Don't break no promises
Give me your word, honor it
It feels like...

:6LACK

AMARAH

"Amarah!"My mom shouted. "It's 5:45! You know the bus comes at 6!"

I pulled the blanket over my head. I was not feeling today or the rest of the week. It's only the third day of my junior year, and I'm already drowning in schoolwork...that I didn't do last night.

The blanket was pulled back from my body. My mother scolded me as she held the blanket. I gave her a smile, and proceeded to rolling my eyes.

"You've been pushing my buttons little girl. Get up and get dressed."

She threw the blanket back down on the floor. I lifted myself out of bed, and began my journey.

"You're father, the twins, and I are leaving. You better not miss that damn bus Amarah!"

I rolled my eyes again. She was always screaming at some damn body. As much as I loved her, I can't stand her. She made my life a living hell since she walked in.

I pulled out my school clothes. I had a silk tracksuit that was salmon colored. I put on a white bralette under it. Hopefully I wouldn't get dress coded, but I basically did every day. My teachers hated me, and I felt the same way towards them.

"Marah can I wear your jeans?"Nala shouted from my bathroom.

"Nala! Get out! Ya always in somebody shit!"I screamed.

"I'm gonna tell daddy you're being mean."

Nala was four years younger than me. She acted like a child, and I hated it. My parents made me act nice towards her. I hated it so much. She annoyed the living shit out of me.

"Lil girl I'll beat ya ass."

"Jordan died three months ago Amarah. You have no right to still be sappy. Get over yourself."

I marched into the bathroom. I dragged her out by her arms. She was not about to ruin my morning, let alone my day. She was so fucking annoying.

"Let go of me!"She shouted.

"Ya should be real damn happy ya ma sista. If ya wasn't I would've burned ya light ass with this house. Yea' Jordan died three months ago, but I didn't. I miss tha hell outta him. I'm not getting ova that in 10 fuckin minutes Nala,"I gritted. "Stay in ya fuckin lane bitch."

"I hate you too!"She screamed as she ran off.

I rolled my eyes and continued to get ready. I turned the water on to the shower. I needed to relax before I hurt somebody. I looked in the mirror at my belly.

"We'll be okay baby,"I whispered.

My phone lit up. I checked the screen and saw Janiya's text.

From: Niya
Received at 6:15 am

Im outside. Take yo time though. Not tryna go to first.

I giggled. She was always skipping. It's not like she's not smart or anything. She just hates school. I don't blame her because I'm the same way. I just can't skip anymore or I'll have to go to reform school. That's the last I need right now. Two more years and I'm out of this bitch.

I pulled my clothes over myself. I made sure to zip up my oversized jacket. The rumors were already crazy, and I refused to make them worse.

Janiya sat in the front seat eating a donut. I got into the car and snagged one for myself. I haven't ate since yesterday afternoon, and this was hitting every empty spot in my stomach.

"I'm loving this hair,"She said as she ran her hands through my hair.

"I kna. It's real cute. It curl real easily ta'."

"Bitch I need some of that. This natural thing is not working for me."

"Real shit though..."I looked at her. "I'm ti'ed of ya wea'ing that ti'ed ass ponytail."

She gave me a side eye, "Give me my donuts."

I held the donuts close to my chest. They was hella good, and I definitely wasn't gon lose them cause her hair ugly. She started the car and we were in our way to school. The radio played Fucking & Kissing by A Boogie wit da Hoodie.

"What's the difference between fucking and kissing? If you ain't with it then we can just kick it,"I rapped along.

"Why do you listen to this mess Mar? It's disgusting."

I stared at her, "Ya acting like sex is a sin."

"Because it i-"

"Shut up a'ight. Ya just gotta get comfo'able with talkin' bout sex. Ya be actin like ya ain't getting ya back blown e'ery night."

She rolled her eyes, "Okay Amarah. You don't have to put all my business out there."

I rolled the window down. I loved fucking with Janiya. She was just easy to mess with, and that's what made it fun.

"Niya be getting ha back blown out!"I shouted out the window.

"Amarah Harper, you really want me to roll the window up on your head."

I came back inside the car and shot her a bright smile. She rolled her eyes and locked the windows. She knows that won't stop me. I'll open up this car door.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about something actuall-"

"Ya and Alayah gon fight today?"

"No Amarah, this is serious. Can you be serious for two seconds?"

I put my head down. I already knew exactly where this conversation was going.

"I've been wanting to give Jordan a memorial at school. Baseball is bout to start and Gerald and I were spe-"

"I don't wanna talk about Jordan right na Niya."

"You can't keep all those feelings bottled up."

I chuckled, "Ima get out this ca'e fa I say somethin that hurt ya feelings."

"Mar you gotta talk about it."

"I lost my best fucking friend. You know how close Jordan and I were. You know the last thing he said was 'I love you baby'. No you didn't cause I didn't tell you. I haven't told anyone. My fucking friend died and you expect me to be okay in a few months? Fuck you Janiya,"My accent left.

I opened the car door and got out. She called after me, but I just kept walking to the school. I was pissed. I feel like every time I turn around somebody wanna talk about Jordan. I want to leave Jordan where he is, wherever that is. I'm tired of bringing up somebody I miss.

Tears streamed down my eyes as I stormed into the school. Everything was cloudy, just like the day he passed. Everything was cloudy and silent that day.

I fell to the floor with a loud thud. It hurt like hell. I began sobbing as I sat on the floor.

"You alright?"A soft voice asked.

"Leave me alone."

"My mother told me not to leave crying girls alone. If you knew my mother you would know why I can't leave you." I stayed silent. "Let me at least take you home."

I pushed him away and stood up, "I'm okay. I just needed a little break."

I stared at him long and hard. His arm was tatted. I loved tattoos. They were so pretty. He used his other arm to cover the tattoos. Clearly on his right arm was his name.

"Ya...ya got him tatted?"I whispered.

He looked down, "Oh yeah...he was my best frie- I don't wanna talk about him."

"What's ya name?"

"Rico."

"I'm pregnant."

RICO

"Show off for your girlfriend Roberts!"Coach yelled at me.

I looked up, and sure enough Toni was in the window. She rolled her eyes as I looked at her. I pushed the weights to the side. She knew I was practicing, and I couldn't be talking right now.

"Let's call it a break boys. I'm sure Rico has something he would like to handle. Six minutes! If you're not back here in six minutes all y'all asses running fifteen laps."

I walked out of the weight room. Toni had her arms crossed. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead.

"So I heard from Cayla that you was hitting Nisha from the back last night. Now don't fucking lie to me Rico cause I'm not in the mood.

"Toni I don't have the time for this mess."

"Rico don't start. Tell me what you was doing last night."

"Not having sex Canada or Nigeria! I was at practice."

"First of all don't disrespect Cayla like that. Second of all you weren't cause Cayla has a picture of you at Kroger."

"This what I get for talking to you. You sound stupid Toni."

"If you wanted a black girl all you had to do was ask! I can act black."

The door opened to the weight room.

"Everything alright out here Roberts?"

I smiled, "Please tell Toni we were practicing last night."

"We were practicing last night Ms. Wilson. Now you know the rules. Athletes only in the weight room. Please leave."

She gave me a stare, "Ever since Jordan died you've became this new creature. It's been three months and all you do is sneak around. I'm tired of the bullshit Rico. If you loved Jordan then you should've said something."

I didn't say anything to her. I just opened the door to the weight room and walked back in. I couldn't deal with her ignorance. Before Jordan passed she blamed everything on him, now he's gone and she still blaming everything on him.

I started the treadmill and just began to run. Coach hollered at me to get off, but I couldn't. I need to blow some anger off and this was the best way according to my therapist.

Blood pumped through my veins as the treadmill sped up. This shit was hitting every spot I needed right now. I couldn't hear coach, Toni, my parents, or anybody telling me what I needed to do. All I could hear was my heart beat. The machine slowed down. I looked up and saw Terrence standing in front of me.

"Terrence what the frea-"

"F-U-C-K...fuck. You know you can cuss right? It's not a sin."

"Man I don't have time for this. I need to run,"I pressed the incline button.

"If you keep doing this you're gonna break yourself. We need our pitcher to be able to walk onto the field and actually pitch."

I rolled my eyes and stepped of, "You know good and damn well I can't pitch. Coach just put me in the game cause he not trusting no freshman to play varsity."

"You were Jordan's backup. You know Coach wouldn't give that position to anybody."

I turned around and looked at him, "Can we stop talking about Jordan for two dang seconds? He died okay! He passed away. I know because he was on his way to pick me up. I just want to leave Jordan in the past. Let him rest...please Terrence. Even if it's the last thing you do."

I grabbed my bag and walked out. Terrence spoke softly trying to prove hisself right, but he was wrong. Jordan's death took a major toll on me. I don't want to relive that chapter of my life if I can just forget it. It was scary, and terrifying.

The hallways were empty. First had just began a few minutes ago and I was already late. I looked on the door to Coach's office and saw my late pass. Coach had my back like always. He wouldn't let me mess up this semester because that means I couldn't play. He always on me about my school work and attendance. He's like a second dad.

I stepped on something that wasn't the ground. I looked down and saw a younger girl sitting in the floor. She had her head in her hands, and she was obviously crying. I bent down to her level.

"You alright?"I asked softly.

"Leave me alone."

"My mother told me not to leave crying girls alone. If you knew my mother you would know why I can't leave you,"I whispered. She didn't say anything. "Let me at least take you home."

She pushed me away and stood up, "I'm okay. I just needed a little break."

Her eyes grazed my body. I was on my way to the locker room to shower. I was trying to avoid Terrence, so I was headed to the basketball locker room. She stared at my sleeve on my right arm. I used my left to cover it. I was not in the mood to get interrogated.

"Ya...ya got him tatted?"She whispered.

I looked down, "Oh yeah...he was my best frie- I don't wanna talk about him."

"What's ya name?"

"Rico."

"I'm pregnant."