Namjoon POV

I feel like I'm a monster. You eventually come to think you're one, when looking in the mirror everyday and seeing those dead eyes.
My dead eyes! I feel like this life is not mine anymore! I live like a corpse! Sing, dance, write, eat, gym, almost no sleep, always on repeat! Like a fucking machine! Like I have no soul!

My dreams! Fuck! It's so difficult! Different! Disgusting! What did I became? Who am I?
Why do I desire this girl so much?
I see love in her eyes. I know she is true! And I know they love her! How could you not?

She saw past them, not the idols image, their true self! Why? I can't never reach it! They can't have it also! We are in the same boat! Yeah!

So I try to drown her. She is so feisty. She is fighting me! She is so little! How much longer can she take? Just pass out already! I can feel her shaking under my arms. Her movements are turning slow.

Don't! You can't! You need to show me this... true real bullshit love!
So I pick her out and toss her to the floor.
She is coughing so much...
Fuck! I almost drowned her!
She has no strength to move around. She is just staring at me. I'm crying! Why am I crying??"

"Are you nuts?" She was trying to yell I suppose, but she couldn't. Her voice was cracking.
"No, I, I suppose. I just, you... "why the fuck are you shuttering, Namjoon? Could I be more stupid?
"You what? You just drown girls everyday when you're pissed of?"
She wanted to get up but she was slipping on the wet floor.

I picked her up and took her to the bed. Ohh, she is naked! Fucking naked! Cover her!!
She realized while I picked her up she was not dressed. She tried to cover herself with her arms. No use. I have already seen it all.
I toss her on the bed, while my stare is on her, not leaving her eyes. She is staring back at me, not even blinking.

"What more do you want? I'm not marrying Jungkook! I know you hate me! What did I ever do to you?"

Her voice started to get its power back.
"You didn't do nothing. Not to me. To them. To the group. You just messed up our peace! We were doing fine! Until you gobbled them up!"

"What?? So is it now my fault?? They came into me! They forced themselves on me! I was scared to even say no!!! They knew all about it! I never cheated them!! They agreed to this shit and now they wanna cry about it! Fuck you! Fuck them! I'm the bitch? What does this make them?? I don't need you! None of you!! Just leave me alone!!"

She got up and started hitting my chest. With those small frail hands. She can't hurt a fly! A monster like me? No way! I'm already broken beyond repair!

I heard the door lock. It opened. Jimin came inside, together with Jungkook. They were both puffing. They ran here. I guess Jimin discovered I'm not inside the company.

They were staring at me and her like some stupid little puppies.
"Get away from her!" Jimin was the first to come at me. I tossed her on the bed.
"Here! All yours! You want to play daddy?"
He punched me.
"You're just sick, Namjoon! You need help!"
"As if you're not the same, all of you!" I was screaming at them.

"Leave! Leave! Until I don't break your skull!" Jungkook was staring at me. His eyes were dark, dead. Just like mine. His monster was also outta leash.
"This will be fun! Fine, I lose! She can live!" I laughed it off and went outside.

My hands were trembling. I wanted her! If they didn't come and stop me, I would've had her, on that bed, even against her will! Jimin is right, I'm crazy! But so are they!

***
Jungkook and Jimin barely had time to proceed what happened. They were both staring at yn. She was naked!! And with Namjoon!!
But Jimin saw she wasn't fine and he run up to her, covering her body with the sheets on the bed.

"What happened ? Are you ok? Did he do anything? To you? The babies?!"
"I, he, we, I mean, he came inside! I was bathing... Ihmm bubble bath.
Jimin, I believed it was you. No lights and he just suddenly pushed me into the tub. I was drowning!"
Jimin was crying and he hugged yn.
"I will just kill him! I'm sorry it my fault! I shouldn't leave you alone!"

Jungkook was pale like a ghost. He dropped on his knees.
"He did what? To you?"
He rushed to the door, wanting to catch up to Namjoon.
"Don't. Kook, stop!" Yn barely managed to speak.
He came closer to her, reluctant to look into her eyes.
"Can I, would you let me, hug you?"
Yn looked at Jimin, and he nodded like a small yes. But he didn't agree with Jungkook. He truly believed he doesn't deserve a second chance. They shouldn't talk about her that way, whatever what happened between them.

"Yes. You can...."
He rushed into her body like he was ready to slam Jimin from her side. He hugged her tight. His arms here big, trembling.
Yn felt safe.  She started to cry.
"Can I just tell you something, and you, just listen? I mean, it not the right timing, but I just need like, to get rid of these emotions. Will you?"
"Yea, Jungkook. I will listen to you."

"I can barely hold on, now that you're gone,
Every night I lay alone, thinking of our beautiful mistakes,
I'm still in the love with the past and I would never take them back,
But I feel so broken, bittersweet,
You were my home and I just broke you to bits, due to jealousy and insecurities,
Just like my broken dreams,
So now I just lie to myself that, maybe one day,
You will come back to me, my love!"

Yn was softly crying on his chest. She knew he was honest now. But she was to hurt. And not only by him. By Yoongi and Taehyung also. She knew it wouldn't be possible and it was to much to ask for, but she wanted them to be connected in a way, to finally find happiness and just live every day with a smile and treat the hardships as something normal.

But maybe she was wrong. Maybe they were different.
Her idea of normality was not the same as theirs. Cause they lived in different worlds.

Suddenly, someone was ringing at Jimins's door. It was Taehyung and Yoongi. They followed Jungkook to his place.
They met Namjoon on the parking lot, but have no idea about what he did to yn.
"Hey.." Jimin opened the door.
"Where is yn?" Yoongi asked.
Taehyung came inside and saw Jungkook with her.

"Ohhh... seems like we interrupted the lovers..." Tae growled.
"No!" Yn slowly pushed Jk away.
"He was just apologizing. About that time..." yn was softly looking at Taehyung and Yoongi.
"It's not his fault." Yn showed to the sheets.
"Namjoon happened. His hate is bigger than I anticipated."
"What do you mean?" Yoongi stared at her.
Yn shaked her head and pleaded Jimin with her big eyes.

Jimin told them what Yn explained to him earlier.
Neither Tae and Yoongi expected Namjoon to behave like this.
"We need to talk to him. And move you somewhere. To be safe!" Taehyung was shouting!
"Cause here you definitely are not!"
Yoongi also was yelling.

"I'm not going anywhere! I like it here! And I feel safe with Jimin! We enjoy each other!"
"You what?" Jk grabbed her by the arm.
"She meant we are like besties!! No, yn?"
Jimin jumped into it.
"Of course! What did you imagined?" Yn looked baffled at Jk.

"Ohh, I understand.." he slowly left her arm.
"What? Don't tell me you think I'm fucking Jimin now??""
"Why, you wouldn't ? I mean look at him, every girl dream?" Yoongi snapped.
"I wouldn't! Not in that way! Not now!" Yn shouted, amazed by her own words.
"What, you mean, not now what?" Jimin was shuttering.
"Just leave it!" Yn was blinking at him.
"I will drop it. For today!"
Jimin flared back at yn. She gave him a soft smile.

"Since when are you so close?" Tae was curious about their interaction.
"Since he is the "husband" I don't have and takes care of me during my pregnancy!
While you three are fighting like some idiots here!"
Yoongi was chuckling.

"Hmm, so can we apologize now! I mean, what we said was wrong. I was just annoyed how everyone bragged about you being a such a cute and good gir and praising Jk! I felt left out! I know that's not a reason to talk shit like that, but that was all it was! For me! I don't even care! Fuck them all! But don't leave me behind!" Yoongi spoken without expecting yn reply.

"I understand. I mean, I had a rough idea this was the reason. But you still hurt me."
"I know. I'm sorry... just, stop ignoring me!"
"Me also! How is Jimin allowed to take care of you and not me? We have a baby together!" Tae was frowning.

"I wanna take care of you also, baby doll. I mean, if you kindly forgive me? I told things out of anger and jealousy. The alcohol was a boost. I know it sounds like a make excuses. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorrry. I want to see you smile! You deserve that!"
"Thank you, Taehyung. I'll think about this."

Yn grabbed the sheets around her body and excused herself.
"I need to get dressed. Don't leave. Let's have dinner together. If you have time."
"We have!" All responded in unison.
Yn chuckled.
"I'll be right back!" She was eyeing Jimin and gave him the look to come with her.
"I'll be back in a bit!" And he went after yn.

"What's with them?" Tae asked.
"I suppose they are besties now? I mean, Jimin loves the idea of kids and big family... so he feels protective, I believe? Have no idea!" Yoongi shrugs his shoulders.
"What if he snatches her away? He is so good at playing games!!" Jk was furious.
"Haha! I don't think... I mean. Is he even yn type?" Tae was laughing.
"He is her bias!"
"Ohh.. damn!"

"What was that?" Jimin interrogated yn as soon they got into the guest room, which was slowly turning into her room.
"That, what? I mean... about...?"
"No. We will talk another time about THAT!!! I mean about being safe with me here, enjoying time and being "your husband"? Yn, I never had that intention. I'm not helping you waiting for something in return."

"Ohh, Minie, I know!!! I don't know myself.... That just came over me. It was so easy to say, so I think that's what I feel like?"
"So, you don't mean anything else?"
"Like what?"
"Yn, don't play. I know you're smart. Don't mislead me! Do you want to have more with me? Stay friends? Decide and tell me, but don't go further with jokes cause they hurt you and you're being petty. I don't want to be that type of rebound."

Yn was staring at Jimin, tears flowing from her eyes.
"I will never feel that way about you! You're no rebound! You're to amazing for me, Jimin! I never meet a soul like yours! You're to pure! I'm even afraid to touch you! I'm dirty, I'm filthy! I'm just a stupid ass bitch that doesn't even know to be human, but a mother??
I'm so scared, Minie!" She broke down, crying loud, crunching down on the floor.

Jimin felt how tears dropped onto his cheeks. He became attached to her in the time they lived together. The house was not empty anymore. No more darkness, endless loneliness!

He felt alive! He loved smelling her perfume on the living room and hearing the tv playing movies.

And her being pregnant was so amazing! He was so excited to meet those little humans that he began to feel like it's his own babies. He found himself caressing her belly while putting her to sleep. He wanted to feel them move. He even cried when yn went to the ultrasound and didn't film it. He promised to be with her at the next one.

He knew everything was wrong! She was not his, and neither the babies. Fuck, they had different fathers. So complicated. What could he even do?
Stay quiet and enjoy whatever yn chose to share with him.

Because at the end, he was disposable. He was "nothing". Like always. Thrown away like a dirty rag which is not useful.

He went down to yn, and hugged her back. He whispered into her ear.
"I'm sorry. I was to mean. I'm just angry at Namjoon and at myself. Let's talk about this another day. Now, just go to them. They're waiting. And I can tell you they're truly sorry. The atmosphere at the company was worse that a funeral." Jimin chuckled.

"Ohh.. fine. I will do so.. can we have Chinese today?"
"I'll go order that!"
"Thank you!"
Yn dressed and went to the living room , where the others were. They kinda heard a little of what happened with Jimin, but none said a word.

"So, we're you pitifull these weeks? So was I! I went to the ultrasound alone.... I wanted to be with somebody! Before I tell you more. I wanna say something. Can you just shut up and listen? No complaints!"
"Yes, we will."

"Looking back at our past,
I was doing just fine until I met you all,
But you just played with me  and did something stupid,
My fault cause I let you,
So the only way me coming back to you is when you're dreaming,
Why do you act like you don't love me or need me?
Cause I know you love me still, but did you really wanted to lose me?
And now you're all trying to reach me?
I know it's hard to let go, but you're so toxic I think we shouldn't be friends.
Now, you're trying to fix those beautiful mistakes, but another chance you won't get!

I'm up to try and fix our relationship. But I don't know to what point. I need time.
I'm not feeling great. My morning sickness is killing me. But you don't know shit!
Jimin was the one cleaning vomit from the couch at 2am, not you! You all just disappeared on me!

But I know I also have my fault, so let's take it from the start.
Now, Taehyung, Yoongi, next week I have another ultrasound. Does one of you wannna come with me at the appointment?"

"I do!" They both shouted at the same time.
"Then we will go together. Is that ok?"
"Yes!"
"No! I want to go also!" Jimin popped from the kitchen!
"You said I will see it next time!"
"Ohh.. but Minie...."
"He can also tag in..." Yoongi nodded
"I wanna...." Jk barely whispered.
"This one wants to be dragged along!" Tae was laughing.

Yn was staring at them all.
"How can I go to an appointment with four men?"
"I don't know. But you will. Cause we all wanna be there." Yoongi was looking deep into her eyes.
"Fine! But I don't wanna hear anything! If this issue is heard or seen... I don't care! You deal with it!"
"Yes, princess!" Jk smiled at her.