For the next few sunrises, Nightpaw did little more than observe his Clanmates. Each morning started off the same: the tom rose with the dawn and took up his position near the apprentice den, grooming out his tangled fur patiently, then settled down to watch DarkClan as they woke to perform their duties.

    Lionmask was always the first to rise. Sometimes, Nightpaw would catch him slipping into camp at dawn, jaws stretched wide in a yawn. He assumed the tom had been tasked with watching the prisoner cave - Roxanne's littermate caused problems with some of the younger warriors, who chose not to ignore his taunts. Smoketalon nearly jumped into the cave to silence the tom, and Blackstrike always returned from the guarding post with ruffled fur.

    Dawnstar woke with the dawn as well and Nightpaw would often see her stretched out on top of the Speaking Rock. Their eyes met infrequently and, if they did, the apprentice made sure to nod respectfully. The she-cat usually returned the gesture.

    Others Nightpaw became accustomed to seeing were Swallowstorm, who did her best to avoid suspicions by staying close to Sleetfur despite her wariness of him; Goosepelt, who had taken over part of his battle training; and Birchfrost, who greeted him rather warmly whenever he went to visit Webkit and Crowkit in the nursery. The kits were just over a moon old now and Birchfrost would be returning to her guardian duties soon, the kits no longer needing her milk to survive.

    "Mind if I join you?" Cinderpaw's mew broke through Nightpaw's musings and he gave her a short nod. The she-cat settled beside him, grey fur neatly groomed and ears pricked.

    "You've been rather sombre lately," she said, licking a paw and swiping it over her muzzle.

    "I've had a lot on my mind lately," Nightpaw replied, continuing his observations. Thistleshade and Sprucetail, two littermates who seemed to share a rather close bond for DarkClan cats, emerged from the warrior den, gathering up Jaystrike and Minkfur before setting off for their chosen hunting grounds.

    "Tell me about it?" He turned to find his littermate looking at him with wide, pleading eyes.

    Nightpaw shrugged. "Just the usual. Training, and my lack of skill in it. Hunting, and my lack of skill in that. Hailwatcher's also been putting my training aside more and more. I spend more time with the healer than the truth-teller."

    Cinderpaw narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure that's everything?" Her strict gaze made Nightpaw's mouth go dry; the she-cat had developed an uncanny sense of knowing when someone was lying to her.

    He shook his head. "No, that's everything." He screamed internally at the lie, wanting nothing more than to tell Cinderpaw about all of his questions, about StarClan and their mother and the rogue she-cat out in MoorClan territory. About how DarkClan didn't seem so dark anymore, not when he looked past the masks everyone wore.

    But it was too dangerous.

    She lowered her voice, pressing herself closer. "Nightpaw, we haven't talked since Sedgecloud's attack. I'm your littermate - I know when there's something bothering you. Please, let me help you."

    Her wide hazel eyes nearly tipped Nightpaw over the edge. "I - I don't know what you want me to say. Some of the things going on in my head... They're not the kind you would want to hear."

    Cinderpaw blinked skeptically. "You won't know until you try."

    The tom sighed heavily, but kept his jaws firmly shut. Seeing that her persuasions would get her nowhere, the she-cat sighed as well.

    "I'll be around," she said, padding off to join Marshclaw by the camp's entrance. "If you change your mind, that is."

    Watching her leave, Nightpaw remembered how he first realized how motherly and protective Cinderpaw was behind her fierce mask. He couldn't blame her, really, for picking up on his anxiety and for wanting to help him. He knew he would have to tell her eventually - she was much too stubborn to let things go easily - but for now he would do all he could to protect her from the knowledge he held.

    //

    "Cherrypaw and Dapplepaw will be returning soon," Flamepaw stated as the apprentices shared a meal. The sun hung low in the sky, the third sunset the two she-cat's had been away on their assessments. Tonight, the Clan would find out if both were worthy of becoming warriors.

    "I hope Cherrypaw's alright," Bramblepaw piped up. "She hurt her paw in training the other day and was limping a bit when the assessment started."

    "Gives Dapplepaw a bit of an unfair advantage," Wrenpaw added.

    Flamepaw growled. "Who said life in DarkClan was fair?"

    Nightpaw, hardly paying attention to the apprentice's conversation, started at Flamepaw's suggestion. The statement was unlike anything he heard from his littermate before, one so subtly infused with treasonous thoughts that its undertone seemed easy to miss.

    A commotion near the entrance of the camp caught everyone's attention then, and the entire Clan waited with bated breath to see who had returned first from their assessment.

    Instead, a bloodied Swallowstorm entered the camp, Duskwhisker and Willowtail behind her. The three cats dragged a fourth, the body marred with scars and fur matted with blood.

    "What happened?" Dawnstar asked, staring down at the patrol.

    "A fox," Swallowstorm gasped. "It attacked us near the river when we were returning from patrolling the forest. We fought it as best as we could but..."

    Her voice drifted off as her eyes fell on the body and she suddenly collapsed to the ground, muscles giving out from the hard-fought battle.

    Duskwhisker finished for her. "Sleetfur was killed. The fox is still loose in the forest somewhere."

    A stunned silence fell upon the Clan. Even Dawnstar seemed to have trouble putting words together.

    "Do not let your grief consume you." Hailwatcher stepped forward, breaking the silence. "Life in DarkClan must go on, even when our own are killed." Sitting atop the Speaking Rock, the tom appeared smaller than Nightpaw remembered him, his face and legs thinner, spotted fur not as glossy or sleek.

    "Three of our members have passed in a short period of time," he continued. "Maplefeather and Whitenose lost their lives to greencough only a few short days ago. Sleetfur, at least, died doing what he loved: being in the heat of battle, courage and ferocity coursing through his veins. It is an honour to die in service to your Clan."

    "As it is an honour to kill for your Clan too," Dawnstar took over, regaining her voice. "The next deputy race will need only the strongest and most cunning of candidates to help us through the leafbare, and many more seasons, ahead."

    "I nominate Oakshade!" came a call from the crowd. The brown tabby looked about with a smug expression on his face, puffing out his chest proudly.

    "And Sprucetail!" The dark she-cat stepped forward to accept the nomination.

    "I wish to run for deputy," Marshclaw called, stepping out of the crowd. Beside Nightpaw, Cinderpaw stiffened at seeing her mentor enter the race. Her own training would take its toll if her mentor was not around to train her.

    "Flintmask, too!" a couple of voices cried. The blue-grey tom nodded his appreciation.

    "And I." The final entrant lifted his head high, regarding the Clan with clear amber eyes. They settled on Nightpaw last and the tom found himself staring back at his father.

    "The maximum five candidates have been chosen," Dawnstar said, voice almost gleeful. "The deputy race starts tomorrow with the collection of prey. The battle between candidates will take place in a quarter moon and any surviving entrants will continue to the final placing in a half moon's time."

    Nightpaw watched in disgust as an excited ripple ran through the Clan. Even the cats who he had hoped might support his cause seemed genuine in their enthusiasm, Goosepelt placing bets on who would win with Lionmask and Pebblefur, while Thistleshade and Sprucetail talked animatedly of the tasks the deputy candidates would complete. Only Swallowstorm, Birchfrost, Cedarheart and Mothpaw seemed solemn. Beside him, Cinderpaw, Wrenpaw and Bramblepaw also watched the proceedings with slightly alarmed eyes.

    "Oh, come on," Flamepaw said, seeing their stricken expressions. "It's tradition. Besides, it's good fun to watch."

    Nightpaw felt the bile rising up in his throat.

    When Dapplepaw and Cherrypaw returned from their warrior assessments the Clan celebrated little, unenthusiastic about their ceremonies. Warriors seemed lackluster compared to deputies in that moment, and even Cherrypaw's unsuccessful assessment and subsequent drop to caretaker status did little to rile the Clan up.

    Dapplefrost came over to the circle of apprentices to boast to Flamepaw about the three brand new claw marks on her shoulder, which denoted her warrior status, immediately. The other apprentices dispersed quickly, only Shadepaw staying to listen to the stories of her assessment.

    Cinderpaw and Wrenpaw took off for the nursery, hoping to console Cherrypool as she took up her new post as caretaker. Nightpaw watched them go, debating whether or not to stop them. He hoped no one else noticed the scene, or the compassion they held for their friend, as it would only spell danger for them.

    His hopes were dashed; there was always someone watching.

    "Careful with your mask," Hailwatcher's icy voice sounded from behind the black tom. "It's slipping."

    //

    Waking on the familiar moors did little to dispel the gloom that hung like a cloud around Nightpaw. His head pounded from exhaustion, thoughts eternally warring against each other as he attempted to root out the trustworthy cats within DarkClan.

    "You mustn't doubt yourself so." The cat - the reason for all this madness - stood before him, pelt shining slightly brighter than the apprentice remembered. Beside Sootstar, Finchwatcher watched the proceedings quietly, figure still faint but not on the verge of disappearance. Cedarheart and Swallowstorm's added belief must have been doing something to keep StarClan bright.

    "But how?" Nightpaw replied, voice cracking slightly. His shoulders felt heavy, the pressure building by the second. "One moment they seem to be rebelling against DarkClan's rules, their 'true selves' showing, and the next they laugh and talk over deputy races and battles and the killing of innocents." His claws left deep scores in the ground as he spoke.

    "You speak as if you are giving up." Sootstar sounded defensive and it made the black tom's fur bristle. Did the former MoorClan leader not understand the danger he was putting himself in for StarClan?

    With a growl, Nightpaw stepped closer to the StarClan cat. "I speak as if I know the danger I'm putting others, and myself, in for your sake. It is I who will have to live with the guilt if others die because of me."

    Sootstar's eyes flashed and he opened his mouth to retort sharply, but Finchwatcher stepped between the two just then, a warning look in her amber gaze. Laying her long tail over Nightpaw's tight shoulders, she gently led him a couple of paces away.

    "And we would be the ones bearing the guilt should anything happen to you," she said softly, pressing her nose to his briefly. "I would be lying if I told you StarClan isn't using you to further their power with the living, but you would also be lying to yourself if you believed StarClan hasn't opened your eyes to an entirely different way of life that, in your mind, is much better than the one you currently live."

    Nightpaw's eyes flashed defiantly, but he let the she-cat continue. "The way you see the world is very black and white, Nightpaw, and it is this that holds you back. While some cats may appear kind and motherly in one situation, it doesn't mean that they cannot be fierce and capable of killing in another. Accept the grey area and you will find what you are looking for."

    "What about all the questions I have outside of my mission?" Nightpaw asked. "About my mother and why no one will tell me about her? About the prisoners we keep and where they come from? Do they come from places where StarClan exists?"

    This time, it was Sootstar who stepped between the two.

    "Some of those questions might not have answers," the tom warned. "But others certainly might. It is up to you to decide which are of greatest importance, and which ones will keep you from completing your mission." It was clear in the way he spoke which questions Nightpaw should stay away from.

    The apprentice blinked, swallowing back the anger that rose up in him. "So there might be others out there who believe in StarClan?" he said, keeping his eyes locked on Sootstar. "Is that why you haven't faded completely?"

    The grey tom paused, but gave a small nod of his head.

    Nightpaw stepped forward, nose practically touching with Sootstar's, as he growled, "Then why put all this responsibility on me when there are others?"

    "Don't pretend you would be satisfied with life in DarkClan," the tom replied coolly. "Your curiosity would have led you astray regardless."

    Anger and resentment rushed through his veins and Nightpaw tensed, claws sliding from their sheathes. Sootstar returned the stance. Beside him, Finchwatcher watched in alarm. The two faced off and even the thought that his battle skills were not up to par did not stop Nightpaw from hissing and preparing to pounce.

    But he knew the former leader was right.

    He stepped back, putting his claws away. With a final nod he took off in the direction of High Rocks, an even larger cloud of doubt and misery following him.

// School is slowly starting to overwhelm but, luckily, I made myself a homework schedule and have stuck to it so far. That means there (should) be time for more writing this week!

Nightpaw seems close to cracking, don't you think? How long will it take for him to tell someone - and who do you think it will be? Perhaps the answer will be waiting in next week's update!

In the meantime, why not check out my collection of one-shots, Gone Rogue? There are two pieces so far, with more to come once the next round of WattyClans' writing competition starts. Thanks everyone (: