| ONE WEEK LATER |

"My soul bleeds... and the blood steadily, silently, disturbingly slowly, swallows me whole."
-Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Complete Letters

NADINE

Nadine didn't remember when she woke up.

She stood in the living room in Maricota. She didn't remember arriving, nor did she remember taking the tea cup currently in her hands. Looking around, everything was eerily empty, despite used plates and glasses being on the dining table.

"James?" Nadine called. No answer. Her shoulders tensed. Lapses in memory, thinking people were there but they weren't... was she losing her mind?

Placing the tea cup on the counter, she walked up the stairs as quick as she could, pausing at each of the rooms to look for signs of her friends. All rooms were vacant, but had the same, dreadful feeling of the dining table: lived-in beds, scattered shoes on the floor, recent dirt marks, among other things. Nadine made her way to her room, stopping cautiously as she noticed the door was slightly open. She raised her hands, using her foot to slowly push the door open so she could peak inside. A head of black hair stood out against the white of her duvet. Bucky.

"James?" she said as walked in, noticing him lying on his side. "James."

He was asleep, his face peaceful. Gone were the furrowed brows and deep frown that had plagued him as of late. Sighing in relief, she placed a soft kiss on his forehead, before walking back to the door, which she hadn't noticed had closed. When she opened it, it was like the air was punched out of her gut. Bodies were on the floor, blood staining the carpet. Emilia's eyes stared at her, lifeless and dull, throat slit. Kaia, beautiful Kaia's bruised body was propped against the wall, her white shirt stained crimson. Fong's corpse laid over Emilia's, and though she couldn't see his face, Nadine was sure he'd been shot in the head. Other bodies littered the hallway, faceless and unidentified, but gruesome nonetheless.

She clutched the wall to stop herself from keeling over and throwing up. She'd always said she wasn't spiritual, but this definitely resembled hell. It was the only thing that remotely made sense.

"You did this to them, Samira."

Jameson.

Her head shot up and she stared at him, standing in the middle of the bodies. His crooked smile was ominous on his new face, and he motioned to them, his foot nudging Emilia's body. "You killed them."

"No." Nadine shook her head, and quickly the motion became incessant, insistent, almost as if it could erase everything that happened. "No."

"You killed them," he repeated, but Nadine was panicking.

"No!" She turned back into the room and closed her eyes tight, her hands clutching her head as she tried to get rid of the memory that was seared into her mind. She didn't kill them. It was impossible. She didn't kill them.

Did she?

Nadine opened her eyes and noticed the red stains on the white sheets, and the body lying between them. "N-No." Her voice trembled as she got closer, noticing the metal arm on the floor, ripped off violently. "No."

"You killed them, Samira."

The glassy eyes looked right through her.

She reached for him and recoiled when she noticed her hand was stained crimson.

His blood.

Their blood.

She killed him. She killed them.

"Nadine..."

Her friends. Her family. James.

Everywhere she went, death followed.

When she turned, she saw herself, soaked in blood. She lifted her hand, and her reflection did the same. Her eyes glowed orange, and a sinister feeling was rolling off of her in waves. Nadine felt it hit her, over and over again, until the sense of dread was choking her.

Her reflection smiled and lunged.

"Nadine!"

At the sound of her name, Nadine jolted awake, her hand quickly swinging to attack whoever was there. Her body was trembling, her breathing shallow and heavy, and her heart rate was through the roof. A hand gently wrapped around her arm, pulling her back from the horror movie she'd been trapped in.

"Nadine," Fong said, motioning for her to mimic his deep breathing. "You are okay. It's alright."

She did as she was told, hands shakily pressing against her eyelids as she tried to regain control of her body. Nadine's nightmares started the moment they reduced the sedatives. They were vivid and incredibly hard to wake up from, and everyone had been cautioned to stay in high alert.

"You were restless," he said, rubbing her shoulder in a soothing manner.

Nadine placed her head back against the bed, staring at the dark ceiling. Her mind wandered to how Bucky was doing. He had left to spend time at the Wakandan border tribe as part of a treatment the doctors wanted him to complete. He feared his programming wasn't finished before he had left, and the king, though sure that no harm would ever come to him, was gracious enough to hear his worries. That meant Bucky had been dividing the time between being by himself and helping Nadine. The nights without him around were even more difficult, but she needed the space to cope. She couldn't depend on him or anyone else to fix her.

If there was still a chance to fix her, that was.

"I w-was..." Nadine muttered, voice trembling. She breathed deep, rubbing her face to shake the panic that lingered. "I was dreaming."

Fong continued caressing her shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay," he replied quickly. He knew that forcing her hand would only have a disastrous outcome. He'd settled for anything Nadine could answer.

She wanted to talk about it. To say the words that plagued her mind. Jameson's alive. Simple words, really. Unfortunately, those words were lost inside of her.

Fong sensed her inner turmoil. He helped move her on the bed so he could sit next to her and immediately envelop her in a hug. For now, he didn't say anything, just embraced her as she leaned into him, hugging him tightly like a child terrified of the monster under her bed. "Fong, what if things go wrong?"

"What do you mean?" Fong inquired. He seemed genuinely confused by her question. Nadine didn't respond. She couldn't really put into words what she meant. "Nadine, I know this is worrisome, but you are going to be fine."

"Am I?" she asked with a dry laugh. It seemed difficult to believe that it would get better.

"Yes," he reaffirmed. "I know you will find your way back."

They stayed like that for a while. Fong's embrace and reassurance brought her an immeasurable amount of comfort, more than he would probably ever understand. To go from being fatherless, to Jameson, to Fong, Nadine was grateful for the chance that for once in her life, she had the closest thing to a father.

And for now, his comfort was enough.

• • •

"How does it feel?"

Nadine studied the vibranium brace. It was secured tightly on her ankle and up to her knee, then at her hip, like an exoskeleton of sorts. The braces she'd seen whilst waiting to be measured for one were drilled onto the bone, but Shuri assured that wouldn't be necessary with this one. She didn't really understand much how it worked (the princess tried to explain, to no avail), but the contraption increased her mobility significantly. "It feels weird."

"Yes, it will feel strange, but it is only temporary." She pulled up a few scans on the screen of Nadine's knee. "Your meniscus have healed nicely, and the patella fusion we installed has not had any signs of rejection."

She noticed what Shuri meant. They'd fused the bone with Vibranium, so in between the cracks, there were lines of grey that came up on the scans. It reminded Nadine of a vase Kaia had in her room that had been shattered and put back together with gold. She knew if Kaia was here, she'd probably make a comment about it.

Nadine hadn't noticed she'd been rubbing her knee unconsciously until Bucky placed a hand on her wrist. "Great," she drawled, wrapping her fingers with his. She hadn't realized how anxious the whole conversation made her until this moment.

"Your ankle has also grown accustomed to the screws I implanted." Shuri swiped to the next scan, which showed where the metal had been placed on Nadine's foot. "I estimate that by next week, your body will be fully healed."

"And I'll be setting off metal detectors pretty soon," she said, which earned her a chuckle from Bucky.

"Do not insult my work, Nadine," Shuri retorted, offended that Nadine would make such an assumption. The girl was passionate about her work, she had to admit.

"You won't need to worry," Bucky said, motioning to his own arm. "Vibranium passes undetected. Well, except here."

"Right," she said, still not convinced. The world was rapidly changing, and with Wakanda more open to the world, other countries will scramble to keep up, in more ways than one. "Is that all?"

"Yes, yes, that is all." The princess dismissed them with a wave of her hand. She'd already moved on to her next project of the day. "Have fun."

Bucky's hands wrapped around her waist instinctively. With a small nod, he helped her come down from the table where she sat. The moment her feet were on the floor again, she hesitantly put some weight on her leg. She tested her mobility and realized how different it was with the brace on. With her wider range of motion, she let go of Bucky and was able to walk on her own again. Nadine hadn't realized how much she'd be itching for that freedom until now.

As they bid Shuri goodbye, Nadine immediately grabbed Bucky's hand as they headed out. When they were together, she always ensured to have him close, whether by their shoulders touching or hand holding. Anything that would remind her that this was real. They made their way to the medical center's garden, where they settled on a bench to sit on. For a moment, they embraced the silence, comfortable in their presence, until Nadine, lost in her thoughts, sat upright and stared at the hazel eyes that were watching her.

Dante stood across from her. He looked sick, pale even, with a solemn expression on his face and dark shadows under his eyes. His dark hair was drenched, sticking to his forehead.

Her breath hitched.

"Nadine?" Bucky asked, concern in his tone. She felt his hand brush against her arm. "Are you okay?"

Nadine didn't respond. She was too distracted with Dante standing in front of her like a ghost, haunting her. She felt a pain in her head that felt foreign, a voice rumbling at the back of her mind.

Nadine.

Please, Nadine.

His face twisted. He was bloody now, like he received a beating. She gripped the bench tightly as she felt certain parts of her body flare up in white hot pain.

Leonessa.

It was Dante's voice. It called her, pleaded with her. Her chest ached. Was this real?

Bucky placed a hand on her cheek. "Nadine."

His forceful tone snapped her out of her daze, and she looked at him. Alarm was written all over his features. When she looked back to where Dante stood, he was gone, his pleading voice gone with him.

"Sorry," she muttered, turning towards Bucky again. "I thought... never mind."

"Don't do that," he said, his tone quiet. His frown had deepened at her dismissive behavior as he searched her face for signs of distress. "You can talk to me."

Nadine nodded in acknowledgement. She knew she could, but how could she explain what just happened without sounding insane? She supposed this was part of what had happened to her and he'd understand that. But she couldn't decipher what that was. Was that image of Dante real, or simply her mind playing tricks on her? It felt real, but so did the hallucinations she experienced whilst being tortured. Whatever other was, it disturbed her.

"I saw Dante," she said.

"Now?" he asked, sitting upright now. He looked around once, probably to convince himself that he didn't miss him. "You mean as a vision, or...?"

Nadine shrugged. She concentrated on Bucky's face in order to prevent from searching for Dante. She no longer wanted to look at the spot where his figure stood. "I don't know what it was, but he was standing right in front of me, and he looked in pain. And his voice... He was inside my head. It felt... It felt real."

"Maybe, you have a connection to him. He was tortured with the sphere and you were exposed to it at the explosion. Maybe that did something," Bucky pondered, brows knitting together in concentration.

"I'm also having nightmares," Nadine admitted, sighing in exhaustion. She wondered if she'd ever have a good night's sleep ever again. If she drugged herself, maybe.

Bucky didn't ask what they were about, and he didn't need to. It was the same one, over and over again. Nadine, killing her loved ones. He grabbed her hand as a sign of comfort. "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"I'd say not leave, but I know you're busy with Ayo."

"It's temporary," he reassured. His thumb caressed her palm. She took note how he was looking at her short nails. They'd grown back to a respectable length, so it was no longer disgusting for her to look at. "She thinks I'm healed, so she said we'll finish soon."

"That's good, I'm glad." Nadine's hand tightened around Bucky's. Tears formed in her eyes as her fear increased. She was losing her mind, she was sure of it. "I'm scared. This, whatever's happening to me, it terrifies me. What if I become something I cannot recognize?"

"Dina." He turned fully towards her and pulled her into a hug. She felt him leave small, soft kisses in her hair and shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. "I understand your fear. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't come to you in time."

She pulled back to look at him. They'd had this conversation before, but his guilt was drowning him. He wouldn't even meet her gaze. "James, we talked about this. It's not your fault, none of this is your fault. I probably wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for you."

"It doesn't matter," he said, dejected. "I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you and fighting for you to feel safe again."

Tears welled up in her eyes again. Her hands found their way to his cheeks, and she pulled him towards her to kiss him softly on the lips. "I love you," she whispered, low enough for only him to hear.

"I love you," Bucky replied, pulling her back into his arms and kissing her neck. It was intimate and reassuring.

She didn't deserve him, Nadine knew this. She made peace with it a long time ago. Bucky Barnes wasn't the monster he thought he was, and Nadine wanted to spend the rest of their time reminding him of this, and reminding him that he deserved the world.

For now, she settled for being in his arms, burying herself in the comfort of the embrace. It was almost enough to appease her, except Dante found her again. She studied him over Bucky's shoulder, and he never broke his gaze. Tears rolled down his face, and the pang of hurt once again found its way into her heart.

Leonessa.

Nadine would never be the same woman again.