Listen to Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi

I messed up but maybe it was for the best.

I took a seat on the couch after Belvina left. I brought her here to spend time with her, get to know her, win her friendship, and show her I wasn't a bad person. I didn't like the way she saw me as a villain and maybe I was desperate to show her I was a good person, but I knew after what happened last night, she would want nothing to do with me, she probably believed the worse of me. What the hell was I thinking? Why would I even risk inviting her on the trip when I knew my dick reacted being in the same space with her, knowing it grew hard just thinking about her, knowing the attraction between us was intense and neither of us could control it. The thing was, when I was around her, I had no control over the words that left my mouth or what my lips and hand would do. I wanted her but at the same time, I didn't want to want her. I could have stopped it before it escalated then we wouldn't be leaving this trip on bad terms. Maybe I should have handled it differently instead of walking out on her and disappearing for a whole day. I freaked out knowing I was her first. I just thought I didn't deserve to take that from her since I wanted it to be a one-time thing and I wanted it to be special for her, I didn't know if I could give her that. I wasn't gentle with her and I hurt her, I just couldn't stay in the same suite with her knowing how awful I was to her. I had booked another room next door and turned off my phone to get sleep but I couldn't stop thinking about her, I wanted to go and check on her but I knew the last thing she wanted was me around her. It was impossible to get any sleep. After doing a lot of thinking, I realized it was a mistake bringing her here.

I leaned back on the seat and stared at the chocolate pudding I bought for her. I made David drive me around the whole city just to get her favorite pudding and tortilla chips. I sighed in frustration and ran my fingers through my hair. I should leave her to assume the worse about me, it was better that way.

"You had to ruin it, huh?" I whispered to myself.

Yesterday was the best day I have had in a long time, I didn't want it to end. I couldn't remember the last I was that happy. I laughed at how I was trying to impress Belvina to win her friendship and get her to like me. I remembered her vlogs and a sense of sadness washed over me. Would she delete them? She was right though, a trip to New York didn't make us friends.

I was already missing her, a part of me wanted to take the risk even if I would get hurt in the process. Her imprint was everywhere in the suite, her lavender scent, a piece of her highlighter under the table and as I looked down at the couch at where it had started, I felt heat run through my vein. It would be impossible to forget her, to forget the moment we shared on this trip, to forget what she tasted like, the sound she made, the feel of her fingers in my hair as she moans my name, the silkiness of her skin and how good it felt being inside her for the first time. I wasn't sure if I would keep my hands to myself when I was around her. I need to be put on a leash because Belvina was like an antidote I needed urgently.

I wondered if she was okay. What if she got stuck in traffic and missed her flight? I had to make sure she got back safely home. I stood up and called David to get the car ready. I went through my contacts and found her number, I took a deep breath before tapping the dial symbol. She rejected the call before the second ring.

I glared at my reflection on the shiny steel elevator walls engulfing me. I told David to take me to the airport. I knew Belvina could take care of herself but I was still responsible for her safety. It was almost ten in the evening, had she eaten? I knew I had been an asshole to her since yesterday. I wanted to give her reasons to walk away before it got too late for either of us.

Due to the traffic, we arrived forty-five minutes before her flight was to take off. I rushed into the building, hoping to see her. I scanned the crowd in the airport looking for a small curly hair woman but I didn't find her. She must have gone through the boarding gate. I called her line to be sure, it went to voicemail.

I sighed softly and returned to the car. I told David to drive me back to the hotel. I went for a quick shower immediately after I got to the hotel suite. I went through some business emails before climbing on the bed to get some sleep.

I stared blankly at the tall ceiling, wishing Belvina was here. I missed her warmth, her sweet scent that always made me lean closer to her, the steady sound of her heartbeat, and my arms wrapped around her, the softness of her lips, and the sweet and sour taste that was still engraved in my head. The sounds that escaped her lips and the tentative movement of her hands, it was the first time I was seeing her nervous and vulnerable. I recalled the look in her eyes, the softness of her gaze as she waited for every command, and her quiet gasp whenever I kissed her. Maybe I loved being her first.

"Fuck," I groaned looking down at the bulge in my pants.

I stood up and picked up the tiny bottle of my sleeping pills, I opened it and grunted when I found it empty.

I left the room and walked around the suite stretching my arms, I went out to the balcony for some air after my little exercise. I stared at the stars in the sky that spread to infinity and the crescent of the moon that looked like a halo in the clouds. The occasional honking of cars broke the silence of the night.

Was she worth fighting for? What if she left like the rest? Should I risk it? I was avoiding relationships like a virus right now.

I went back inside, I paused on my way to my room and entered the room Belvina stayed. Her sweet scent surrounded me, I imagined her on the bed in her lace thong trying to read a thick textbook, watching the way she did pack her in a messy bun with some stray curls falling down at every corner and she did look the prettiest. Her eyebrows would crease up and her lips would pout in annoyance as she tried to read whatever was on the page.

"What have you done to me, Vixen?" I laughed at myself.

My eyes caught the black silk floral scarf on the floor. I picked it up and brushed my fingers through it, I remember how gorgeous she looked every morning with the scarf tied around her large curls.

"At least I have a reason to see you now," I said to myself as I stared at the scarf.

I walked back to my room and tried to get some sleep since I had an early flight back to California.

***

I drove straight to the office after I arrived at the airport. There was a slight pain in my head as I took a glance at the sun. I looked beside me at the black scarf, my ticket to seeing Belvina and making sure she accepts my apology. I called Elise and told her to get me a coffee and some painkillers.

I wore a smile before stepping out of the car and entering the building. I waved at Alisa in the lobby and headed to the elevator. I leaned on the wall of the elevator and closed my eyes to calm my mind for a second. I opened my eyes when the doors slid open, I smiled at Jasmine and asked about her baby.

"Welcome back, Adrian," Elise said with a big smile and gave me my coffee.

"Thank you, Elise," I said and walked to my office with her trailing behind me.

"Your 9 o'clock is here," she informed me as I took my seat.

"He is early," I said and leaned back on the seat.

"Everything okay? You don't look well," Elise asked.

"I'm good, I didn't have enough sleep," I said flashing her a grin. She nodded and left the office. I picked up the coffee and took a sip, I just wanted to go through the day stress-free, but I still had to see Belvina.

After clearing my schedule for the day, I left for her apartment. She should be home by now since it was past 7 pm. I left my suit jacket in the car and loosened my tie as I walked into the building. I entered the elevator and punched in the floor number, a lady walked in quickly before the doors could close.

She looked back at me and I smiled at her, she looked away to hide the reddish-pink tint growing on her cheeks. She looked down at the scarf in my hand and her gaze flickered to mine like she was wondering what I was doing with a scarf. If I wasn't desperate to speak to Belvina, I would have kept the scarf with me and hold on to it forever.

"Nice bracelet," I said trying to ease the uncertainty in the elevator.

"Thank you," her voice was small. She looked at her bracelet and turned her gaze to the jewelry I had on me.

"I love your necklace," she said to me.

"You want it?" I asked her and she looked away biting down the smile tugging at her lips. I took off the gold neck chain and extended it for her to take.

"Thank you, I'm Jenny," she said and I nodded. I was relieved the elevator opened before she could ask for my name. I waved at her and walked out.

I searched for the apartment number and made my way to the door. I knocked and waited. Chloe opened the door with an apron and white powder on her forehead and cheek like she'd been wrestling with a bag of flour. She looked frustrated and as if she would soon break down.

"You are the worse student ever!" I heard Belvina yell. Just hearing the sound of her voice, sent weird feelings through my body.

"Hi, Adrian. Come in," Chloe said and walked away. I stepped in and shut the door.

"I said three eggs Chlo and you put seven?!" Belvina screamed from the kitchen.

I looked at Chloe and she gave me a strained smile.

"She is the worse teacher, zero patience," Chloe whispered to me and I smiled.

"What are you doing there? The burrito is not gonna cook itself," Belvina said walking into the living room. Chloe rolled her eyes and walked back to the kitchen.

"Hey, Vixen," I said stepping closer to where she was standing.

"Hey, asshole," she said crossing her arm. I wish I could tell how beautiful she looked in that black sundress and her curls she packed to the back.

"I will take that," she snatched the scarf from my hand. She walked away before I could say anything else. I walked to the kitchen and joined Chloe who looked clueless about what she was doing.

"Anything I can help you with?" I asked.

"Yeah, leave," Belvina replied, entering the kitchen.

"Be nice," Chloe said to her but she scoffed and joined Chloe at the counter.

"Sprinkle the cheese, don't just throw it on top," Belvina sighed.

"Excuse me," I raised a hand. Belvina gave me a hard look.

"So, is there a certain pattern to wrap the tortillas?" I asked.

"This is not a cooking class, Parker," she said and I smiled. Why did I love it when she calls me by my last name?

"Can you teach me?" I asked leaning closer, she shot me a glare and looked away.

"Is not free," she said.

"I don't care," I said and stepped in beside her. She considered me for a few seconds and shook her head. She must hate me, I don't blame her.

"Watch closely," she said, picking up a tortilla wrap. I leaned closer, reveling in her sweet scent and the warmth from her body. She elbowed me in the gut like she knew I wasn't paying attention to her.

"I can feel you breathing in my neck," she said. I took a step back and watched her, I took a glance at Chloe. She wasn't paying attention to us, she looked worried about something else as she stared at her phone screen.

"And that is how you wrap a burrito," I heard Belvina say, drawing my attention back to her.

"Your turn," she said with a wicked smile like she knew I was bound to fail. I smiled back and rolled my sleeves up. I picked one tortilla wrap and stared at the different dressings in tiny glass bowls lined on the marble island.

Chloe's ringtone broke the silence in the room, she gave us a smile and walked away quickly with her phone.

"I don't have all day," Belvina said.

I reached for the cilantro dressing but Belvina smacked my hand away.

"Egg mixture first," she said.

"Damn, Vixen. You are one hell of a mean teacher," I said as I spread the egg mixture on the tortilla wrap.

"Don't talk to me like you deserve my kindness," she derided.

"Look, I'm sorry about..."

"I don't care about what happened. We are not even friends, you mean nothing to me so it doesn't bother me. Whatever the chances of us becoming friends are, forget about it. I'm just trying to be nice because of Chloe." She cut in quickly.

"I understand," I said looking at her, all I wanted was to pin her against the fridge and kiss the anger out of her.

"You're staring too much," she said and I laughed.

"I can't help it," I whispered and I could swear I saw her smile.

I returned to wrapping the burrito, I finished and showed it to her.

"Congratulation on preparing the worse burrito wrap ever," she said clapping. I laughed and took a bite from it.

Belvina stepped closer and decided to wrap the rest, I studied the swift movement of her slender fingers. She reminded me of my mom when I folded my clothes the wrong way and she did complain. I looked away when the memories became overwhelming. I would have done anything to keep my mom alive but instead, they sent me away from her.

Chloe returned by the time Belvina was done, we sat at the island and ate the burrito while Chloe complained about Belvina's teaching methods. I smiled as I watched them, the best duo ever. I was glad Chloe had someone like Belvina who stuck by her through thick and thin.

I drove back to my house with a smile, even if I had ruined all my chances with Belvina, spending some time with her was enough to light up the rest of my day. Maybe that was enough, I didn't need to ask for more.

I went for a run immediately I changed into my sports shorts. I welcomed the different thoughts that fogged my head as I ran down the sidewalk. I should get used to being alone, it was like dying every moment and feeling insignificant. Living each day knowing, you will always be left alone and forgotten, unloved, and crying tears no one will ever see.

I had family, I have two brothers and two half-sisters, and I can't remember when last I spoke to any of them. Even before my mom passed away, the relationship between us was strained. Being the last child in the family, I felt lucky to have my mom by my side, but she got very sick when I needed her the most. I knew she would have been proud of me representing the country in the Olympics, but I never made it to the Olympics and now my life sucked. She would be disappointed at the person I was today; I was glad she was not alive to see me like this.

I stopped to catch my breath, I looked up at the dark sky. I had told myself to be strong for my friends, I wanted people to rely on me and not the other way around. Not everyone noticed your pain and I liked it that way, I didn't want anyone worrying about me.

I jogged back to my place and took a cold shower.

***

The following week went by slowly. I had spent a lot of time at Chloe's apartment hoping to spend some time with Belvina but she always stayed in her room and never came out when I was around.

Wednesday, I had an interview with a magazine company that covered business and wealth. I arrived at the office feeling less excited about the interview, I only hope it doesn't take long.

"Hi, Adrian," Elise greeted me with a big smile.

"Hey, Elise," I smiled.

I walked to my office and took a seat. Elise briefed me on my schedule for the day before leaving. I went through the files in front of me before my interviewer arrived. She was pretty and tall, her tight short skirt outlined her hips and the silk white blouse had a deep V-neck that showed off some cleavage.

"Hi, I'm Felicity Wolin," she introduced herself with a beautiful smile.

"Adrian Parker, welcome," I said taking her hand she extended to me. No ring.

"It's nice to finally meet you in person, I mean you were a famous swimmer and dated one of London's top models, it's a pleasure to be in your presence, sorry if I sound unprofessional. I'm a big admirer," she rambled.

"The pleasure is mine, so where do we start?" I asked leaning on the table. She looked distracted for a few seconds before shaking her head like she forgot why she was here in the first place. I stared at her dark hair that cascaded over her shoulder, I missed those large curls.

I brushed Belvina out of my head and focused on Felicity, I could get her on this desk and fuck her till I forget about my problems for today. The problem was a curly hair tiny woman. Sex made you forget and I doubted Felicity will turn down an orgasm from the way she was flaunting her cleavage with her hands and opening her legs.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it, something was holding me back. I looked away from her and kept my gaze elsewhere, the funny thing was that none of her actions turned me on.

***

I spoke to Tristan on my way home, he had checked into an elite rehab in Atlanta. I promised to visit him for the weekend. It's been so long since I last saw him in person. I went for my usual evening run when I got home.

Friday, I drove to the airport after work and took the private jet to Atlanta. I checked into a hotel and went to see Tristan the next day. He looked better than I had seen him in a long time.

"I thought you were joking about coming here," Tristan said. We were sitting in the outdoor space in the rehabilitation center. It was a nice place, large and spacious with great views of a massive mountain and tall trees surrounding the place.

"You look good," I said and he looked down at his white t-shirt and grey jogger shorts and gave me a questioning look.

"How is therapy?"

"Annoying, we do a lot of talking."

"Sounds good to me," I shrugged.

"How is she?" he asked, I knew he was asking about Chloe.

"Better, she rejected the money her parents got from the lawsuit," I told him.

"How is she doing financially? Is she going to school?" he asked looking concerned.

"She has a job at a Diner and yeah, she is taking her classes online," he looked relieved at my answer.

"Is she seeing anyone?" he looked away from me after he asked.

"None that I know of," I told him with a smile, he looked relieved at the information. I knew he was trying to be the best version of himself for her but it will crush him when he see that she'd moved on with someone else. I was afraid he might lose it again.

"Just focus on getting better, ok?" I said.

I updated him about what had been happening at the company, I wanted to tell him about Belvina and ask for some advice but I decided not to bring it up. It wasn't important.

***

Months went by and I kept visiting Tristan when I had the chance. I couldn't wait for him to return home, he only had a few months left in rehab. If he was looking forward to returning to Chloe's life I didn't know how that would go for him.

I have had no luck with Belvina, I guess she was serious when she told me I ruined my chances of us becoming friends or anything more than that. I wanted to forget about her and not feel guilty every time I tried to fuck some other girl.

I drove home and worked out for a few minutes in the gym. I called Tristan and we spoke for a while. He told me his family was returning next week and wanted to stay off the radar. He was coming back a week after his family's arrival.

Should I tell Chloe? She told me she was happy they were gone and believed they were never coming back.