Over the next few weeks, my relationship with Adrienne grew more complicated. We texted occasionally, and I would walk her home from school when I had time. My dedication to the gang was my number one priority. After my success at getting Cayden his money from Summerfest, he had been giving me high-risk jobs. I had also gained respect from the lieutenants in the gang.

During my walks with Adrienne, I tried to get her to tell me why she had bought heroin at Summerfest. She never gave me an answer. She didn't seem like an addict, but everyone has a closet of skeletons.

There had been no success at getting her into my bed, either. She had a way of cutting off the conversation before it got sexual. She was a tease. I was growing frustrated, but I had a new plan.

I stood on the steps of the school with my hands stuffed into my pockets. Earlier, I'd delivered a shipment of amphetamines to Churro over in the west side of town, and got paid big. Cayden had praised me before sending me on my way. It was strange to show up to school after skipping the whole afternoon, but I wanted to take Adrienne to my house.

The bell rang. My eyes scanned the crowds of people pouring from the school, but I was only searching for one familiar face.

Then, I found her.

She stepped out of the door and rambled away to Jena, who was walking beside her. The words seemed to be pouring out of her mouth in a constant stream. My eyes roamed further down, focusing on the sway of her hips as she descended down the stairs towards me. My heart beat faster in my chest as I thought about her hips would feel against mine. Her movements were so fluid and effortless. My throat became dry.

Two things crossed my mind: First, I was starting to get nervous. I didn't like how she made me feel. When I was with her, my emotions were unleashed from their cage. I was too comfortable in her presence. Second, I couldn't get too attached. It was too dangerous for both of us. I wanted this thing between us to be only sexual.

She waved to Jena as they parted ways and came to a stop in front of me. My smile dropped from my face, and a vacant look replaced it. Her blue eyes glistened in the sunlight as she looked up at me. Then, she said it.

"Hey, Spence."

I stared at her. Only people close to me called me Spence. For some reason, those two simple words coming from her mouth made my heart jump and took my breath away at the same time. I had to control myself.

"Hey."

She raised an eyebrow at my short response before she shrugged her shoulders. "So, are you going to walk me home, or are we just going to stand out here and stare at each other?"

I folded my arms across my chest. "Actually, I was thinking we could switch it up today."

She tilted her head in curiosity, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Explain."

I smiled as I slung my arm around her shoulder, pulling her against me. "I want to bring you to my house," I whispered in her ear.

She placed one of her arms around my waist, shifting her backpack to the opposite shoulder so she could stay close to me. I led her down the steps, and we stopped at the crosswalk.

"I'm invited to the gangster's house? I feel honored," she responded with a teasing smile.

"You should, baby girl."

At this time of day, the city was bustling. Rush hour traffic forced cars to come to a screeching halt. Frustrated drivers laid on their horns. People pooled around us, many of them deciding to skip the hour-long wait in traffic and walk home. I reached to click the cross walk's button and glanced down at her. I was quiet for a minute longer before I blurted out a stupid question. It completely contradicted my plan to distance myself from her.

"So, how was your day?" I asked as we safely crossed the street with a mass of other people.

She shrugged her shoulders. "My day was decent. It was nothing special. Jena gossiped about other girls and spilled about her latest crushes. The teachers handed out homework. I looked for you at lunch, but you were nowhere to be found."

"I'm sorry. I, uh, had some stuff to handle."

She rolled her eyes. "Why even stay in school if it isn't important to you?"

I steered her down an alleyway. It was a short-cut to my apartment. "I never said it wasn't important."

"You don't show up, Spence, and if you do show up, you skip half of the day. Honestly, I have no idea how you're passing any of your classes," she said, stopping us in the alley. She pulled away from me.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "I don't have a choice. Cayden gave me a family when I had none, and in return, I gave him my loyalty. I have to show dedication to the Southside, even it means failing school. That's just how it works."

She kicked a rock with her foot. It rattled down the alleyway. "I feel like you do have a choice. You're just so consumed by the gang that you've forgotten," she mumbled.

Anger bubbled deep in my blood. It was as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction. I clenched my fists. "The gang is my number one priority. If I don't stay loyal to them, I lose my rank. I lose the goals I've set for myself. I've worked too damn hard to just throw it away, Adrienne."

She had no idea what kind of life I was living: no mother, an alcoholic father, years of bullying. I had to do what I could to survive. I was going to do whatever it took to get me to a better place in life. The gang was my way out.

Adrienne turned away from me and started down the alley again. I strolled along beside her, thinking about her words while I took a few breaths to calm down. Something about her presence helped ease the tension in my muscles.

The alley was dark. It was protected from the streams of sunlight by brick buildings that towered above us on each side. Garbage cans were pushed up against the walls, and small puddles of water from the last rainfall pooled in the cracks of the pavement beneath our feet.

I slowed to a stop as I caught sight of a few dark figures at the end of the alley. My muscles tensed as a shot of adrenaline rushed through me.

I pushed Adrienne behind me as the figures got closer to us. I had an overwhelming urge to protect her. The memory of holding Maria's dying body stuck in my mind. I wasn't going to see the loss of another life.

Adrienne let out a soft gasp. My muscles flexed as the strangers finally reached us. It was Rodney.

"Look what the cat dragged in," I spat as my eyes locked on his face.

"I know you ain't talking to me, pretty boy." He laughed as he glanced at Diggz and Adam beside him.

His eyes focused back on me, and then past me. A flicker of surprise crossed his face. "That's a pretty little toy you have there. Much better looking than the one from the other day." A smile spread across his thin lips.

My fists clenched tightly. I didn't like him calling Adrienne "a pretty little toy", and I didn't like the perverted look in his eyes. "Leave her out of this, Rodney," I demanded as I took a step toward him.

"You ever thought about sharing?"

I glared at him and my hand reached for my gun. "No." Without hesitation, I pointed my gun at him. One of us would have to die before I let Rodney touch her.

The raging sea of anger crashed inside me again. "This is between me and you. You can leave everyone else out of this," I snarled.

Adrienne's hands grasped my jacket. My free hand pushed her back a step. She was distracting me.

I focused back on Rodney as he stepped toward me. My pulse raced. Adam and Diggz remained behind him.

Adam was a little Asian guy that could handle a knife better than anyone I knew. He was almost like a trained assassin, stealthy and quick. He had a mask pulled up over his face so only his brown eyes were visible beneath his hoodie.

Diggz, on the other hand, was a bulky African American man that spent more time on leg day than arm day. He cracked his knuckles as he glared at me.

Rodney stared at me. His dreads were pulled back into a ponytail, revealing the ugly scars that covered his face. "You don't tell me what to do, Spencer. Cayden may think you have what it takes to be second-in-command, but I can see right through you. You're weak."

His words stung. They reminded me of my time before the gang, when I did feel weak, but that wasn't me anymore. That part of me was gone. "Fuck you. It's disrespectful to doubt a leader's decisions."

An evil grin twisted onto his face."Did I hit a soft spot?" he asked as he put his hands behind his back. "You gonna run off and tell Cayden?"

I ignored him, flicking the safety of the gun off.

He let out a heavy sigh. "Spencer, all I am asking is that you share your little friend. She might even like it." The lustful look returned to his eyes.

I held the gun firmly in my hands, daring him to come closer to me. I would kill him if he gave me a reason. The world would be a much better place without him in it.

I tightened my grip on the gun. My stomach churned as I watched him. "As long as I'm here, you are never touching her, Rodney." My voice was thick with hatred.

He rolled his eyes. "Well, I guess that means we need to make sure you aren't around, huh?"

He launched forward to tackle me. His hand flew up and knocked the gun from my hands. It rattled to the pavement a few feet away from us. In one swift motion, he pulled his knife out with the intent of stabbing me. I caught his hand and twisted it away. The knife clattered onto the concrete.

I pulled my fist back and slammed it hard into his nose, feeling the cartilage snap. A surge of power pulsed through me. I couldn't control it. He reached for his knife, and at the same time I stretched across the ground to grab my gun. I turned my body and pulled the trigger. The sound echoed in my ears.

The bullet hit him in the arm and forced him to drop the knife. He flinched in pain as blood dripped from his broken nose. He wasn't done, though.

He swung his arm to try to hit me again, but I dodged his punch. I responded with an uppercut to his jaw and grabbed his fist. I twisted it hard with every intention of snapping his wrist. Then, Diggz wrapped his arms around me from behind and forced my hands behind my back.

I struggled against him, but he had me in a death grip. He shoved me up against the hard brick wall. I watched as Adam made his way over to help Rodney, who pushed him away as he stood on his own. There was a loud bang as a trashcan clattered to the ground.

I had been so lost in my anger with Rodney that I had forgotten about Adrienne. My eyes searched for her and the tightness in my chest returned. I struggled against Diggz in a panic. I couldn't let anything happen to her.

I jerked my elbow back and hit Diggz in the stomach with force. He doubled over with a grunt and released me as I slammed him against the wall. I turned my attention back to Rodney, who had pinned Adrienne up against the opposite wall. She cursed as she shoved her hands against his chest with all the force in her body. My blood boiled beneath my skin.

She slammed her hands against his chest again. "Get off me!" she yelled.

The terror in her voice only added gasoline to the fire burning inside me. All I could see was red. I reached down to grab the gun lying at my feet and pointed it at Rodney's head. I could end my problems with just one pull of the trigger.

Diggz slammed his hand against my arm, forcing the gun down. I pulled the trigger. The gunshot echoed down the alley, and Rodney yelled out in pain. His dark eyes turned on me as he fell to the ground, clutching his leg.

"Spencer, you son of a bitch," he snarled as he rocked back and forth to ease the pain.

Diggz's hands flew up in caution as I turned the gun on him. "Back the fuck up."

Adrienne took a step back. Her eyes were on me, but I couldn't look at her. I didn't want her to see me like this. Adam dropped down onto his knees with his hands behind his head.

I kept my eyes on him as I stepped over by Rodney, who looked up at me with his jaw locked. The barrel of the gun was pressed against his forehead. I gritted my teeth.

"I should fucking kill you. How dare you put your hands on her?"

Rodney let out a laugh. "Kill me, Spencer. I dare you," he taunted.

My finger flickered towards the trigger. My heart thumped in my chest. I was going to do it. Then, her soft hand touched my arm.

"Don't do it," she whispered, pleading with me. Her touch sent a flare of tingles across my skin. I shivered, tilting my head down to meet her blue eyes.

"He needs to know his place," I chided, looking back to Rodney. He was smiling up at me in amusement.

"Come on, pretty boy. Do it."

"Spence. It's not worth it." Her eyes glanced down to Rodney. "He's not worth it."

Rodney glared at her. "You little hoe," he snarled.

I pushed the gun up against his forehead and he grew silent.

"You don't want his blood on your hands. But do what you want. I can't control you." She stepped past the three guys, heading down the alley without me.

She had unclouded my mind. I didn't want to take a life. As much as I hated Rodney, he was my brother. My thumb flicked the safety back on.

"Little pussy. You just let that bitch talk you down," Rodney snarled.

I glared down at him and pushed the gun back into the waistband of my jeans. "Don't tempt me, Rodney. Next time, I will kill you."

I stepped past him, glancing back over my shoulder briefly to make sure they weren't stupid enough to follow. They were arguing as they stumbled in the opposite direction. We walked in silence. I wasn't sure what to say to her. I had never wanted her to see that side of me.

The alleyway seemed to stretch on forever. The anxiety of our impending talk hung on my shoulders. When we emerged onto the sidewalk, I steered her left, and soon we arrived at my apartment complex. I grabbed the metal rail and pulled myself up the steps. She followed me as she took in her surroundings.

There wasn't much around here to look at. My apartment complex sat on the edge of the south side of town. It was full of old buildings that the city had been threatening to demolish for years. Junkies used the abandoned buildings as a safe place to feed their addictions. It wasn't a rare sight to see a victim of overdose. The ambulances worked double time on this side of town and the traffic on the street was light because people were scared to drive through the south of the city in fear of gang activity.

She broke the silence. "Is this still the south side of town? I thought south side was across the tracks."

She was acting like nothing had happened. I pulled my keys out of my pocket and stuck them in the door. With a simple twist, I pushed the door open.

"Technically, it is. I mean, it's right on the edge, but it's still the south side. If you walk a little further down, you'll cross the tracks. That's where a lot of the guys are from."

As we entered my house, I dropped my backpack by the door and headed into the kitchen. I glanced around, worried that my father would be home.

I didn't see him in the immediate area, so unless he was asleep in his room, he wasn't home yet. I headed back into the living room and saw her standing by the dusty shelf in the living room. The shelf housed all the old family pictures.

Despite my efforts to take them down, my father was determined to keep them. I wanted nothing left in the house that reminded me of my mother, the woman who had abandoned her son. Adrienne glanced over the individual pictures.

I stepped beside her. "It's not like that now." I kept my hands in my pockets.

She looked at me and nodded. "I'm assuming your parents aren't together anymore?" She reached to touch the photo with my mother, father, and me in it.

It was the last picture we'd taken together before my mother left. In that moment, we had appeared to be a happy family. Little had I known, our family was already broken.

"Right. My mother left my father when I was eight. She just couldn't stand his drinking anymore, so she walked out. She didn't take me with her, either. I guess there wasn't room for me in her new life." Memories of the day she left swirled in my mind.

If she couldn't handle his drinking, why did she think I could? She left me here. I was just a little boy. I'd spent hours locked in my room. I was furious at my mother for leaving, and furious at my father for continuing to drink.

I had spent days alone walking to school, my shoulders hunched as I tried to avoid the people who whispered about me in the hallways. They'd talk about my 'dead beat' dad and my 'slut' of a mother. I'd heard rumors that she had run away with some millionaire, or that she had been killed in a drive-by. They'd been endless. My classmates' taunts had haunted me for years.

Adrienne brushed her hand against my cheek. Her warm voice brought me out of my trance. "I'm sorry to hear that, Spence. Maybe, she did it for a reason. It could have been more dangerous for you wherever she was going," she whispered.

When she looked at me, it was as if every ounce of breath had been taken from my lungs. As she held my face between her hands, it was as though she was untying all of my knots. My stomach flipped. I'd never been able to talk about my family life with someone before. I always complained about my dad to the boys, but I never mentioned my mother. Feelings were stirring inside me, but I had to keep them under control, unreachable.

I smiled at her and shrugged. "True, but it still makes me angry. Anywhere with her would have been better than here. Growing up with my father was like growing up alone." I reached to pick one of the old pictures up. I blew the dust, and it dispersed into the air. "I've tried to take these down, but my father got pissed. He's still holding onto the past."

"Why would you want to take them down?"

I tilted my head, holding the picture up to her. "Because this is all a lie. This is the past. We won't ever have this again." My hands quivered.

She took the picture from me. "It's good to remember the past, Spence. Your past is what makes you who you are."

She sat it back on the shelf and smiled. "I see a little boy who has a promising future. He will have to endure hardships, but. . ." She reached forward to touch my cheek. My skin was hot beneath her palm. "Those hardships are what made you strong. They gave you a good heart. They made you, Spencer. Never forget that."

I reached to place my hand over hers, chuckling at her. "What if I'm not a good guy?"

"You didn't kill Rodney in the alley. You could have, but you chose not too. The gang has taken pieces of you, but you've found a way to survive all these years. Spence, there is good in everyone, but there is also evil. It's how you balance the two that matters." She pulled our hands down so they hung between us, tracing her fingers across the lines of my palm.

My stomach churned at her words; somehow, she always knew what to say. "I never intended for you to see me in the alley like that." A heavy sigh escaped my lips.

Her blue eyes glinted with sadness, as though she was thinking of a painful memory. "You did what you had to. That's all there is to say about it."

The tightness in my chest eased as a sense of relief washed over me. There was a connection between us. She wasn't the fire, yet she brought a warmth that was new to me. She wasn't filled with intensity, yet she steadied my heart in a way I had needed for so long. She saw my darkness, things others feared, and found a way to make it beautiful.

I studied her face."What about your family? How did you end up here in Chicago?"

She hesitated for a moment and looked away from me. "It's complicated. My parents sent me here to live with my aunt and uncle."

I raised an eyebrow. Curiosity stirred inside me. "Do you miss them?" I questioned. "Your parents, I mean."

She looked at me with the same sadness as before. "Yes."

"Why did they se-"

She cut me off. "Can we just leave it at that for now?" A soft smile appeared on her lips.

She didn't want to talk about it. And why did I care?

"Yeah, that's fine. Come on. We can go upstairs to my room." I grabbed her hand.

Throughout the conversation I had forgotten the reason I had brought her home. It had been pushed to the back of my mind, but this was my chance to quench my sexual desire. I lead her up the stairs.

"Alright, so just a heads up before we go in here. I don't remember the last time I cleaned my room."

She laughed. I glanced back to see her give a thumbs up sign. I twisted the door knob and pushed the door open. Dirty clothes were thrown across the floor. The shelves were coated in a light dust. My bed was unmade.

I kicked my shoes off by the door and tossed my jacket into the dirty recliner. She slipped her shoes off by mine as she set her bag down, looking around the room. Her eyes landed on some trophies in the corner by the recliner. She stepped over to get a closer look at them.

She picked up one of the trophies. "You played basketball?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I did when I was little. My mother was at every game. She always told me I was talented. She said I could be the next greatest player of all time, but then she wasn't there to support that dream."

"Did you quit when she left?" She placed the trophy back onto the shelf.

I let out a sigh. "Yes. Once she wasn't here to take me to practice, I stopped going. My father was never sober enough to take me. The coach kicked me off the team. That was the end of it."

She tilted her head. Her eyes searched my face. She had gotten the hint that I didn't want to talk about it, and turned to the shelf again. I leaned back on my arms as I watched her, pulling my gun out of my jeans and unloading it before placing it on the stand. She moved down the shelf until she was standing in front of my old CD's. She ran her fingers over the collection disks, investigating them.

"You seem to like a variety of music." She pulled one off the shelf and walked over to stand in front of me. I nodded my head over to my bedside table, where an ancient CD player sat, untouched.

She smiled and walked over to the night stand, clicking a button on the old player. She placed the CD inside and clicked play. Her eyes fluttered shut as it started to play an old song. I tilted my head as she swayed to the music. A smirk spread across my face.

Her eyes opened to meet mine. She blushed, her tan skin taking on a rosy hue. "You're an interesting man, Spence." She stepped in front of me. Our knees touched at the edge of the bed.

"How so?"

"You only show people the hard exterior, the guy with no emotion, but inside here," she said, touching my chest with a smile, "you're soft, sweet, and you care for people."

For a moment, she made me feel weak, and I enjoyed it. It was the strangest thing. I didn't feel like a constant threat to the city of Chicago. With her, I felt human again.

She moved her hands to the sides of my face and back through my hair. My body ignited at her touch. The desire for her returned, stronger than before. Her hands fell to my shoulders. With a slow easy motion, she pushed me onto the bed. Her small body fell on top of me.

Adrienne's chest was pressed against mine, her heartbeat uneven and quick. There was a soft rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. My hands ran down along her spine before grabbing her ass.

She leaned down, her eyes fluttering closed, to kiss me. I wanted nothing more than to forget about the world around me while I enjoyed every inch of her body, but I needed to control myself. I had to remember that.

This was just a fuck for a quick release and nothing more. Sometimes, I had to make hard decisions. This wasn't going to be one of those scenes in a romantic movie because, unfortunately, girls, gangs, and guns didn't mix.