KATNISS

When I come back from Madge's I still feel sad as I close the door. It was hard knowing my friend is going through a hard time and that I can't do anything about it. I managed to sell some game before going home, so there were some extra coins in my pocket. It felt wrong. I was supposed to be with Madge after all. But I wasn't even at home, and even that felt like a lie somehow. And I really needed some new clothes. Geez, when was the last time I bought a new shirt?

I placed my gamebag by the doorway, yawning loudly as I walked to the kitchen. Mother is probably working and Prim had to be studying. Dad was probably down at the bar. Or else I would've heard her giggling, crying or what different types of screaming there was. She was never quiet, my little duck. Not unless-

I stopped. My eyes turn wide like plates and my whole body freezes right in the middle of the kitchen. I see two things.

Flowers. Beautiful flowers on the table in every single color, more than a rainbow consisted of and more beautiful than a rainbow even was. The stalks wrapped around in a red satin strand and it was the kinds of flowers you can't find in District 12. The ones I couldn't even the name of and ones I sure didn't exist in my father's book.

Often, flowers' message is associated with romance. A nice gift to the one you like, a symbol. I would have blushed in amazement and loved it if I wasn't in this situation. I didn't think I was that kind of girl who would care for some flowers, but I think I truly would. But right now, I can't.

Because right now, that flower only gave a whole other message.

Expensive.

Those kinds of flowers were expensive, nothing a Seam ever could or would buy. Ever. And the red satin and beautiful colored flowers didn't fit in in our little Seam house with old curtains and even older walls. It was a Merchant thing. Only a townie would afford that. One I knew.

That's why I want to die when the second thing I see is my mother, Hazel, and Gale sitting beside the table.

"Katniss." The way Hazel said my name, full of disappointment and sadness made me shiver. And the only thing I can do is to stand there, with a face red as the flowers and only guess.

How much do they know?

Not only that, why was even Hazel and Gale here? Why did my mother look like a ghost, and Gale look like he'd done something bad? Guilty, with both his hands in his lap that he keeps watching on, the most interesting thing in the world.

And Prim was probably in her room with her ear pressed against the door.

"Ehm..." I try to say anything, but the flowers are taking all the energy in the room and keep shining into their eyes.

"Those are for you." mother says, noticing the distraction but lifts up a card that's still wet from laying beside the flowers petals.

I swallow, glancing at Gale but receive nothing before reaching for the card.

Miss you....

I blushed even more and threw the card away. I don't know if I should be angry or not, but right now it's the only thing I feel. Why would Peeta do such a daring thing? He knows that I haven't told my family and it's the first thing he asked when we shared our first kiss.

But maybe it arrived early. Maybe he did actually miss me so much that he was willing to do it, knowing that I could come up with a quick lie if my mother asked.

And that only made me angrier. Why were Hazel and Gale even here? Hazel looked at me with confronting eyes like I was guilty. Like she knew. But she can't know, so that means Hazel has already made up her mind about me. And that's really rude.

"What, you think it's for me or something?" I ask annoyed, glaring at my mother while crossing my arms. "It must have been a mistake."

"A mistake? Flowers from Town all the way to the Seam?" Hazel burst out and I clench my fists in anger.

"Hazel, I'm sorry but this has nothing to do with you-"

"Katniss!" My mother cries with a warning in her voice. To have respect, but Hazel doesn't seem to mind, too angry to notice. She stands up, the chair falling behind her.

"This has everything to do with us!" Hazel screams, her eyes filled with tears from frustration and I can only stare in shock. "Your poor mother..." Hazel lets out a sob, covering her mouth while shaking her head in disappointment and my heart starts to race, sweat running down my back and legs starting to shake, because what the hell is happening? What do they know?

"Your mother has worked so hard, Katniss. Been going through so much. What will people say if this comes out? What will they think of you? This will affect your sister, Katniss, don't you understand?"

They know.

Suddenly all anger leaves my body and it is replaced with fear. I glanced at my mother, who looks down at the table with as big eyes as herself, filled with worry and skin paler than ever.

My mother knows. My mother knows that I have been fooling around with the town baker and my sister too. I can only assume father does if he found out while sober. My sister looks up to me. I was supposed to be a good role model but I was too foolish to understand that it doesn't just affect myself, but my sister's reputation too.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.

"I-" I whisper hoarsely, my whole body pink in shame and eyes already tearing up. It's so humiliating. In front of my mother, Hazel and even Gale who seems more ashamed than me. "It's not like that-"

"It doesn't matter now. We have to do something before it spreads out." Hazel says with a weak, shaking voice. "If it does..." Hazel shakes her head and I hear sobs from my mother. It does something twisted to me, seeing my mother cry. She hardly does. Only when something pains her dearly. Or my father's hand hurts her. My heart aches and I let out an ugly inhale that I can't contain. "They'll crush you with words, Katniss. Believe me, I know."

"What do we do?" My mother asks under her breath, wiping her tears hurriedly. I can't look at her anymore or else an artery inside of me will burst. It's so embarrassing. So awfully-

"We do what I did." Hazel whispers, staring right into my blurry, frightened eyes. "Marry."

Suddenly everything in my head stops working. It turns quiet, and I'm not sure if it's my ears that stop to listen or if everyone else is silent. The only thing I know is how everything suddenly makes sense and for every second that goes by, my heart breaks some more.

My family wants me to marry Gale, including his mother. I knew how badly she wanted a wedding with her son and I. But I don't want that. So they keep nagging me over and over again while I fool around with the town baker, much older than myself. A scandal that somehow manages to reach Hazel's ears.

And suddenly, there are flowers on the table and one, just one, fucking solution on how to save the Everdeen reputation. And that is for me to marry Gale. Who happens to sit right in front of me.

How fucking convenient.

Tears start to run out of my eyes, but it's not from fear anymore. No, it's something twisted. An angry sort of feeling that makes me want to scream and cry at the same time.

Disappointment. Yes, exactly. Disappointment. How far my family and friends would go for a marriage I didn't want. For the one only thing I don't want to sacrifice to this family, but they won't respect my feelings. They won't respect my hard work and they are too spoiled to ever realize that. Too spoiled to even understand the sacrifice I made to this family and they'll never be satisfied. They will never understand.

I glance at Gale, tears running down my cheeks and I wait for him to object. I want him to tell my mother no because don't they see how miserable I am!? But no.

He sits there, like the fucking coward he is, avoiding eye contact. Wants m3 married to him how miserable I even is.

"It's the only thing we can do, Katniss." I breathe faster, sobbing and clenching my fist with both my eyes locked to the floor. I can almost hear Hazel's pleased undertone in her voice. "Only thing to save your sister. Right?"

I can hear my mother nod with a hum and that's when I finally look up. With anger in my eyes so much warmer than fire and fury so much more dangerous than the arrows I aim, I feel done. I feel finished. I is so tired and she wants fucking out.

"Hazel, mother." I managed to whisper between clenched teeth, glaring lastly at my hunting partner that would be nothing but a stranger after this day. "Gale." I can see him wallow in shame. "Don't you ever try to talk with me again."

Their eyes turn wide, the three of them looking like they saw a ghost when they instead saw a heartbroken soul who couldn't tolerate this anymore. Who just can't do this...

I look at my mother, who has the same heartbroken look as myself. My eyes bore into hers.

"Ever!"

Then I turn around and walk out of the house. I thought that marrying someone I didn't love would hurt, but I think that leaving my family behind hurts more.

~

"Katniss?" Peeta whispered shocked, seeing me hug myself with glassy eyes and a disgusting smile I tried to force out.

It doesn't matter what, it always feels like the two of us end up out here. In the bakery's backyard right beside the backdoor. And it feels like we're the only ones left in this world when seeing each other, standing by the doorstep with teary eyes and awful feelings.

I have always felt like the world is against me. When my father lost himself, when my mother got depressed, when I dropped out of school and worked day to night, when never experiencing my youth, when I got shot by a peacekeeper.

But when I look up at Peeta's ocean blue eyes, I don't feel so lonely anymore. I don't feel scared.

I realized that the world finally gave something back for all my pain.

"I'm-" Imanages to say before the sobs escaped. Body shaking violently as tears run down my eyes. "I'm sorry-"

Before I can finish my sentence, two strong arms hold me and I burst. I clenched his shirt as I wailed. Snot and salty drops drenching his shoulder and I screams in pain.

Peeta hugs me harder and I don't think I'll ever stop crying.

~

It's way past curfew and I am trying to enjoy my bath.

Almost two months ago, I washed off the blood from my shoulder right in this tub and felt so terrified. I almost died. I almost got caught, yet I laid in lukewarm water and enjoyed the scent of cinnamon. Feeling guilty. I knew how worried Prim would be. But she'd have Lupus...right?

Now, I washes off misery. Tries to wash off my memories of what just had happened two hours ago. Tries to forget the flowers, my mother's cries, Hazel's pleased tone.

But I can't.

I can't because it hurt me. My family hurt me so much and I hurt them. They wanted me married to Gale and I simply couldn't stand it any longer. It was my final breaking point. So I left. Not just for hunting or work. I really left. I hurt them and it doesn't feel good at all.

And now I am just laying in a bath, knowing how worried Prim probably is. They must all be. Curfew started some minutes ago and they don't know where I am. Maybe they do know, after all.

My head throbs from lack of hydration and I lean my head against the edge of the tub, my hair in a messy bun on the top of my head. With every inhale, my lungs fill with the scent of Peeta and it calms me down somehow.

Because I wouldn't be calm for much longer, I realized. Glancing at the fresh pair of pajamas beside me as my cheeks turn pink.

~

I walked down the cold dark hall while braiding my hair, reaching for the door to her favorite place of the house, the kitchen. I didn't expect Peeta to be elsewhere and isn't shocked to see him by the stove, lifting a can of tea to fill the two cups on the table.

He gives me a smile, a sympathetic one and pours the boiling tea as I sit on a chair, the one I always sit on.

I feel embarrassed. My eyes were swollen, my nose red and knowing that I literally destroyed his T-shirt with snot doesn't make it better. God, how many times would I cry in front of him?

Peeta sits down, leaning forward on his chair and placing his knuckle under his chin, waiting for me to explain. When he does things like that, just doing a kind of posture, it reminds me of a parent and I remember the fact that he is a grown up. That he's 28 and I'm just sixteen.

"Katniss, sweetheart." That's the second time he's called me that, and just like the first, my body tingles. But now I just remember my mother's disappointed face and it doesn't feel good. "What happened?"

I don't want to tell because the tears are threatening to come out and I just feel so bad.

"It's..." I place the palm of my hand on my forehead, trying to avoid eye contact. "My family, I can't deal with them anymore. I'm so tired."

"What did they do?" he asks softly.

"They found-" a sob escape and it burns behind my eyelids. "They found out about us and- and have the nerve to use it against me! Like, blackmailing, me to marry Gale-"

"What?" Peeta looks at me with wide eyes and I want to vomit in nervousness. "They know about us?"

"I- I don't know how. I think Hazel heard it from someone and panicked and told my mother." I rattled, covering my face as tears escaped once again. It would never end. "How could they go against me like that? They humiliated me, Peeta. I was so- so embarrassed!" I keep crying again, the tea in front of me long forgotten. "I'm sorry."

Once again, the baker hugs me and the smell of bread and cardamom surrounds me in the safest way. Head buried into his shoulder and it calms me until the two waterfall stops and dry hiccups are left.

"Don't say you're sorry, Katniss. You couldn't do anything about it. It's was my duty to make sure we're careful, but I failed." I shakes my head against his shoulder, denying his statement and Peeta laughs softly, his hand running down my braid.

"You can stay here as long as you want, Katniss. I wouldn't want to go against your family, but when they hurt my girl, I'm willing to go against my morals." My eyes turn wide and my body turns a deep color of red before I nod. He has never addressed me like that. My girl. My girlfriend? Did he mean like his girlfriend?

"Thank you." I managed to squeak out. He hums satisfied, patting my head for a few minutes in silence.

"Are you hungry? I have some left-over from today. Stew." He lets me go and I am thankful when he goes straight to the sink. I didn't want him to see how happy I was over two words.

"Yeah, I'm pretty hungry. And I can't say no to your stew, Mr. Mellark." Peeta glanced over his shoulder and we both grin at each other.

~

Peeta offers to sleep in the living room but I refuse. I can't imagine Peeta spending the night in that cold awful room and I can't stand that he does it because of me. As a Seam, I was taught from early years that as a guest, you don't ask for anything, do anything or bother anyone during your stay. So when Peeta told me that I could sleep in his bed while he would be on the couch, I panicked.

"No, no, Mr. Mellark. It's fine, I'll be sleeping in the living room." Besides, I can't handle sleeping in Peeta's bed, the thought of it making me blush. Knowing that it's covered with his scent, I'd probably wouldn't be able to even close my eyes.

Peeta looks at me with bothered eyes, unsure if he should pursue me more or just let me go.

"Okay, alright. But don't be afraid to ask if you need anything." I nod with a shy smile.

So instead of Peeta, it's me who sleeps in that cold awful room. Peeta gave me one blanket, a pillow and covers together with a hug telling me that everything would be fine, before leaving. My heart raced. How did I find someone so perfect?

But as soon as I turned off the light, I started to shiver and my eyes couldn't close. The curtains in front of me looked like a hunting soul ready to eat my flesh and I got the creeps. I forced my eyes shut, but the image of my mother's suffering face didn't make the whole thing better either. And it was cold and the couch wasn't as comfortable as when I woke up on it two months ago.

I opened my eyes. Looking up at the ceiling defeated, knowing that it must have gone one hour since I turned off the lights. I isn't used to sleeping at someone else's. It's my first time and never alone too. Prim was always pressed against my body and warmth was constantly shared between the sisters. I missed Prim. I truly miss her and I don't know when I'll meet her again.

The typical stinging behind my eyes decided to appear, making me groan in annoyance. I won't cry anymore, I'm done with that.

I sat up with a sigh, hugging my body when the covers slid off me and shivered when the cold hit me. There was a solution for everything, crying wouldn't help. I need an extra blanket. That will do.

With bare feet, I tiptoed to the door, hands rubbing against my arms in an attempt to warm myself up as I walked through the end of the corridor where the stairs were. I had never walked up to the stairs and the darkness I saw when looking up wasn't scary, but the unknown was. I had never been up there.

With a small step I walked up, the stairs creaking slightly and the clock I passed by stood two in the morning.

When reaching the top, I immediately feel a cold air breeze by me and I know that a window is open somewhere. I follow the chilly winds until I stand outside the only closed door upstairs. I knock and wait almost 1 minute before realizing Peeta must be asleep just like any other human being in District 12. The fact that I woke Peeta up for just a blanket feels wrong and guilt grows in me. But it isn't the blanket I need, really.

It's some company.

With freezing hands, I open the door slowly and walk in. Making sure my steps are soft as I admire Peeta's bedroom. It's empty, containing only a closet and a king bed, but it's huge. And the walls are covered with paintings that seem so realistic that for a second I think it photographs in the dark room. Some really good painters are artists. Peeta must have bought them.

I sneak closer to the bed, immediately noticing the wide open window which whistled when the wind flew through and shivers ran down my body. Finally, I stood beside the bed, looking down at the baker whose face was buried in his upper arm and arms hugging his pillow in a comfortable grip, completely unbothered by the chilly air.

He looks really beautiful like that. With wild blond hair, shirt wrinkled up to his waist and soft snores escaping, making me smile for myself. Cute.

I keep staring at him, happy that I am not alone anymore, that I think I imagined Peeta's blue eyes opening up slowly and tired, squinting his eyes confused.

"Katniss?" I wake up from my daydreaming in a gasping shock.

"Peeta!" I whispers panicked, realizing I bothered him and being a total creep staring at him by the bed. Cheeks turn magenta and I stutter through my meanings. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you up!"

"It's okay, what's up?" he asks weary, rubbing his eyes as he sits up on the bed.

"Ehm, I'm..." I looked down at my hands, trying to calm myself down and to act normal because right now I was a really bad guest. I was bothering Peeta and acting disrespectfully when just barging in his room like I owned the place. And now I was asking him for stuff. It has only been one night! Peeta would kick me out if I continued like this.

"Is it okay if I'm here? With you?" Peeta suddenly looks awake, confused and shocked by my sudden request and it makes me panic. "I-I know th- I didn't mean, just like... I'm not used to being alone. I always slept with Prim and I miss her..." Don't cry, Katniss. "And it's empty and cold downstairs and it looks like someone's hiding the curtains." Peeta keeps glaring at me in shock before he bursts out in laughter and it makes me less uneasy, avoiding eye contact with a small, shy smile. So embarrassing, Katniss, what is wrong with you?

"Of course, Katniss." he says, patting the place next to him on the bed and with careful moves, I places my knee on the bed and walks slowly with all four to Peeta until he opens up his arms and I dives right into them. I place my arms around him, head against his heart.

"Geez, you're so cold!" he whispers, rubbing his arms over my back to cause friction and the whole thing makes my eyes water and heart clench. My father used to do that. When he was himself...

"I've never slept alone before. Prim and I share a bed at home. With Lupus sometimes if he's not outside. Mother wanted to buy her a bed but she'd stick to me the whole time and I didn't mind." Peeta notices my weak voice and he hugs me harder.

"You can sleep here, Katniss. I'll be on the right side of the bed and you on the left. Is that okay for you?" I nod.

Peeta lays basically at the edge of the bed and so does I. It's probably because he's afraid he'll scare or step over my boundaries, but once again, I can't close my eyes and it doesn't make the whole thing better than the window is wide open next to me.

I turn around on the bed, glancing at Peeta's back laying almost 3 feet away from me and slowly, I roll my way to him until both my arms hug him from behind and I can hear Peeta chuckle, before turning around too. He grins at me and it's now that I understand why he was careful with space. My whole body suddenly turns warm and my face all up to my ears becomes red because I am laying in bed with Peeta, our bodies pressed together and faces just a few inches away.

"Do you always get this much attention in the middle of the night?"

"I'm just cold, don't get all cocky now." I joke and he chuckles once again before burying his head against my neck, pressing his whole chest against mine with the help of his hand laying right on my lower back. I am sure he can feel my racing heart against his own.

"Should I close the window, then?" he whispers with a sexual tone against my neck, making me shiver with both eyes open. I recognize that voice. It was the same that insisted that I belonged to him.

Butterflies seem to overpopulate in my body because every part of the body tingles with intensity. Before I know it, he places a small kiss right under my jawline, a gasp escaping me as I clenches my eyes.

"I-It's alright." I whispers back with a shaky voice. The question he asked wasn't really directed to actually closing the window and my answer wasn't a no. Peeta hums approving before kissing my neck once again.

"As you wish." His kisses become longer against my neck and soon I am moaning when he softly bites against the swollen flesh. Even though it's causing a bruise, it's an intimate feeling and I can't hold my voice inside. Both my hands in Peeta blond soft hair as I breath squeaking into his ear, pulses sending down to my most private parts when his lips let my skin go.

I don't want to be the inexperienced one (which I am), so I decided to be a bit daring. I leave the warmth from Peeta for a second and soon cages him with both my arms and thighs, hovering over him with dreamy eyes and red cheeks. I don't get the chance to think before Peeta presses his hand on my neck and pushes me down to his lips.

We share a desperate, hard and messy kiss that contains more tongue and saliva then it should, but the feeling is so amazing that we don't seem to mind. I am inexperienced in this matter anymore. We keep making out, minutes go by and the only sound echoing in the room is our heavy and desperate breathing.

My back starts to ache, my behind basically standing up in the air. So I break the kiss with a lonely groan coming from Peeta and I lean against his leg that he had bent up before sitting down on his hips.

My eyes widen. I feel something hard under me and a shaky moan escapes my mouth. Peeta lets out a loud groan, clenching his eyes in surprise and pleasure and I almost explode in embarrassment.

I is inexperienced, but that doesn't mean I stupid. I know what I am sitting on and I know there are layers of thin clothing that prevents intercourse. And even if it does, it feels so fearfully good that for a second I think this is wrong.

But it's not, inside and that face Peeta does, it's priceless. I am the one in control, sitting on him and deciding how far I'll go with this. I have the power to cause pleasure. Besides that, it feels so...

With a soft move, almost like a reflex deep hidden in me, I press my wet part against him with a stroke and my whole body seems to react in a hazy pleasure, my mouth parting in amazement.

"F-fuck, Katniss..." Peeta groans, almost like he's in pain. His hazy eyes looking up to me and the grip on my thigh tightens. "You don't have to."

"I want to." I whisper desperate, causing hard friction once again and we both moan together.

I never thought that rubbing that against myself would feel so good, and apparently, the same for Peeta. I have never even touched myself there, but something sensitive is causing my whole body to crumble down with friction and it's almost addictive.

Peeta moves his hips together with mine and I have never heard such sounds leaving my mouth before. High pitched moans that I can't control. I want to keep looking at Peeta, but soon the grinding takes over the whole mind and I close my eyes in pleasure, my body suddenly seeking something. A feeling.

"Peeta." I moan between heavy breathing, placing my hands over his that's resting on my hips. My legs are aching, bent so uncomfortable, but the pleasure makes the discomfort disappear.

"Come, baby." Peeta whispers with a shaky breath, lifting his arm up so I lean my head to him, and once again, he grabs my neck and pushes me down for a kiss. It's messy and lazy, not any effort at all since we're so busy moving our hips against each other, and the new position makes it even better. Peeta's hand is tangled in my hair, the braid destroyed a long time ago and the other rests on my ass. Gripping the flesh hard to keep me in place and it would embarrass me deeply if it wasn't for the pleasure my body is chasing.

Because I am chasing a feeling and I am about to catch it. I can feel it in my every nerve and I can't keep my moans any longer, not caring a damn that the window is open and that the neighbors can hear me if they're awake. I rests my head on Peeta's shoulder, breathing heavily with clenched eyes as I feel it overflow in my legs shaking in either pleasure or exhaustion.

"P-Peeta!" I cry out and he kisses my head.

"Let go, sweetheart." I do, and the feeling is so overwhelming that all I can see it white dots flying behind my eyelids, an explosion throwing the addictive pleasure in every direction and all I can do is to bite my lips not to scream.

How could this feel so good? How has I never done this before, with not myself at least? Never could I imagine that it felt so good and now I started to understand why girls want to marry so young. This must be at least one of the factors.

As I breathe out, resting after the intense wave of pleasure against Peeta's shoulder, I hear him breathing out together with me, finishing with me without being noticed. Sad, I wanted to see his face for some reason.

"Fuck, I came in my pants like a teenager." Peeta mutters after a few minutes. I dozed off laying on Peeta like this. I suddenly felt heavy, all tired.

"Maybe because you are with a teenager..." I answer with a sleepy voice, burying my head in his neck and inhaling the scent of him. His hand still resting on my behind, gripping the flesh lazily.

"Maybe."

I fell into a deep sleep.

~

When I woke up, I immediately noticed the happiness vibrating in me together with a wet sticky mess in my panties.

I open my eyes, staring straight up at the ceiling and I am all alone with my thoughts. Peeta must be downstairs baking because the smell of pastries is filling my lungs and so is the blood filling my cheeks.

What the hell happened?

I left my family. I cut them off from my life and even Prim who didn't deserve such a bad sister had to suffer too. It felt awful. My heart was in hundreds of pieces and it didn't feel worth it at all. I even considered to just marry Gale in total despair to stop this pain.

But right now, I feel amazing! I am lying in Peeta's bed all alone with a really big need to pee, drool on my chin and sore throat, and I am shining with happiness. My heart is pounding, a smile is blooming on my lips and I clenched my eyes as I cover my face.

Suddenly, my decision yesterday feels like the right choice. It feels so nice to sleep in, something I haven't done for many years, and knowing there is breakfast downstairs, I voluntarily want to work and a man who cares for me. Not waking up earlier than the sun to hunt and come back with barely any food for me left since every crumb goes to my family.

With slow movements, I sit up and walk to the toilet. Freshen myself up, brushing my teeth with Peeta's and redoing my braid before walking down the stairs.

As predicted, there are four cheese buns on the table together with a cup that's waiting to be filled with tea and the smell of it makes my mouth water.

It was just like that morning, sore shoulder and shaky hands sitting on the same chair before digging in. All shy and scared. Now, I walk with confidence to the stove, lifting the pot and filling my cup with tea.

I eat my breakfast fast, the taste so good but wanting to see Peeta even better. I went to put on my pants from yesterday, a pair of black comfortable leggings but didn't change my top since I was going to cover myself with the apron anyway. With small fast movements, I walked back to the kitchen to the sink and washes the plate and cup I forgot to put back, smiling big for myself when I was finally done.

I almost run to the back room, opening the door fast but quietly, afraid to startle Peeta and immediately is hit with the heat and the smell of baking.

Of course, the tables are filled with batches of dough and crumbles all over the place. And the desk which I sat on when baking the wedding cake was covered with flour and the door Peeta pressed his body against mine a long time ago was open. But what I noticed first was Peeta, back against me, throwing in ingredients in a bowl with passion and concentration that made him almost look a bit angry, brows arched and mouth small.

The excitement to meet him was still there, but now I was more ashamed to meet him than happy. What would I say to him? Has something changed now, in our relationship?

I was just going to ask for a blanket and the next thing I knew I was grinding on Peeta, moaned loudly into his ear as he gripped my ass tight.

My face turns red in the memory and I shake my head to clear it.

If something had changed, it would be a good change. That kind of... activities between people make better bonds in relationships, right? Because I was happy, excited to be with Peeta more and to just talk to him. He must feel the same way.

Before I know it, Peeta reaches for the sugar behind him and sees me by the door, my face all red and biting my lips. He immediately smiles and reaches out his arms, which I jump right into.

I embrace his hug, smiling into his apron as he kisses me on the head.

I couldn't be luckier.

~

The rest of the day goes by fast.

I went to open the store and there was already a line waiting outside to buy breakfast. It was chaotic and stressful, people screaming their orders right out in the air as I just bought bag after bag of bread and Peeta kept springing in and out to fill the counter with pastries and different range. It was even more annoying that some customers would just stop talking and stare down at my... chest? What was it that they even looked at, with wide eyes and confused looks? Not my chest, no. it was covered with the apron.

It didn't matter, really. It was annoying and taking the other customers time, which only leads to more pushing around in the small room.

By lunchtime, I was exhausted, sighed loudly with my head against the counter defeated as Peeta closed for the hour.

"Just you wait until summer break. Those kids get crazy for cake."

"If someone screams into my ear about anything containing flour, I'll shove it right in their mouth." I muttered against the counter, making the baker chuckle.

"Let's eat some lunch and get our energy restored."

Peeta made some fried eggs and cut some vegetables that we ate with yesterday's bread and I told Peeta about all the crazy looking customers outside as Peeta laughed into his cup of water. We opened the window and fresh spring air flowed into the kitchen as we laughed and talked about work.

There was something amazing about sitting with my feet on the table, leaning on my chair carelessly as I watched Peeta talk passionately about the bakery. With not a worry about how to find food for the day or tomorrow for me and my family. I was selfish and I knew it, but I had never felt this good ever. It was right here and now.

Is this what it feels like to be a teenager? Laid back and unworried?

Peeta made me feel like that. He cared for me in such a way that it reminded me of my old father. Someone who fed me, took care of me and made sure I was never hurting. Made me feel like the youth I actually am.

By now, I would be heading home with a loaf of bread. But I had no one to go to anymore. So I helped Peeta clean up in the kitchen and once again, opened the store for the evening. It's much calmer and barely any customers. I understood why I was allowed to go after twelve. Peeta could manage this perfectly alone. He cleans everything in the back room and sits beside me by the counter.

"You're really good at this, sweetheart." Peeta says after a customer leaves, I waving goodbye through the window as I sit down again.

"I don't really do much." I scratched my back while glancing at him. "But it's a very... sociable job. And I wasn't before. I've learned a lot."

"I can imagine." He places his hand on mine, gripping it carelessly. "I'm proud of you." I nod and feel my body burn.

~

At five thirty, Peeta complains about bringing delivery from the station and I immediately take up the chance to pay back for my stay.

"I'll go, Mr. Mellark." I say, walking behind him as he puts on his jacket and reaches for the door.

"Katniss, it's way too heavy for you. I'll go. You close the bakery at six. Take out some meat out of the freezer later." I nod and Peeta leaves me behind, all alone with the whole responsibility of the house and bakery. With boredom, sitting by the counter and waiting for the minutes to go, I run through the house and to the kitchen to take out the meat, before running out again. Afraid to miss some customers. Everything is just as I left and I breathe out in relief before becoming bored again.

It must've been lonely for Peeta. Day and night alone in this house and bakery. Without anyone around. Maybe Delly visited, but even she had her own kids and life to handle. I suddenly imagine Peeta sitting here, alone and sad and the thought of it makes me almost cry. I shake my head and try to clear it, pressing back the tears in my eyes as I mutter angrily at myself.

The door makes its pleasing sound of opening and I get relieved, hoping for something to distract me. It's either a customer or Peeta. But it's not any of that.

I suddenly stand up, eyes wide and face pale when I see my little sister by the door, closing it behind herself while staring back at me with a face I can't read. I see Lupus outside the window. He jumps up to look inside. He sees me and looks happy.

"Prim." I whisper and Prim takes small shy steps towards the counter, before looking up at her sister.

I can't believe it, but I was disturbingly ashamed of myself. Suddenly every selfish thought of happiness left my body and replaced it with guilt seeing my sisters hurt and disappointed faces. My puppy I took off the streets missing his owner. How could I be so stupid? I just left Prim behind in all this mess and didn't even bother to think of her. Just enjoying my time with Peeta. It felt like someone held a tight grip around my throat. Pressing it harder for every second and I forced myself to keep in the helpless cry I wanted to spill.

"Prim, baby." I whispered again, walking around the counter to meet my sister who I hugged immediately. Thankfully, Prim hugged me back equally strong. "I've missed you so much."

"Me too." My sister whispered back with tears in her voice, making my heart clench in sadness. I was the reason for my sister's misery. "I've looked for you everywhere. You didn't come home last night and Hazel and mother were worried sick. Where did you sleep?"

My face burns in shame, thinking of my family worrying over me while I was sitting on top of Peeta in a total, amazing mess.

"I slept here. Peeta let me." Once again, I think of different things, afraid that my sister will misunderstand and immediately regrets my words. "I mean- nothing like that, Prim, never-"

"Peeta?" Prim suddenly asks, looking like a questioning mark and so does I until I finally understand. No one addressed the baker with the first name. Everyone knew him by his last.

"Mr. Mellark." Once again, Prim looks at her sister shocked and I start to wonder again. Why did Prim search everywhere when looking for me, when she already knew of this... the thing I had with Peeta? I am more than a hundred percent sure that my sister had listened to every single word said yesterday, so why wouldn't she start here?

"Why would you stay at Mr. Mellark's?" Prim asks, almost disgusted and I can only stare at my sister in confusion. "I know he's your boss and all, but are you that close?"

It suddenly became blank in my brain. I don't understand. What is my sister saying? Didn't she hear them all scream yesterday because of this?

"Prim." Katniss whispers. "I'm with Peeta."

My sister doesn't understand, her eyes wide and eyebrows arched in confusion as she shakes her head in distress.

"What do you mean with Peeta?"

"Prim, weren't you there yesterday? Didn't you hear-"

"I was there, I heard everything but I don't understand." Prim's eyes turn blank in tears and she takes a step back. I try to understand why my sister looks panicked when she already knows about this. I want to know why she looks at me with disgust and why it hurts so damn much when she keeps shaking her head.

Her eyes suddenly landed on my chest again, just like every other customer did when taking their orders and this time, I dared to look down. Only to see nothing unusual. There was nothing wrong with me, yet people's eyes always landed on-

"Your... your neck..." Prim whispers and with panic, I places my hand around my throat. And there, I felt a sore spot familiar to a bruise.

Ice fills my body and I freezes in the spot. Hickey. From yesterday night.

"You're- You're having an affair with Mr. Mellark?!" Prim cries out, both her hands covering her mouth in total despair and I just stand there, with wide open eyes and hanging jaw, staring at my sister's outburst and realizing that every customer in District 12 saw the blue spot, slowly sinking into my head.

Yet, Prim's word bothers me. Affair. That sounds bad. Like a bad thing. It has a negative saying in it and was this so negative as Prim just expressed? I can't understand why she's reacting like this.

"Prim, you already know about this, stop reacting that way!"

"I didn't know about this!" Prim screams, clenching her hands and tears running down her cheeks. "I didn't know, Hazel told mom about some rumor about you acting reckless and that was it, what are you talking about?!" Once again, my head turns blank and I just stare at my sister.

"What...?" I whisper.

"Katniss, he's so old, disgusting !" Prim cries and her words feel like a slap across my face.

"Shut up!" I screams angry, my voice echoing back in the small room and tears flow into my eyes. "Shut up, what the hell are you saying?! Don't say that about him-"

"You're disgusting!" Prim screams back crying, stomping her feet twice before running towards the door. "I hate you!"

And then the door slams after her. Lupus is trying to get inside but Prim runs and drags him as he barks for me to follow. I fall to the floor, staring at the door for many minutes, trying to understand what just happened, before I burst out in an uncontrollable cry. I hugs my body and screams into my arms in total despair.

"Katniss?" I look up with a swollen eye and tears running down my cheeks, noticing Peeta by the door who looks at me with wide eyes. I tried to hide my sobs, but they just couldn't stop and it only made me cry more.

Peeta closes the door behind him and locks it for the day, since the clock must be many minutes past six, and hurry his way towards the girl on the floor. Squatting beside me with a worried face, trying to manage some eye contact.

"Katniss, what's wrong?"

I was tired of crying. I am always crying nowadays, but that's how it is when you fight with your family. When you cut them out of your life and chose freedom, someone you love, instead of them. But it was hard. It was truly, painfully hard and I am just so tired of fighting this war alone.

I must look like a total mess, sitting on the floor and wailing like a child.

I was a child, wasn't I? In Peeta's eyes, at least. I'm acting like one. And it doesn't make the whole thing better that Prim's words keep reminding me.

"They know." I whisper, my eyes cold like ice and face hard like stone.

~

The blanket around my body didn't help stop my shivers and neither did the cup of tea in my hands. Peeta kept looking at me, standing and leaning by the stove with both his hands crossed over his chest. He had the same unreadable face expression as me.

It was dead silent in the kitchen.

"They know. Everyone will know by tomorrow morning." I whisper once again, my hand pressing on the hickey on my neck. I take a deep, shaky breath. "How could I've been so reckless?" I turn my head towards Peeta, anger spreading in my body like fire. "Why didn't you say anything? How didn't you notice?"

"Don't you think I would've said anything Katniss? Really?" he spits out with equal anger. "Do you think I want this?"

"It doesn't matter because the whole District is probably talking about this right at this moment and Prim must've said it to mother by now." I try to take a calming breath once again, but it only sounds desperate and painful. A loud sob escaped me and I clenched my eyes hard, forcing the tears inside.

"Fuck!", she screams, hitting my fist on the table in anger and disappointment. In myself.

"Katniss, I know it's a weird question but what are you so afraid of?" It is a weird and obvious question and it's ridiculous to answer but I do it anyways through clenched eyes and sobbing breaths.

"The whole district will find out about this affair between us and they'll label me as a whore, Peeta!" I cried, wiping my tears that managed to escape. "An unmarried child who'll bring shame towards her whole family- I'm so selfish! I didn't think of anyone but myself, I didn't think it would affect my family but it does."

"Katniss...-"

"I should've just married Gale when I had the chance-"

"Katniss!" A sudden hard grip around my wrist stops my wailing and with wide, teary eyes I look up at Peeta. He looks angry almost, restricted and annoyed but face in a hard expression that confuses me.

"Marry me."

It becomes dead silent in the room. Not even the sound of breathing. Nothing but the clock ticking from the hall by the stairs, far far away. It's way too quiet.

It's not until I take a deep shaky inhale that everything starts to function in my brain again. I studied Peeta's face with wide shocked eyes, trying to find any sign of amusement. Instead, he looks at me like he does when he bakes. Serious. Dead serious. Mouth in a small line and eyebrows arched like he's concentrated. Maybe concentrated on my answer.

Maybe he is dead serious.

"Peeta..." I whisper, trying to understand what's happening. Have I turned crazy? Did I actually hear right?

He shakes my wrist like he's trying to wake me up from the shock.

"Marry me, Katniss." I can't stop looking at him. I can't stop searching for a sign of regret. A sign of misunderstanding.

I stood up fast, breaking the grip Peeta had around my wrist in panic. The chair behind me falling to the floor and the cup doing the same. Now-cold liquid dripping down the table like rain, adding to the melodic sound with the ticking clock. It goes unnoticed between them.

"What are you talking about? Peeta, we can't-" I talk way too fast, way too desperate. But Peeta interrupts.

"Why? Why can't we?" he says. Both his hands up in a questioning position. "Who says we can't?" I kept looking at him, shaking my head in panic.

"No, no it's-"

"No one will call you anything if you're married to me. No one will blame you for anything , because it isn't wrong as long as we're lawfully wed. Your family won't even suffer the horrible shit the district will cause. As long as we're married, we're good. Your family is good."

I only stared at the baker. Wide, glassy eyes and open mouth, trying to understand what's happening. Trying to understand the fact that every word Peeta has said is reasonable and just right . Because why can't we? Who is stopping us? And the longer I realize that the more real it becomes and it scares me. It scares me that we actually can.

Peeta takes a big step and suddenly he's gripping my shoulder tight. Demanding eye contact that I immediately give.

"Katniss, I know you don't like marriage. But I'm different!" Peeta states with eyes reminding me of Lupus'.

I can only keep staring, slowly understanding Peeta's words. Different, as in different from Gale.

"You kept saying before that a man has nothing besides some extra coins. As in you have to work harder than you already are, but I won't let that happen. I can provide for you. I have everything! You won't have to work harder to feed more mouths, I'll help you feed your family. Your sister, your mother without any problem at all."

"Peeta-"I tried to say, my breath unsteady and weak. But he presses his forehead against mine, placing his hands on my shivering cheeks and closes his eyes.

"Katniss, please!" His voice is filled with desperation. "I have no one but you. Nothing but you. Please, please, let me help you with this. Let me help your family. I won't force you as they did, but just think." He lets out a small chuckle. "Wasn't today amazing? Waking up next to you, seeing each other first thing in the morning, working together. Eating lunch and dinner. Being with each other." I nod, chuckling between sobs as tears run down my cheeks. A small smile blooming from my lips that infects Peeta to do the same.

It was. It was the best day of my life. Waking up with buzzing happiness, eating a perfect breakfast and lunch together with the man of my dreams. It was amazing. I want that.

"We can have that every day. It won't be wrong. It won't be a secret. Just us ." I nod again, placing my hands over his, letting out a shaky exhale.

I was so tired. I was so tired of working and working and being the perfect girl. Peeta was my escape. The only time I could actually enjoy myself.

Why should that be temporary? Why couldn't I always be happy?

"What do you say, Katniss?" Peeta smiles, looking into my eyes. "Marry me?"

I laugh ugly, mixed with sobs and a big toothy smile. Tears suddenly turn into happy ones and my body is shaking with excitement as I grips Peeta's hands hard into my own palms.

"Okay." I sob, and before I know it, Peeta hugs me hard, making me giggle loudly as he spins them around the room.

"We are getting married!" I squeal, saying it out loud. Trying to understand my own statement.

"We're getting married!"

~

The bakery is closed today and I am holding a pen.

My hand is shaking, sweat is running down my face and I can't stop biting my lips. It doesn't make the whole thing better that the lady standing in front of them glares at me oddly like she's done the whole time I've been here. And not when Peeta looks at me with a panicked face.

Yesterday. It was only yesterday evening that we were laughing and crying about getting married. About permanent happiness and never-worrying days. I felt sure then.

But now, I don't feel so sure anymore.

Early in the morning, I had walked home. With soft steps and slow movements to make sure that no one saw me. It was important that no one saw me.

When I reached the old, little house I grew up in, I stepped inside, closing the door behind me carefully like it was made out of glass. Like a lion, I sneaked to mine and Prim's room. Relieved to see the room empty, that Prim was sleeping with our mother. Good. I didn't want to see my sister's face. I was too angry with her. Lupus found me snooping and came to me. I missed him so much. I held onto his soft fur and let silent tears fall as I pet him. He licked them away. I decided then, I couldn't leave him. I stopped dead when I heard my father's loud snores from the room next to mine. I looked at Lupus and he read me like a book. We carefully treeded, not daring to wake him up. If he did this whole thing would be for naught. I could lose everything. Peeta. The love. My life. My freedom. We made it down without the slightest creak in the old wooden floors.

When I was done with my mission, I planned to slowly walk out. Even if it burned behind my eyelids and my throat got tight. But then I turned around and saw my mother in the doorway.

We both froze, staring at each other with wide eyes like we both got caught doing something bad. My mother's eyes were red, she looked old. Aged and tired. She hugged her body in an attempt to warm herself up, and I remembered that I always prepared tea for my mother right after trading for breakfast, ready to drink as soon as she woke up. She never thanked me for it though.

"Katniss..." My mother whispered. Either in shock or to not wake Prim and my father up. My mother's eyes landed on my hands, holding the blue dress she got for my 16th birthday. I took a deep shaky inhale I couldn't control, my face turning red in both shame and sadness.

I couldn't read my mother's facial expression. It's way too blank. Way too shocked. And it's enough to make me let a sob escape. I didn't want everything to end up like this. I want my sister by my side, mother smiling with them happily and approval. My father is sober enough to love me again.

I didn't get any of that.

"Mother." I whispered back. Voice put together and strong. Matching the determined face I wore. "I'm getting married today. Just like you wanted me to. I'm taking Lupus. He always was mine."

And before my mother could make a facial expression to reveal how she felt, I walked past her with the blue dress in her hand. Lupus walking beside me. Leaving everything old behind.

Ready for my new one.

Yet, when I held the pen, ready to write down my signature on the paper, everything felt so wrong. Everything went so wrong.

I want my family. I want them to be here and hug me after everything is done and whisper cliché stuff like 'I'm proud of you' and 'Good job' in my ear. Fuck, I want that so bad.

My eyes start to sting, hand shaking more than before and a small, audible sob escape.

"Katniss," Peeta says softly, placing his hand on mine. I don't dare to lift my gaze, embarrassed and annoyed at myself for not letting me have the happiness I deserve. "Can you give us a minute?", Peeta asks the woman.

I hear small, fast steps and then silence.

"I'm sorry..." I whisper, wiping the tears with my other hand. "I'm sorry, I thought this would be easier. I just miss them."

"Don't apologize." Peeta says, gripping my hand gently in a comforting gesture. "I understand you. Hell, I haven't even told my parents yet." I lifts my gaze, my eyes wide while glaring at Peeta in shock. I hadn't thought about Peeta's family once. How the hell could I be so reckless and gone? That was important. It's Peeta's freaking family. My.... in-laws.

I still can't see me as Peeta's wife. Just the thought weirds me out. It shouldn't, especially when I sign away from it. But it suddenly feels real now. Knowing that Peeta has a parent and brothers I had to meet. It scares me. I remember his mother.

Now it's Peeta avoiding eye contact, smiling awkwardly.

"We both have...a special family, Katniss." He glares at me innocently, like a deer would and it makes me smile. "Let this be just for us. With no crazy family drama, okay?" I giggled, leaning against his shoulder easily. "When we get back, we'll do a wedding cake and eat the whole thing."

"That sounds amazing." I smile, excitement returning from yesterday. I bump my hips against his and give Peeta a smirk. "Plus, we're pretty good at making those, aren't we?"

Peeta laughs as the lady comes back carefully, sensing the happy aura around them while preparing more paperwork for them to fill later. "We make a good team."

I smile, looking down at the paper in front of me. Ready to be signed.

~

Never in my life did she see myself becoming married. Never did I think that I'd be wearing my mother's dress for this purpose. It was just at my birthday that I told Madge how marriage was something I never wanted, and now, I would soon become a wife. Peeta's wife.

I glance up at Peeta, who gives me an encouraging, loving smile. And it gives something I haven't had in a long time.

Happiness. That's why I want this. That's why I go against everything I once held. Because I want this .

Maybe I shouldn't think this, but I am happy that I landed in Peeta's backyard with a gun wound that night.

Maybe the odds really were in my favor that day.

I lean down and let the pen glide over the paper.