Some people ask how much it hurts. But the truth is, the thoughts hurt more than any cut ever could. You have to comprehend how much pain it really takes to get a person to do this to themselves. Mental pain is real too.

You do feel it, but not in a bad way. The thoughts direct themselves towards the stinging. Even if it does hurt, you feel you deserve it. You deserve all the pain the world is capable of mustering up.

Has someone ever told you to bite down on something so a shot wouldn't hurt so much? It's part of your brain deciding which pain to focus on. And it's always easier to focus on something you can control rather than the latter.

You crave to be able to manipulate and decide something in your crazy life. This is one of the only ways, you decide your pain, you decide how to make it. That's what makes it so dangerous.

It's always addicting, being in control.