#WIAE Chapter 11

My breathing stopped. My vision swirled. My system couldn't stomach the sight in front of me. Umaagos iyong dugo mula sa gitna ng noo nila. The eyes still wide open. Siguro dahil hindi nila akalain na gagawin ni Night... Kasi ganoon din ako. I didn't believe. I didn't believe that he was capable of murder but this happened.

They're dead.

Iyong kanina lang na sinisigawan kami, wala na sila ngayon. Iyong kanina lang na gumagalaw, patay na sila. And it happened right before my eyes. I saw Night kill these girls right before me.

I couldn't breathe.

"Are you alright?" tanong sa akin ni Laurie. "Boe."

My chest was tightening. God, I couldn't breathe.

"Night, she's not moving! Let's bring her to the clinic!"

My eyes were focused on the girls in front of me. Their eyes looking at me. Na para bang ako ang huli nilang nakita nung binawian sila ng buhay. That somehow... though I was not the one who pulled the trigger, I was the one responsible for the lives lost.

Binaba ni Night iyong baril at saka humarap sa akin. He kneeled in front of me and looked me straight in the eye.

"Listen to me."

My head was in a buzz but his voice demanded attention kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. All this time, I thought that it was Avo who was ruthless but I was wrong. Avo will tell you if he'd kill you. He would give you warning... But Night? Night was another level. He seemed harmless but he wasn't. He's calm but he can kill. He'd pull the trigger without even blinking. He's a walking contradiction and that made him even more dangerous.

"Do you want more blood spilled around here?"

I slowly shook my head.

"Good. So, let's not tell Avo about this, alright? Because if we do, he'd kill Laurie. Sayang naman 'yung pagkamatay nila," sabi niya sabay turo nung baril sa mga babaeng nakahiga. Tinignan niya si Laurie. "I'll bring her to the clinic. Call Lorenzo and tell him I asked him to clean up this mess."

Without so much a word, he scooped me up and began walking. I couldn't even will myself to touch him. He was scaring me.

Pagdating namin sa clinic, agad kaming sinalubong ng doctor. She must be thinking that I was such a klutz. Sa loob ng ilang linggo, ilang beses na rin akong nandito sa clinic. Baka sa susunod, sobra na iyong mangyari sa akin.

"Miss Estrella," sabi niya. "What happened?"

Hindi ako makapagsalita. Was I supposed to tell anything? It felt like I was walking on thin ice.

"I fell down the stairs," I lied. She didn't ask for more questions, siguro dahil na rin sa presensya ni Night sa tabi ko. Sinimulang linisin iyong sugat. I needed stitches because of the gash but it didn't seem like much compared to what the girls suffered. Bakit ba kasi nandun si Night? We could've handled it better. Wala sanang namatay.

Nung matapos na iyong paggamot sa akin, binigyan lang ako ng gamot nung doctor. I was advised to rest for the entire day. Pumayag na rin ako dahil nahihilo ako. And I wanted to rest.

"Kaya ko na," I said nung sinubukan akong alalayan ni Night. He was trying to hold me but I felt burned every time he'd try to touch me. Gone was the comforting feeling I had with him. All that was left was indifference. I wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

Sinubukan kong maglakad mag-isa kahit na sa totoo lang, nahihilo ako. The dorm was still a bit far from the clinic but I could manage. I knew I could do it all by myself. I practically grew up alone. I was basically separated from my family. Sanay naman akong mag-isa. But as I was walking, I could feel night trailing behind me.

"I don't care if you avoid me. Just don't get in trouble," I heard him say. I kept silent. I kept on walking until we reached the dorm. I opened the door and then looked at him.

"I'll try my best not to get in trouble... But I want nothing to do with you."

And then I slammed the door. God, where's Avo when I needed him?

--

Days passed and Avo still hadn't come back. Seryoso pala talaga siya nung sinabi niya na matagal siyang mawawala kaya kailangan niya si Laurie para bantayan ako. Hindi ko naman akalain na sobrang tagal pala... O baka naman natatagalan lang ako dahil wala akong makausap? Cathy wasn't in my classes and I was avoiding Night like a plague. Si Laurie naman, still, hindi ko makausap nang matino dahil... ewan. I just couldn't.

I was starting to be in dire need of friends.

Pagkatapos ng third class ko, dumiretso na ako—I mean kami ni Laurie sa cafeteria para kumain. She still tasted my food first before giving it to me. Pinapabayaan ko na rin talaga siya dahil ayoko na may mangyari na naman na masama. It had already been a few days of silence and I wanted to continue that. Hanggang sana makabalik si Avo dahil kapag kasama ko si Avo, wala namang nangyayaring masama sa akin.

Siguro dahil natatakot sila kay Avo.

While Laurie was buying our food, nakita ko si Lorenzo na nakaupo. He was eating alone and reading something. Nilapitan ko siya.

"Hi," I said. He looked at me. "Can I sit with you?"

He shrugged.

"Okay lang?"

"It's alright," he said. Mababa pala ang boses niya. Ngayon ko lang kasi siya nakausap. He had always been the silent one—iyong literal na tahimik. Iyong iba kasi sa Dieux, mukha lang tahimik dahil misteryoso pero nagsasalita sila. Si Lorenzo kasi, hindi talaga nagsasalita.

"Thanks," I replied. "It's just that... wala akong makausap. Sana okay lang sa 'yo."

"It's fine. Just don't be noisy. I hate noise."

"But you're in the cafeteria. It's noisy here," I pointed out.

"Alam ko. I just don't like people talking to me when it's irrelevant."

"Oh... sige, 'di na ako magsasalita," I said and then began embracing the silence with him. I just needed someone to be with other than Laurie, because not talking to her was almost driving me mad.

"Are you with someone? Because you're already making me uncomfortable. I don't like another," sabi niya.

"It's just Laurie," sabi ko. Kilala niya naman si Laurie dahil girlfriend—or ex, siguro—siya ni Night.

Nababa niya iyong libro.

"Oh. Her."

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa reaksyon ni Lorenzo.

"Why? Ayaw mo kay Laurie?"

He didn't say or do anything. I didn't push him to tell me anything dahil nga ayaw niya naman talagang magsalita. He just resumed reading his book. Pero ang tagal ni Laurie. Mahaba ba ang pila?

"Who do you think is more scary? Night or Avo?"

Binaba niya iyong libro at tinignan ako.

"Both," he replied. "They'd kill when needed. I will kill if needed."

Bigla akong natawa. Hindi kasi bagay sa kanya.

"Don't you think I can kill?"

Pinigilan kong tumawa kaya kinagat ko na lang iyong ibabang labi ko pero iyong ngiti ko, nandun pa rin.

"No... it's just that, among all the Dieux, ikaw iyong parang pinaka-mabait..." I said with a smile.

"People, when triggered, will kill anyone who threatens them. It's a matter of survival. Even you," he said and then looked at me. "You're capable of killing someone."

The smile on my face faded. It was replaced with a stoic expression.

"No." It was firm. I was resolved to never engage in this kind of life. Na kahit ba pinanganak ako sa mundo na 'to, may karapatan pa rin ako na pumili ng kailangan kong gawin... Because my parents promised me that I wouldn't have to live this kind of life. They told me to wait... And that was what I had been doing all this time. I was waiting... and waiting... and waiting. And I wished I didn't have to wait anymore because things had been happening. And I was afraid that it would change me.

"If someone points a gun in your face, you'd just let them kill you?"

"Why does it have to go that way? What happened to talking?" I countered.

"Because it's human nature, Estrella. It goes down to the basic instinct of people to want to survive. That in the face of danger, you'd do anything to save yourself. So don't act clean because given the chance, you'd also pull the trigger."

And someone should remind me why I went and talked with him?

"I won't kill anyone."

He picked up the book.

"Then you'd end up dead. And you shouldn't die. You can't die."

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. It was the same thing Night kept on telling me... Na hindi dapat ako mamatay. Na para bang hindi ako pwedeng mamatay dahil may mangyayari... What was so important that my life mattered that much? Alam ba nila? Alam ba nila na kagaya din nila ako?

But... how? They couldn't know about me. Even the world didn't know about my existence.

"Because if you die, everyone dies."

"...bakit?"

I dared ask. Even though I was scared.

"Because we're playing our own game of chess. And here, if the Queen falls down, so does everyone else."

Tapos bigla niyang isinara iyong libro nung makita niya na paparating na si Laurie.

"Be nice to her. Her uncle took over the family business, leaving her with nothing," sabi niya bago tuluyang umalis.

Pagdating ni Laurie, tulala lang ako at hindi makakain. Ano ang ibig niyang sabihin? Ano ba ang kinalaman ko sa mga nangyayari? I didn't want to meddle with the business. I didn't want to kill people and I wasn't about to start now. I just wanted a normal life pero hindi ba talaga pwede? Why was death following me around like it's no one's business?

"Boe."

I was pulled from my thoughts when Laurie spoke.

"Put your hair down. Avo will be returning later. He shouldn't notice the scar."

My heart stopped. Finally, he's back.