Taylor P.O.V

Why don't things always turn out the way I want them to?

Oh right, I forgot. Because it's me, and this world just wants me to continue my existence, only to watch me squirm and suffer.

Why did Sam have to go and fucking come see me in the hospital? I already told myself that the last thing I wanted was her getting involved with my life, and me getting involved in hers. I wasn't someone who needed or deserved friends. Especially when all they do is ask you questions all the time.

"Why are you even in hospital?" She had asked me. None of your fucking business, that's what. She shouldn't have even been there!

But I guess I should have seen this coming. I willingly invited her into my life, when all I've ever tried to do is shut people out because I'm so afraid of constantly getting hurt, and I'm always afraid of hurting others.

Without friends, or people to care, I could so easily slip away from this world and no one would question it. Sure, they might notice my disappearance, but it wouldn't be long before they'd all forget about me and continue with their every day lives.

I was so stupid. I was so stupid to become friends with this Sam girl, and I continued being stupid.

When I was allowed out of the hospital, I was obviously forced to go back to school by my father. Sam was so delighted to see me, and she even invited me to hang out with her on the Saturday that week.

Obviously, I wanted to say no.

But I ended up saying yes.

It's like, ever since this girl entered my life, I've done nothing but make bad decisions. I don't want any of this. I don't want friends. I don't want people. I just want to run away, and never come back. I just want to be able to escape this terrible thing we call life and just get it over and done with.

I could have done it last week. It was perfect timing. No one to really care or notice I was gone. The only person would have been my dad, who I thought was going to be at work later for the evening. However, sadly he wasn't. And he found me, stopping me from achieving what I had hoped to do after bitching out time and time again. I finally had the guts to do it, yet he stopped me. And that's how I'm even still alive. That's how I ended up in the hospital. But I couldn't tell Sam that. I just had to continue fooling her, even if I almost broke down right there and then in front of her when she came to visit me that day.

I just hope she wasn't going to talk about it when we hung out. It was already Saturday, and we agreed to both meet up at a nearby park.

My dad was shocked when I told him I was going out. After all, I spent pretty much all my time in my room whenever I wasn't at school.

"Who are you hanging out with?" He wondered, taking a sip of his tea as he stared back at me. I opened my mouth to answer, and the words just came tumbling out.

"Her name's Sam. She's a new girl who joined our school and she seemed to really want to be friends with me so..."

He smiled. Probably for the first time in years. At least, from my knowledge. I hadn't seen him smile once since my mom died.

"I'm so happy to hear you're finally making some friends." He beamed. "See? What did I tell you? School was going to be good for you." He said, stepping forward and giving me a hug. I stood, stiff. I didn't move my arms at all, but it wasn't like I hated my father or anything. It's just... I've never known what to feel. But despite that, he gives me a look as if he understands, or as if he's trying to understand.

Luckily, since I came out the hospital, he hasn't seemed to give me any strange looks or asked me questions, but I can tell he's probably worried about me. Or that just may be my imagination.

"Anyway, have a good time, Taylor. Look after yourself, alright?" He said, finally letting me go. All I could do was nod a little, give him a tiny smile, and then I headed out the house to meet with Sam.

I saw the park in the distance, as I got closer and closer.

There she was.

Sam was lazily swinging back and forth on a swing, as she stared at her phone with an earphone placed into her ear. She looked up for a moment, seeing me as I came through the park's gate and her face lit up. I gave her a small wave, as I walked over trying to avoid to walk into any parents or small children as they were racing around the park playing.

"Hey!" Sam grinned, as I sat down on the swing next to her.

"Hey... Sorry I'm a little late." I apologized. She shook her head, her black hair slightly swaying from side to side as she did.

"No, don't worry. It's fine. I haven't been here long myself." She admitted, taking her earphone out and putting her phone away. "How are you?"

I don't know.

"I'm... Okay, I guess." I shrugged, not sounding too convinced. She just slightly nodded, a strange look flickering across her bright green eyes. But she said nothing else, just continuing to swing back and forth.

"Well, I'm happy to see you're up out of hospital." She said, smiling again. "I have to tell you, when I went into school the next day, I was just so worried. I spoke to Laura and Beth and--"

"What?" I interrupted her, my brow furrowing a little. "About what? You didn't talk to them about me, did you?" I demanded. She stopped swinging, as she looked back at me, her eyes a little more wide than before. She opened her mouth, then closed it.

"Well?!" I cried, standing up now. She bit her lip, glancing at the floor, before her fearful eyes landed back on me.

"I... I may have told them you were in hospital. I--"

"WHAT!?" I yelled a little too loud, causing people to look at us now. She stood up, frowning.

"Why is that such a big deal, Taylor?!" She cried. "I was worried about you!"

"Because--!" I hissed. "I don't want people asking me about it! I don't want people knowing about my fucking problems!" I snapped.

"What problems!? What are you talking about?!" She argued back. I shook my head, clenching my fists and resisting the urge to just utterly scream at her.

I didn't need this.
I didn't fucking need this today.
I don't need her!

Feeling it all overwhelm me, I felt my eyes well up with tears, and I just burst out crying, running away from her, towards the park's exit. I heard her shout after me, but I didn't want to look back at her. I couldn't.

It was probably when I was a few steps outside the park, where I felt a warm hand grab my wrist, pulling me back. My eyes widened, as I was forced to come to a stop. I turned, seeing Sam stopping me from running any more. She look utterly shook up from the whole ordeal.

"T-Taylor...?" She stammered. "Oh god... I'm so sorry... I... I didn't mean to make you cry. I didn't..." She stammered, sounding like she might start crying herself.

Choking myself into even more of a sob, I don't know why, but I just stepped forward and pulled her into a hug, crying into her shoulder after letting out the sob that I had probably been holding in for the past week.

I was half expecting her to push me away, to just abandon me and say I fucked up and that I should just go die in a hole somewhere. But, to my surprise, I actually felt her arms wrap around me and we just stood, as she allowed me to cry in her arms.

"I'm so sorry, Tay..." She whispered.