KATNISS

I looked out into space, my hand holding the fork while chewing on my meat slowly as I kept thinking. Thinking about his lips, soft and luscious. His tongue that tasted me and eyes that had a small hint of hunger. Hunger for me. It made me feel stuff inside me that I never felt before and I somehow liked it. Just like that time Peeta had leaned into my body and showed me how to make a flower. At that time, I felt uncomfortable and almost a bit scared. It wasn't him, but it was those feelings that made me uneasy. The thought of safeness, and relief. Like I didn't have to fight this so-called life, anymore. I haven't felt like that since... my father was-

"Katniss?" Prim's little head popped up in my view with a raised eyebrow and I shook my head in shock before meeting my sister's eyes.

"Yeah?"

"What's wrong with you? I've called your name like five times."

"Are you getting sick? Your face is all red, and you look tired..." Our mother added, standing up to take her dirty plate to the sink.

"No, no. I'm sorry." I stutters, feeling my face burn even more. "I was just gone in thoughts-"

"Why didn't we have any bread today?", Prim asks suspiciously. "Have you stopped working at the bakery?" I can't remember when Prim got so curious. Or just hungry. She has definitely grown bigger since winter and Prim actually looks healthy and beautiful with full rosy cheeks and meat on her thighs. I want to make sure she stays like that all her life.

"No- no I don't think so, at least. I'm still working." I ramble, suddenly remembering that only eight hours ago I had tasted my boss, the faint taste of cigarettes and cinnamon still lingering on my lips. Is it getting hot in here?

"Aren't you tired, Katniss?" My mother suddenly asks and I lift my head to my mother with a surprised face. Shocked even. My mother can't even look into my eyes, a layer of guilt on her face.

"What?"

"You don't even go to school anymore. You always work and provide for us. To save us from.."

"And?" I ask, offended. Knowing where this conversation will lead to. Already boiling with anger. Prims shifts into her chair uncomfortably, her eyes never leaving her plate. "It suddenly turns into a problem now, when I've turned sixteen?"

"Not a problem, a solution." My mother finally stares back at her daughter and it makes me uneasy. "You're finally sixteen. You can rest-"

"Rest?" I can't listen to this anymore. The reasonable voice in me tries to calm me down. My mother has been raised thinking this was right and she just wants me to have a nice life too with a husband, instead of her, providing for her family. But she doesn't understand me. I don't want marriage or kids. I am already tired feeding five mouths.Hiding myself from the abuse that could come that I already am used to by my father's hand. Imagine more than that, because there was no way in hell a miner could provide enough. How could my mother be so blind? "I have to pop out children after, at least a year, and feed them too, so where the hell is my rest after that-"

"Katniss!" Prim interrupted angrily with a tone that warned me to be careful with my words. Because one wrong sentence and our mother would go straight to bed and maybe never come out again. Then father would return and take it out on them. So I took a deep breath with closed eyes as our mother pleaded.

"Please, Katniss. Think about it, at least for me. I want you to feel free, not locked up here with us." My heart almost breaks into two pieces hearing my mother's guilty voice and regret fills my body. I shouldn't have screamed like that. My mother just wanted the best for her daughter. A life she doesn't want me to have as the life she did. and even if I disagree with her, I still nod.

"I promise I'll think about it."

~

The next morning I was so tired. Of course, I was, she hadn't slept a minute. All I could think about is Peeta. Peeta Mellark. The beautiful baker. So beautiful and handsome and ugh my stomach rolls and a pulse sends to my most private parts when thinking about the kiss because it was so amazing. Not even my mother's request bothered my mood. I rolled on my bed and clenched my eyes, a big smile playing on my lips as I covered my face with my hands. There was sudden rustling beside me. I remove my hands and see Lupus looking at me.

"What? Can't I be happy, boy?" I ask and rustle his head. He jumps up on my bed and lays on top of me. I roll my eyes and pet his fur with a happy sigh.

I never thought in my life that a crush would turn into this. And I was so excited to show up to the bakery and tell him that I had thought this through and that I could keep this a secret from everyone I knew. That I was willing to lie for him.

When did I become like this?

When I woke up, I wanted to sleep more. My whole body was heavy and every cell in me wanted me to close my eyes again. Then my thoughts from the night continued and as if someone filled me with adrenaline, my eyes became wide and I sat up immediately. Lupus stirring from his place beside me. Not a single trace of sleepiness left.

I walked to the bakery like I had done almost every day in three weeks, only this time my thoughts weren't filled with bread. I was excited to meet Peeta and my hands started to shake when I finally saw the building.

"Katniss." I stop and look to my left. I didn't expect to see him and I raised both my eyebrows in surprise.

"Gale." The hunter walks towards me with a small smile, scratching his neck like he did when he was nervous. It makes my heart break a little when thinking about our friendship turning into this. Weird and awkward. We were best friends. Now we don't even see each other anymore. "What are you doing here?"

"Y'know, just trading around. Was just at the bakery. You work there, right?"

"Y-yeah." I stammer, putting a sling of hair behind my ear. It felt weird to think that Peeta and Gale met without knowing our status to the other. "I do. Mother told me she gave some bread to Hazel."

"Yeah, it was good. You baked it?" I look into his eyes to see if he's serious, but he gives me a big grin that infects me. We both laugh at Gale's lame joke.

"No, of course not. I would've burned the whole district down if I tried." I said after. Gale nods agreeing, making us laugh some more.

"Well, I better get going. Give the brats at home some breakfast." Gale lifts the iconic white-beige bakery bag. "The baker gave me a lot for some rabbits. He's in a good mood. Probably because of his girlfriend. She was there." I stills, my smile disappearing as fast as it came and I stopped to breathe. Did I hear right?

"What?" I almost whispered.

"His girlfriend was there. Y'know, the blonde one."

~

"Mr. Mellark?" I almost screamed when opening the door to the bakery, with wide eyes and heavy breathing as Peeta looked at me with shocked eyes, not understanding my alarmed state. He held a cup in his hand, probably tea, but put it down in confusion.

"Katniss, is everything alright?" he asks worried but I don't listen. My eyes wander to the woman leaning against the counter, with her own cup in her hands. A blonde, curvy lady with a body belonging to a woman and not a kid . With eyes ice blue and skin pale as a doll, like snow even. Her head is leaned a bit on the side, looking at me with a soft, confused face and I already notice that the women don't look down at me like any normal merchant does. Even if the lady just stood there, kindness seemed to pour out of every pore from her. Great, she is beautiful and seems kind too.

For a second, I accept that I have lost Peeta to the beautiful woman in front of me. I don't even feel sad. How could I, when I looked like this compared to a beauty like her?

But the thought disappears as fast as it came. Anger and adrenaline flowing in my body again when thinking about Gale's words. Even if I had, so-called "lost" to this woman, it wasn't the ladies fault. It was Peeta's, because how could he have kissed me and comforted her while being in a relationship? How could he possibly-

"Katniss, this is Delly." Peeta finally says with a soft voice after quiet seconds, noticing the tension in the air and my rude glaring. "My childhood friend. Don't you remember her?"

Like a ball, the air seemed to leak out of my head with a sound, making me feel so painfully stupid. My face turns into a deep shade of red, eyes wide in shock as Delly waves to me with a genuine smile.

"I remember you! Little 'ol Katniss Everdeen. Peeta told me someone's working for him now. I didn't realize it's you! You've grown up!"

"Y-yes." I managed to say, trying to calm myself down while fidgeting in my place. "Good to see you.."

~

"I have two children, Keely and Kara, they are 7 and 4." I took the picture from Delly's hand, admiring her equally pretty children as the blond woman kept talking. "They have my nose, but their eyes are definitely their fathers. Here, a picture of Keveen. My husband. Look, aren't they similar?" I took the second picture, comparing the children with Delly's husband as I nodded happily, not having time to even question why she has so many pictures on her, to begin with.

"They're very pretty, Delly." I said, still not used to use the first name with her, but Delly insisted. "They look more like you than your husband, though." Delly lights up.

"Right?! I keep telling Keveen but he insists-"

"Delly, would you please not withhold my only help in this bakery?" Peeta suddenly screams from the door, both of us girls starting to laugh at his desperate voice. Peeta was stressed and I could hear customers all the way from the kitchen, screaming their orders to Peeta who baked in the backroom. I should've felt guilty for not helping, but Delly forced me to drink some tea and to chat. It was rude not to work, but even more rude to decline. Especially after the weird staring contest I had with her this morning.

"I should get going. Mr. Mellark needs my help."I stood up.

"Oh, you're right. I'm sorry, it's hard to keep my mouth shut, especially when it's about my girls, they are just so-"

"Delly!" Peeta screams once again and I laugh when she cringes.

"Sorry! Okay, I'm leaving now, but you and I should definitely hang out more often! You're all grown up!" Delly gives me a hug after I agree, leaving me alone in Peeta's old kitchen.

It really is easy for Merchants, I think, still smelling the perfume that Delly wore. Sweet and rosy. Delly probably got married, had kids and everything whenever she felt ready and not right after her 16th birthday. No pressure at all. And look at her now, so in love with both her children and husband. When would the Seams learn?

I shake my head and head for the counter.

~

The rest of the morning goes by fast. After Delly left, I had been taking orders one after the other, accepting the painful screams that filled my ears when writing down people's requests. My head throbs like it has done every day for three weeks since I started working here, but I never seem to get used to it. Children wail, the elderly complain and the younger is a mix of both. But I don't complain.

I don't, because every time I walk out of the bakery with a loaf of bread and proud of my accomplishment. I worked hard and I deserved it.

But today it isn't bread I yearn for. No, it's the exact same thing that had me up all morning and night that drives me to work hard today. How many times I had played it in my head. When I'll look him in the eye and say I want to be with you. Or is that too cheesy? Maybe I should be laid back, but no that would be awkward what the hell why is this so difficult?

But right now, there is a line in front of me, waiting for their bread, an argument in my head and Peeta who keeps placing bread under the glass by the counter, but never looking at me once before going back to bake some more. And damn it's an annoying combination because I want at least a look from him, like a sign that tells me that he still wants this and that he isn't angry. Maybe he is angry at me? For glaring at Delly and later talking to her all casual instead of helping him-

"Hello, two loaves please!" a young man suddenly asked with anger and defense in his voice, making me wake up again.

"Y-yes, sorry." I stutter in shame, my cheeks turning red as I lean down to prepare a plastic bag.

One hour later goes by fast and it's eleven-thirty, I am done for the day. It's lunchtime soon, so the bakery is empty for now. If it was a normal day, Peeta would've come up to me, let me choose the bread I wanted, place it in a plastic bag and thank me for my hard work before I left. But instead, I play with my fingers and listen carefully at Peeta's movements in the backroom. Waiting on something to happen. Waiting for him to come up to me and say something .

I suddenly felt childish, sitting here and waiting. It reminds me of when my mother forced me to shower, so I just sat there on her bed and waited for my mother's second attempt to force me. And it doesn't make things much better when Peeta kept reminding me yesterday that I'm just sixteen and so young. I'm not a kid, so I shakes my head and stands up to go to the backroom-

I collided with something soft, and both me and the baker let out a surprised sound. I glance up and feel blood fill my face when blue wide eyes look down at me and the fact that the 'something soft' was his chest, so warm and solid under my palms, makes me dizzy. Nervous and high and it bothers me because how can he do that to me? How can he vex me so much with just his eyes and touch?

"Mr. Mellark..." I managed to say with a weak, apologetic voice. Yet, I don't move from my place and neither does Peeta, a smile growing on his lips that makes my heart stop.

"Katniss..." Every word I was about to say, what I had planned the whole night, left my head from my ear like air. The little confident I even had followed with it and I was standing there vexed. Looking up at him like he was to the sun I worshiped, the air I breathed, the man I wanted.

Peeta let his hands cover my own that rested on his chest, leaning down slowly so our foreheads rested on each other and I could see how his eyes glanced at my wet lips hungrily. The baker swallowed before opening his mouth.

"Have you been thinking?" He doesn't move his eyes from my lips, as I let my tongue wet them again. I nod.

"Yes." He hums playfully and as I think Peeta is about to kiss me, he takes a step back, taking me with him. It's then I realized that we stood on the threshold and that if anyone walked in they would notice us right away.

Before I could think, Peeta closes the door and presses my body against it with his own and does the same with his lips.

I let out a moan, a mix of surprise and excitement from Peeta's eager and hungry lips that makes me feel wanted, a shiver running down my spine. Every worry I had since yesterday died when I was with him. The thoughts that ate me this morning are long gone.

He wasn't angry at me, this whole thing wasn't one-sided. He wanted me, his lips said it all.

"Mr. Mellark." I whisper with closed eyes as his hand lands on my waist and the other behind my head, a shield from the hard surface of the door.

He captures me once again and I kiss him back with as much eagerness as him. Remembering the last time, I opened my mouth and let out sounds as weak and fragile as I felt when his tongue caressed my own. Several shivers run down my body and all the way down to my private parts, and it makes me more unsteady than I already am.

"Then what's your answer?" I let out a giggle against Peeta's smiling lips, a sound I had never heard before. A sound filled with happiness.

I really felt happiness. I always do with Peeta. It's odd and amazing and my stomach keeps reminding me with jolts.

"I think you know what my answer is." I whispers, before leaning in to kiss him again.

~

The next day, Peeta asks me to stay for lunch.

"I usually close at 12 then open again after one hour. I always manage to cook something fast to eat." he says as I put on my apron. I just arrived and my heart is already pounding, cheeks pink and body hot. I find it so unfair that he looks so composed and put together, leaning against the counter with crossed arms while I look like I'm ten seconds from exploding. I tie the band around my waist, trying to ignore his arm muscles that just look so good when crossed like that.

"I'd love to." I managed to say, proud that my voice comes out strong, a smile popping up too. I need to calm down. It's just lunch . "I can work the last half hour too." I finish at eleven-thirty, so might as well help when I can.

He gives me a smile.

"Sounds good."

The rest of the morning goes by, the same old customers come in. Same old screaming that makes my head throb and same old orders. But I only think of lunch with Peeta as I force smile after smile and it all seems so worth it then.

Just like yesterday, Peeta keeps baking and placing the loaves under the glass by the counter before going back to baking again. The only time I really see him. And even today he doesn't look at me, not a glance or look that whispered of our new relationship or our little secret. I realized that Peeta kept work and private life separate. The baker wasn't angry or ignoring me like I thought yesterday. He only gave his everything to this bakery and didn't let distractions bother that. I like it.

Peeta really loves this bakery.

The clock is twelve. Peeta places a sign against the door that reminds the people he's gone for lunch before we both go to the kitchen.

I know this kitchen is linked with too many happy and also bad memories for me, yet it's a place of safety. Looking at it casually, the orange curtains and the worn chairs gave the room a cozy and happy feeling that almost screamed 'typical home'. The smell of cinnamon and Peeta made it even better and it looked like being in the kitchen was much preferable than the living room. And it showed. The floor creaked under them and the wooden cabins were old and worn. Maybe that's what made it look so safe. Knowing that people actually had been here, compared to the rest of Peeta's house. Empty as it is.

"Would you like a stew with beef or...?" Peeta asks when I sit down on the chair I have claimed as my own the many times I have been here.

"Uhm..." I think. I've never eaten beef before. What if I wouldn't like it? Then I had to eat the meat without enjoying it, and also, wasting it. "How about a simple soup? With bread?" Peeta raises an eyebrow, maybe the first time hearing someone chose soup over beef, but smiles anyway.

"Whatever you say."

Before I start to overthink (What should I say? Should I help him, or set the plates? Where are the plates anyway? I should ask, but he's busy!), Peeta talks over his shoulder.

"Remember the cake we made?" I look at his back surprised, his hands working over the vegetables he's about to cut.

Of course I remember, it's the only cake I have ever made. "You can't believe how happy they were." I lits up, my eyes wide as I clamp my hands together.

"Seriously? What did they say?"

"That the whole thing was beautiful." I let out several happy laughs as Peeta chuckles. "The idea and the colors. Everything." I light up in happiness and my whole body tingles with it. They had worked hard on the cake and it got noticed.

"That's amazing! Mr. Mellark, we make such a good team." Peeta agrees, and I, who felt so happy that our customer liked the cake, didn't feel as awkward anymore. I ask him where the plates are, and he shows me, pointing with the knife.

We talk as I make it nice on the table, about how hard it is to make edible flowers and how practice makes perfect. We both know about that very well, and my heart races when realizing that we have something in common.

When the soup is done, we still keep talking and I am sure that I have never talked so much in my life. It's about everything, from the weather to childhood memories, and Peeta even mentions briefly while dipping the bread in the soup that he had it rough as a kid. He doesn't say much more, and I feel guilty because I already know that. Madge words from several weeks ago echoed in my mind and a part in me felt like I had snooped in Peeta's life without consensual. But he kept the conversation going, and soon I laughed loudly when he told a story about Delly getting scratched by a cat for gripping its tail.

"Shit!" Peeta suddenly shouts, standing up and I do too, glancing at the wall where his eyes stuck. "I should've opened by now." Yes, he should've. The clock said 1:20, and I stood confused by the table while Peeta took both our plates and placed it by the sink with hurried motions. Before I know it, a small quick kiss lands on my lips and my face turns into a deep shade of magenta when the baker gives me a smug smile.

"It was nice with the company. I hope you'll stay for lunch tomorrow too." I didn't dare to open my mouth, so I just nodded stupidly and childish, making the baker chuckle. He gives me a kiss more, then leaves me in the kitchen. "Don't forget to take some bread. You worked well today." He says over his shoulder.

I nod again, even if he isn't there, and place both my hands on my cheeks to cool myself down.

~

"I wish I had a brother-in-law..." Prim pouts when we eat dinner and I glare at my sister angrily. I look at my mother, waiting for a response but only sees in our mother's eyes that she wants it too.

I swallow the dry food in my mouth and we keep eating in silence again.

~

It's been about a week since I saw Madge, so the next day, after the amazing lunch with Peeta and the awful dinner with my family, I see my best friend walking by the bakery with hurried steps. Since the morning rush was over, and there were no customers in line, I sneaked up to the door hurriedly and opened it, the warm spring winds rolling into the bakery and mixed with the bread-scented air.

"Madge!" I tried to scream quietly with my head sticking out, afraid that Peeta would hear me. Even if we had this secret between us, he was still my boss after all.

The mayor's daughter turns her head by the sound of her name, and I am surprised when I don't see the typical smile on her face. Madge turns around and walks up to me, while I step outside and close the door behind me.

"Madge is everything alright?" I ask, walking down the three small steps by the door to meet with the girl.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." she says. But she doesn't look fine. Her already big eyes were slightly bigger, her mouth in one thin line and her whole body language told how she was elated and upset. Eager almost, and I didn't like that she lied. "Just...problems at home, you know..." she answered like she had read my mind. Avoiding eye contact.

"I'm sorry to hear that..." I said, really feeling sorry. I grab her hand. "If there is anything I can do, just let me know." Madge nods, placing a blonde sling behind her ear before turning around to leave. A part of me doesn't believe her, but I feel like I don't have the right to not to. I have been a bad friend, after all. It has gone a week since I talked to Madge, and it never occurred to me that I should be the one to visit her sometimes, to be the one to take the initiative and not poor Madge.

With a heavy stone in my stomach, I turn around and walk back to the bakery.