexei felt dumb saying the words.

It hadn't been long and he didn't want to seem weird because he felt he had very deep feelings. He knew he wanted to marry Tammy. He felt that he was falling in love with her.

"Alexei, what am I supposed to do?" Tammy looks at him with tired eyes. "How can I try to protect you both?"

"You can not, you are going to have to choose whose side you're on eventually. However, that's not now, so just do what he asks right now and keep me informed. Go to bed Tammy." Alexei wishes he could figure out a way to get Tammy out of this, even if it meant they would never be together.

Alexis' head is hurting. Every time Tammy is around he feels so much emotion. It is consuming and overwhelming. He is now thinking about the day Tammy possibly tries to betray him and he will have to kill her. He didn't want to kill her. He has to now figure out how to get her from between himself and Mark.

Tammy

I should go, she keeps thinking.

Her feet won't move. Alexei is stressed. He has closed his eyes and leans back on to the headboard. His thick blond hair falls against his shoulders. Tammy had no clue he wore glasses, and she doesn't want to admit it but she doesn't want to be alone right now.

Alexei's body is defined in a naturally flattering way. Despite being intimate, this is the first time Tammy has seen him close to nude. Alexei looks very innocent like this and Tammy begins to understand that Alexei puts on a face that he's wordly and hardened, but he's neither. The real Alexei is innocent and deeply caring. That doesn't mean he isn't dangerous or hasn't done dangerous things, but Tammy is realizing that his decisions have been out of looking out for himself.

She just can't see him as a bad guy anymore. Tammy watches Alexei breathe evenly, but notices he doesn't seem to be in the best headspace. He is worried and looks tired. Tammy considers all he came clean about today and knows that it has to have been hard for Alexei.  Tammy wishes she didn't feel so attracted to him. She yearns to touch him, just touch him and nothing more.

"You can't sleep?" Tammy asks, causing Alexei's blue eyes to open.

What is he thinking?

Alexei nods his head like a small boy and speaks in that younger tone. He seems drowsy and doesn't speak fast. "It's always hard for me to sleep."

Moving closer, Tammy feels the need to sooth him. Alexei can become q stranger within moments. There is the him that broke in and branded her, there is the Alexei that prays and makes her laugh with Angela, and there is this small boy underneath it all who just wants out of all the nonsense. Tammy realizes she wants to love all of those parts.  Alexei's eyes hold a haunting lost look spread with sadness. He looks so lonely and so worn down.

"Put your head on my lap." Alexei hesitates and Tammy smiles small and warmly as she pats the space for his head. "It's alright, nothing is gonna happen."

Alexei panics before placing his glasses on the nightstand with a slight tremble in his hand. Alexei stiffly lays his head on Tammy's thighs. She bites back a smile at his behavior but he's so sweet right now. Tammy begins massaging his scalp. There is a comfortable silence between them.

Her mind relaxes becoming focused on the feeling of Alexei's platinum strands twirling and sifting through her hands. Alexei's breathing is even and Tammy hums gently as it seems he is falling asleep. Alexei's body isn't so frigid anymore. Tammy's fingertips feel something at the nape of his neck.

Moving the hair, she sees the small letter 'C' brand on his neck. Her fingertips traced it already having a foreboding feeling. That 'C' is for Cassandra. Alexei opens his eyes before sitting up. His guard back in place.

"She did it." His voice is monotone, eyes wide and expression hurt.  Alexei even sounds like a child telling on another child.

Tammy doesn't know what to say as her heart breaks imagining the worse.

It is obvious Cassandra was a very sick woman to do this to a child. Her heart aches for the abuse of that young boy. It didn't help that Alexei is regressed and not his self right now. It is too easy to imagine Alexei younger, naive,and being taken advantage of. Tammy itches at the ugly thoughts.

"Why do you care about him?"
Alexei's innocent and curious voice rang out.

Even though Alexei is a man, he's so regressed at the moment. Tammy knows this is more than his guard being down as she thinks over his bahvior. He can be so many different things as the time calls for it. He's so young right now. Alexei, as he is now, wouldn't kill Cookie and wouldn't brand her. It makes Tammy think of her black outs. Is this the same for Alexei? Is he aware right now?

"Excuse me?" Tammy tries to wrap her head around the question while taking in what may be wrong with Alexei, what may be wrong with herself.

Alexei rolls his eyes. "You heard me, Tammy. Why do you care about Mark?"

"He's different than what he shows everyone and I guess he just knows how to get to me." Tammy chews her lip.

Alexei nods.

Then, becomes deeply enthralled in thought. "I know Mark is exciting but, you don't love him. Maybe Mark loves you, the best he can, but Mark doesn't know how to love. It took me a long time to realize that about him and a lot of pain."

Tammy feels overwhelmed, but realizes Alexei is returning back to some form of himself. "Why do you start acting like that?"

He scoffs at her. "You wouldn't even be here if you didn't feel the same. We both have issues Tammy, but you want to be better, like me. That's why you're here."

"I think it is time we both get some rest, " Tammy's voice quivers but body isn't moving.

Alexei shrugs. "Turn the light off."

Tammy turns the light off and lays down. Mark left to go look at warehouses and she'd showered and immediately came to tell Alexei what Mark has asked of her. She hopes Alexei can figure out what to do. Alexei's bed is comfortable with fluffy and oversized pillows.

She feels Alexei moving near her and knows she came here also to feel safe. Tammy's heart took off beating in a trap music melody. She turns on her back looking at Alexei who is looking down at her. He looks so amazing and angelic. Alexei's hair frames his face before he pushes it back with his hand. Tammy smirks putting her hand on his warm chest.

Alexei flinches but doesn't move away. "I'm tired of feeling like a slut. You're always making your move for me after him." Tammy realizes everytime they have a moment it's after Mark.

Alexei laughs." I don't mean for it to be that way. I guess I haven't really thought about it. I just wanted you."

"I care. I feel so wrong and confused. "Tammy quietly admits. There is something wrong with them and she's still trying to figure it out. "I think something is wrong with me. I feel out of control and like so dirty. I feel like a terrible person. "

It's the closest she's ever come to saying she has a problem.

Alexei smooths the hair from off her forehead. He looks at her with empathy and searches her eyes with his gaze. He traces the side of her face. "I just want to kiss you goodnight. I don't have the answers but we can figure it all out."

Tammy nods slowly. When their lips flutter over each other, it isn't long before both fell into all-consuming rest. Tammy slept deeply and with no worries. The way Alexei looked at her made her believe there could be a way for everyone to get out of this as a better person.