Show no love

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- Answer -

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When Jungkook walked into the bathroom four months ago, letting the candies and drinks he planned to surprise Taehyung with fall against the tile, the first thing that crossed his mind was that it couldn't be real. The sight in front of him, horrific and messy - it wasn't real.

The buzzing of the phone that kept scooting across the tile, vibrating endlessly with each passing second as it kept ringing, and ringing, and ringing. The thought that kept swirling in the back of his mind was that it wasn't real. It couldn't be. It just wasn't real.

Even as Taehyung's name fled through his parted lips in a terrified scream, rushed tears cascaded down his reddened cheeks, frantic eyes glancing back and forth. It wasn't real. Nothing about what happened ever seemed real.

Not even when the ambulance was barging through the front door, rushing to the bathroom in a panic, shouting at one another to try and stop the bleeding. As Jungkook rode in the back of the ambulance with Taehyung, staring at his pale face, he remembered thinking that it wasn't real. It was fake. Everything was just a bad dream.

When the doctor walked into the ICU waiting room, a crestfallen look painting his features, Jungkook still couldn't make himself believe that what had happened - what was happening - was real. As the doctor told him the bad news, placed a hand on his shoulder, and gave a gentle squeeze, the tears fell without being noticed.

The tears cascaded down his red cheeks, turning his eyes bloodshot as they spilled off his chin and nose, wetting his shirt and the hospital floor. He made no effort to wipe them, letting them fall aimlessly to the ground, only to be stepped upon seconds later.

That night, when Jungkook returned home after leaving the hospital, the silence felt thicker than it ever had. It was quieter than before, as if the atmosphere felt the loss just as much as he did. Even then, he couldn't make himself believe that it was real.

Jungkook couldn't convince himself that Taehyung, his best friend who he had fallen so deep in love with, was dead.

Ever since that day, he locked the bathroom door, forcing the key to remain on him at all times. Taehyung's bedroom door was pulled shut too, and ever since then, Jungkook never touched it. He couldn't seem to allow himself to do it, to enter Taehyung's room and sort through his things.

A week later, when the funeral had been arranged by him and Taehyung's friend group, his mind couldn't wrap the fact that Taehyung was dead. It was all just a bad dream. It was never real.

For four and a half months, Jungkook kept convincing himself, some way or another, that Taehyung wasn't gone. Denial had taken control of him for so long, training his mind to believe that his roommate wasn't dead. There was no way he could be. Taehyung was alive; he was just behind his door, studying as he always was.

So, every single day after the incident occurred, Jungkook went on with his life, calling out for Taehyung, serving him food, buying him snacks, and acting like things were completely fine. If he convinced himself they would be, then there was no reason to believe otherwise.

Even when everything around him proved otherwise. The dreadful silence, the loneliness, the stress, the exhaustion, the guilt, and the sadness. Even when that should have been an alarming wake up call, Jungkook always found a way to overlook it somehow.

Even when Taehyung's friends bombarded his phone with calls, trying to get a hold of him for months, he still overlooked everything. All to make himself believe the lie his mind kept feeding him. All to save his heart from the pain it would fully endure.

For four and a half months, Jungkook told himself that Taehyung was not dead.

Now, as his foot broke the invisible barrier he had set for himself, he wholeheartedly believed it. As he stood in the doorway of Taehyung's messy room, vertigo making his head spin violently, stomach nearly flipping inside out, he truly believed that Taehyung was not dead.

How could he be? Taehyung was right in front of him.

Jungkook's eyes grew larger than they already were, irises filling with disbelief, jaw falling slack - dumbstruck. He was rendered completely speechless as he stared into Taehyung's messy room, his chocolate eyes locking with those familiar hazel ones. His body stood frozen, shaking fingers falling limp at his side.

The phone he barely had a grip on slipped out of his hands, plummeting to the ground with a crash. It barely even registered in Jungkook's mind. There was too much to think about; there was too much to see. The phone falling out of his grasp seemed to be the least of his concerns.

There he was, sitting on the bed that Jungkook swore he never saw made, leaning back against his hands, staring at him. The anatomy textbook he could never seem to put down was on the bed, adjacent to him, partly covered by one of the fleece blankets. Skittles wrappers littered his bed and floor, bringing out just how messy his room actually was.

But Jungkook couldn't take his eyes off of him. His messy dark hair which turned wavy at the end, his porcelain skin, completely smooth and unblemished, that lazy grin he seemed to wear constantly, and his eyes. God, those eyes were ones Jungkook could never forget.

His hazel eyes that glistened like diamonds in the sunlight, forever glimmering with delight and fondness. His reassuring eyes which never failed to ease his tense body. Those hazel eyes that he longed to see again; the delight he desperately wanted to bathe in once more.

And it was all here, sitting directly in front of him, as it had always been.

"Taehyung," he breathed, parted lips beginning to quiver with the tears he couldn't quite restrain. The tears that began to blur his vision, turning the sight before him into a watery mess. He blinked them away, vaguely feeling them stream down his cheeks like waterfalls.

Jungkook couldn't bring himself to care about anything else but him. The way his heart hammered so loudly in his chest it began to hurt, each pound against his ribcage seeming as loud as a drum. He could hear his heart in his ears, thumping so loud and violently he swore he could feel it everywhere. It went unnoticed.

All of his focus landed on him, and he couldn't bring himself to look away. If he did, would he ever see him again like this? Would everything he thought he was seeing vanish like it had two days ago in the kitchen? Would he be left alone, to his never-ending tears and unexpected meltdowns?

"Hey," he said, deep voice turning soft with compassion.

That's all it took for the weight on Jungkook's shoulders to be lifted, throwing him so off balance he nearly fell to the wooden floor. His knees buckled, fingers reaching out to grab the door frame before they slammed into the floorboards. The tears were like raindrops, pouring during a storm.

He was here, sitting like he always did, right in front of him. The things he had worked so hard to convince himself had been true. Taehyung was here. He was in his room, buried under the mass of fleece blankets, eating away at the endless amounts of Skittles, and studying for the upcoming exams.

He was here.

Jungkook's mind couldn't stop screaming that. It wouldn't stop reminding him that Taehyung was here, hidden away behind the door. He had never left. He had never been taken away. Taehyung had been here this entire time.

God, Jungkook couldn't stop sobbing. The sobs wrenched from deep in his chest, jerking him violently, hiccups rising up the back of his throat. He couldn't stop them, not while everything was making his head spin. He couldn't focus on anything that was happening, only him. Just him.

He was alive. Taehyung was alive.

The months he had spent crying his eyes out were for nothing. The tears that escaped were all pointless because Taehyung was here, in his room, studying like he always was. Jungkook couldn't be happier to know that.

There was no controlling his actions, not after he had spent four months away from him. Jungkook leaped from his spot, quite literally tackling Taehyung on the bed, arms wrapping around him so tight he almost choked him. But Jungkook didn't care.

He was hugging him. Jungkook was hugging his best friend again, arms wrapped around Taehyung's shoulders tight enough to cause some pain. He didn't want to let go, not when he wasn't sure if Taehyung would disappear after. He couldn't risk that, not even for a split second.

He could feel him. He could touch Taehyung again. The warmth that came from him, it was there. His smell, god, Jungkook missed it so much. Cinnamon and apples. It reminded Jungkook of apple pie, a signature dish they always included in the fall season.

When he felt Taehyung's arms wrap around him ever so slightly, delicately holding onto him, his head began to spin. His heart began to beat so loudly, he was certain Taehyung could hear it. Hell, he could probably feel it too. The tears continued to fall, sobs shaking his entire frame, hiccups breaking the silence.

All his mind could seem to say was Taehyung. Taehyung, Taehyung, Taehyung. Just him. Only him.

"I-" he tried to say, but the sobs controlled him, "I miss- missed y-you," he cried, burying his face in Taehyung's neck, wetting the fabric of his roommate's shirt with the salty, warm tears. It turned it a darker shade where the tears fell, but he paid no attention to it.

He missed him so, so much. Jungkook had never stopped thinking about him. For the entire four months, Taehyung had never left his mind.

A deep chuckle filled his ears, causing everything to come back to him. All the memories he shared with Taehyung. All their phone calls, their hangouts, their time spent together. It all hit him then and there, knocking the air out of his lungs and rendering him breathless momentarily.

"Missed me?" Taehyung asked with a deep chuckle. Jungkook could feel his chest rumble with laughter. "I've been right here."

That was the best part. Taehyung had been here this whole time. How foolish of him to ever believe otherwise. Taehyung never left.

Jungkook wanted to laugh with him; he wanted to bring a smile to his face, but the tears didn't grant him that opportunity. Not yet. He hadn't calmed down yet. His face was red and warm and his eyes were beginning to hurt again. He was certain they were bloodshot once more.

He didn't let go of Taehyung, and Taehyung didn't force him away. They simply laid like that on Taehyung's bed, with Jungkook clinging onto him so tightly he was surely restricting some of Taehyung's oxygen supply. But how could he not?

All the time he had spent in his room, face buried into the pillow as he cried and screamed for hours upon hours, wishing he could see Taehyung again. Wishing he could feel him once more. Wishing he could fall into his arms and never let go. All of that time. It was all here now.

All the nights he kept pleading and begging for Taehyung to return to him. All the nights he stayed up regretting not being there, not doing enough. All the time Jungkook spent blaming himself for everything. It was over.

His chest heaved up and down erratically, tears continuing to stream like never-ending waterfalls, wetting the bed and Taehyung's dark grey shirt. He could feel Taehyung's arms gently holding him, keeping him still as their bodies pressed together. Jungkook felt Taehyung's palm press against his back, delicate fingers moving against his shirt in a form of reassurance.

Thank you, he said to no one in particular. To anyone who could hear him. To anyone who was willing to listen to his gratitude.

For four months, Jungkook had been praying that everything was just a bad nightmare he could awake from and go running into Taehyung's arms again. He had been wishing it would end, and Taehyung would emerge from his room perfectly fine.

For four and a half months, Jungkook wished to be with Taehyung one last time.

Today, his wish finally came true.

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(:

What does this mean?

We purple you💜

~Pisanthrophobia.