"You are so close...and I cannot reach you"

Mariella's POV

I watched him as he walked away. Had his best suit on and looked like an angel. But he was not one.
I met him two years ago. When I was 15. Yes I know...very young age to be in love, but it isn't something I can contol. It isn't something ayone can control.
I knew it wasn't forever. I knew forever was longer than what I was imagining. I knew it was too soon for me to decide he is the one, but let's be honest here...it felt so real.
It's funny how it ended before it even began. Funny how it seemed perfect when it was full of flaws and imperfections. I saw beyond the crosslines. For me, it was more than just love. Ever felt like love is not the answer? Ever felt like there is something above it? When love crosses all borders and reaches a high level? For me it was that.

And now that I think about it, I don't know how or why something so small, could mean so much to someone.

I don't get it.

Especially when it meant nothing to him...

When he was proud to have me, but won't do everything to keep me in his life.

Was he even proud to have me?

I take a deep breath and hug my knees, beside the window. It is raining.

I hear the sound of the drops hitting the window glass. And I hear the crashing of thunder and the fast pounding of my heart too.

It's all so weird. I feel lonely. I feel like I can't breathe. Like I am in outer space craving oxygen.

This life without him is like outer space. Far away, lonely and silent.

Loveless...

When he told me "I want to break up", my world started collapsing.

It started making less and less sense.

That is the thing about losing the one you love...you don't just lose the person and their love.

You lose sanity, clarity, hope, and faith.

And when you lose those, you lose yourself too.

I shake my head. No. That is never going to happen to me.

I won't lose myself.

He lost someone that loved him...I lost one that didn't love me...his loss not mine.

Heartbreak should destroy you completely. Make every single part of you broken and shattered.

But after that, you should be able to put the pieces back together how you want them to be.

Then you own the pieces. Every single piece of yourself is completely yours.

But this can take time. Time is a powerful thing. It destroyes and heals. It gives and takes.

It teaches. And we learn.

It teaches us to love ourselves and our own company. And to love ourselves we cannot hate the experiences that shaped us.

Ughhhh....stop it Mariella. The more you think about it the more you remember. And the more you remember the harder it'll be to forget...

No...

I have to remeber all of it. The memories won't go away. His face will never be cleared from my mind. His voice won't ever stop echoing in my brain.

I will keep getting flashbacks.

So no matter how much I try to forget... I know that I can't.

So I have to do something else.

I have to remeber. Every single moment of my life when he was with me. When he owned the biggest part of my heart and was the most valuable treasure of my life.

I have to remeber and get over it. Not forget temporarily and fool myself.

Smile and laugh a moment, then cry and go numb the other.

Ok...sounds like a plan Mariella...

Only question now is...

How will you remember and move on?

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Lucas's POV

"We are here sir" My driver tells me.

Great...let's go "bookclubbing".

"Pick me up at 12" I tell him, stepping out of the car.

"But sir...I have been told to pick you up at 3" My driver says.

"What is your name?" I ask.

"Bob sir" He says.

"So...Bob.  How long you've been working for us?" I ask. Emphasizing on his name as a warning.

"A year sir" He replies confidently.

This amazes me. Usually when you ask this question to someone that works for you, they get scared. Cuz they know the next words are "you are fired".

But this...Bob is not concerned in the slightest bit.

Doesn't he know who I am? Who he is about to mess with?

Jeez Lucas. Calm your muscles man.

He just answered your question nothing else. What did you expect? Bob getting on his knees in fear?

"And don't you think arguing with me will make you jobless?" I say, rasing an eyebrow at him.

He snorts and says "The only person that can fire me is the one who hired me. Which is not you sir. And besides, I am not just a driver so I don't think I will be 'jobless'as you claim" he replies.

Huhhhhh?

"How dar-" I say before he cuts me off.

"Have a good day sir. I will be here at 3 pm sharp" he smiles and gets in the car and drives away.

Asshole...

Lucas focus. Deal with him later. Now you have a club to attend don't you?

I sigh and check the time. Good...this conversation with Bob helped me miss 15 minutes of my clubbing time.

I take a deep breath and walk in.