Build myself up and tear it all down again,
Walking up this mother fucking hill hoping to roll back down again,
Draw my blood after months of recovery with just a pen,
Keep asking myself when,
I'll actually start seeing straight,
Seeing straight again.
This somber notion,
My mixed emotions,
Don't turn my rainbow skies grey,
This blackening potion,
Don't take all my colors away,
The only thing I have is my pen,
Could not live if it ever went black again,
Depression my only true sin.

Cannot seem to find my grin
With the black ink of my pen
Never ever will it be the same again,
I'm immune to the words you call my poison,
There I go tumbling down the hill to my prison,
Only to get back up and walk out of it again,
My depression is my only true sin.

And it's all because I picked up this damn pen,
That drives me up the hill,
To tumble back down again,
Get the hell up and walk off the pain,
Tell myself it won't ever end the same,
I've actually got something to gain,
If I could just use my colors again,
Where has it gone,
Out of my pen,
Somewhere I do not know where to begin,
Never knew anything but the black ink of my pen,
And I don't think I'll ever find my colors again
Not buried within this sin.
Where have my colors gone away,
From inside my pen,
All this black ink is wearing me thin,
Can't you see the ribs of my cage,
The ones shadowed in the light,
The things I break in my rage,
Watch the blood running
And bandage the stain with a worn out page,
So much pain at such a young age,
How could I ever admit that,
I'm too scared to use the colors sitting right in front of me,
That has always been right here,
Beautiful as can be,
Blooming like their flowers,
Got plenty of them right in front of me,
Depression is my only true sin.

It's the only ink inside of my pen,
And I don't wanna go through this again,
The colors you see are not always the colors I see,
I hate the changes that have come to be,
Looking back to revise,
It's so much different now,
I hate it now,
Walking up the hill,
Hoping to roll back down,
Can't you see I'll never truly let go,
The only thing that spills out of my pen,
Is that pitch black sin,
Oh just stop it,
You think that your actually gonna do it?
That one day you'll climb high enough to ever have time to stop?
I can guarantee I won't ever let that be.
Sad to admit,
But depression is my only true sin.

And it's all because of the words I write in pen,
It's all coming back again
To haunt me in the middle of the night,
Keep me awake like I need revenge,
Until I spill the ink out of the pen,
And I know that one day,
When I climb high enough,
I'll die hitting the ground,
But that's the only way,
I would ever wish it to be,
Because I admit,
I'll even go through with it,
Depression is my only true sin.

And I hate to go through it again,
But at least I have found my grin,
Climbing higher due to the black ink that's a sin,
Bleeding out just to write with my pen,
Don't need to think twice it's addicting,
This deadly sin inside of my pen.
Is it really endless dark again?
Depression is my only true sin.

I'll never give this high up,
When I know I'll fall down again,
My deadly sin,
There it goes again,
Like the light of day,
Can not find my way,
In the black ink prison,
Staining the paper with such poison,
Gotta get my way,
Walking myself out every damn day,
So long to the person, I seem to be,
Because I can not see,
And all I ever do is sin anyway,
Confess it all away with the pen,
And still, I'm guilty,
Depression is my only true sin.

And it's all because I have this pen,
That I build myself up to roll down the hill again,
You know they've been telling me,
My only true sin,
My black depression pouring out of the pen,
Something that comes so naturally,
And kills me every day,
Is a beautiful talent that comes out of me,
But to me it is,
My only true sin,
The depression that always lingers in my pen.
My depression will always be my only real sin.

Beautiful it may be,
With its somber hopes to find my colors,
Buried deep inside my pen.
I'm so sorry but I like it better,
That feeling,
Rolling down the hill again,
Someone's to catch me there at the end,
Walking out on a limb,
I'd be okay if I got broke again,
My only true sin,
It's the only thing that's ever been,
And don't you understand it broke me,
Long before you did,
And I'll never find forgiveness  for it,
Just hoping I'll forget it,
But I'll never stop with my only true sin,
I'll go through the cycle over and over again,
Recording every last bit in black pen.
Depression my only true sin.

-Joshua Banks JJAJ