Chapter 09

After what felt like forever, finally ay nakaupo na rin ako. Ganito pala iyong feeling ng mga model. It was exhausting to smile for the camera. Hindi ko alam kung isang buong album ba iyong gusto ni Therese dahil sa hotel room pa lang mismo, ang dami ng kinuha na litrato.

"Are you okay?" tanong ko kay Pablo nung maupo ako.

He nodded. "Yes," sagot niya tapos ay inabutan ako ng bottled water. "Are you tired? It looks exhausting."

Bahagya akong natawa dahil parang nabasa niya iyong nasa isip ko. "Yeah, a little," sabi ko sa kanya. I debated if I'd apologize again and just decided on just doing it dahil medyo nahiya talaga ako sa asal ni Mama kanina. "I'm sorry."

Tumingin siya sa akin at bahagyang kumunot ang noo. "For what?" he asked.

"The incident."

"What incident?"

"Iyong kanina?" I told him, but he was still looking at me na para bang hindi niya alam kung ano iyong binabanggit ko. "The picture," I added.

Recollection crossed his face. "Oh, that."

I nodded. "Yes, that. I apologize."

"What for?" sabi niya. "I wasn't offended."

Hindi ako nakasagot. I mean, if you'll think about it technically, wala naman sigurong nakaka-offend talaga... kasi at one point, may point din naman talaga si Mama. Pero on the other hand, ang daming kinuhang picture! Ano ba naman 'yung isang picture na kasama namin si Pablo. Hindi naman nila alam na fake lang iyong relationship namin. What if magkatuluyan kami talaga sa future? E 'di may family picture na kami. Kung hindi naman, e 'di sunugin. Ang dali-daling gawan ng paraan, e.

"Yes, but still, that wasn't very nice."

Tumingin siya sa akin at bahagyang ngumiti. I'd admit that I was slightly taken aback when he tousled my hair. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko. And also... that felt nice? For some reason? Kahit ginulo niya nang kaunti iyong buhok ko?

"Oh, I'm sorry," sabi niya nung na-realize niya na nagulo iyong buhok ko.

Instinctively, napahawak din ako sa buhok ko. And because of that, nahawakan ko iyong kamay niya. My hand was resting on top of his. Tapos ay sakto na nagtama ang mga mata namin. Mabilis kong inalis iyong kamay ko. Bahagya siyang natawa dahil sa nakakatawang reaksyon ko.

Mukhang tanga.

We literally did way more than this kaya bakit ba ako umaakto na parang teenager na first time lang mahawakan ang kamay? Nakaka-stress ka talaga around Pablo, Cerise!

"But seriously, it's fine," sabi niya. "I'm not easily offended."

Slowly, I nodded. "Okay," I replied and then grunted when I heard my name being called again. Tumayo ako at lalakad na sana pabalik doon. I didn't know why I was being called kasi tapos na kami sa pictorial. I turned to look at Pablo who was sitting innocently.

"What?" Pablo asked, his forehead creased when I offered him my hand.

I cocked my head to the side. "Tara," I said.

He looked at me like he was confused sa kung ano ang gusto kong mangyari, nevertheless, he accepted my hand and stood up. Magkahawak iyong mga kamay namin habang naglalakad papunta sa may photographer na nagsisimula ng mag-packup ng mga gamit niya.

"Kuya," I called. Tumingin siya sa akin. "Favor? Pwede pakuha ng shot sa amin?" I asked nicely since technically, hindi naman na part ng trabaho niya 'to. Also, I asked with a smile. Usually, you'll get what you ask for basta maayos mo lang sabihin. I thought this was like a common knowledge na, but with the amount of entitled people I met over the course of my life? Apparently, it's not so common for people to ask nicely.

Nang pumayag si Kuya, pumwesto kami ni Pablo sa may harap ng camera. That was when I saw that apparently, the whole room was watching us. I just shrugged it off. At this point, naubos na iyong energy ko kaka-ngiti kanina and sinabi naman ni Pablo na he wasn't offended or anything, so clearly, it was a non-issue.

I guess gusto ko lang ng photo for only one reason—remembrance when this is all over.

"How do we do this?" Pablo asked, leaning a bit on my side na para bang sinusubukan niyang bumulong sa tenga ko.

"Just hold me, I guess," I replied kasi it's not as if professional photoshoot 'to na kailangan ng creative direction.

I didn't know why I was a bit surprised nang bigla kong maramdaman iyong pagkabig ni Pablo sa bewang ko gayong ako naman iyong nagsabi sa kanya na gawin niya 'yon. Still, the way my lips parted showed how surprised I was na tipo na napaangat ako ng tingin sa gawi niya at tumingin din siya sa gawi ko.

"What?" he asked while our eyes were still on each other.

"Nothing," I managed to reply while I was still hearing the shots being taken.

Okay... I'd probably ask for the blow by blow shot of this scene.

"Yup," I replied as I was slowly nodding. Ibinalik ko iyong tingin ko sa camera and finally, smiled.

* * *

After nung photoshoot ay sinabi sa amin nung coordinator na kailangan ng magpunta sa simbahan. Nandun na rin daw si Leo. Hindi ko naman sinasadya pero napatingin ako sa gawi ni Therese nung eksaktong moment na sabihin iyon nung coordinator.

"What?" I asked because she was busy watching my face instead na makinig sa instruction nung coordinator niya.

"Wala," sagot niya sa akin.

Kumunot ang noo ko, but I didn't make any further comment dahil ayoko rin naman siyang kausap. Sobrang weird lang talaga... I could still remember dati na tuwing may mangyayari sa akin, siya ang una kong gustong sabihan. Dalawa lang kasi kaming magkapatid. Wala rin akong masyadong kaibigan sa school kasi masyado kong sineryoso iyong pagiging focused sa acads. Hindi ko rin ka-close mga pinsan ko for some reason. It was just Therese and I, but I was completely fine with it. She was my sister and my best friend. I'd tell her anything and be sure that she'd guard my secret with her life.

Pero ngayon? Whenever I'd look at her, all I could think about was betrayal.

Funny how things can change just like that.

"Ate," pagtawag niya sa akin nung humakbang ako palayo sa kanya para puntahan sana si Pablo. Huminto ako at tumingin lang sa kanya. "Sama ka sa bridal car."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What?"

"Kayo ni Mama," sabi niya. "Samahan niyo ako sa sasakyan."

"Paano si Papa?" I asked kasi alangan namang magsiksikan kami sa likod nung sasakyan? Saka kasama ko si Pablo. Ang weird naman if magisa siyang magda-drive papunta sa may simbahan.

"Sabay siya kina Tito," Therese replied.

"Wag na," I said. "Dapat sila Mama kasama mo."

"Sige na, Ate? Hindi na rin tayo nagkakasama, e," she replied.

"No," I said. "Besides, may kasama ako."

Tumingin si Therese sa gawi ni Pablo. Napairap ako nung makita ko na kausap nung epal na kaibigan ni Therese si Pablo. Ano naman kaya ang sinasabi nung babae na 'yon?

"Please?" sabi niya.

I looked at Therese and again said, "No."

She began to frown. And like it was on fucking cue, Mama was to the rescue. Tinanong niya kung ano ang problema at bakit nakasimangot ang kapatid ko.

"Gusto ko sana na kasama si Ate sa sasakyan papunta sa simbahan..." she said. Sobrang talent talaga. Paano kaya 'yung ganon? Na parang sobrang inosente mo kapag nagsasalita?

"And I said no," sabi ko ulit for the fourth time. "Si Papa dapat dun. And may kasama ako."

Tumingin sa akin si Mama at hindi pa siya nagsasalita, pero alam ko na agad kung ano ang sasabihin niya.

"Sumama ka na," she said like I was a child and I had no choice but to follow what she said.

"May kasama ako, Ma. Nakakahiya kung iiwan ko siya."

"Kapatid mo si Therese at ikakasal siya ngayon," Mama said like what I said didn't make any sense at all—na iwanan ko na lang si Pablo na wala namang kakilala dito sa Bataan kung hindi ako.

I looked at Therese who was looking all innocent. Fuck her. Bakit ba lahat na lang ng bagay nakukuha niya? She's not even doing anything but have the people around her do it for her!

Briefly, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Fine," I replied through gritted teeth—making sure that they knew na hindi ako masaya sa desisyon ko. I turned my back on them and just walked up straight to Pablo. "Excuse me," sabi ko kay Ana na baka kung anu-ano na ang sinasabi kay Pablo. Tumayo ako sa harapan niya at saka humarap kay Pablo. "They're making me ride in the bridal car."

"Oh," sabi niya.

"Will you be fine?"

He nodded. "Yes. I'll probably just follow the other cars."

"Okay..."

"Are you fine?" he asked, looking at me like he really was worried.

Umiling ako. "No," sabi ko sa kanya. "I told them that you're with me and it'll be impolite if I'll just leave you to drive alone," I continued. "And I know you'll be fine," dagdag ko dahil nakita ko na sasabihin niya na 'wag ko siyang alalahanin. "But the fact still stands na alam naman nila na someone's with me, but they didn't care."

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ko at napaawang ang labi ko nang kabigin niya ako at yakapin—right where everyone's watching us. Pero kahit na gustuhin ko mang tignan ang reaksyon nila, hindi ko magawa because my face's right against his chest.

"Just breathe," he whispered.

"I'm fine," I replied.

"Okay, but still, breathe," sabi niya sa akin. "It's not worth getting stressed over."

"It's like they don't respect me at all."

"Maybe they don't," sabi niya sa akin. "But you don't like them anyway, so really, does it matter?"

I nodded against his chest and sighed. My eyes widened when I felt him kissing the top of my head. Again. Nasa kwarto pa rin kami at kahit hindi ko nakikita, sigurado ako na nakatingin lahat sa amin.

"I'll see you in the church, okay?"

I nodded. "I'll be the one in blue."

I felt him chuckling. "And I'll be the one in the matching shade of blue."

Natawa rin ako tapos ay hinigpitan ko iyong yakap sa kanya bago bumitiw. And true enough, everyone was watching us like we're some freaking movie.

"Don't mind them," Pablo whispered once again. "Just breathe, okay?"

I looked into his eyes and nodded. Funny how this man who was basically a stranger a few days ago can manage to calm me down.

* * *

Sumakay ako sa bridal car gaya ng gusto ni Therese. Si Papa, doon sumakay kasama sa mga Tita ko. Sobrang unfair kasi si Papa iyong nagpakahirap para bayaran iyong parte ni Therese sa kasal na 'to tapos wala siya dito.

"Ate," pagtawag ni Therese sa akin. Naiwan kaming dalawa. Lumabas si Mama para i-check ang kung anuman. At this point, gusto ko na lang umalis na at bumalik sa Maynila.

"What?"

"Alam ko late na 'to... At mali iyong timing ko... Pero okay ka lang ba?"

Tumingin ako sa kanya at kumunot ang noo. "What?" I asked again because seriously, masyado bang hectic magplano ng kasal dahil kung anu-ano na ang sinasabi niya.

"Iyong kay Leo—"

"What about him?" I asked bago pa man siya matapos sa sasabihin niya. "If it's about before, I clearly told you that I'm over it already. Nakilala mo naman si Pablo kanina, 'di ba? Mukha bang hindi pa ako nakaka-move on?"

I knew it was such an asshole move to compare Leo kay Pablo, but if I were being honest about it, mas gwapo naman ng 'di hamak si Pablo kay Leo. I mean, Leo looks good din naman, but it's nothing compared to Pablo. And ito talaga iyong dahilan kung bakit hindi talaga ako papayag na pumunta dito na walang kasama. Paano pa kung hindi ko kasama si Pablo? E 'di mas pagmumukhain nila na hindi pa ako nakaka-move on?

"Alam ko, pero—"

"No, hindi mo alam," I said, cutting her off again because I really hated it when she talks as if alam niya iyong nangyayari sa buhay ko. Maybe before, yes. Pero ngayon? She didn't know me nor my life. And I intend for things to stay that way.

"Ate—"

Binuksan ko iyong pinto. I looked at her. She was still sporting that fucking innocent face that I grew to really resent.

"I'm going to get out of this car and go to my boyfriend," sabi ko habang nakatingin sa mga mata niya. "And you, you go get married to Leo—the man you love, so you told me before," dugtong ko. "And seriously... have a happy life, Therese."

Maybe if she's finally truly happy, she'd stop trying to steal what's mine... because it's starting to feel like it.  

**
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