Chapter 11

Yup. I was pretty sure that I looked constipated sa mga litrato na magkakasama kaming apat. I tried my hardest, though, to look as normal as possible, but I was very much aware of Pablo touching my waist. Hindi ko alam kung bakit halos hindi ako makahinga kahit iyon lang naman ang ginawa niya.

Oh, right.

Love.

He did call me love.

Why was that making me feel things? It shouldn't make me feel things. This was just pretend. Hindi ko talaga siya boyfriend. Tomorrow, everything will go back to normal. I love my normal. I love my life in the metro. I love my job. I love my life.

He's just so fucking good at playing boyfriend. That's it. I made the right choice by choosing him. Hindi ko talaga dapat bigyan ng kulay iyong mga ginagawa niya. Instead, I should be a good girlfriend, too. After all, once umalis kami sa kasal na 'to, tapos na iyong role playing naming dalawa.

"Hi," bati ni Pablo kay Leo nang sa wakas ay matapos na iyong photoshoot namin. He was smiling—contrary sa reaksyon niya kanina na ni ayaw niyang banggitin iyong pangalan ni Leo. "We haven't been formally introduced."

Tumingin si Leo kay Pablo tapos ay sa akin. Tapos ay bumalik kay Leo iyong mga mata niya.

"Sorry," I said. "Pablo, this is Leo, the groom, obviously."

Tipid na ngumiti si Leo. I knew that this was awkward for him, too. Naging close naman kasi talaga kami na magkaibigan. I knew he was genuine sa friendship naming dalawa. It's just that he fell in love with my sister. Sinabi niya naman sa akin nung nalaman ko na. We had a serious talk about that. He said that he really loves my sister. Siguro kaya rin madali sa akin na pumunta sa Manila kasi... kasi ano ba iyong laban mo 'don 'di ba? Ano ang laban mo sa true love ng lalaking mahal mo?

Iyong tipong hindi pa nagsisimula iyong laban pero talo ka na agad.

"Si Kuya Pablo iyong boyfriend ni Ate," biglang singit ni Therese.

"Hi. Nice to meet you," sabi ni Leo habang naghandshake silang dalawa ni Pablo.

At that moment, all I could think about was... I wanted to leave. This was beyond awkward. Nandito kami sa may altar at naguusap apat habang sigurado ako na pinapanood kami ng lahat—heck, kung ako rin ang nasa audience, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off this colossal mess.

"Pupunta kayo sa reception, 'di ba, Kuya?" tanong ni Therese kay Pablo imbes sa akin na kapatid niya.

Pablo smiled. "We'll go, right?" tanong naman ni Pablo na sa akin tumingin. I looked at him and gave him a nod. When he got the confirmation from me, tumingin siya kay Therese at tumango. "We'll be there."

Bahagyang tumawa si Therese. Ganyan iyong tawa niya dati nung sumasama siya sa amin ni Leo kapag gumagawa kami ng assignment.

"Si Ate ba ang boss?"

Bahagya ring tumawa si Pablo. He gently shook his head and let out a crisp laugh. "No, but we decide together," sabi ni Pablo tapos ay tumingin sa akin. He was looking at me in such a way that Therese was probably thinking that he couldn't take his eyes off of me. "Won't ever force her to do something that she doesn't like."

My line of vision was in front of Therese kaya naman nakita ko iyong bahagyang pagbabago ng ekspresyon sa mukha niya. But she literally just got married. I was probably imagining things.

"Congrats sa inyo," sabi ko to cut this awkward encounter short. "Diretso na kami sa reception."

Tumango si Leo na mukhang hindi rin nag-eenjoy sa paguusap na 'to.

"Hindi kayo didiretso sa Maynila ha, Ate?" ulit ni Therese.

I frowned. "Sinabi ko na nga na hindi, 'di ba?" I snapped at her because she was asking in a way na pa-cute tapos ako pa iyong nagmumukhang maarte na ayaw umattend sa reception at nagpapapilit pa.

"Cerise," sabi ni Leo na obviously na-offend para sa asawa niya.

"What?" I asked, my brow arched because at this point, I already reached my threshold. Then I felt Pablo's hand on my waist again. Huminga ako nang malalim. I was here with my hot as hell boyfriend, so I really shouldn't be affected.

Muli akong tumingin kay Therese—this time, with a sweet smile on my face habang hawak ko iyong kamay ni Pablo na nakahawak sa bewang ko.

"We'll be there," I told Therese in a much calmer tone. "Pupunta talaga kami para ibigay iyong regalo." And then I looked at my boyfriend. "Let's go?" I asked as I tilted my head up dahil mas matangkad siya sa akin kahit na naka-heels na ako.

"Congratulations," Pablo told them bago kami naglakad paalis.

"I'm sorry," I said while we were walking away.

"What for?"

"Kinda lost my temper a bit."

"Didn't notice."

"Really?" tanong ko na napatingin sa kanya. "Leo was already on her defense."

"You sound jealous," sabi niya.

"I am not."

"Did you want me to defend you?"

"No."

"Because I thought you can handle yourself," sabi niya sa akin. "I would've stepped in if I thought you needed help—like the one in the grocery."

Napaawang iyong labi ko. "You were watching me."

Bahagya siyang natawa. "You make me sound like a creep," sabi niya sa akin. "I was minding my own business when I saw you and then the guy approached you. You were visibly irritated. You're not very good at hiding what you feel."

Panic shot across my system.

Fuck.

Nababasa niya iyong nararamdaman ko? Nababasa niya ba kung gaano ko talaga siya kagusto? I mean, not in the sense na gusto, but like he's so hot and I was only human.

"Yeah... He's pretty annoying."

"Why didn't you tell him to leave?"

"Boss' son."

"Oh."

"You can't relate, right? Because your boss is the best?" I asked, reminding him na nung hindi ko pa alam na siya iyong may-ari ng Pablo's sinabi niya sa akin na sobrang bait ng boss niya. This jerk.

He laughed. Fuck. Ang unfair na ang gwapo niya kapag tumatawa. There were small laugh lines near his mouth that told me that he likes to laugh. It's so fucking attractive.

Pagdating namin sa sasakyan ay inayos ko lang iyong sa Waze papunta sa may venue ng reception. It was actually one of the nicest hotels here in Bataan. Ginastusan talaga iyong kasal ni Therese. Good for them. Kapag kinasal ako ay sa ibang bansa para walang pupunta. Tapos sa city hall na lang iyong kasal dito sa Pilipinas.

"What's your gift?" tanong ni Pablo habang nagda-drive?

"5 days, 4 nights stay in Shangri La Mactan."

"That's nice."

"I know."

"Generous of you."

"Not really," sabi ko. "I won that in some raffle. Hindi ako makakapunta because of work and it's about to expire. I won't spend money on those two."

Nakita ko sa rearview mirror na natawa si Pablo.

"You really hate those two..."

"I don't," sabi ko. "Hate is such a strong word. I still wish them the best life, just that that life doesn't necessarily have to include me, you know?"

He nodded. "Understood. What happens if you get a niece or nephew?"

I shrugged. "Will still send the occasional gifts."

"You got it all planned out."

"I have," sabi ko.

Hindi na ulit siya nagtanong hanggang sa makarating kami sa may venue. Did he think that my life was so... sad? Na ayoko sa pamilya ko. He probably thought that I was one of those na sa trabaho umiikot ang buhay. I mean, totoo naman. But was that sad? What if mahal ko naman talaga iyong trabaho ko? Besides, nandyan si Jana. Although may boyfriend siya and malapit na silang magpakasal at maganak.

Fuck.

Paano na ako after nun?

I mean, obviously, masaya ako para kay Jana... but I also knew na once magka-anak sila, hindi na pwede iyong ginagawa ko na bigla ko siyang hinahatak kung saan-saan. Magiiba na iyong priority niya and I could never be mad at her for that.

Shit.

Ito iyong mga panahon na gusto ko ng boyfriend kasi automatic na may kasama ka kung saan mo man gustong pumunta.

"Are you okay?" Pablo asked dahil kanina pa kami naka-park pero hindi pa rin ako lumalabas.

I forced a smile as I nodded. "Let's go," I replied as I unbuckled the seatbelt and bumaba ako sa sasakyan niya.

May ilan akong nakasalubong na mga kakilala, but I was in no mood for small talk kaya naman tumango at ngumiti lang ako sa kanila habang naglalakad kami ni Pablo papunta sa may reception.

"Pablo." Tumingin siya sa akin habang naglalakad kami. "Thank you."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "For what?"

"For this," I said. "Kung hindi kita kasama, I imagine that they'll all look at me with pity."

"With pity? Exactly for what reason?" he asked with his forehead creased. "As far as I can tell, you have a great life in Manila."

"I know... but for them, my younger sister got married first."

"Is getting married the standard of having a great life?"

I shrugged. "For my family, I think yes."

He rolled his eyes. "Your family sucks."

Natawa ako. "Agreed," I said. "But hey, that's my family. Ako lang ang pwede magsabi na they suck."

Natawa siya. "Apologies."

I smiled. "Apology accepted."

"But seriously, I know you already said that your family's validation matters for you, but still, do try to work on it," he said in a sincere way na hindi ko naramdaman na hinuhusgahan niya ako. "You have a great life—live that great life."

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako kumuha ng kapal ng mukha o lakas ng loob, but I reached for his hand and held it. Napatingin siya sa akin dahil mukhang kahit siya ay nagulat sa ginawa ko.

"What? Can't I hold my boyfriend's hand?"

"You definitely can," he replied as he planted a soft kiss on the side of my head. "I'm pretty hungry. I hope the food is good, at least," dugtong niya na bahagya akong natawa dahil ngayon ko lang na-realize na gutom na rin pala ako after ng lahat ng pag-pipicture na ginawa namin.

May program naman pero hindi na kami nakinig ni Pablo dahil busy kami sa pagkain. We talked about other things na hindi related sa kasal. I actually asked him about his business and he was very enthusiastic na sagutin iyong tanong ko. Gusto ko sana siyang tanungin about sa personal life niya kaya lang ayoko naman maging intrusive. Kung may malalaman man ako tungkol doon, gusto ko na sabihin niya ng kusa.

"Sali ka raw, Ate," sabi sa akin ni Ana.

I frowned. "Fine," sagot ko dahil time na para doon sa paghahagis ng bulaklak. Hindi ko naman sasaluhin 'yan. Ihagis ko pa pabalik 'yan if ever na masalo ko, e.

Nakatayo lang ako kasama iyong ibang mga brides maid at mga barkada ni Therese. I was standing on the side dahil hindi talaga ako interesado. Ang nakasalo ay iyong pinsan ni Leo.

After that, nag-excuse ako na pupunta ako sa CR para magretouch dahil nakaka-stress talaga kahit nakatayo lang ako sa tabi ng barkada ni Therese. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ayoko talaga sa kanila.

"What... is happening?" I asked nung pagbalik ko ay nakita ko na for some reason, nakatayo doon sa gitna si Pablo kasama iyong ibang mga grooms men and apparently, he caught the fucking garter. 

**
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