Not My Slave // Oingo Boingo

Guy

Mari stands with her back to me, arms wrapped around herself for dear life. Still disheveled from her nightmare, her dark hair hangs in tangles over her shoulder. The oversized t-shirt and black leggings she's wearing look damp, probably from sweat as there's also still a sheen on her skin. Tremors wrack her shoulders. And I don't blame her.

I've confirmed her worst fears; that her mother had hooked up with her captor - a man who attempted to traffic her into working for the Black Death.

Back then, she'd been blind to the danger surrounding her. She had no idea who her mom had let into the house. The devil himself. And here I am, one of them.

I take a step away from her, not that I was close. But I'm fucking tainted and I don't want the poison I've aligned myself with to rub off on her.

"I thought I'd seen the worst," she says, more to herself than me. "But this..." She shakes her head, dropping it a second after. When she turns around to face me, I'm not surprised to see wet streaks running down her face.

"It's too much. The memories are hitting me so hard. I thought-" She stops, choking off her own words with a sob.

"You thought you'd put everything behind you."

She nods at my declaration, eyes squeezed shut.

"But then I showed up and brought it all back."

"Yes," she whispers. Shoving a fist to her mouth, she pushes the sobs away.

"God, Mari. If I'd known, I never would have come." And that's God's honest truth. I would have made an excuse to Boulder. Hit the road for a spontaneous disappearing act as I've been known to do once in a while. Never in my imagination did I think I'd find the girl I'd shoved out a window ten years ago living only an hour away within the territory of our rivals.

Well, not my rivals. Boulder's rivals.

"Why did you?" Her wide eyes hit mine, guiless and innocent despite the shit she's seen. It never tainted her the way it did me.

If only...

"No real reason," I lie. "I move around a lot. I was back in the area so I stopped here and found a job." I shrug, as if it were that simple. It's vital that Mari thinks so. But Boulder's had me watching the Blue Bloods for a couple years, waiting for an opportunity to infiltrate the club. As soon as Grinder put out that job opening, we had our in.

You'd think in all that time I would have caught wind of Mari being so tied to the club. But her name wasn't on any documents. Her picture wasn't associated with anyone in Grinder's circle that I'd seen in my research. And considering Grinder's only now climbing out of the archaic caveman method of bookkeeping thanks to Jackson, there weren't any online records I could find leading back to her. Mari's kept a low profile, which had worked in her favor until now.

But she's not out of danger. Especially not with me inside her bubble.

"Listen," I say, getting her attention. Something in her eyes tells me she's only half here. The rest of her mind is somewhere far away, remembering. I step closer out of necessity. She needs to understand what I'm about to say more than anything I've said up to now.

"You need to watch your back."

Mari flinches at my harsh words.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If the Black Death ever realizes who you are, you could be in real danger. The house you escaped from is only a couple hours from here. That's still their headquarters."

She doesn't need to know I'm with them. She'd have no way of finding out I still live in that fucking place. I took this job to get out for a while. It's why I take all of my recon jobs–get the hell out of that nightmare and pretend I live a normal fucking life.

"If they realize that you're close," I lower my voice even though we're all alone, "that you have ties to the Feds, they'd lose their shit."

"I don't have ties to the Feds," Mari stands straighter, some of the fire that had gone out of her eyes earlier now back in full force. "I work with old people who are mostly bed ridden. I'm a health aid, not even a full fledged nurse. I don't know any Feds."

"You're close to Grinder. He's close to the Feds. Therefore," I spread out an open palm. "You do the math. These guys won't care that your connection is incidental. You were in their place. You escaped. And you're still alive. By definition, you're a threat."

Mari huffs and stomps over to the sink, grabbing a glass from the counter and filling it with water. She gulps some down, shaking her head as she swallows and pours the rest back down the drain.

"This is ridiculous," she murmurs.

"It's reality."

Mari spins around, facing me with fury in her eyes. I love the fire she has aimed at me. It screams her will to live and that's all I'm trying to get from her.

"If they realize who you are, and what you know," I add. "You will be a target. Boulder never misses a target he sets eyes on." Realizing I'm tying myself to him, I divert without missing a beat. "You need to be careful. That's the reason for my watchful eyes on you."

"Ha! You have been a stalker," she shouts, pointing an accusing finger in my face.

"Call it stalking if you want, but you'll thank your lucky stars I'm close by if Boulder ever makes a move."

Mari narrows her gaze at me. If I didn't know better, I'd start to worry she could read minds or something with the way she's hitting me with those dark chocolate laser beams.

"Seems awfully convenient that you saunter into town just in time to keep an eye out for me." Her mouth twists as she continues to glare. "And how do you know Grinder has Feds in his pocket?"

"What, is that some secret?" My pulse accelerates at her line of questions. Hits a little too close to the truth. "He talks openly about hanging out with Frank and Misty." The local guy used to work on Fallbrook's homicide team, but now he's a federal agent. Something Grinder mentioned my first week here.

When I looked into him, I knew the link between the two of them was key information. Frank was part of a gang taskforce that took down the Kings, a fully operational criminal empire mascarading as an inner city street gang.

Mari's eyeroll is deep. "That guy? He's just a friend. Grinder's known him for a while. He's a nerd with a badge, not a baddie taking down the gang. Knowing someone who happens to be a federal agent doesn't mean he's giving some kind of biker inside information."

That's exactly what it means. Grinder didn't need to come out and tell me he's an informant. He simply mentioned Frank's job title in casual conversation. And the fact he did, in an off handed way, was a test if I've ever seen one. He was looking for a flinch, a smirk, some kind of tell to let him know where I fall on the continuum of morality.

There's one key fact Grinder seems to have forgotten so easily during his decade away from the criminal life: Morally grey players don't have tells.

But Mari doesn't know this life, and I'm not about to drag her into enlightenment. This is one case where ignorance is bliss.

"True. Old friendships don't necessitate exclusive details." I offer simple agreement to shift our conversation away from explosive topics.

She nods with acceptance so easily I wonder if giving her a small win might end up working in my favor.

Not that I want it to. In fact, I wish she'd hide more details than she has. Better for her if I don't know more than I do.

"Well," Mari sighs as she opens the fridge to pull out a tube of cookie dough. "Grinder's the one who helped our family the most after my dad died. He's family. That's how we do things in this neighborhood. We take care of our own and watch out for each other."

Her tone doesn't hide how defensive she is over the man.

But it also tells me one more thing I shouldn't know.

Getting to her will get to Grinder. Which is something Boulder would use in his favor. Another reason to stall the job, keep the details away from the Death and keep an eye on Mari as often as possible.

She needs a warning but I can't give her too much.

"Like I said, Mari, living here is closer than you should be to the epicenter. I've kept my eye on you for that reason alone."

Mari tears open the package of cookie dough, breaks off a chunk and pops it in her mouth, all while holding intense eye contact.

It's fucking hot, and I don't know what to do with that revelation.

"Well, look away my guy. You'll be captivated by my bed pan duties, my sock sorting on a Saturday night. Oh!" Mari holds up the tube of dough, waving it in my face. "And my pathetic, single as a pringle, straight from the tube dough binging." She shoves another chunk in her mouth, talking around the lump in her cheek. "Salatious."

Something inside of me snaps. Maybe it's her self-deprecation. Maybe it's the defeated look in her eyes. Or maybe, it's that I gave up my will to live ten years ago and Mari just shocked it back into existence.

Whatever the cause, I take a step forward, into her sphere of existence, and snap off a chunk of dough. Just before shoving it into my mouth, once my eyes have taken their fill of her shimmering lips, I offer one undeniable truth.

"You've always captivated me, Mari."

Her eyes pop wide as I chomp on the dough. But I don't give her a chance to say a word before turning toward the door and making my exit. I take the stairs two at a time, needing to put space between us as fast as possible.

One second longer with her and I would have done more than drop a truth on those lips. I would have laid a kiss on her with a decade's worth of pent up desire. Something I have no right to do. Something I stopped letting myself dream of so long ago I shouldn't feel the force of it as strongly as I do now.

Some things aren't meant to be. Mari and I are one of them.

I didn't make a Friday feels update, so a Swoony Saturday it is... But what about that ending?!?! Don't get too excited yet. Guy is holding back and Mari has some things to process (and some feelings to work through).  I can't wait to dive in when they figure it out!

And it looks like most of you are excited about Oscar's story! Me too, and I've started notes, plot ideas and character details so I'll probably be working on his right after this one. Yay!!

Admittedly, this is a weird song pick for this chapter. But hear me out: It's the voice in Guy's head trying to work out who Mari is to him (You're not my--- fill in the relationship blank) He's shuffling through the connections like cards but avoiding the one she truly is (Yes, his one and only). But don't worry! He'll get there.

https://youtu.be/0nZE978JbYc