Marietta, GA

Ava ruffled Trevor's bright copper hair.  "Do I ever get the opportunity to feed and clothe my child?" she smiled.

"Not until I'm gone, baby," he said leaning down planting a kiss on Ava's cheek.  He still was not over the shock of fatherhood.  Each moment that he held Glory Rose jolted him in a good way.  Trevor cuddled the baby and delighted in feeling her tiny puffs of breath against his bare chest.

"Every minute that I have with the two of you is more precious than you'd ever imagine.  The thought that once I'm gone, that I won't be able to hold her, or be in her life, is devastating already." 

Trevor laid Glory Rose on his shoulder.  He sat down in the rocking chair and then patted for Ava to sit on his lap.  She curled up, leaning against him, as he rocked the two of them.  How can life get better than this?

"I wish you didn't have to leave...but this is your calling, Trevor, I will never interfere with that."

"I want to ask you so badly to come," he said, "But I know that will be selfish of me.  The places that I go are not always safe.  I can rest knowing that you'll be fine until I return."

Until you return, oh goodness.  Those words ate at Ava's heart every time that Trevor was away.  She hated that she could never be sure that Trevor would come back.  But this was the life that she signed up for getting involved with a navy seal turned medical missionary.  "When do you have to leave?"

"We ship out January 2nd."

"At least we can spend the holidays together."

The pout on her face squeezed his heart.  It was tough thinking about leaving his family.  The baby in the picture made things more difficult. He looked down into her saddened eyes, tapping Ava on the nose.  "Hey, don't sound so gloomy.  We are going to enjoy each other, our families and our child.  We both know that Glory Rose changes things.  I'm going to do my best, to arrange my schedule, so I can come home at least once a quarter, for a week."

"I would love that.  You have no idea how bad I miss you."

He stroked Ava's hair and then kissed her cheek.  "Yes, I do because I miss you more.  It's lonely over there."  Trevor paused, "She sounds like she is sleep.  Is she sleeping?"

Ava checked and then stood up and carried the bundle back to her crib.  She stretched her hand towards Trevor, pulling him from the chair.  "Let's shower."

"That sounds hot."

"It will be."  Ava grabbed Trevor's butt and squeezed.  He fell out laughing.  She pushed him from the room before he woke the baby.  Her finger trailed down his chest. "Then you can fix me your prize-winning brownies and we'll binge watch some of those silly Christmas movies."

"Sounds like a plan," Trevor said. "Hallmark or Lifetime?" 

You know that I'm a Lifetime girl."

***

"Zara, wait! You don't understand!"

She bundled up in her heaviest clothes and swept past Roman in full mercurial fury.  Shoving him out of the way, she grabbed her Parka and gloves.  She stomped towards the door.

"You can't go out there in this weather.  It's below zero."

"I need to get the hell out of here.  You hesitated, Roman. You effin hesitated!" Zara swirled her Parka around, stuffing her arms into it.  He came closer trying to get her to calm down, and she literally snapped at his hand with her teeth.  He yanked his hand back avoiding the crunch.

Roman backed away, pulling his hair.  This was not how their passionate lovemaking session was to end.  It was perfect.  Now he faced a raging storm. "It's always something with us, Zara!" his voice rose, wrapping around her like a dark cloud.  "Let me talk to you." 

There was so much that he wanted to say.  He knew what he needed to say, but he was trying his best to refrain because things had been so spectacular. The last thing that he wanted to do was to ruin the peace that they'd had. There were enough bad memories between them. Roman didn't want to mar the progress they'd made.  Yet, a situation managed to crash it anyway.

"I'm tired of talking, tired of my heart ripping to shreds when I'm with you.  My entire life has been you." Zara shoved the gloves onto her fingers and stomped past him. Grief etched across her face. Just when she'd gotten her nerve up, the hesitation crushed it. "I'm going back to Georgia.  All this-all this, Roman," she said, flailing her arms,  "it ends here."

He reached out for her arm, pulling Zara towards him.  "As if you haven't shattered my heart, a million times. I'm the one always chasing you. The only reason that I hesitated was not that I rejected your proposal.  Can't you imagine how happy that made me feel? I was trying to avoid something. It didn't need to be in this healing that we've had for these few days.  The time that we've spent together means everything to me!"

Zara glared at him, snatching her arm away. "What the hell, Roman?  My life is your open book.  There is nothing that you don't know about me!"

"Really," he snapped.  He wanted to say what he meant so bad, but he bit his tongue.  I can't allow you to drag me into a dogfight.  He needed to handle this while they were both calm.  Roman tried to settle his breathing, and unlock his jaw that was about to pop.

Zara's eyes turned to ice. She scowled.  "What does that mean?"

"You tell me, Zara!"

Zara pushed Roman away, stomped off, taking the elevator.  He threw on some clothes and rushed to follow her. It was 14 degrees below zero outside, with high winds.  She wouldn't make it to the end of the street.

Zara exited the elevator.  A large festive sign in the lobby read 'Residents Snowed In Ugly Christmas Cocktail Hour'.  It stood three feet tall in the midst of a group of Christmas topiaries.  About forty or fifty people milled about dressed in ugly Christmas sweaters.  A long table covered in red linen filled the foyer with endless finger foods and bottles of wine. A punch bowl with eggnog sat at the end of the table, across from a thermal canister containing hot chocolate.

Zara's mind was so muddled.  She was fighting so much.  Her confidence had soared over the last few days, now the voices were back – you're nobody, you're nothing.  But something in her didn't want to break, this time.  Something in her needed to stay strong. She liked the new Zara – and was done with the old one.  Zara bit her lip refusing to allow one tear to drip, or one heartbeat to ache. No - not this time.

Zara pushed through the crowd, making her way over to the hot chocolate.  She determined to drink a glass before she stepped out into Antarctica.  Her hands and throat warmed at the frothy milk chocolate, blended with a hint of cinnamon, just like they made in Mexico. She took long savoring sips.  Feeling quite toasty, she tossed the empty cup and headed towards the sliding doors.

Mr. Davis, the doorman that Zara met the day that she arrived, stopped her at the door.  "Ms. Zara, isn't it?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"You might want to reconsider going out.  It's a terrible night."

Zara smiled, stepped around him.  "Thank you, but I just need to get away for a minute." The wicked blast, from the icy wind, assaulted her face on the first footstep. She struggled against the moist air, feeling the tiny crystals of precipitation in it.  It had an immediate numbing effect on her nose and ears. Even though the collar and furry hood on her Parka had covered her face.

Zara trudged forwarded, letting her mind unravel. "I can't leave him.  God, weren't we moving forward? I took such a big risk proposing."

Zara heard footsteps crunching in the snow.  She turned, and there he was, the source of her current misery.  She flailed her hands.  "Go away, Roman.  Just leave me alone. Go!"

She saw the hurt in his eyes. He took a few more steps towards her, and then slumped his shoulders, walking back to the building.  Zara couldn't get any further than the end of the tenant's parking lot.  Her toes were numb, even though she wore layered socks and her boots insulated with fleece.

Zara was shivering by the time that she made it back to the building.  The blast of heat as the door opened was welcoming.  She dashed inside, found a chair in an isolated corner, and began rubbing her hands together.  The quaking in her body soon began to warm her up.  Mr. Davis had seen her come in.  He walked over and handed her another cup of hot chocolate.

"Thanks, Mr. Davis."

"Is everything okay?"

Zara's scornful laugh made her heart ache, "I thought it was, but I can assure you that it will be soon. As soon as I am back in Georgia."

He nodded and walked away.  "Thank you," she called, after him. Mr. Davis nodded.

***

Zara felt trapped.  Now that she was warm she didn't want to go back to the penthouse.  She was still snowed in.  More residents had piled into the foyer for the cocktail party.  Added to the fun, was a barrage of Christmas music that floated in the air.  People danced, the hum of conversation rose, and the staff kept refilling the endless buffet. I could just stay down here for the night. That idea worked somewhat in her mind until she saw him. No telling how long Roman had watched.

Zara glared at him and went the opposite direction of where he was standing.  Out the corner of her eye, she could see him following.  She made it across the room near the buffet table and Roman was on the opposite side.

"We need to talk," he whispered. "Let me talk to you."

"I - said - leave - me - alone!"

The room was graveyard silent and all eyes turned on them. Embarrassment turned Roman's cheeks red as he looked about at the gawking people. He'd never been in a situation quite like this.  He was happy with the proposal but grieved over the predicament.

"Do you realize where we are?  Do you really want to clown on me right now?"

Zara got louder, planting her feet and slinging her hands on her hips.   "I don't care what anyone thinks about me.  I'm not living my life to please a single soul - anymore.  They can think or say whatever they damn please."

I'm so proud of you right now. You have found your stride, Zara Peters. "We really need to talk – now," he whispered in agitation.

"I don't give a shit, Roman."

Roman glanced around the room at all the startled faces with cell phones capturing. Several of the residents taking shots were people that he knew. They would be in his business.  Damn it! He knew that he was going to have to end this situation hopefully not causing more embarrassment to both of them.

He turned to the crowd.  My fiancée' and I am having a private quarrel. This is confidential even though it is taking place in public...."

Zara cut him off.  "I am not your fiancée! She poured a cup of eggnog and flung it at Roman, splashing him in his face.  The crowd gasped, watching him wipe the mess away in anger. He lunged for her across the table but she jerked back. "I would have been, you miserable lout."

Roman turned burnt red, patting his foot against the floor.  He continued with a strained voice, trying to keep himself from tipping over the edge. "I am declaring this information as private and confidential. If you post it or disseminate it in any way I will have grounds to take you to court. I have the means to retrieve every IP address in this room." Being in the line of work that he was in, he couldn't have information like this posted.  It would be a security risk for people to find out who he was.

"Whoo-hoo!" Zara mocked – twirling her finger in the air.

Roman slid across the table, closing the distance between them.  Murmurs rose from the crowd. He was inches from her nose and whispered. "Walk with me or I swear I will carry you out of here."

"You and nobody else is going to tell me what to do, anymore."

Wow, he thought, impressed that she made a stand that would change the rest of her life. This was huge.   It was unfortunate that her day of revelation was on his watch.   He could take a bit of public humiliation to see this transformation.  He bit his lip to calm him. "I'm so damn proud of you," he said, low enough for the crowd not to hear.  "We need to talk. Now, walk with me or I haul you off? For public face, I would suggest walking."

He gazed in her defiant eyes when she wouldn't move. Roman took a deep breath, hoping to give her a chance to make a less embarrassing exit. "You've been an open book to me, Zara?  I know every page of your life?  I really thought that I did."

"I haven't withheld anything..." Zara's mind began to think of what he was talking about.  It came to a screeching halt.  Her eyes widened with realization. And Roman saw the flash of it.

"Yes, Zara, you have a mystery man in your life.  That's why I hesitated.  Oh, you are certainly not off the hook with that proposal. I didn't want to bring him into the most precious, intimate moments of our lives.   It took my whole life, to get you to where we've been during this blizzard.  I didn't want our happiness marred with this. Oh well," he said, shrugging his shoulders.  "Now, who the hell is Ethan G?"

She stumbled back, face whiter than the snow outside. Roman's hand reached out and stabilize her.

"Are we walking?" he whispered, extending his arm.  She latched on. Roman led Zara from the gawking residents in the room.