If only I had the time,
But if I had the time it would be all the time,
And I hold my breath,
Scared of you,
Because of the only thing,
That takes my breath away,
That kills me,
Is the only thing that brings me air,
And fixes these broken lungs,
And makes my heart pound.

Like every scar is gone,
And every tear is dry,
Why do you fix me?
Why don't you break me?
It makes me cry so hard,
That the thing that kills me,
Close my eyes,
And admit that it's the only reason the blade has been put away,
And my light only shines,
Because of this bruised body,
And this broken heart,
Is taken care of,
Healed slowly bit by bit,
How much more can I take,
I scream and beat my head against walls,
I can't stand it,
There you are,
Arms open wide,
And yet I can never take your hand,
In my moments of need,
When you're far away.

Broken down,
Everything I feel is pain,
And I have always,
Shattered everything I'm proud of,
When I hurt,
And my anger is never taken out on anyone,
But my heart,
And now I can't even bear to damage a single thing,
Drag my heart out of the deep,
And give it up to you.

Don't you know I'm serious when I say you treat it better than I do,
I'm afraid of hurting you,
So I don't dare,
Bottling up the anger,
And stray away from the things I love,
Knowing I'll break them in my anger,
Never let myself get a word in,
And let everyone know how much it pains me,
And they talk to me,
Don't they understand,
It's not attitude,
It's just pain that chokes me,
It's grip around my throat.

I can't stand to say it,
Not to anyone,
That it's not anger,
It's just pain,
And you're the only one that sees the difference,
And I throw on shades,
Not to hide a scowl,
And rather the fight to keep my tears under the glass,
That hides my eyes,
Because I know my eyes give it all away.

But apparently, a word on a screen is all you need,
And somehow I'm thankful,
Because I don't have to explain a thing,
These words aren't anger,
As the all assume,
And I don't even have to make a move,
I'm a glass house that apparently only you can see through,
Without the distortion,
That warps my pain into anger,
Not anyone understands that the only anger I hold,
Is because no one sees this anger is actually pain.

Always thought it would only be me,
Seeing through the glass without distortion,
To see this house,
My house,
Has never been the fierce snappy red,
But instead a rather somber and beaten blue.

-Joshua Banks JJAJ