Goldenshine's POV

Last moonhigh was probably the most overwhelming and upsetting night of my life. Since then, regret and remorse had been tugging at me, so roughly as if I were running at the fastest speed I could, yet my fur was caught on a branch and was forcing me back towards it. I knew that this regret and remorse probably would have emerged at some point in the future, but the blow of it all was rougher then I had ever imagined it being.

How could I have been so stupid? That Goldenshine - the one that had been watching my from the outside - telling me that everything I was doing was wrong, I was betraying my Clan by meeting with Breezepelt, you are losing a part of you by doing this, what happened to your dedication to your Clan? Had been there with me throughout the entire time I had made these stupid choices, but I had ignored the Goldenshine that I knew. And unfortunately, it wasn't until I had learned that I had been expecting kits, not any time earlier, that I realized how dumb and flighty I had been.

But now, that was going to change. That dumb and flighty Goldenshine was gone. For good.

Ever since I had run back to camp with my kit in my jaws, I had practically been hiding in the nursery. Even though ThunderClan didn't know my full secret, or any of it really, thanks to Mousewhisker, I didn't want to show my face in front of Firestar at all. He will never trust me again! I thought to myself. I knew that that probably wasn't true, but it sure did in the moment. He caught me with a cat from another Clan twice!

Now, it was the sunhigh after the happenings of last night. I was staring lovingly down at Swiftkit as he suckled at my belly. Being the big and strong kit that he was, he had already opened his eyes. I had been surprised to see that his eyes were a dark bluish-gray, similar to mine. He was so perfect, and I knew that I was going to give him all of the love and care that I had in me. I didn't care that he had come out of such a terrible situation. It wasn't his fault, and just as Snowflight had told me, he was a light in all of the darkness.

Just as Snowflight happened to cross my mind, I was surprised to see my sister poke her head into the nursery, her pale blue eyes full of worry.

"Hey, Goldenshine?" She meowed in a low voice. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" I then watched as Snowflight then quickly glanced over at the other queens, Daisy and Whitewing, sitting in the den. "Sorry... in private, please?"

Private isn't really something I can do at the moment, I thought as I looked down at Swiftkit. And for six more moons at that...

"We'll watch over Swiftkit, Goldenshine."

I turned my head around at the kind voice that I heard to see Daisy standing up and walking over to Swiftkit. She gently picked him up in her mouth by the scruff.

Thank StarClan for Daisy, I thought as I briefly touched my nose to her's. "Thank you," I murmured to her, putting the tip of my tail on her shoulder.

"Goldenshine, let's go!" Snowflight hissed, seeming eager to get out of camp all of the sudden. Snowflight was never usually so demanding. I wonder what's up?

Now feeling very concerned and eager to know what was going on, I quickly stood up and ran after my sister.

I trotted just behind Snowflight for a while as we traveled through ThunderClan territory. Eventually, we found ourselves just beside the abandoned Twoleg nest where I knew Snowflight went to collect herbs often.

I let out a huff, a bit exhausted from the travel, as I settled down in front of Snowflight. "Okay, so, what's wrong?" I asked her worriedly. "Did something happen?"

I watched as Snowflight sighed and then looked down at the ground, shaking her head slowly. "I don't even know how to tell you this..." she murmured.

My eyes widened. "Oh, StarClan, Snowflight, what did you do?"

My ears flicked in alarm as Snowflight's head shot back up at me, her eyes filled with a mix of surprise and worry. "What do you mean?" She meowed defensively. "What do you think I did?"

"I don't know! That's why I asked!" I meowed back, rolling my eyes. "Forget it. Just tell me what's going on."

While Snowflight tried to gather her thoughts, I sat there, simply waiting to hear what she had to say. "Well... I just had to talk to someone, and I knew that I would go to you over any cat..." she rambled on, before shaking her head quickly and focusing her gaze on me. "It's about Jayfeather..."

I narrowed my eyes with suspicion. If that cranky furball has hurt her... "What about Jayfeather?" I muttered.

Snowflight sighed before answering, "Well... this morning, at early dawn, he woke up, and all of the sudden he was so protective of me. He immediately asked where I was and if I was okay."

I just nodded, but what Snowflight was saying seemed a little strange to me, to say the least. I've never known Jayfeather to be that protective, or protective even at all. I've always known he cared for Snowflight, sure, he never showed it explicitly. Certainly not enough to do what Snowflight was describing to me. I knew that he never usually showed much affection for others.

I pulled myself away from my confused thoughts as I heard Snowflight continue. "After that... weird experience, I decided to go collect some herbs, since I couldn't go back to sleep," she meowed. "He immediately asked if he could go with me."

I squinted my eyes and lashed my tail. "Has he always been like this, or was that the first time?" I asked her.

"I mean sure, we like to go collect herbs together, but if we're talking Jayfeather being desperate to come with me, first time!" she responded, her ice-blue eyes wide. Then she continued on, "Once we were out in the forest, Jayfeather was still acting like I was going to be snatched up by a fox or badger at any moment. So, I asked him what was wrong..."

"And then?" I asked, my eyebrows raising with intrigue.

Snowflight sighed once again while shaking her head. "Well, to make a long story short, he started going on about how he probably was just out of it from a lack of sleep, and that I was a nuisance-"

"What?!" I exclaimed, standing up. "How dare he? I'm going to-"

"Goldenshine, wait," Snowflight meowed urgently, using her tail to press my haunches back to the ground. "That's not all."

I took a deep breath to calm down, then lashing my tail to signal Snowflight to go on.

The look on her face almost made it seem like she was shocked by her own words. "Then, once I began to walk away, he caught up with me and..."

I tensed up, getting nervous as Snowflight had paused.

"He... he confessed his feelings for me," Her eyes began to glimmer as she had said that. "And he told me how much he cared for me, and that if I ever felt that I was in danger... that I should tell him."

My mouth dropped and my eyes widened. I was utterly baffled at what I had just heard.

That is not like Jayfeather at all!

I had now never been so desperate to hear the end of a story. "What did you do after that?" I asked her, growing even more nervous. "I mean, how do you feel about that? Do you have feelings for him, too?"

Snowflight hesitated greatly before finally speaking. "Well... I didn't say much, I guess," she murmured, looking back down at the ground. "We just continued to collect herbs for a little while longer, and up until now we've just been working like usual."

I narrowed my eyes once again. Snowflight hadn't answered one of my questions - the one I thing that was the most relevant to the situation. Yet, she had avoided it. Her mind is probably scattered right now, I rationalized. Great StarClan, if I found out that a friend that I had worked alongside for moons confessed their feelings for me, I would be discombobulated too!

"I see," I simply murmured, staring back at my sister as she met my gaze again. "Very, very strange..."

"You're telling me," Snowflight replied, snorting. "I just wonder what warranted him to freak out so much this morning, what brought him to bring all of that up when he did? I'm sure he would have hidden that secret his whole life if he had to."

I tilted my head, realizing that Snowflight was right. If Jayfeather had feelings for a cat when he wasn't supposed to, I could say with complete certainty that he would have taken that secret to his burial spot. "Did anything interesting happen between my kitting and you going to sleep?" I asked Snowflight.

Snowflight sat and thought for a few heartbeats.

"Well, he was fine last night," she explained. "But it was when he woke up at dawn that he was suddenly so protective."

I nodded, and then my ears perked up as I realized something. It was a completely logical explanation.

"I think he could've had a nightmare," I realized out loud. "and... maybe you were in it? He could've dreamt of losing you or something. Maybe that's what caused him to say that stuff to you out loud, fearing that he would never get to tell you."

Snowflight blinked, suddenly looking stunned. "Great StarClan. That's kind of frightening, isn't it?" She breathed, her eyes wide.

"Every cat has dreams!" I insisted to Snowflight. "And anyways, Jayfeather's probably tempted to take them more seriously than they are, being a medicine cat."

"True," Snowflight murmured, nodding and letting out a sniff. "Even if that was why... I have no idea where we stand at this point. Do you think that I should talk to him about it?"

I shrugged. "I would," I responded. "If you two are going to continue to be medicine cats together, you have to figure out how to get past this." Great StarClan, that sure is going to be difficult though!

After those words, silence fell in the clearing as neither of us spoke. I watched as Snowflight sat where she was for many heartbeats. I was very curious as to what she could possibly be thinking at this point. I began to scan my head around, looking aimlessly around the forest as I waited for my sister to speak again.

"Maybe it could work out..."

My head shot back in her direction, making sure that the words I had just heard were actually coming from my sister. "Snowflight, are you serious?"

Snowflight looked up at me. "Yes, I'm serious! No one has to know!" She insisted to me. "To finally answer your previous question - yes, I care for Jayfeather immensely, too. I've had something for him since I was an apprentice!"

I couldn't even believe what I was hearing. Hearing Snowflight say that she had wanted to be a medicine cat when we were apprentices was hard enough to hear! Now she was a medicine cat, and she was going to throw it all away because she fell for her mentor?

I shook my head quickly at my sister, knowing exactly what I was going to say to try to talk her out of this. I mean, I had firsthand experience of what it was like to try to be with a cat you loved, but shouldn't be with. "Trust me, Snowflight, you do not want to go through with this!" I hissed at her. "No one has to know, is what Breezepelt and I said to each other when we decided to meet up, and you know how that turned out, for StarClan's sake!"

I was very strongly trying to contain my anger now. I couldn't believe that Snowflight was saying things like this, especially after what she had watched me go through just yesterday.

My eyes widened as I noticed that Snowflight's eyes were beginning to fog up. "It's so unfair!" she wailed. "Medicine cats deserve love just as much as warriors do! We never are allowed to feel that urge to be with another cat. We have to feel badly about loving others."

I just sighed at her words. "I know how you feel, Snowflight. I completely understand. But it just can't be done. No matter how hard cats try, they can never get away with it!"

Snowflight stood up, giving me a single sharp nod. "But I'm going to change that!"

I unsheathed my claws and sank them into the dirt, blown away by my sister's behavior. By no means was I trying to put myself above her, but this was the first time in ever in one of our little quarrels that I knew that I was in the right. Had Snowflight learned nothing from what I did? "What has gotten in to you?" I growled at her, speaking my thoughts out loud. "You are not the sister I've always known!"

Snowflight eyes burned with love and anger at the same time as she spoke her next words. "I may not have realized it completely when I was young, but I do have feelings for Jayfeather, feelings that will not go away easily."

I looked up to the sky, almost as if to ask StarClan inwardly, are you hearing this nonsense? "That's no excuse!" I retorted. "You would get in as much trouble as I did! Two medicine cats together? That's insane!"

"At least I didn't just meet a random cat from another Clan and just agree to meet with him and be his mate!"

I barred my teeth, hissing as I dug my claws into the ground. "How could you even say that? I'm almost glad all of that happened, for your sake! Now you know the consequences of being with someone you are not supposed to, which gets you into big trouble, which means that you shouldn't do it, Great StarClan, Snowflight!"

At this point, I thought I was the only one of the two of us that was about to burst into flames, but when I glanced back at Snowflight, I looked to see unsheathed claws, blue eyes blazing with anger, fur puffed out to make her look twice her size, and a fluffy tail sticking almost straight up in the air.

I took a few steps back, intimidated by my own sister for the first time in my whole life.

Snowflight then took a deep breath and then sat back down. At first I thought that she was going to realize how crazy she sounded, but it only was worse. "Why do I even need your approval?" she asked, almost half to herself. "You aren't even supporting me, anyway!"

I didn't even know how to respond after that. I had never seen Snowflight like this at all. It almost made me sick. Snowflight must really love Jayfeather for her to be like this...

"Some sister you are!" Snowflight muttered just loud enough for me to hear, yet she might as well have yowled it throughout the whole forest from how it tore through my heart. I let out a hiss, breaking my gaze from her. Then, after a few heartbeats, I then heard a few rustles ahead, and I turned back to see that Snowflight was gone.

I let out the most exasperated sigh that I had in my whole life. I truly felt as if I had been in one on one combat with a mountain lion. What am I going to do now?

I stood up and decided that I would go right back to camp, knowing that Swiftkit would be waiting for me. I wasn't going to bother finding Snowflight again. Maybe after she calms down, we can talk again, I thought. And I'll try to talk some sense into her.

As I was padding slowly back to camp, I paused as I suddenly heard rustles coming from bushes just behind. I began to look around, my eyes and ears open for any signs of life or movement.

"Hello? Snowflight?" I whispered.

No answer.

I shrugged and ran quickly the rest of the way to camp. Once the camp entrance was in sight, I paused again and flicked my ears as I thought of something. There's someone else I need to talk to! I realized to myself before letting out a snort. Hopefully it will go better than what just happened...

As soon as I crawled through the gorse tunnel, I started to look for gray and white pelt of Mousewhisker. I glanced over to my right to see him eating a mouse with his sister, Hazeltail.

I quickly ran up to him. "Mousewhisker!" I called out to try and get the former farm cat's attention.

As soon as he heard my meow, he stood up and turned to his sister. "I have to go," he meowed, touching his nose to Hazeltail's. "I'll see you later."

Hazeltail nodded and continued to eat her mouse. Mousewhisker ran up to me and put the tip of his tail on my shoulder. "How about we go somewhere more private?" He whispered, nodding his head back towards the camp entrance.

I nodded and then proceeded to lead Mousewhisker out of camp without another word. Once we were out of view or earshot from any cats, we sat down and I wrapped my tail around my paws.

The first thing that I did once we were settled was let out an exaggerated sigh and nudge Mousewhisker's shoulder with my tail. "Mousewhisker, I just want to thank you so much for saving me from a lot of trouble last night," I immediately told him.

Mousewhisker purred with amusement as he shrugged. "It's no problem," he responded kindly. "It's just what a friend would do. You looked like you were in a bit of a bind!"

My eyes sparkled with gratitude as I looked back at my friend. "Seriously, you have no idea how much you saved me!"

Mousewhisker let out another purr of laughter. "It's fine, really. I'm glad to do it," he meowed before putting the tip of his tail on my shoulder. "And don't worry, you don't have to tell me who the real father is. That stays between you and him."

"Thank you," I whispered, touching my nose to Mousewhisker's gratefully. "You're literally a blessing from StarClan."

As I pulled away, I watched as Mousewhisker then began to around to check once again if any cat was around. "Just to make things more believable," he murmured, "we should act a little more affectionate around each other in front of other cats... but we certainly don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable."

I shook my head, actually completely okay with that. "No, no, that's actually a good idea. We'll do that!"

Mousewhisker nodded back to me, but before he could say anything else, I flinched as I heard a loud and angry growl come from the camp entrance.

I whipped myself around to see my mother, Lilypetal, storming out of ThunderClan camp, her lips curled back into a snarl and her fur bristled out to make her look twice her size.