do you know
what's the question
I want to
always
ask you?

do I look numb?

if you say, "yes",
then I have won.

I have made it,
I have fooled you
and everybody else

and can I say

I hate that my act works all the damn time

somedays I sit down
peel my layers
fling them
where I will never look for it

I forget which layer comes first
and when I put them back on
the next day

I look different
I seem different

to my own eyes

and to no one else

you are too busy
living in your own world
ruling over your subjects
and being the ruler

I sit back and study
you all
with a critical eye.

I am the critic

I am always the critic

it's not the most colorful thing to be
but I understand
and I see things
for what they are

unlike you

how can you not see
how can you not find

my wishes, my loves
die a thousand deaths

every single moment.

________

©VioletEden

31stAugust2017