Krysten's POV

6:30am.

Nothing is different.

I'm still lying awake on my bed for a couple of hours now.

Staring at the same old white ceiling while the silence begins deafening my ears. The room's atmosphere was carrying a weighty load of depression to the point where it can feel asphyxiating. My blanket was crumpled down on my feet and my hands were deathly rested on my sides. Here I am numb and void. Unmoving.

Mind you, I wasn't always like this. I used to be a joyous carefree girl who knew nothing about the real world. I had loving benevolent parents to protect me. A house with a small playground and a walk-in-castle. Friends to watch movies with. My life was the epitome of perfect.

But little did I know that the world I used to live in, was also the epitome of a perfect fantasy.

Everything that I had experienced, seen or heard. It was all just a disguise.

A beautiful cloak for such a grotesque thing...

What happened to the cloak you presume?

Well, let's just say it slowly but was surely scorched. It was lit by a raven black flame and succumbed to undesirable ashes.

There are only two reasons to what lit that mask...

Time and Fate.

The two most powerful things in the world, but the two most abhorred things as well.

I forced myself out of bed and ran my hand through my onyx black hair. Standing up, my legs wobbled slightly as I used my hands to forcibly push my body up.

I tiredly shuffled to the bathroom as the dark wooden floor creeks from below me.

Another sleepless night, no surprise in that considering I'm all out of sleeping pills. Not only am I all out but I do need to buy pills with a higher dosage.

An exhausted sigh escaped my parted lips as I turned open my bathroom's door. I then faced the mirror on top of my vanity to take a look at myself.

There were two dull blue eyes glaring back at me. Under those eyes were big eye bags, a mark left from being awake the whole night. Her skin emitted a sickly pale colour making it look like she hasn't left the house to greet the sun.

That last thought wasn't exactly wrong either.

I tore my eyes from my vanity mirror and stripped off my clothes.

The floor had stains of dried blood which I should clean up later...

I took off my oversized shirt and placed it in the hamper. I looked down on my bloody arm and inspected it.

The blood coating it has dried up, covering half my arm's skin. I may have reopened some of the cuts but that's nothing too big to worry about.

I better hurry and clean this up though. I can't risk an infection... Who'd pay for my hospitalization anyway?

I stripped off the rest of my clothing and quickly jumped in the shower. The razor blade I used was still sitting on my shower's floor. I may have accidentally dropped it last night after the... Routine. I bent over to pick it up and started washing it.

I let the water trickle down the blade and trace my fingers.

Cutting has been a routine for two years now... Maybe even exceeding two years.

It has been my outlet I guess. When there's to much pain in the inside, I have no where to vent it rather than on the outside.

I don't want to hurt anyone so I hurt myself. Better me than them right?

After the razor blade was clean, I closed the glass door of my shower and turned on the shower head. I carefully cleansed my arm, being careful not to make it hurt even more. I could feel it stinging and bringing sharp jolts of pain into my arm. I hissed softly but nonetheless still kept washing it.

I guess I may be kind of used to the pain by now... I mean, like I said, it has been two years now... What's there to feel?

After that wash, I splashed some water on my face like I always do and then started showering.

"Be a good girl Krys, take care of your mommy for me. Okay little sunshine?" He asked me as he held onto his two big suitcases.

It was not new to us that he was leaving. You see, it's a monthly thing. My dad is a business man who travels quite a lot since his customers aren't all from here.

He usually takes half the month to work outside the country and then the other half to work here and spend his time with us. Even though  his travel duration may not be as long as other business men or women who are also going abroad, it doesn't decrease on how much I will miss him.

"Yes daddy, I promise I will take care of momma. I'll miss you so much." My 7 year old self said to him with tears forming in the corner of my eyes.

Waterworks have always been my dad's weakness. He always loved it when I smile or laugh. I tried to stop my tears from escaping my eyes and daddy must've saw my struggle.

He hoisted me up and hugged me tight. I hugged him just as tight as my tears began staining his dark grey shirt. It would be a long time until I will have these hugs from him again. I wish I could go with him.

"Are you sure that I can't come with you? I promise I'll be a good girl!" I attempted to ask him one more time.

He placed me back on the floor and ruffled my long black hair.

"I would love for you to accompany me there my little sunshine, but I'm afraid that you're still a little too young to go with me for work. How about when you're a little bit older?" He told me.

"But dad I-" I pushed but then was abruptly cut off.

"I'll buy you your favorite wooden rocking horse-y?" He bargained with me.

Awwww! No fair! I wanted that for a long time now...

I've been asking him to buy that for me since last year for my birthday but he already chose out a gift for me which I of course, loved.

"Fineee... I want the one with the white glittery hair" I told him while dragging the 'e' of fine.

"Sure Krys, take care of yourself too alright? I love you." He laughed as I gave him a big smile, my tears long forgotten.

Momma and daddy said their final goodbyes and my dad soon brought his suitcases out and gave me and my mom kisses on our foreheads.

"Don't forget your promise sunshine. I'll miss you." He said as he closed the door.

I was supposed to keep my promise. He trusted me.

But I broke his trust...

And his promise.

---

The weather today was definitely not on my side. The sun seems to be golden-ing even more as each day passes. The trees looks fuller and greener compared to their condition a few weeks ago.

Everything was growing and looking livelier as each day passes.

For most people, this is the exemplar of a perfect day.

But then again, when was I like most people?

I tucked my hands inside the pockets of my hoodie as I strode along the sidewalk. The pavement remains stony and arid with little bits of leaves scattered on it. The birds were all blissfully chirping and singing. You could even hear the trees rustle as the wind swooshes by.

Everything just screamed out 'summer'.

They're all reminders. Reminders that in just a few days, I will be constantly reminded of my past, my torment. Summer will be present and will always remind me of how shitty my life is, on how broken everything is, on how painful it all is.

The world always seems to have its back turned against me. Nothing ever goes in the way I want it to go to. It's always the hard way, never the easy one. I like to think of the cruel things I have done in the past, things that I did that did hurt someone real bad. But... Nothing shows up.

I didn't do anything spiteful... So what makes me deserving of this life?

I kicked the rocks on the stony pavement and let out an exhale.

I forced myself to look up in front of me to actually pay attention to my surroundings. More importantly, to see if there is anyone lurking around.

The sidewalks were emptied out aside from a guy walking his pug. He wore a faded red t-shirt paired with some washed out jeans. His black hair was slightly ruffled up and you could see his mouth was up in a smile.

I squinted my eyes to take a closer look at him, his dog was running around in circles and then his lips slightly parted.

That's when it hit me.

He was laughing... His laughter was softened because of the wind but not soft enough for me not to hear it.

This is why I hate going out... He make me envious. I get jealous of the fact that he could smile easily, laugh effortlessly and have a reason to do both of those things.

It make me jealous. He makes me jealous.

I cursed softly and started to pick up my pace, successfully breaking my gaze from him. Damn insomnia, I wouldn't be out here right now if it weren't for those pills.

I wouldn't be feeling envious if I didn't go out...

But I can't help but think of how lucky that guy is... I won't be assuming anything but he should cherish everything he has right now, because when the time comes, even a smile would be hard for him conjure.

I opened the heavy door of the drugstore and headed straight to the counter. I noticed that there was not a single customer in here which definitely worked in my favor.

"Hey Col..." I said to the guy over the counter.

Col or Collin is probably my one and only friend in the world.

We met in this exact drugstore when I was about 15. I had a killer headache at that time thanks to my insomnia so I needed to buy some painkillers, ASAP.

I went to the nearest drug store (which was the one Collin was working in) and bought some painkillers.

Sadly though, there is nothing simple in my life. At that time, I just ran out of apartment in my hoodie so that means I didn't bring any cash with me... I went inside and met Collin whom I asked for some painkillers. I told him my situation and he gave me a pack for free.

Ever since then, he has been my one and only friend. He's more than I could ask for anyway.

"What's up Krysten? You all out again?" He asked me knowingly while leaning on the counter table. I always come here when I need sleeping pills since it needs to be prescribed. I obviously can't afford to go to a doctor right now or I'll have to starve myself for a whole month.

So he has been secretly giving me sleeping pills for the past few months without the need of a prescription. And yes, he does know I'm suicidal since he witnessed it once. But he knows that I wouldn't do it again since I have my reasons to live.

He knows that no matter how many times life would push me down, stomp on me, and make me feel like shit, I would always pick myself up again and again no matter how hard the fall is.

But of course, I can't be that strong which is why I have cuts on my arms. I'm only human, not a super someone.

I need to have moments where I could forget the pain that life is endowing down on me and just make my mind drift some place else... Because if I don't do that.

I will go insane.

"Yeah... I need a stronger dosage. You got anything for me?" I replied.

"I have just the thing for you K. Be careful with these, it knocks you out like a drunk guy passed out on the streets." Collin said as he laughed typing in the little machine.

"Perfect for me then, how much is it for?" I asked him. I brought a good $40 since I know it'll be worth at least that.

The last one I bought costs about $25 for a pack of six. And since I'm buying a higher dosage, it will most probably cost me a higher price.

"Cheapest rate is at $35, I could give it to you for $30 though." He told me, giving me a discount.

Knew it.

"Thanks Collin, I wouldn't know what to do without you." I told him honestly.

It's true. In fact, if he had not saved me from my suicide attempt, I would've been dead right now.

He chuckled and waved me off.

"I'm always here for you K, you're like my little sister." He told me. I could see sincerity reflecting from his brown eyes making me feel a tug on my lips.

I gave him a small genuine smile as he finished typing.

"I'll just get the pills at the back, give me a sec." He said leaving me alone at the counter.

This is why I trust him so much and this is also the reason why I consider him as my brother. We may not be siblings by blood, but my love for him equals the amount of love a sister has for her brother.

He once even asked his parents to adopt me when shit happened but they had trouble financially so they couldn't take me in. I wasn't disappointed to the point that I cry, more like disappointed to the point that I grimaced and lost hope.

My thoughts were then cut short when I heard the light creaking sound of the drugstore's doors opening.

I felt my eyes narrow and the counter started to look interesting. I fixed my hoodie so that the person wouldn't see what I looked like. To say I looked liked shit was an understatement but I wasn't fixing it for that reason. I was fixing it because I don't want anyone asking me if I'm fine or 'what happened?'

I cleared my throat as I sensed him nearing. The person smelt a bit woodsy and clean, kind of what guys smell like after taking a shower and taking a walk in the park...

It's a guy then...

His footsteps were making slight a slight 'shh' sound on the floor making me aware of his distance. I then heard his hands drop on the counter not too far away from me. I let go of the breath I didn't realise I was holding and started drumming my fingers on the counter top.

"Here K, I got it a pack of 6. Drop by next week when you run out. Okay?" Collin finally arrived, showing me the pills.

I raised my head up to make eye contact with him making my hoodie slightly fall back, possibly showing a little bit of my face.

"Thanks Col." I thanked him with a small smile and itched my right arm.

I quietly hissed in pain when I itched the fresh cut I did last night. The store was empty except for the guy who went in and Collin so my hiss was heard in the entire store.

I felt the unknown guys eyes staring at me making me curse at myself.

"Krysten? Did something happen?" Collin asked me as his eyes filled with worry.

"N-No Collin, I just scratched a... Paper cut. All good" I lied to him giving him a bigger smile which probably looked more like a grimace.

Collin narrowed his eyes and glanced on my arm which was currently being gripped by my left hand. He gently but firmly grabbed my wrist and turned it over. I started to struggle from his grip knowing that he would get mad if he lifted my sleeves up.

"Collin stop. I can explain!" I said trying to remove his hand from my wrist but failing miserably.

He remained determined and firm as he raised my hoodie's sleeves slowly and gawked at my arm.

There were cuts and scars criss-crossed all over my right arm, some of the newer cuts were even bleeding. It looked disgusting. I closed my eyes guiltily and a huge sigh escaped my lips.

I felt all eyes on me and I immediately felt insecure. I couldn't even hid in my hood since it fell back from my head while I was struggling to get away from Collin's grip.

"You told me you wouldn't do it anymore Krysten" He told me looking a little bit hurt. He had every right to look hurt.

He trusted me...

I tried to stop it for Col once, but my hand felt strained. It felt as if it was being stretched for too much. And then my chest felt heavier than it used to... So then I resulted to brutally scratching myself.

"I'm sorry Col. It's just that... I can't stop myself." I told him honestly setting my eyes downcast.

He lets out a sigh and nods his head to go at the back once again.

I could see that he was hurt more than he is letting me see. I did tell him that I wouldn't do it anymore but... I really couldn't stop myself.

The stranger took a step closer to me making his shoes click on the tiles. I finally pushed down my insecurities and looked at him.

He looked familiar...

And that's when it clicked.

His tousled black hair, enthralling grey eyes, unblemished olive skin, faded red shirt paired with some washed out jeans...

It was the guy from earlier. The one who was walking his pug. The one who smiled, who laughed.

His captivating eyes held mines captive as he memorized every single detail in my eyes. Every single speckle it carries. Every single feature it holds.

My eyes bored back at his as mines narrowed slightly, trying to unfurl everything his eyes are hiding.

The eyes could tell you secrets and stories your mouth would never speak. It is the perfect source to find ones secrets.

I continued analyzing his eyes but he was too far for me to see his secrets, his stories.

And so I deliberately broke eye contact and looked away for a second, checking if Col's there yet.

After seeing no signs of him here, I turned back at him as his eyes lingered on my face cautiously and then shifted to my arm as a frown tainted his face. I inwardly cringed at the sight and shamefully hung my head low, closing my eyes.

Damn it... I'm about to be given a plate of weird looks. If not that then pity. Both equally annoying.

I heard feet shuffling closer me so I opened my eyes and raised my head up.

I was immediately greeted by two shining grey eyes that had a big sparkle on it. My lungs refused to function as I held my breath in. My eyes were lost in his, never blinking. I started to search for his secrets, maybe hidden sadness or pain? But I found none...

He does have a perfect life...

He gave me a small alluring smile and tucked my lose strand of hair behind my ears.

"You should sit, I saw your legs shaking a little bit from where I was standing." He said as his soft yet rough voice echoed in me... Albeit the envious feeling inside me screamed louder than his voice.

He beckoned to the chair two steps away from me and lead me there to sit. Seeming as there was only one chair, he kneeled on the ground and gave me a bigger smile.

"Better?" He asked me with the smile still plastered on his face.

"Yeah, thanks." I said curtly while giving him a short nod.

He just gave me a smile and looked at his watch.

I didn't mean to sound rude but people whose lives are perfect makes me naturally treat them coldly.

I just find it really hard to be nice to someone who's life is perfect when I'm over here hurting and dealing with a broken family. It all seems unfair how I got dealt with these set of trash cards and how he got dealt with a set of golden cards...

I'm not trying to sound whiny, but it's true.

Col then went to my side and kneeled down in front of me as well. He took out some disinfectants and a bandage to wrap my arm with.

"You know you don't have to do this Col." I said to him, my face instantly softening.

Col doesn't have to do anything for me but his kindness empowers his self. Any person to have him as a friend or family is very lucky.

"I can't leave you like this K. Besides, aren't big brothers, such as myself, supposed to do this?" He told me giving me a smile.

I softly laughed and gave him a small smile.

This guy...

"You know I love you right?" I told him honestly.

It's the truth, he was like a brother I never had.

"I know you do." He said rolling his eyes at me and failing to hide his smile.

I then heard the drugstore's door open and my attention focused on that.

I saw the guy from earlier exiting the store with his hands tucked in his pockets.

I need to apologize...

"Thanks Col, but I'm sort of in a rush." I said as I placed down my sleeves. It was just in perfect time to since he was
done bandaging my arm.

"No worries K. Be careful all right?" He warned me while fixing the first aid kit.

I quickly gave him a hug and grabbed the small paper bag beside me containing the pills. I hurriedly ran out the doors using my left hand to force it open. Looking around, I saw the guy from a while ago holding the leash of his dog while whistling.

He hasn't walked that far away yet which was great.

"Hey!" I yelled at him, loud enough to bring him to a halt. I started making my way towards him. I soon found myself running while trying to catch my breath.

Is this the right thing to do? I guess I was kind of cold to him awhile ago...

He then faced towards me and his charismatic smile then again graced his face.

"Hey, I just wanted to say... Sorry, for my attitude a while ago. I don't really have a welcoming attitude to most people." I told him stumbling on my words a little bit.

I learned two things today, I'm definitely changing since I was able to talk to a person with a happy life without my voice being cold and envious. And running is definitely not for me...

"It's no problem, and uh... I never really got your name. I'm Mikhail." He said introducing himself while raising his hand out for me to shake.

Mikhail? I guess it fits him.

"Oh um. I'm Krysten, it's nice to meet you I guess..." I told him, hesitantly.

I carefully raised my hand up to shake his hand while still having an internal battle on whether or not I should shake his hands. I mean, he is a stranger...

I decided to just go with it and shake his hand. His hand was very warm and big. My hand felt small just by being encased in his.

He let out a small smile and start to let go.

"I actually need be home right now, but it was great meeting you. I hope I'll be seeing you around?" He asked me, smiling.

"Um sure..." I responded falteringly.

I highly doubt he will, I hardly ever go out. Nothing wrong in hoping I guess...

"Great, what do you say we meet here again on Wednesday. Same time. Same place?" He said.

Wait... What is he doing? Is he doing this out of pity? Sympathy? Is he sorry for me?

"Why are you doing this? Is it because you saw the cuts?" I told him coldly, my attitude shifting.

I don't like people who pity me or give me empathy. They make me feel over sensitive, weak and fragile. They make me feel like a pathetic little girl who can't handle a small little problem.

Well, I'm not that girl anymore... I've changed

He laughed at me and smiled softly. His eyes softened as he grabbed a hold of mine.

"They're not just any cuts Krysten, they're battle scars. And I'm hanging out with you because I want to get to know you." He told me seriously.

I looked at him shocked and quite speechless. I quickly composed myself and glared at him.

"I can't understand you. Why would you want to get to know me? A girl who hurts herself?" I asked him with my eyes still narrowed.

But to be honest, I could feel the curiosity filling me. I was anticipating him to have no answer but then he spoke up.

"You're not as closed as you think you are Krysten. I could see that you're hiding some thing behind that façade of yours. And as for why you can't understand me, then maybe you should take the time to." He told me as his small smile begins to warm my insides.

"I'll see you on Wednesday Krysten. Don't do anything stupid." He said as he began to jog away from me with his pug.

Mikhail...

You left me so puzzled, so curious.

I crave for answers but my mind forces me not to...

Curiosity did kill the cat...

But satisfaction did bring it back.

.

.

.

I think we all know my answer...

Author's Note

Hey guys! Hope you guys are enjoying Chapter One. I will try to publish once or twice a week depending on my schedule since this is a kinda tight month.

Anyways, I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions of this book so don't be shy to type it :)

Until the next chapter. Take care!