Who was I before the Gray?

Was there a before?

I dream beautiful things. Colors exploding into the world. Melodious sounds, tinkering sounds. Emotions of safety, warmth, belonging. Beautiful dreams. Fantasies.

I carved out a fantasy to deal with my reality. I carved a kingdom out of sorrow and made it rejoice. I made a castle out of nightmares, and made everyone dream to have it.

But they cannot. While they dream to have my life

I dream of a place with colors

a place where I do not fit in,

but even so, the place is more beautiful

than this.

Like any fantasy, it ends when I awake, and I am thrown back into the nightmare again. Only, this time, my eyes remain open.