Julie woke up early the next morning. She could see the sun barely poking through the curtains. She looked over at Harry who was still sound asleep next to her. She moved a piece of hair from his face. Tears filled her eyes immediately. How was she going to do all this on her own? Well, she had Amanda, but she wouldn't have Harry. The week she spent in LA without him, when he wasn't speaking to her, had been so difficult. No one knew just how difficult. She had felt lost. She had felt the person who finally made her feel like she was worth a future was gone. She hadn't known how to deal with that. Now, she felt like she was starting to hold on to something else too tightly, but she didn't want him to go. She had to get a grip. She ran her fingers softly over his cheek. She didn't take her eyes off his face. She took her other hand and wiped the tear that spilled onto her cheek. She knew he had to go. She knew it all, but her heart was breaking. She didn't want him to go. She wanted him to cast that safety net she felt when she was with him. She wanted to stay in it. She didn't want to deal with all of it without him. She knew she was being unreasonable, and she was being that emotional girl she had tried so hard not to be. But he made her feel so much. She sighed and leaned down and kissed his cheek softly. She whispered, "I love you, more than I can ever show." She wasn't going to be able to sleep anymore. Not with the thought of him leaving at the forefront of her mind. She got up and packed her bags; she picked up Harry's hoodie, held it up and took in its scent. She took it with her and went to take a shower, hopefully he wouldn't mind.

Harry rolled onto his back when he heard the bathroom door close and the shower turn on. He had been awake the whole time. He had felt her move his hair and stroke his cheek. He'd heard her when she said she loved him more than she could show. He could feel her staring at him. This had been a great but emotional week. He wasn't sure how this goodbye was going to go. He didn't know which way he would rather it be. Would it be best if she pushed the feelings aside harder like she did yesterday afternoon, or would it be best if she showed the emotion like she showed in the morning yesterday? He wasn't sure. Part of him wished they would have decided on taking a longer break between the last tour and this new tour. But how could he have known it would go like this? She pushed him away so much at the beginning, and then she slowly started to let him in. She'd let him see parts of her that no one else had ever gotten to see. She pulled back quickly most of the time, but she let him see more than anyone else. When she ran after Thanksgiving, he had never felt so much pain in his heart. It was like she had taken part of it with her. Wow, it was crazy. He felt like he needed to protect her. Now, more than ever. Who would have thought she would completely break down at the thought of him just leaving for tour? And the tour wasn't even for another month. He would figure it out as soon as he got back to London. When he could see her again. He was afraid if they couldn't figure it out, she would start to go back behind her wall, that she would shield her heart again. He couldn't let that happen. He looked over at the bathroom door when he heard it open. He smiled as she came out in his hoodie. She looked adorable in the oversized grey hoodie. "Nice hoodie." He said to her as he leaned up on his elbow.

"Thanks. Smells like safety." She said putting her things in her bag. She hoped he understood. She slowly walked over to the bed when he sat up on the edge of it. She walked between his legs and pulled her hands into the cuffs of the hoodie, and placed them on the sides of his neck. "Hi."

"Hi." He said wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his head in her chest. "Good morning." He stayed that way a moment and then pulled back and looked at her. "That hoodie looks better on you. You should keep it."

"Yeah? How about I just keep it safe for you, for when you come back?" She said looking into his eyes.

"I'm coming back for something much better than a hoodie, baby." He wiped the tear that slid onto her cheek. "Still having a hard time?"

She bit her lips and tried to push back the tears. She couldn't answer right away. She tried to steady herself first. "Yeah, every minute it gets closer to you walking out that door, and every minute it gets harder. I can't explain it. And honestly I feel ridiculous for feeling this way."

"I wish you would stop being so hard on yourself. As soon as I get back to London, I will figure out when I can come back. Or when we can bring you to me. Baby, I know it's not the same, but I'm only a phone call away. You can call me anytime you need me." He said looking at her face.

"I know." She said stepping back and turning around. She wiped her cheeks with the cuffs of the sweater. "I already told you I feel ridiculous. I'm fine." She walked back to her bags and started putting the last of the things into them.

Harry sighed. "Come on. Don't do that. Please."

"I'm fine. You should go shower. You don't have long before you have to leave." Julie said. She started to put some of his things into his bag for him. She needed to stay busy. She was going insane. There was no way that she should feel this strongly about him going back to London. She didn't like it. Not one bit.

"Julie, don't hide." Harry said watching her. "And I can pack my bag, baby."

"I'm fine, really. And I can. I'm already done, might as well do something while you're in the shower." She said. She kept her back towards him.

Harry sighed again. "Ok, I'm going to shower, but we're not done with this." He said as he walked into the bathroom with his things. Yep, it was hard; the struggle she was going through internally was obvious. She didn't know how to react. He could see it, feel it. He never thought the hardest part would be going back to do his job. What he loved. But he loved her too. He never had that before. Not with someone outside of his family. He'd never had that person he didn't want to leave at all. The one he wanted around at all times. He saw the other guys go through relationships on the road, but he'd never had one that lasted through it. He felt their struggle now. He shook his head. This was going to be difficult. He hoped that she didn't build that wall up again. He got into the shower and let the warm water engulf his body. He hoped this week was just the beginning of the good things to come.

After Julie packed Harry's bag, she took both hers and his to the front door. The guys had to leave a little before the girls. The girls had later flights. They had decided to say their goodbyes here instead of the airport to make things a little less stressful. She looked up when she heard Amanda say her name. "Good morning." She blinked back a couple of tears and then turned and looked at her.

"Good morning. I see you're all packed." Amanda said. She honestly didn't know what to say. She wasn't looking forward to the goodbyes. She didn't know how JJ would react either.

"Yeah, all packed." Julie said. She didn't really know what to say either. She stood there a minute and then walked over to the kitchen. She was going to start a cup of coffee but found herself standing at the counter deep in thought.

Amanda could tell Julie was internalizing and struggling with something. She walked up behind her stood on her toes and leaned her head on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around her waist. "I know you're struggling. I wish you would let me in."

Julie took a deep breath. "I know, Panda. I just can't grasp feeling like this. I can't be so emotional about him just going to do what he's always done. They walk out that door in like what? An hour? Maybe less. And when do we see them again? I've never worried about it before, and now, that's all I seem to do. Like I'm now so afraid of losing something, I'm freaking out over things I've never freaked out about before."

"JJ, your boyfriend is leaving, for who knows how long. To another country. Trust me, I know the feeling. I think you may be allowed to be sad about it." Amanda said standing back down on her feet and turning JJ around to her.

"Yeah, well you aren't freaking out." Julie said going back to making the coffee.

Amanda sighed. Going back to being busy. Old habits. "Give me time. Plus, I can allow you to be emotional for once. I can be the voice of reason."

Julie turned and gave Amanda a sideways look. "Really? In this relationship, you're the voice of reason?"

"Ok, maybe not most of the time. But seems sometimes I'm going to have to be now, since it's no longer going to be your full-time job." She walked up and hugged JJ again.

"I'm not that girl. I'm just not." Julie said hugging Amanda quickly but then going back to the coffee.

"Oh, JJ. Stop being so damn stubborn. It's ok to love someone so much that it makes you sad they're leaving." Amanda said sitting at the counter. "Just deal with it."

"Shut up, Panda." Julie said taking out four mugs. "I hate you."

"Yes, yes love, I hate you too." Amanda shook her head. Oh, what fun this was going to be once they got back home.

Niall walked out of the bedroom with the bags for him and Amanda. "Wait, you're having a hate fest and you didn't wait for me?" He set the bags by the door and walked over to Amanda wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"Sorry Niall. Was a girl's hate fest this morning." Julie said setting coffee on the counter for all of them.

"Hate fest?" Harry said walking out of the bedroom. "Can't we just all be about love?" He walked around the counter to Julie. "You know, I'm quite upset with you for carrying those bags out. Can't you just let me do the man thing every once and awhile?" He took a cup of coffee and put his arm around her shoulders.

"Oh Christ," Julie said rolling her eyes. "It's not like we brought the whole world. Little old me even brought them both at once. They have these things on them called wheels. Makes it pretty easy to do."

"So, sassy." Harry said leaning down and nipping at her ear. "I like it." He shook his head and laughed standing back up.

Julie looked at the clock. Jesus, the boys had to leave in like 30 minutes. She was not ready for this. She took her coffee and took a drink. Everything had changed so much. She seriously could not deal with this right now. She was ready to panic. Everything was different. She didn't know how to deal with that. Having Harry here with her gave her that safety and that distraction she needed. Now she had to go back home and deal with all of this alone. She was off of work for two more weeks. She didn't know what she was going to do. She really hated feeling like this. She hated wanting someone around so much. She wanted to go back to feeling ok alone. But she wasn't. Not anymore. Harry made it so she enjoyed having someone around. Someone who would look after her. Someone who would make sure she was ok. Someone who could catch her if she fell. She really wasn't dealing with this well at all. She clenched her teeth, and then realized she was still staring into her coffee mug. She was starting to struggle to catch her breath. "I, um, I think I left something in the bedroom." She set her mug down and hurried to the room. She sat down on the end of the bed and put her head in her hands. God, she didn't want anyone to see her like this. What the fuck was wrong with her? She felt hands on her knees and sensed someone in front of her. She knew it was Harry. She didn't move. She still felt extremely irrational and unreasonable. Nothing he said was going to change that.

"Love, talk to me please." Harry said as he kneeled in front of her. "Yes, Julie." He said as she just shook her head in her hands. "You have to talk to me."

"I just need a minute." She mumbled into her hands.

"Damn it." He said as he stood up and pulled her to him. He stood there and just held her tightly. Her face was still buried in her hands which were all buried in his chest. When he felt her body start to shake, he couldn't take anymore. He moved her back from him a little and moved her hands. He took her cheeks in his hands. "Baby." He kissed her lips and then her cheeks. "You're killing me here." He wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. She wouldn't look at him. She was crying so hard. He couldn't stand to see it. It was a struggle for him to see this much of a reaction from her. He could almost hear her fighting with herself. Fighting against the feelings because she thought it was unreasonable. "Julie, we are going to be fine. Everything is going to be ok." He whispered to her. "I promise you that we will be ok." How could he leave her like this? He now wanted to stay more than ever. At least get her back to LA safely and show her everything was ok there. But he couldn't. He had to be back in London. The band had commitments, but all he wanted to say was fuck no to those commitments. But he couldn't do that either. He had the other guys in the band to think about. "Fuck, I hate this."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Julie said trying to gather in her emotions. "I don't know. I just can't...I'm not sure why this is happening. Harry, I don't want you to go. I don't want you to leave me. I need you. And it's killing me to feel like this."

"I know." He pulled her back into his arms. He closed his eyes and leaned his head on hers. What a change. The first time they'd said goodbye she had been so distant; the times since then had been normal goodbyes. She would say she would miss him, but she never had an emotional reaction. Now, he could hardly recognize her. "I wish I didn't have to. I wish I could stay." He tried to keep his own voice from breaking. He didn't want to make her feel worse, but his emotions were getting the best of him. How could he leave her like this? How could he leave the woman he loved when she needed him most? He didn't want to.

Julie grabbed onto him. She wrapped her arms around him and grabbed his shirt tightly in both hands behind his back. "Stay. Please. Just stay." She broke down sobbing. She didn't even recognize herself. She couldn't seem to help herself though. She didn't want to let him go. "Please Harry. Please don't leave me." She cried.

"Julie." He couldn't help it anymore his eyes filled with tears and his voice was full of emotion. Damn it, he was emotional too just seeing her like this. "I'm not leaving forever. That's what this is, isn't it? You don't think I'm coming back, do you?" He gripped her tighter and pulled her closer to him with his arms around her waist.

"No, that's not it." She once again tried to control her emotions but she couldn't seem to let go of the tight grip she had on him. "Not completely. I'm scared. I'm scared of going through this alone. What happens when I go back to LA? Back to my old life? Away from here, without you? When I have nothing but time to think about everything. What happens then? I don't have you to hold me, to make me feel safe, to make me feel like I belong, that I'm loved and deserve to have a future. What happens then? Do I turn back into the person that everyone hates?"

"Whoa, wait, no one hates you. No one hated you then." He should have known this would be deeper than what was on the surface. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked down at her. "We wanted you to heal, for you. Not for us. I loved you then, just like I love you now. And I will love you tomorrow the same as today, no matter how you heal. The thing about it is, baby, you need to do it for you."

"I need YOU to be able to do it. Don't you see that? If you wouldn't have fought me, if you wouldn't have pushed back, Harry, I would still be closed off in my own little bubble." She threw her hands up to the side. "YOU got me here, and now you're going to be further away than ever. I'm SCARED!" She said as she stepped back from him fully. She hated every part of this but she was honestly petrified.

"No! Don't shut me out." He watched her start to close back up. He could almost see it. He could almost see those walls building back up around her. "Julie, don't, please." He reached his hand out and grabbed one of hers. "Don't pull back from me. Don't hide from me. I have to go back to London now. I know you know that. But that doesn't mean I won't be there fighting WITH you every step of the way." He took a step closer. "I love you, and don't you ever forget that." He said lifting her chin and kissing her lips gently. He leaned his forehead against hers. "We are the best team. And this is just another step through our journey together." He wrapped his arms around her and held her. She didn't say anything else, but he felt her slowly start to relax a little.

"I'm sorry." She said as she finally stepped back from him again a few minutes later. "I'm so sorry." She had a bit more control over her emotions again.

"Don't be. It's not a bad feeling to know someone wants you around." He said as he kissed her again.

"You're going to be late now. Let's get you going." She took his hand and walked with him out to the front. She didn't want to break down anymore. She couldn't handle the intensity. When she saw Amanda crying in Niall's arms by the door, she stopped. Christ, she couldn't handle that either. She hated the emotions. She hadn't felt them in so long it was like a flood, and she was unable to control them. She took a deep breath and looked up at Harry. "I can't do this. Like, I seriously cannot handle all of this."

"Yes, you can." He said as he put on his jacket. Niall must have loaded all of the bags already. "You can, and you will." He leaned down and kissed her. "I love you. I will talk to you soon. We've got this baby. I keep telling you that, and I still believe it."

"Ok, just go. Please. I can't do this again today. Just go before I beg you to stay again." She fought the tears again. After a minute of fighting them, she reached up and kissed him fully and deeply. "I love you, too. So much." She kissed him again and then walked away. She couldn't take it anymore. She seriously felt like she was losing her mind. She shouldn't need him to stay this much. She turned back and looked at him when she heard the door open. She closed her eyes and dropped her head to her chest when he walked out. What the fuck was wrong with her. "Harry!" She yelled out as she ran to the door and out and straight to him wrapping her arms around his neck as he turned around. "I love you. I'm going to miss you, please don't stay away long."

Harry squeezed her tightly and picked her up. "I will be back with you as soon as I can be. And until then, we will make it work. I love you, too." He set her down. He watched her nod, and he put his hand on her cheek when she reached up and kissed him again. He watched her step back and wave as she walked back into the cabin. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to follow her right back in there. He sighed and turned to Niall who was kissing Amanda goodbye one more time. He saw Amanda in tears, and he had to go now or he would never leave. "Come on Niall." He said as he got in the car. He wiped the tear off his cheek as Niall got in. What the fuck. All these emotions were hard to deal with, and he wasn't even afraid of them. The things Julie must be going through. He looked at his phone when he heard his text notification. He smiled. It was from Julie. It said: "Already one minute closer to the time I get to see you again. Love you, H. xoxo J." It made him happy. He text her back: "One minute closer to being back in the only arms I want to be in....forever. Love you, J. xoxo H." He took a deep breath of relief and sat back for the ride.

You should go check out kissable_brits when you have a chance!  Take a read of Promising Memiors!

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