Sh!t, our second fight was intense. I'm gonna make you relive it because I really got pissed off about this. Sorry :)

I stayed in America for two weeks one time, the longest I'd ever stayed since moving out from Tucker's house, so it was a pretty big trip for me. I planned to stay at Tucker's house at that time, but you wanted me to stay at yours instead. You promised we would go on a ton of dates, play Call of Booty all night every night, cuddle together in your big king-sized bed. I remember getting hella jealous and angry because you wouldn't spend time with me when I actually arrived. Coincidentally, as soon as I got there, something big happened with your Fortress Fury game and you immediately had to drop everything to focus on it. You spent nearly all day on your computer doing vids and streams, and then you'd leave to work on your fortress game with a whole network of other cute nerdy guys. You know where I'd be during all of that? At home. Waiting. Watching Netflix and waiting on you to come back.

Okay, I'm still kinda bitter over the whole thing still. But anyway, one of those days I didn't stay home and I went out for Boa. Our favorite restaurant in all of LA. Our special place.

I drive an hour there, I order by phone on the way to the place, I get there a few minutes later. The waiters get me a table in the back, I sit down, I scroll on my phone for awhile as I waited for my food.

And then I heard your laugh.

At first, I thought I was losing my mind or going through Jordan withdrawal. I looked up and around the place, and guess what? You were there, in the main back where you thought nobody could see you, having lunch with another cute guy looking you down like you were ducking Jesus himself.

I lost my sh!t.

Internally, of course. But on the outside I remained calm, stood up, and walked over to the table. The guy you were sitting with was nobody I had seen before, but judging by the nerd glasses and the expensive looking clothes, he was one of those damn game developers you were always hanging around with. He wrapped some spaghetti on his fork and raised it up to you, nearly flush against your lips. I froze when your eyes twinkled and you opened your mouth to eat it. I remember my thoughts and how much it hurt when you consented to this man flirting with you at our restaurant, our special place.

I closed the rest of the distance between me and the table. For ten seconds, neither noticed me. And then he looked up. And then you looked up.

You looked the word and definition of guilty. You opened your mouth to maybe say some crap excuse, but nothing ever came out. The piece of sh!t across from you just stared at me and raised one of his stupidly well-groomed eyebrows.

"Um, are you our waiter?"

"No," I remember hissing. "I'm not."

"Oh, thank goodness. I thought for a second that the staff actually had to wear that." He pointed at my stained grey sweatshirt and my yoga pants. I wanted to rip him apart. I envisioned ways to murder him, torture him, choke him to death with the plate of spaghetti he had been feeding you.

But instead, I started crying. I left shortly after I began. You didn't chase after me. You never called. You didn't even send me a text to ask if I was okay.

At nearly nine in the evening, you came home. I was in the bathroom floor, still crying. It was my favorite place to cry, your bathroom rugs are strangely comforting. You knocked on the door, but I didn't answer.

It went on like that for two days.

I didn't leave the bathroom. You put a plate of food under the door but I always shoved it back and screamed at you to go away. Sometimes you did, and sometimes you'd stay by the door for hours at a time, just silently waiting for me to come out. I could hear your snores on both nights. I didn't move from that damn floor for two days, and didn't drink or eat a single thing while doing so.

On the third day, you broke the knob and opened the door. I didn't have the energy to fight you off or say any protest as you picked me up and carried me bridal style into the bedroom, where you laid me on the bed and covered me up. You put on Z-Wars and laid a tray of food by the bed. Then you left, and you didn't come back until the next day. I think you slept on the couch. I'm still not sure. I was exhausted.
I ate, reluctantly. Drank my water and watched the movie. I cried a little. I slept a lot. It was boring. When you came in, I pretended to be asleep, but I don't think you bought it because you started talking to me.

"He was nobody. I swear on my life, he was nobody. He's a snotty game funder and I needed funds for the game. His only condition was to go out for lunch. Erin told me I needed to flirt a little, so maybe he'd be more up to giving us money. It was a mistake. I'm sorry."

"You didn't tell me."

"I know. I should have. I'm so sorry about all of this."

"I hate you."

"You can hate me. It's justified. Just don't think that I cheated on you. I would never do that. I love you so much. I feel god awful, Tommy."

"You should."

"Forgive me?"

"Screw you."

"What can I do to help make this better? I'll do anything. I love you." You put your hand on my hip, and I was trembling. I think it scared you. "I'm so sorry, god, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was this bad, Tommy. I mean, I knew you weren't eating much, but-"

"You have no idea how much I want to break up with you."

I heard your heart break. It was a delicious feeling at the time, but now I just feel sick thinking about it. "Th-that's fine. It's fine if-if you do...I deserve it."

"Hell yes you do."

This was the part that absolutely broke me in two. I heard a large thump. When I opened my eyes you were on your knees in the floor, hands clutching one of my own in a death grip. Your eyes were filled with tears. It was the first time I'd ever seen you cry and it was terrifying.

"Please. Don't. I'll do anything, Tommy. I'll quit my channel and Twitch and Fortress Fury, please just stay with me-"

"Woah. Okay, I don't want you to close down your entire career. Jesus. Just take off for one week, will you? And stay home with me? That would nice."

The frantic nods of your head were adorable and at the same time soul crushing. "Anything. I'll do anything for you."

I didn't know you loved me that much. Your channel and fortress fury game meant a lot, I knew. But I didn't think that you would give all of that up just for me. Just to make me stay.

"I love you," you said to me, even after all the sh!t I put you through. "More than anything else in my life."

I wasn't sure what to say, as guilty as I felt. But I remember saying I love you and something along the lines of you're an idiot, Jordan, but I still love you.

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