Tammy

Mark is all business and completely returns to normal after the kiss, as though it never happened. His mood swings are becoming less abnormal as Tammy adjusts to living with him. He seems irritated and distant although he treats her very pleasent. They don't speak on the ride to the garage today.

Tammy sat in this room all day. All she did was take large stacks of money and put it through a machine that automatically calculated the amount. It wasn't hard but it was boring. It gave her too much time to think and jump to hypotheticals. It the span of a few hours she goes through a few emotional states and is fatigued.

There are two men outside the door and strict instructions that no one comes inside. Tammy is bored out of her mind without entertainment. She is nervous after Mark ,once again, has been unpredictable and unrelatable.

The door opens and Mark enters with brown decorated paper bags and drinks. "I'm sorry you've been here so long. "

Tammy shrugs, if he's going to act normal then she's going to act normal.  "I'm not complaining. "

Her stomach grumbles from the smell wafting from the bags. Mark hands her two of the bags and one of the very large drinks. There is some sort of salad in one bag and a very large burrito in the other. There are sides in the bag as well. Tammy doesn't hesitate to begin eating.

Mark is eating as well, quite pensively. Maybe he's thinking about Cookie, as he should be. Maybe he's considering the inappropriate nature of his behavior.

"Thanks for the food. I hadn't realized how hungry I'd gotten. " Tammy says after wiping her mouth and taking a healthy gulp of the refreshment.

"We've been here longer than I thought. " Mark drank. His eyes slip over her for a moment but she senses he didn't meant to look her over.

Another odd change in his behavior, he's witholding eye contact. Mark isn't shy or ashamed, she can tell that much so it isn't avoidance, he's just decided she can't look him in the eye.  Mark then lookes at the time on his watch. He seemed frustrated as his jaw ticks and he runs fingers through his hair. 

"You seem a little stressed out. " Tammy goes back to eating.

He nods but doesnt look at her. "I hate when I have to get all dressed up and just act like someone I'm not. "

Tammy wipes her mouth. "You don't seem like someone who really gives a fuck. "

Mark smiles and chuckles. He seems to relax a bit and once again feels familiar, throwing her off. Who is she supposed to be around him?

"I care too much, to be honest. People respond to you based on how you respond to them. If I want my family to serve my purposes, I must have theirs and that's in all business relationships. " Mark finally gives her eye contact, it's calculating and assessing.

Tammy has to agree with him. That is a reality. "What about love?"

Mark makes a face she can't describe as they hold the gaze of one another. Something has shifted in his mood, good or bad, Tammy has no way of knowing.

"I mean, what do you know about love? I don't know much but I know that it isn't what everyone always wishes it would be. " he seems to be in thought again.

The door opens. "Mark, my father wants to know..." Cookie stops speaking when her eyes land on Tammy.

Mark stood up. "Come on, let's go speak in my office. Tammy, finish eating. We're leaving when I come back. "

***********************************
Tammy places the groceries they'd bought into the fridge and cabinets.

She has two small bags of things. They'd gone to a clothing store and to a beauty department so she now had more comfortable things. She also had some products that could help her feel a little better. Really what she needed was away from Mark.

He is in a mood and his mood is stifling. Tammy finds herself  afraid to think, let alone speak. She just desires to get into her bedroom and wait out Mark's dark mood. He isn't predictable. In this moment, she remembers he could hurt her, physically bring violence to her. Once again, she beats herself up for getting too comfortable with him. Tammy's also mad about that stupid kiss.

As soon as she gets things put away, she belines her way to the bedroom.
Apart of her feels irrationally upset at how sharp tongues he'd spoken to her.

How can Mark go from joking with her, to kissing her, acting as nothing happened, and finally treating her with such a cold shoulder?

Tammy feels stupid as a tear slides down her face. Her hand swipes at it angrily. It was for the best she remembers Mark isn't a friend.

The place is silent and Tammy autonomously sketches something. After a while, she admits she can't focus. Then, she takes a shower to ease her tension. Although feeling refreshed, she doesn't feel better. Giving in, Tammy decides she wants to watch tv.

A loud sound startles her.

It comes from Mark's room.

For a moment, Tammy stands just hearing her heart pound. Her chest hurts a bit and she can't decide on what to do next. Her feet are moving towards his room before her mind can catch up.

Her heart skips a beat.

Mark lays, motionless, on the floor. The first thing Tammy can think of is to get him into the shower. It's difficult to drag him. He weighs so much more than her. Her heart is pumping furiously. She doesn't want to witness anyone die.

He begins coming to but Mark is still incoherent. Tammy props  him to stand. "Mark, just help me, please. "

He shrugs her off. "I'm okay, Tammy, I'm okay.  "

She doesn't even want to hear it. She knows he uses drugs. "Then just go in the shower."

He shakes his head. "I'm fine. I drank too much and blacked out. "

They are almost there.

Tammy turns the water on. Mark doesn't resist her helping him undress. Once he's in his underwear she figures he can take those off. He does seem to be feeling better. Tammy leaves him to shower but left the door ajar in case he needs her.

Going through his drawers, it was easy to get him some comfortable pajama bottoms and underclothes out. Tammy left those on the bed. Then she heads to the kitchen. There is still food she can warm-up and she does that thinking about how much Mark did drink.

She rarely can picture Mark without a bottle. Yet, she can't say he has a problem.

As she bakes fresh garlic bread, Tammy rationalizes everything. In the end, she feels her reaction was hypersensitive.

Even though things have been good, she's in a very sensitive position with Mark being her shield. Sometimes people have a little too much and especially under stress. From what Tammy witnesses, the business is having complications for Mark.

Grabbing her plate and some wine, Tammy settles into a comfortable position on the couch. As she eats, her mind is grateful she gets to cook and have whatever comfort meals she wants. The movie finishes and after washing up the dishes, she decides to bring some food to Mark.

He's laying on his bed with soft music playing. He's so sad. "I brought you some food. "

Mark gently touches her arm after she puts the tray down. "Why are you being so nice to me? I already told you, I'm not going to use you as a prostitute. "

Tammy feels a sting,her feelings are hurt due to his accusation of manipulation. "I'm not being nice so you will do anything for me. "

"I just don't want you to think I'm going to change up if you don't kiss my ass. I am going to take care of you. I'm just trying to scare your father a bit so he can realize it's better to side with me. " Mark lets her go and seems to drift back into deep thought.

Tammy sits on the bed and sighs. "I don't know all of the stuff between your family and my dad but my dad is stubborn. "

Mark shakes his head. "We don't have to talk about that. "

"So you want to talk about how you kissed me?" Tammy brings the topic up playfully.

Mark sits up a bit. "I'm so sorry. That was inappropriate. You're just so beautiful and so kind. You don't look at me like you see anything but me and I couldn't resist. I'm sorry. "

He really looks sorry and Tammy smiled at him.

He's so confusing. Lowering her face to his, she can smell his clean scent. He does move to fill the gap or flinch. He looks right into her eyes making her nervous.

"You don't need to be sorry. " she softly remarks.

"Tammy, you don't understand. .  . and me kissing you was an abuse of power. " his eyes drift only for a second over her face and to her lips before meeting her gaze again. "You don't know what you want. "

Tammy doesn't answer. Instead, she kisses him.

Her heart pumping furiously. Her nerves on edge as he kisses her back tangling his fingers in her hair. She's never been kissed like this before. This one kiss feels like the most intimate thing she's ever experienced. It's hard to breathe during the intensity of the moment.

Mark pulls her down and looks down at her. Now she realizes, he's been holding back when looking at her because he knows she feels how intensely he feels because now he doesn't hold back his eyes fully drinking her in.

Tammy wants to know so badly what he's thinking and why it seems as though it's making him so lost, so sad. His fingertips trace her face and her lips. He kisses her sweetly lighting a slow burn fire in her core.

Mark shakes his head, at something he has to be thinking ,before laying next to her.

In the quiet, she's afraid to breathe and be heard. His hand moves closer to hers and they hold hands. Looking at the ceiling, Tammy wonders what he's thinking.

She turns on her side, facing Mark, and he does the same.

For a moment, their eyes just meet.

Tammy imagines their eyes understanding whatever they both are trying to figure out. It's something about when she looks into his eyes that feels so overwhelmingly beautiful. It's as though they don't need to speak and everything is as it should be.

Drifting closer, their lips meet again. This kiss is the gentlest of them all.

Tammy slides her hands up his shirt. His skin is warm against her palm. Deepening the kiss, she can tell he's just as affected. Yet, he pulls away. He looks at her bit before turning on his back.

"Goodnight Tammy. " Mark says and his voice quivers a bit.

"Goodnight. " Tammy gets up to go but Mark's arm surrounds her waist.

"I didn't say to go," he says quietly.

Tammy looks back at him. "I think I should go. I think it's the best tonight. "

Mark looks at her almost as though he's pleading. "I just don't want you getting yourself even more entangled in what you don't understand. It feels unfair. "

"I understand and I appreciate it. I hope you're feeling better than earlier." She says and stands to go.

"I do, thank you. Goodnight." Mark replies.
***********************************
After about a week, it was clear Mark is avoiding her.

Maybe she'd gotten too comfortable here or maybe she had too much time on her hands but she really feels emotional over it. He is gone before she wakes up and didn't come back until he thought she was asleep. He didn't eat any of the food she purposefully left for him. It sounds as though different females are with him.

Tammy fighte not to let the latter bother her but it does.

She isn't good enough to fuck but whoever ,these women are, he can fuck them.

She cleaned the apartment and there were bottles all over his room. She knew when Mark wanted her to bag up because he left everything on the island. That's what she is doing right now and listening to music.

Tammy tried to leave the apartment but the front door seems to lock from the outside and the inside needs a key. Tammy doesn't know exactly how it works but she knew she wouldn't be going anywhere without Mark. Tammy huffs out a frustrated sigh as she dropped a pill into the bag.

Getting up she goes and precures herself a glass of water. The door clicks open and Mark enters in with a female behind him.

The woman has long straight hair and very long eyelashes. It's a pretty female. She's caramel colored and tiny, maybe 5'5.  Tammy almost rolls her eyes at the woman's almost obvious plastic surgery body and unoriginal fast fashion outfit. Tammy acts as though she doesn't even see and goes back to bagging up the pills.

She finishes up and goes on the couch and starts watching some comedy.

A moment later Mark comes over. "I thought you would be sleeping. "

Tammy shrugs. "It's your apartment. It doesn't matter. I finished bagging everything. "

"I called her a car, she's leaving. " he ignores what she said.

Tammy looks up from the program. He looks so tired like he hasn't been sleeping. His hair is messy and facial hair scruffy. He still looks attractive, just rough. What is she supposed to say?

Tammy just looks away. She doesn't want to look at him. She doesn't want to hear his voice or be confronted by this moment. Why couldn't he ignore her like he's been doing?

"Don't make her leave on my account. As I said, this is your place. I'll go to my room. " Tammy stood to go past him.

Mark grabs her by her waist. She can feel his irritation in his grip on her hips. At first, Tammy tugs away. She doesn't want to be held by him. She's frustrated in her own way and tired of his up and down emotions.

Her backside ends up pressed against him. Mark's breath tickles her ear. "I care about how you feel. "

Tammy swallows hard. That simple sentence makes her feel overwhelmed and suddenly want to cry. She dislikes him so much for triggering her.

Marl still smells so good, even though he's wasted and probably high. Tammy's mind is getting clouded with her fantasies as he presses a butterfly weight kiss to her exposed shoulder.

"Why did you start avoiding me?" Tammy didn't mean to ask aloud but it's said.

Mark's hands travel to her thighs. "Because I want you so fucking bad. It's all I think about. I just want you all the time and that's not good for either one of us. I don't think I'm good enough for you. . ."

Tammy turns and meets his void dark eyes.

Grabbing his chin, she pulls his face closer before boldly kissing him. Once again, Tammy acts frivolously and off unfounded feelings as she's so sure he won't reject her. In fact, without explaination she can tell Mark has been more devestated by this silent game than she has.

For a moment, just briefly, as her hand runs down his chest, Tammy thinks about his admission of not being good enough. He's not good enough. Nothing about Mark is "good" enough to make them work. He's trying to strong arm her father into submission and that alone shouldn't make them work.

Mark instantly kisses her back with unbridled  fervence. Tammy finds her back against the wall. His hand rests against her hip, but doesn't pull her against his body. His other arm over her head, trapping her in his passion. How long this kiss lasts doesn't register.

Her body is aching for him.

Her thoughts are jumbled. Suddenly, she feels that fear she felt of being alone with him again. Tammy wants to back out of this moment. Mark bites her bottom lip and begins kissing her neck before reclaiming her lips again. Tammy summons strength to bring her hands up and gently push against him. 

"Goodnight Mark." He voice is quivering. Her hands tremble and she brings them back before he can notice. She's never felt this way before. Something isn't right but she doesn't know what it is. She's frustrated and fights to make sure no tears into her eyes.  "Do whatever you want with that woman. . . "

Mark grabs both of her wrists, his jaw ticks as he looks her dead pan. Tammy bites her lip, willing herself not to be afraid. Suddenly, she's so afraid and it doesn't make sense. She's no virgin. The way he holds her wrists makes her feel imprisoned. She doesn't feel free.

"I don't want that woman. . ." Mark's eyes hold that void look that she's beginning to understand isn't empty.

At the moment she remembers what Cookie said. She said 'he looks at you a way I've never seen'. Cookie couldn't tell her if this was good or bad. Tammy pulls her wrists and this time he lets go but the way he locks his fingers behind his head, it seems he's holding back from touching her again.

"Don't do this. Don't play games with me like this. This isn't fair. Do whatever you want about that woman but don't act like this. " Tammy avoids looking at him, afraid of what that look makes her feel.

She leaves and never sparing him another look.  Tammy gets into bed and replays what Mark said.

Mark is right, he should keep his distance. He isn't good for her and it's clear. Whatever he feels isn't right for her. Tammy begins to feel overwhelmed thinking of how she feels and why she feels it, why she shouldn't.

They aren't in the position to try to turn this into something it's not. They can't try to be together. This isn't about to be a love story. This can't possibly be a love story.  The thought breaks her heart a little more than it should.  After a while, Tammy fitfully falls asleep.