As I approach his bedside, he looks up. I can feel my heart beating fast. I know what I am going to do is wrong, very wrong. I am going to give him a shock and cause him pain when he is already in so much of pain. I hope with all my heart that he is able to forget me.

I dither at each step. Each little step feels like carrying a heavy load, my heart. Each painful step is bringing me closer to my destiny. Each step towards him is taking me further away from him. I can feel my own desperation.

But I steel my resolve. I have to leave him to keep him safe. I have to leave him to protect my love...he will find someone worthy of him. I never did anything, gave him anything to be worthy of his love.

He tries to reach out for my hand but is restricted by the nurse who scolds him for moving and thus straining his already weak heart. He dejectedly drops back his hands and his eyes beckon me. I move forward in a trance.

"Roza," he tries to say my name between gasps and again gets a warning from the nurse. I just stare at him unable to utter a word. This is all my fault. He is in such a condition because of me and me only. I am the culprit behind  this. It could have been the same had I pressed the  trigger. I have tried to murder him. It's me who is guilty.

The thoughts overwhelm me but I can't cry. I need to show him that I don't care anymore. I need to lie to him that I have moved on. Can I do it? My heart is at the point of collapsing. I look at his eyes. The pained expression on his face, the bandages around his bare chest, his laboured breathing and the continuous beeping of  the cardiac monitor makes me more resolved. I have to do it.

Trying to put on my most casual attitude and a mask of cheerfulness, I say, " Hey Dimka? How are you? Sorry I was a bit busy so I couldn't come to meet."

Even I can hear the false note on my voice. Can he feel that I am lying? Can he feel my pain? I hope not. This will ease things up. I want this to be over with really quick. Dragging and complicating matters will help none of us.

He looks away, clearly dissapointed in my casual attitude. That's it. I am winning and well practically losing.

"Dimka," I say again, this time bringing more cheer in my voice," You remember Sam? Popularity King Sam?"  My voice sounded hollow to me even.

I ask about a particularly handsome guy in class. Of course all girls are crazy on him. I am the only person he has ever tried to give attention to, but I have refused. Dmitriy knows about him. He just nods his head.

"Well," I said, playing on...," He asked me out the other day and I agreed. Well you know he is crazy about me, right, and being being my friend,  my best friend you can understand I hope..."

A very uncomfortable silence hangs between us. Finally he turns and meets my eyes. Then in a voice which is barely a whisper he says," And you love him."

The way he speaks it is more of an assertion than a question. It is as if he knows my answer and has accepted it already. He has accepted his fate and is waiting for my confirmation.

My heart longs to tell him it is all false, all a lie, all pretensions. I want to tell him all the truth. I want to tell him all about my feelings. My resolve is faltering. But my better sense is stopping me from spilling my heart out. Rather it is forcing me to devise new ways to convince him.

"Yeah, I am sorry but it is the  truth. I well...kind of...never tried  to know him well. Now I feel he is just the person I was waiting for all this time. I am so happy."

My lies slice my heart with a dagger. I am lying to his face and I can very well understand that each word from my mouth is stabbing him with the pain of a thousand swords. I am a monster and I know it. But this is just necessary.

"I thought I should tell you before things get complicated and well to make things easy," I stop to catch my breath," it's better we don't be friends anymore. It will prevent me from hurting you knowingly. I know it is not the best time to tell you but he has asked for my decision so I needed to ask you first. I believe you will get someone better than me," I rant on in one hysterical monologue.

He just stares at me in that weird way, his eyes glassy, his face wearing an impenetrable mask. I want so badly  to know what he  is thinking.

Finally breaking his reverie, he grabs my hand in his weak grip and asks in a groggy voice, " I am happy for you. Don't worry about me. You have every right to move on with your life. As a friend I agree to every single thing, every single condition. But tell me once. Why do I feel it's all becayse of me?Did I do anything wrong? Did I hurt you? Why are you leaving suddenly?"

I have no answers to this. He has caught me at my weakest point, logic. I know I will crack if I try to explain things. Instead, I use my last weapon, to shatter his heart, once and for ever.

Ignoring the pain in my heart and the prick of conscience and guilt I say, " Well Dmitriy, things always don't stay the same. You have done nothing wrong. It's just that..." I choked on the last word. I was on the verge of tears.

He looks questioningly at me.

"Love sometimes fades. Mine already has," I blurted out.

A/N Sorry friends for not updating sooner. I just needed to spend time with my family. So 19th was the last date for submission in the second round. I don't know if I will make it. Here I am hoping against hope. But just as I said. This story will touch 20K . Thank you all for reading.

Special thanks MaryFahey for reading and assessing my work.
Thanks teamhathaway Pipigrin nana_gn KashishBelikov  joharateregeyo  for supporting me always and strengthening me. I write  for my readers.......
.......Yours Masquerade❤❤❤