kim stays alone in her room that afternoon. the urge to see a doctor to have her shoulder checked pops in her mind from time to time but she's too lazy to do anything about it today.

for now, she'll just lay on her bed and think. lay until she falls asleep and wakes up again. lay and succumb into the deafening silence of her apartment.

besides, she can always contact either pie or her husband to talk to them about her injury.

she's not sure if that's even a good idea.

whatever.

with a plan to detach herself from the world for a little while, kim turns her phone off. she wants time, an alone time, even just a little time, to grieve and cry.

but for what?

she doesn't know yet.

all she knows is there is this heavy feeling in her chest she needs to get out of her system.

it could be because of pie--a huge part of it is always because of pie.

another part could be suzy. maybe no one will accept kim the way she is?

and then the other part is more of self-pity. why is she still living, anyway? what for? evens are gone now. what's next then? she doesn't have a living family, nor she has anyone to call her own.

she feels worthless. there's no one to live for, so what's life for?

she's hearing voices again. she knows it's just her brain making up these weird noises. still, she keeps hearing the words, the echoes, the whispers. and there's too many of them, too many to comprehend, too many to tell which is good or bad.

so, she closes her eyes and let herself fall into the abyss of memories.

jane's right. she needs to go to therapy again. she'll put that in her to-do list tomorrow, to look for another doctor. it should not be jane. the doctor shouldn't be related to pie in any way.

fuck. she needs to get pie out of her system completely or she'll go insane.

but how can she get pie out of her system?

can she do self-inflicted amnesia? maybe she can jump from her terrace with her head down first.

but wouldn't that kill her?

well, isn't dying a better idea?

dying doesn't scare her. in fact, she had learned to embrace it, a reason she was fearless during her sau days. unlike others, she sees death as a complete escape from the pain, a complete turnaround from the misery she's long fighting since she was a child.

then she hears conan's voice, reprimanding her to not hurt herself.

she laughs. and as she laughs, tears are also streaming down her temples.

she's laughing and crying at the same time.

maybe she is already insane. that's the reason no one could stand her.

maybe she's meant to be alone and miserable.

so she keeps laughing and crying until she feels sleepy. she gives in to the temptation of closing her eyes, hoping not to wake up anymore.

---

she wakes up a few hours later. the time stamp on her wall clock says it's ten in the evening.

starving, she rummages through her cupboard and was glad to find a couple of ramyun cups. she's can't remember when she bought those, but she's hungry and cup noodles are the easiest thing she can cook given her condition.

she was already done and satisfied with her second cup when she hears the buzz on her door. she leaves it unanswered. she's not expecting anyone to come anyway, especially not during this hour.

but the buzz continues which irritates her. this time, the person keeps pressing the button repeatedly and kim worries her neighbours will get bothered by this too.

"aish. can't i just get a day to myself?" she gets up, walks to the door, and opens it.

"why did you leave the house without waiting for me?" snaps the woman behind the door. she looks mad.

"pie?"

"why did you turn off your phone?" pie pushes an open palm against kim's chest, causing the taller girl to step back. "do you really want me to go crazy, huh?"

kim could only step back inside as she watches the infuriated nurse in baby pink scrub suit jostles her back.

"everyone is worried about you! do you know that!" another push. "conan said she can't contact you and thought you were hurting yourself!" pie shoves her again. "what were you thinking, kim? what were you thinking!"

pie's too mad that she's pounding her fists on kim's chest. kim tries covering herself with her arm.

"pie... stop... my... my shoulder hurts..." she says.

that finally knocks some senses to pie as she immediately stops to look at kim, her eyes teary.

"i'm fine. i'm right here, see? alive and talking to you," says kim.

pie covers her face with her palms, finally breaking down. "i'm sorry. i was worried. everyone is panicking. conan kept calling me and jane. i even scolded my mom for letting you go alone..."

"will you please calm down first?" kim pulls pie closer for a hug. "i'm sorry for making you all worry. i didn't mean to. i wanted to be alone for a little while so i switched off everything. and please don't blame your mom. she tried to stop me but i was being stubborn."

"conan thought you would hurt yourself," says pie in between her sobs, grasping kim's back.

kim rolls her eyes. "you know i wouldn't do something like that. i don't know why conan always thinks i'm going to hurt myself. i told her to focus on her honeymoon while they are on it."

"she's just caring about you..." pie pulls away to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. "you could have at least informed her of your plans so she won't worry."

"right. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for making you drive here at this hour just to check on me." kim stares at pie, admiring how the other woman can still look pretty even if she's crying. and somehow it gives kim good feelings, knowing that pie is still caring for her this much.

"what did you do the entire afternoon? have you eaten?" pie asks.

"i slept. i just woke up." she glances at the empty cups on her table. "can i get you something? i'm sure you're hungry."

a small crease forms on pie's forehead. "you had noodles? that's not even edible..."

"tell me what else can i do in this situation of mine? i'm too lazy to even have food deliveries so i settled for the instant noodles."

"where's suzy, then? shouldn't she take care of you?"

kim raises an eyebrow. "why would she do that?"

"aren't you two a thing?"

"no. we're not."

"you're not? so it's just something casual?"

kim shrugs, not wanting to answer.

pie's eyes lingers longer at kim before she looks away. "anyway, where's she now?"

"no idea." kim gestures at the duffel bag on the couch. "she came here earlier to drop my stuff then she left right after. guess we she went cold feet after seeing how crazy i am."

pie looks more shocked this time. "no, she didn't."

"can't blame her. it will be hard to deal with my craziness. at least she was honest about it."

"bitch," pie whispers, irritated. "and don't talk like that. you're not crazy."

kim stares at pie for a few seconds before turning away to walk to her cupboard. "so, noodles or... biscuits? oh. i also have cereals here..."

"kim, i'm not hungry."

"hey. you had a long drive. you need to eat something. don't you have work tomorrow? what time are you driving back?"

pie exhales. "i'm staying in the city tonight. i need to bring you to a doctor tomorrow."

"what? doctor? don't you have work?"

"it's my off tomorrow."

getting the picture of what's happening, kim panics. "pie, you don't have to do this."

"why? i want to help."

"yeah. i know. and thanks for that. but i can handle this on my own."

"obviously you can't." pie nods to the empty cup noodles. "look, i know what you're trying to do here. my mom told me about what you've talked earlier. if you're worried about peter, he knows i'm here tonight. in fact, i'm taking you to his specialist friend. we initially planned to ask you to stay in our house so we can look over you. but since you seem to want to stay here in the city, he referred you to another doctor here who can help."

kim groans. this can't be happening.

"hey, don't worry. it's the only thing we can do after what you've done. you risked your life for our daughter again."

pie's usage of 'we' and 'our' is making kim feel like there's a knife stuck in her chest.

"you don't need to pay me back for anything," says kim. "i saved your kid because i want to save her. and i can get by on my own. just give me your doctor's number and i'll go to him or her tomorrow. you don't need to bother yourself going with me."

pie heaves a sigh. "you're not a bother. you know how much i care for you, right?"

kim clenches her fist, preventing herself from saying what's on her mind. she's jealous and pathetic right now because all she wants to hear is how pie cares about her. she knows she can dig it out of the woman. and she knows she can take advantage of the situation to get pie back.

but what for?

and why would she?

katrien's face is flashing on her mind. kim closes her eyes hard, trying to maintain rationality.

"we can't keep doing this. it's just not right... for your husband, especially for katie..."

pie looks up at the ceiling and sighs. "look, to make it clear, i've no intentions of leaving my husband because of you nor anyone else." she weighs kim's reaction who maintains a calm facade. "i... i won't dare do anything that could ruin our marriage. most importantly, don't have the slightest intention of hurting my kid. so, whatever it is you're thinking now, or scared of now, it's not gonna happen. i'm just here to help. and peter knows and approves this."

it hits kim in the heart. not something she wants to hear, but yeah, at least there is an assurance that this is just platonic helping.

kim clears her throat. "that's good. but as i've said, i don't need help. i'm fine on my own."

pie sighs heavily for the nth time, pulling her fingers through her hair. "can you please not shut me down? for once, can you please try not shutting down the people who are truly caring for you? conan is always concerned about your well-being but you turned off your phone knowing she'll be checking on you even if she's abroad. jane keeps offering help, but you never called her. we brought you to my mom's house so we could look after you but you just left. i... i don't understand why you keep running away from us..."

"i'm not running away," says kim, offended.

"then what are you trying to do? avoid me? don't you think it's too late for that now? you've risked your own life for me and my family; once for me and peter and twice for katie. we're actually indebted to you, you know. and katie, she adores you."

kim can't hold pie's gaze. she looks away and bites her lower lip.

"i know it will be awkward, and painful, but we're adults now, kim," says pie, her voice softer now, like she's pleading. "i'm not trying to hurt you or what, i just want to help. i won't be able to get a peaceful sleep tonight unless i see you and i made sure you're all right. so, please, please, don't push me away. i promise you, i'm just here to help, to look out for you. nothing more, nothing less."

kim knows there's nothing she can do about this. as much as she doesn't want to admit it, she surely needs someone to assist her. so, she gives a reluctant nod.

"fine. but you still need to eat."

and pie finally chuckles.

---

she hears footsteps echoing in the hallway which was followed by heavy breathing.

'creeeeee!'

'eeeeeeee!'

'shit! run! run!'

the footsteps keep running straight ahead while a scary figure follows behind in heavy steps.

'kim! quick! it's coming!'

kim turns around. she sees conan holding the metal gate halfway down.

the footsteps are approaching and kim sees two figures trying to escape the larger creature running after them. she wants to move but her limbs feel heavy.

'now!'

'blag!'

'creeeee!'

the gate is fully closed now. the figures are safe on the other side. but the creature keeps ramming onto the metal gate.

kim steps back, her shoes making a squeaky sound on the floor. the creature turns to her.

'creeeee!'

"no..."

she knew she needs to escape. she knows she needs to run now. but her feet won't cooperate. she can't move her legs.

"no!"

the creature is coming closer. kim knows it will be the end of her.

she can still escape tho, but her body isn't cooperating.

"no!"

she tries her best, gave it all her strength so she can turn her body away from the monster. then she looks over the terrace. she's on the second floor. should she jump?

"kim?"

kim looks back. there's no one in the area aside from the monster ready to attack now. she climbs onto the terrace in a hurry, wondering how everything feels so light now.

"kim?"

she looks back again. there's no one. but the monster jumps at her, causing her to fall from the second floor.

weirdly, she is falling in slow motion. she can hear voices ringing in her head while she waits for her impending doom.

'can you please not shut me down? for once, can you please try not shutting down the people who are truly caring for you?'

'i'm here, kim. you're safe. i won't let go of you. it won't attack you.'

'because it's always about you, kim. since day one, it's always been about you.'

'creeeee!'

'keep this and live a life for me, okay?'

'i love you. i love you. i love you.'

'it's not just who i am, kim. i'm sorry, but i don't think i can still do this with you.'

'i can wait for you as long as you want. but no matter what happens, be strong for us.'

'she's married. just two months ago.'

'live a life for me, kim.'

'i am not ready for that with you yet. i can't be that person for you, kim...'

'you know how much i care for you, right?'

'captain!'

'i think you should stay away from pie for now.'

'i don't want to be with them... they're... they're fighting again...'

despite the noise, she hears one last voice before she hits the ground and everything goes blank for her.

'you're untouchable, kim.'

---

"kim... kim..."

the hands cupping her cheeks wake kim back to the real world. she still can't see a thing. it's all black.

"kim, look at me, please..." says the voice whose thumbs are stroking her cheeks. "please open your eyes."

her eyes flutter open, and there is finally light. pie's face is right above hers.

"hey..." pie smiles, but the worry is evident all over her face. "are you here with me now?"

kim blinks and looks away. that's when the tears fell from her eyes.

"why are you crying?" pie wipes her tears away.

"i dunno," she says, her voice and face void of any emotions.

there was a brief pause, before pie speaks again, "h-how long have you been experiencing this?"

"... days."

another silence. she can feel pie getting more worried. "kim, what's wrong?"

kim shakes her head. she blinks, more tears falling from her eyes.

realising what's happening, pie sits up, a hand over her mouth to muffle her cry.

"i'm all right," says kim, her voice still in monotone. "i'm all right."

"no you're not!" snaps pie, looking mad and hopeless. "who did this to you?"

kim thinks for a moment. "life." she forces a smile, finding the idea absurd. "can i just end this now?"

"no!" pie lies on kim's side in a hurry to hug her. "why are you talking like that? you can't give up now..."

kim keeps blinking. tears kept falling. the voices in her head seem to stop though now that pie is here.

"kim, please..." this time, pie buries her face in kim's neck. "no. please, no..."

"i'm just tired..." kim exhales. "i'm so tired..."

there is no response. pie's frame shaking against her.

"i... i want to rest... sleep and rest..." says kim. she takes a deep breath, feeling the sharp pain on her shoulder.

"i... i love you," says pie, her voice desperate and helpless. "i still love you..."

she lets it sink first. that is the nicest and the most painful thing she heard from pie.

"and i thought you said you wouldn't do anything to ruin your marriage?" she asks.

"i know, but you need to know that." pie lifts her head. "you can't just leave me like this, kim. fight for me, please? fight for yourself. fight for captain taliw and your dad."

kim locks her eyes with pie.

"please?" pie brushes the stray hair off kim's face. "we've done this before, remember? you were able to get through it. you just have to hold on a little longer... a little tighter... i'll help you... i'll do anything to help you... i can drive here daily if you really don't want to stay in our house... just... just please don't give up..."

kim looks away.

hold on a little longer? what for? what's the point?

pie buries her face back in kim's neck. "please... please... please..."

kim could feel the warmth of pie's breath fluttering against her collar. the tears trickles down her skin as the other woman rubs her face against kim's neck.

"please, kim. please..."

kim's still crying but she feels more at ease now. after a little while of silence on her side and continuous pleading on pie's part, she shifts her body away from the other woman.

"where are you going?" pie asks, seeing kim getting up despite the difficulty.

kim doesn't answer. she climbs down the bed and wears her slippers.

"kim, where are you going?"

she doesn't spare pie a glance. she walks out of the room slowly. she can feel pie tailing her. she got a glimpse of the sheets on the sofa where pie stayed. then she goes straight to the bathroom.

pie's hurried steps follow her. although worried, she helps kim in opening the door and turning the lights on.

kim turns the faucet on and washes her face with water. after feeling her senses coming back, she glances at the mirror and sees pie's reflection who's staring back at her.

kim takes a deep breath and turns around. "let's go back to your place. i'll do whatever you want."

pie's eyes widen.

"i won't be staying in your house. i'll find an apartment there," kim continues. "but you can bring me to any doctor you want. i'll schedule sessions with jane too."

pie's face softens. she comes to kim and hugs her softly. "thank you. thank you."

kim's hands stays on her side.

she doesn't know if this is a good idea or not.

all she knows is she wants to be out of this misery.