A/N: trigger warning- mentions of torture, drugs, murder. It's not incredibly gory, but I wanted to place a warning just in case.

Also really sorry that I didn't update so soon??? I kinda forgot about this story again ngl LMAOOO

Like this chapter was pretty much finished and I just.... paid no attention to it. 

BUT HERE I AM

ALIVE

AND READY TO DELIVER

Enjoy!! 

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"The bravest thing
she ever did
was to stay alive each day."

NADINE

The first thing that Nadine noticed when she woke up was that her headache was intense.

The second thing she realized? It was the only pain she felt at the moment. 

Her vision didn't seem to settle no matter how much she rubbed her eyes. It was only when the lighting increased did she notice her white, fingerless sleeves. No, it couldn't be.

She looked around, and she was in a hallway, alone. Lights were blinking incessantly, almost ominously. She half expected a monster to pop up at the end of the hall. Her eyes shifted, her periphery affected with whatever she had in her system, and there was a mirror right next to her. Standing up slowly, she walked up to it, and there she was, covered in white and light grey. Her old suit, the first and last one she wore when she was under Jameson's control. Every detail, everything, was intact, down to the hole in the middle of her chest that slightly exposed her breasts. Sometimes she thought he left that part open just so he could have a decent bullseye when he decided to kill her. She was surprised it still fit, really.

Though, if she were being honest, Jameson would be sick enough to create a replica and force her to wear it.

Nadine was about to pull down the mask covering the lower half of her face -which resembled a muzzle, she realized- when she heard a door unlock a feet away from her.

Dante stepped into the hallway, dressed in an outfit similar to the one he wore when he became a mercenary. Cargo pants, a long sleeved shirt rolled to his elbows, a kevlar vest, and a scarf that had thin, orange detailing on it. His brown hair was cropped short and he shaved, which made him look younger, in her opinion. Despite the familiarity, however, his hazel eyes bore none of the kindness that she was used to.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes flickering to the knife in his gloved hand. She noticed he also had a thigh holster with a handgun attached to it.

Dante shrugged, nonchalant, but his grip tightened around the blade. "Proving myself."

"To Jameson? Really? Did that rock mess you up that much?"

"I think Dante is making the right decision," an accented voice said, a figure appearing behind him. Kristina, dressed in all black, silver blonde hair tied back in a tight bun, which accentuated the harshness of her eyes. "One of Jameson's finest pupils, and all for what? To live his life as a war criminal? No, his talents will do just fine here." Kristina caressed her fingers against his cheek, the gesture almost resembling a puppet-master gloating over her plaything. Nadine's stomach twisted in knots at the sight. "If he can prove his loyalty to me, to us."

She wasn't able to come up with a retort before Dante took a step forward.

"Dante," she warned, her shoulders tensing as she positioned herself in a defensive stance. She didn't have any weapons, she noticed. Of course Jameson would put her at a disadvantage. "Be smart about this."

Dante lifted his hands up, the blade sending an ominous feeling to her stomach. 

As much as she prepared herself to fight him, everything felt like a blur, save for a few punches that left her fists shaking with guilt. It all came to end though when, with an agonizing squish, Dante coughed, wide eyed as he realized what his fate would be. Tears formed in Nadine's eyes as she held the knife embedded in his chest. It most likely punctured a lung, as she held his terrified gaze and felt his body pulsating as he struggled to breathe. Before Nadine could think about what she was doing, she twisted it, closing her eyes as he fell to the ground.

"Pity," Kristina said. Nadine couldn't bear to open her eyes just yet. She only listened as Dante kept struggling to breathe, his gasps getting raspier until he seemed to choke on something. Her tears rolled down mercilessly as she realized that he was probably choking on his blood.

Sure enough, the sounds stopped, and she knew he was dead. Dead by her hand.

"It seems you showed him the same amount of empathy as you did with Yuna. Now you have to live with it for the rest of your life."

Kristina's voice echoed in her ears, but her body felt weightless.

When she opened her eyes, Nadine was met with an all too familiar blinding light once more. A few seconds passed before she took note of where she was: she was in a laboratory, strapped to a chair. Her body was exhausted as she struggled to keep herself awake.

"Good morning, Mira."

It took her a moment as Nadine noticed Jameson was there, reading something on a tablet. He set it aside as he stood to look at her and went to brush her damp hair out of her face, but Nadine immediately recoiled from his touch as best as she could. Jameson rolled his eyes, bringing the tablet back into view.

"So," he started, his brows furrowing in deep thought as he stared at the screen. "None of the tests that we have done so far indicate anything out of the ordinary. Injected drugs remain in your system for as long as any other normal human being. Odd."

"Odd?" she asked, her mouth dry and tongue heavy as she struggled to even form a sentence.

"Well, yes," he said, as if he were talking to a child. "You survived exposure to an unknown energy source. I want to know what it's done to you. We tried to control you with it, nothing. And now the hallucinogens have done nothing..."

Jameson kept talking, but Nadine wasn't listening. She was trying to piece together what had happened. Hallucinogens. That explained it. If she was keeping count, this was the third time he attempted it.

The first time had been brutal and felt real. She was lying on the floor, blood filling her lungs as Bucky and Emilia panicked to stabilize her wounds. She couldn't breathe, or speak, just watch as they tried to help her stay alive. She'd even tried to call them, but they responded to none of her cries.

The second time, though her mind seemed to question it, she figured it wasn't real because it was the Winter Soldier fighting her, and Nadine could only do so much before his strength and speed overpowered her. Though the choking certainly felt real, she knew it was a hallucination because she only had a warped perception about who this shadow figure was, created in her head from articles she'd read and accounts from Bucky himself. She'd never properly met him, so the whole thing felt more like fighting a boogeyman than a genuine figure.

This time, even though it was a hallucination and she knew she didn't actually kill Dante, the thought of her being so quick to do it still consumed her with guilt and fear. Not because it was real, but because of the implications of what she could do. What if Jameson cracked the code eventually and found out how to control her?

"Don't get me wrong," Jameson said, interrupting her racing thoughts. "Your endurance is impressive, but it is still at a human level. I need you at a higher level if we are to achieve more."

"Oh go to hell," she spat, exasperated, but a small part of her regretted it. Different body or not, this was still Jameson, and he loved retaliation.

"I think this exposure means something," he continued, seemingly ignoring her outburst, though she wasn't convinced he wouldn't punish her eventually. "You're supposed to topple nations, help us form a new world order. I was right to call you my 'chaos bringer', Mira. You don't see it, but with this and Kristina, we can achieve greatness."

She tried to laugh, but it came out like a rasp. "Kristina hates me."

"Kristina has never quite understood why I wanted you to be her partner. She's strong where you are weak, and vice versa. Unfortunately you could never master her level of disconnecting from your emotions."

"Because unlike both of you, I have a soul," Nadine retorted. It probably sounded slurred with whatever drug was in her system, still. "A tainted one, but I have one."

"Your empathy is impressive, yes," he agreed with a nod, but his gaze didn't acknowledge her reaction. Another tactic. Ignoring her or her emotions was just another way of him attempting to break her. "Very noble. But I have no use for it."

This time, though, Nadine did laugh. He made it sound as if they were partners working on a project together. It was ridiculous. "You're fucking insane, I won't help you."

"We'll see. For now, we'll continue the trials." He motioned for the doctors to walk towards her. One of them pulled the chair until she was lying on her back. They shoved something in her mouth that tasted similar to plastic. She twisted her ankles and wrists, but nothing seemed to do anything as they stuck something to her temples. Her attempts to escape stopped as her body contracted in a stiffening shock. A garbled sound escaped her as her jaw tightened around whatever was in her mouth, her eyes rolling into the back of her head.

Suddenly, Nadine came crashing back, her heart racing and violent spasms coursing through her body. Her eyes closed immediately at the loss of the sensation beforehand. She could barely keep herself awake.

"Her pupils are responsive."

She didn't even notice that they'd checked. Did they check? What did they check, again? Pull it together, Nadine. Her pupils, they checked her pupils. Her ears were ringing. Her body was shaking.

"Good. Give her a minute, then continue with the electroshock therapy. Let's see how long she holds up."

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A/N: Jameson better square up istg 

I hope y'all enjoyed! I apologize again for taking a while to update this story! Life keeps getting really intense but I'm forever committed to finishing this :) 

Until next time!