Goldenshine's POV

My stomach twisted with guilt as Breezepelt led me under a bush, away from all of the other unknowing cats at the Gathering.

As I looked around to check if anyone was watching, my ears turned hot when I immediately noticed that Snowflight was glaring right back at me. By looking at her face for only a heartbeat, I could tell that she was saying, "I know what you're up to, and I'm going to shred your fur off!"

My stomach twisted, surprised to see Snowflight so angry. How can she possibly know, is it that obvious? I wondered to myself. Great StarClan, I hope not. Otherwise all four Clans will figure out what's going on, soon enough.

I pretended like I didn't see Snowflight's blue gaze burning into my pelt as I finally ran into the bush, suddenly feeling very panicked knowing that my sister likely knew what was going on. She wouldn't rat me out, would she?

I crawled inside to see that Breezepelt was already in there waiting for me, and as soon as I met his amber gaze, I let out a frustrated hiss.

"Breezepelt, why did you bring me here? Firestar told us that we couldn't see each other anymore," I said with deep emotion in my meow, but rolling my eyes. "Despite that, we proceeded to meet every few nights, but after that, I told you that I hated keeping secrets, and that I couldn't do this anymore!"

It hurt to say every word that I had just said, for I was up to the brim in pain by now.

I let out a shaky sigh, reflecting on the fact that the past moon had been quite a whirlwind. After Firestar had confronted Breezepelt and I, I had thought for sure that would have been the last time that we would see each other.

But, just a couple of days later, Breezepelt had caught me while I was on the dawn patrol. He had begged to me that we start meeting up again, and I found myself not being able to back away from the offer. Even though at the time we had only been apart for a bit of time, I already had missed him immensely - his warm scent, his gentle words, all of the fun we had had together that night, just playing like kits and talking... Even though I had been so upset with myself after being discovered by Firestar, I... I just couldn't make myself feel guilty enough to not go and see Breezepelt again.

So, from there is when we began meeting every few nights. We had so much fun together, and during all of it, I found that I had no regrets about what I was doing. I loved Breezepelt so much, and at the time, I knew that I never, ever wanted to lose him. I tried to stay focused on my warriors duties as usual, trying to prove wrong the Goldenshine that had originally said that mates interfere with it.

But, about a half-moon after that, I found out something that absolutely terrified me, and it dawned on me just how dangerous it was for us to be meeting up anymore. As hard as it had been, I had told Breezepelt that we should stop meeting, at least for a while. It was much too risky, and I didn't think that I could handle it anymore. Not when the consequences of our actions were finally creeping up on me. And I thought that being found by the ThunderClan leader was bad... I thought fearfully.

That had just been a couple of moonhighs ago. Clearly, Breezepelt hadn't taken it well, as he had pulled me away from the rest of the Gathering to talk to me.

After I had questioned Breezepelt as to why he had brought me under this bush, his amber eyes looked up at me, filled with sadness. "I just had to see you again, Goldenshine," he whispered, his eyes filled with pain and desperation. "I love you. You're all I ever think about. You just never leave my head."

"I love you too," I immediately meowed after he finished, "But this is against the warrior code. I always knew it, but I ignored it and tried to convince myself that it would be okay, but it isn't. Breezepelt, I just don't think that this can work anymore!"

Breezepelt's eyes burned with anger and love at the same time as he listened to me. When he sat there silently, I didn't know what to say after that. At least, anything that would calm him down.

Should I tell him that I'm expecting his kits?

I sighed and tried to meet his gaze, coming to a decision. "Breezepelt, I have something to tell you-"

"Save it," he hissed before I could finish. "You obviously don't love me as much as I love you, so I'll just find someone who really cares about me. We're done."

He let out one more hiss before leaving the bush.

I let out a half-shocked, half-irritated hiss. No! This isn't how I want things to end! I suddenly found myself not wanting to see Breezepelt go like this. The last thing I wanted was for us to end on a sour note.

"Breezepelt, wait! Please!" I begged.

Right as his tail was sliding out of the bush, Breezepelt paused. "What?" he growled, peeking his head back in.

The only way I can break this news to him the right way is if we meet again... I decided reluctantly. "Just meet me by the ThunderClan-WindClan border tomorrow at sunset, and I'll explain everything!" I meowed desperately.

He sighed and looked back at me, his amber eyes filled with pain, still.

"Fine," he muttered before completely leaving the bush. "See you there."

When I reluctantly followed Breezepelt out of the bush, I suddenly felt a small pain in my stomach as the kits moved. After it passed, I sighed and looked up to Silverpelt. Oh, StarClan, what am I going to do with these little ones? I asked them to myself. I love them more than anything already, but... why did this have to happen now?

I hung my head down in shame as I began to pad back to the Gathering clearing. Why did I let it happen now?

Every cat was beginning to leave once I arrived back into the crowd. I narrowed my eyes as I realized that almost everyone seemed to be meowing and whispering to each other excitedly.

Suddenly feeling very curious, and a little remorseful that I had missed the Gathering, I ran up to Dovepaw and Lionblaze, who seemed to be murmuring to each other nervously. "What happened?" I asked them, stopping about a tail-length in front of them.

Dovepaw turned her head to face me and stared at me, clearly confused. "What do you mean?" She asked, lashing her tail. "You were out here listening, weren't you?"

I froze, trying to come up with an excuse as quickly as I could. Shoot. "Uh... I was just in my own world, I guess," I lied. Good enough.

Dovepaw shrugged at my explanation.

Lionblaze explained what I had missed. "Each Clan leader is going to send out two cats of their choice to go see what is causing this drought."

"I see. Exciting!" I meowed as I nodded with intrigue. That's interesting! I wonder who they'll pick? I asked myself, looking down at my swelling belly. I would have to come up with some excuse for Firestar if he were to pick me...

As I was then beginning to walk off of the log, a searing pain suddenly shot through my stomach. To say the least, it felt worse than anything I had ever felt up until now. I let out a weak squeal and fell to the ground, barely being able to take the pain. Everything was spinning, and it was suddenly hard to breath. What's happening? I thought in sheer panic. StarClan, be with me, please!

Every cat who had been walking past froze to watch me groan with pain, their eyes wide enough to pop out of their heads. Before anyone could even say anything, I sighed with relief as saw Snowflight shouldering her way through the crowd.

"Everyone, stand back!" she shouted, and to her luck, I'm sure, every cat around listened to her.

I could barely see as Snowflight then quickly padded up to me and bent down. "Goldenshine, you're having your kits!" she hissed quietly into my ear, rubbing my stomach with one of her paws.

I let out an almost breathless gasp. What? I shouted from inside, for once hoping that Snowflight was wrong. These kits can't possibly be coming now, it's early! A half-moon early!

I then watched as Snowflight then turned to the cats still gathered around. "Can someone help me carry her, please?" she asked desperately, lashing her tail towards me. "I can't by myself, and we need to get her away from here as soon as possible."

"I will."

A dark cat, one now very familiar to me, ran up to stand by Snowflight.

Breezepelt...

He and Snowflight quickly raised me off of the ground, and as I was suddenly on my paws again, I put all of my weight on their shoulders, not being able to hold myself up very well on my own.

The travel across the tree ridge felt as horrible and infinite as I'm sure the journey to the Dark Forest felt. It felt nearly impossible to put one paw in front of the other, and I might as well have had a large rock in my stomach dragging me down. Along with that, I could barely breath, so you know, it was just quite pleasant overall.

Breezepelt, Snowflight and I seemed to be traveling faster than I thought though as I realized that we were already arriving in the ThunderClan forest, our pelts being covered by the dark shadows of trees.

I can't believe this is happening right now, I thought in distress as I felt Breezepelt and Snowflight trying to lay me down. What luck!

"Goldenshine, what's wrong?" Breezepelt asked, his voice shaking with worry. I found myself relaxing a little at the sound of my mate's voice.

"She's having kits!" Snowflight hissed quickly, glaring at the WindClan tom. "Would we have gone through the trouble of taking her all the way here if she was dying?"

Breezepelt just stood there with wide eyes, ignoring Snowflight's harsh words. He clearly was too shocked to say anything. Me too, my love, I thought as I tried to catch my breath.

Snowflight continued to glare at Breezepelt before shaking her tail in front of his bewildered face. "Don't just stand there, help me!" Snowflight shouted to him as she began to scan the area. "I came here because I knew where the herbs would be, so try and make yourself useful while I look for some!"

I managed a small purr of amusement, humored and shocked by how assertive and almost rude Snowflight was acting. I was impressed at how she was able to buckle down under pressure and simply do what she had to do in troubled times. She almost turns into Jayfeather when she has to, I joked to myself.

At Snowflight's command, Breezepelt nodded and padded up to me as the white she-cat turned away to look for herbs, I assumed. "Are you okay, Goldenshine?" Breezepelt whispered, running his tail down my flank. I closed my eyes at the gentleness of his voice.

I heard light footsteps emerging again, and I looked up to see that Snowflight was already back, a bundle of herbs in her mouth.

"She will be soon," Snowflight then meowed, putting down her herbs. "Just stay out of my way for now, and lick the kits when they come out, please." I then flinched as I felt Snowflight touch her paw to my belly. "Here we go, Goldenshine."

Here we go.

I took a long, deep breath and began to push.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~

I had never felt more amazing in my whole life than I did looking down at my four beautiful kits. The birth had been very rough, and it had felt like a life's worth of work, but I already knew that these kits were worth a million lives over. In that moment, all of the choices I had made - meeting with Breezepelt in secret, breaking the warrior code, and expecting kits with a cat from another Clan - suddenly didn't matter anymore. All that mattered were the four balls of perfection suckling at my belly.

Snowflight had pointed out that there were two she-cats and two toms. One of the she-cats was a dark-gray tabby, while the other was bright orange. One of the toms was almost as small as the she-cats. He was light brown with very fluffy fur. Luckily, the other tom looked very strong, and was the largest of all the kits. He had the same exact pelt color as Breezepelt, with a white chest, belly, and paws.

"They're beautiful," Breezepelt had whispered as he lied down beside me.

"What do you mean, they're beautiful?" I whispered back teasingly, digging my muzzle into his soft fur. "They're absolutely perfect."

Breezepelt and I had lied there for several heartbeats, staring down lovingly at our kits, before I then heard a quiet gasp come from my sister.

"Uh, oh," Snowflight muttered, bending down to look at and sniff the kits again, almost as if to double-check something.

My heart began to beat faster.

"What? What's wrong?" Breezepelt asked, seemingly starting to panic as he stood up.

Snowflight closed her eyes and sighed after having touched her nose to each of the kits, one at a time. Although Snowflight's gaze was even, I knew her more than any cat. Something was terribly wrong.

Snowflight's suddenly solemn gaze said it all.

"I'm afraid that only one of your kits has survived," the medicine cat forced out shakily. "They were all very small and weak. Only one of your toms, the gray one, is strong enough to live."

"What?" Breezepelt meowed, his voice breaking as he spoke. "You're joking!"

Snowflight sighed, staring back at the black tom. "No cat would be cruel enough to joke about that," she whispered, putting the tip of her tail on Breezepelt's shoulder. "I am so sorry..."

I hadn't moved since Snowflight had spoken. I mean, I was speechless. I felt numb with the amount of grief I was feeling. Just moments ago, four kits were nestled up against me. Four potential lives. Four kits that could have become amazing warriors, medicine cats, or even leaders one day. Thank StarClan, one of them would still get that chance, but the pain was still too great.

I let out a loud wail of grief and layed my head on my dear kits. "My precious kits, I'm so, so sorry," I whispered to them, barely being able to speak as my throat welled up with emotion. StarClan, are you punishing me for having them like this? I asked my warrior ancestors in dismay. Don't punish them, they've done nothing wrong! Punish their mother! Oh, goodness, this is all my fault!

"And sorry you should be."

I managed to let out a startled yelp as a deeper voice suddenly growled from behind us. I immediately stood up and turned to see that it was Firestar, catching us in an act once again. My stomach twisted as I realized that the ThunderClan leader had never looked so angry, at least not since I had been alive.

I hung my head low as Firestar's furious green gaze burned into me. "I told you two never to meet each other again, Goldenshine," he meowed sharply. "And here you are with kits!"

"Firestar, please!" I begged, overwhelmed with panic. "I haven't met with Breezepelt ever since you saw us together over a moon ago! I was shocked when I saw I was expecting kits!" As much as I was panic, trying to defend myself, I was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt.

Although my words weren't as far from lies as they could have been, I hated lying to my leader at all, which was what I was doing. But... I felt like I had to in order to save my place in ThunderClan.

I was utterly ashamed of myself. How selfish are you, Goldenshine? I asked myself angrily. What has happened to you? Just a few moons ago you never would have dreamed of lying to Firestar. But I already had now, and it was too late to backtrack.

"She's telling the truth!" Snowflight broke in, to my shock. I tried to suppress the purr rumbling in my throat as Snowflight padded up to stand beside me. "I go collect herbs at night, and I haven't seen her out once."

I sighed with relief and gave my sister a look of gratitude. Neither of those things are actually true, I realized, knowing that Snowflight was trying to save me from a lot more trouble. Hopefully Firestar didn't see Breezepelt and I talking at the Gathering.

"Believe her, Firestar!" Breezepelt demanded, running up to stand on my other side. "Goldenshine is the most amazing, loyal, and trustworthy cat in your Clan, and she deserves to be forgiven!"

My heart filled with both love and sadness at the same time as Breezepelt stood up for me. I couldn't help but press my flank up against his and rub my head against his neck. I'm going to miss this...

Firestar stood in silence for several heartbeats, clearly very deep in thought. He then let out a long sigh and gave a single sharp nod.

"Goldenshine, I am still disappointed in the choices that you've made... but I know that you are a great warrior, and you have done many things to help our Clan," he meowed, hesitating ever so slightly. "So, I believe you."

Thank StarClan. "Thank you, Firestar," I said with relief. I'm sorry I kind of had to lie to you... I'm never doing it again.

"But, of course, this has to be the end of the relationship between you and Breezepelt."

I closed my eyes slowly, taking a deep breath as I realized that Firestar was right, and I was going to comply with his words without hesitation. But I had to try my hardest to push down doubt again as I heard Breezepelt gasp. "What?" Breezepelt exclaimed, glaring at the ThunderClan leader. "What about our one living kit?"

Firestar glanced down at the little gray scrap before looking back up at Breezepelt. "That is for you to decide," Firestar murmured. "Make your decision, and then return to your own Clans."

I watched in dismay as Firestar then beckoned Snowflight with his tail, and they both padded away into ThunderClan territory.

Once Firestar and Snowflight were out of sight, I instantly turned back to Breezepelt, overwhelmed with sadness. "What should we do?" I choked out, barely able to speak. We do have to end things but... our kit. Is our kit going to have parents in two different Clans? I screwed my eyes shut and hissed as I felt another huge pang of guilt. Another reason why I want to bang my head against a tree right now...

Breezepelt shook his head slowly. I could already tell he was thinking like I was.

About the situation with our kit, not about banging his head against a tree.

I watched solemnly as my mate let out a huff before letting his amber gaze fall on me. "As much as I want to take the kit, I think that you should, Goldenshine," he meowed, clearly having trouble getting the words out as he looked down at our son. "You... you have many queens to help you take care of it, and I know he would be safe and happy with you." I then closed my eyes once again as I felt Breezepelt press his muzzle against mine. "And I don't doubt that you would be a fantastic mother."

I took a deep breath and nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly with that decision. I did feel absolutely horrible thinking that Breezepelt would never get to see his own son grow up, but I knew that if that is what he requested, that meant that I should probably just do it. And even though Breezepelt will feel the same, I wouldn't be able to bear going back to ThunderClan and knowing that my son was over in another Clan without me, I realized. And... and I think I must take on the care for this kit, as a reminder of why he's here in the first place. He will remind me that his gain was because of a loss in myself.

"Okay," I muttered to Breezepelt, letting out a weak and shaky sigh. "I will take him. He will be a ThunderClan cat." I then turned to where the three dead kits were lying, my heart breaking all over again. "S-Should we bury them?"

"That would probably be best."

I then watched sadly as Breezepelt padded over to what seemed like a good spot, and quickly dug a large hole into the ground. My heart seemed to sink lower and lower to the ground with each splatter of dirt that landed beside me. Then, one by one, Breezepelt gently put each kit into the hole he had dug. I blinked back emotion in my eyes as I then watched him very reluctantly filled in the hole with his hind paws.

Then as Breezepelt turned around, our gazes met.

"Well, I think this is goodbye," I whispered, trying incredibly hard to say what I was. This is what needs to be done, I told myself as me and Breezepelt twinned tails, probably for the last time. At least, it will be the last time that I let it happen. "We... we probably shouldn't meet again, for both of our sakes."

Breezepelt slowly nodded in agreement, his amber eyes glowing with sadness. "I know," he breathed, before pulling his tail away from mine. "I will never forget you, Goldenshine."

And I'll never forget you, and what I've learned from you.

I then suppressed a whimper as Breezepelt touched his muzzle to mine, then bending down to lick the one living kit that we still shared together. Then he looked back up at me, his eyes welling up with emotion.

"Goodbye, Goldenshine," he whispered.

"Goodbye, Breezepelt," I responded back, my voice continuing to crack with pain. This is what I have to do, I kept telling myself. This is what I have to do.

As much as I almost wanted to beg for the WindClan tom to stay, I stood in my place as Breezepelt then turned around, beginning to pad back in the direction of his territory. The last that I saw of him was his tail disappearing through some brambles.

Goodbye, Breezepelt.

I spent several heartbeats staring at the place where he had disappeared before picking up my kit and reluctantly walking back deeper into ThunderClan territory, wondering how in the name of StarClan I would be able to explain myself.