"You will break,

But oh,
You will also heal."

NADINE

Nadine's head was plagued by nightmares. Recent events merged with certain moments from her childhood; one minute she was lying in the ground in the snow, the next she was on a table, a garbled scream stuck in her throat as she felt a needle be jammed into her lower back. Her muddled thoughts seemed to get louder as she woke up. She blinked hard in order to adjust to the brightness around her. Her gaze immediately settled on Natasha, who stood from her seat. She smiled softly; her eyes had a warmth that Nadine wasn't used to. "I'm glad you're awake."

"My head is... it's spinning," she croaked, wincing as she lifted a hand to touch her temple. She felt a rough texture on her forehead. Butterfly bandages. She tapped slightly harder and winced, feeling the cut that hadn't properly healed yet.

"I know, but just rest," Natasha insisted, but her tone was nothing short of subdued.

In the back of her mind, Jameson's words about the Black Widow rumbled, demanding her attention. Nadine decided to concentrate on her surroundings, not recognizing the room she was in. "Where...?"

"Wakanda."

Nadine stared at her, then observed the room with more focus. She noticed the difference in technological devices instantaneously. They were decades, maybe even centuries ahead from other hospitals she'd had the rare chance to visit. She didn't have a heart monitor on her, and yet there was a screen next to her that was tracking it accordingly. It also seemed to track other things, like brain function, blood pressure, among others. She wasn't connected to anything except the IV.

Natasha took note of her confusion and simply gave her a slight smile, then a shrug. "You deserve the best care."

"I don't understand," Nadine muttered, and she wasn't lying. She couldn't comprehend how they ended up here, though the answer seemed pretty obvious.

Natasha shook her head. "You don't have to understand now. Just, take a breath."

She looked at her hands. They weren't bandaged, so she could see her scarring nail buds. It was an awful sight and part of her was too focused on worrying that her nails wouldn't grow the same way again. Her wrists ached, and she could see the faded bruising from where she'd been shackled.

Another part of her was perturbed, because her wounds looked massively improved. Was Wakanda's technology so advanced that they healed her so quickly? Or had she been comatose for more than she thought?

"Nadine," Natasha called once again. She looked worried, cautious even. Her green eyes looked like storm clouds. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"She used you," Jameson's voice continued. "She uses you and you don't even know it."

Nadine chose to evade the question. "Where is everyone?"

"Barnes is taking a shower," she replied. Nadine knew she noticed her evasion. She was grateful Natasha didn't push. "Emilia and Kaia are right outside."

"I want to see them."

"Okay," Natasha relented, though she seemed reluctant to do so. She gave Nadine's wrist a soft tap before pressing a button. The door flew open, and not even a second later, Emilia and Kaia rushed in and were on either side of her.

"Ma chere," Kaia cried. "Oh, you are awake."

"Oh, Dina," Emilia gently pressed a kiss on her hand. "Oh, fuck, I promised I wouldn't start crying."

For a second, Nadine just observed them. Emilia had an arm in a sling, but overall seemed fine. Kaia had a cut lip and a gauze on her shoulder peaked through her shirt. Even Natasha, who stood in the background, had shades of blue and purple on her.

"Destruction follows you," Jameson had whispered to her. She'd rebuffed him at the moment, but now, after seeing them, she wasn't as sure. Every instance that they'd been injured, Nadine was the catalyst.

"Nadine," Kaia called to regain her attention. "Do you remember who did this to you?"

Natasha was watching her like a hawk now. The moment Kaia uttered those words, something seemed to wake her up. The Widow was in the room now, waiting for any information Nadine could utter.

"No," Nadine replied quickly. They knew it was a lie, but she didn't want to talk about it yet. She couldn't trust herself to talk about it without falling apart completely. "I just didn't... I-I don't..."

"You don't have to talk about it right now," Emilia said. She gave her a sad smile. "It's okay."

"He said I had a lot to unlearn."

"He?" Natasha asked, slightly more pressing than she was earlier when they were alone. Nadine remained silent; she wanted to talk, but it was incredibly difficult to do so. The name lingered over her like a ghoul.

Emilia shot her a warning look. "It's okay," she muttered, insistent. Natasha raised an eyebrow back, but she simply turned back towards Nadine. "I know this is stupid to ask, but how are you feeling?"

"I don't.. I don't know," she admitted. She took a moment to listen to her body. The last time she was awake, her body felt like it was on fire. She remembered she could barely move her hand or her leg. Her eye was swollen shut, and her head was throbbing incessantly. Right now, however, she felt different. She could move her hand, her breathing wasn't heavy. Overall, the worst thing was her leg. "I feel okay? Kind of? It's strange. I don't really understand."

Emilia's resolve cracked. She tried to recover quickly, but Nadine wasn't as drowsy as she thought. 

"What is it, Emmi?" she asked, and Emilia's brows twisted at the use of her nickname.

"It can wait," she replied, but she didn't sound convincing. Nadine turned to Kaia. For once, the woman couldn't hide behind her stoic demeanor. She had guilt written all over her face. For what, exactly, Nadine didn't understand. She was the one that got Kaia shot, after all, so she couldn't comprehend why she would be looking at her like that.

"Kaia," Natasha warned. Nadine stared at her, eyes narrowed, but her steely resolve didn't falter. She didn't understand why Natasha was acting like this. She'd never been openly honest with Nadine, but she'd also never been so adamant to keep her completely out of the loop. What wasn't she telling her?

"She deserves to know," Kaia bit back. Her tone was anything unlike what Nadine had heard from her. "There is something different about you, Nadine."

When Nadine didn't answer, Natasha sighed, and crossed her arms in a slight, defeated manner. "They did tests to see what they did to you. You're different now."

She needed a beat to process what Natasha said. "W-What?"

Emilia opened her mouth once, but seemed to be at a loss of words. She closed her eyes as she regained her composure. When she opened them again, though her expression was neutral, her eyes were stormy and perturbed. She continued the conversation, "Your body's healing faster than it should. It's taking so long because of the damage done, but the point is that something happened to you while you were gone. Whatever... they... did to you... it worked."

Jameson was right.

Nadine was going to be sick. She motioned for something, anything, that she could grab onto. Kaia seemed to sense it and immediately grabbed the trash can that stood at the foot of the bed. Nadine clutched onto it as she vomited into it, nothing but bile and liquids coming out of her. Her throat burned due to the lack of substance in her body. She didn't know how long it'd been, but she hadn't had solid food in a while, which only made the nausea worsen as her body lacked anything to expel.

All the while, Emilia clutched her hair and tried to soothe her. "Hey, hey," she'd mutter, mustering a reassuring tone. "It's okay. You're safe."

"N-No," Nadine croaked as she finished, gasping for air as she tried to will her body to settle down. Jameson's voice lingering at the back of her head prohibited it. "He's back," she whispered, her body trembling.

"Nadine." Kaia took the can out of her hands. As she placed it on the floor, her gaze was focused on Nadine in alarm. "Who are you talking about?"

Natasha had pushed herself off of the wall. She was in front of the bed now, twisting one of her rings in alarm. "Nadine?"

Jameson. Jameson is back. Jameson's back. He's back. Jameson is-

Nadine couldn't utter his name, let alone speak. She was having difficulty breathing as she clutched her chest. She could faintly hear a beeping sound and their voices, but she couldn't register the words. Her vision blurred. Was she having a heart attack?

Perhaps the universe finally decided to put her out of her misery. She felt like it was time for her demise.

Faces faded together. The blood pounded in her ears. She couldn't move, couldn't pull herself together to get oxygen into her lungs. She couldn't breathe.

She couldn't breathe.

The last thing she remembered was Natasha, standing in front of her, terrified. The Widow's resolve had broken. She was now drowning in her torment, just like Nadine, with nothing to hold onto. And for a moment, Natasha's pain almost helped her come back.

But she slipped into the darkness and let it envelop her once more.

• • •

When she came to, Natasha and Kaia were gone. Emilia was asleep on a small bed, and Bucky was in a chair. The silence in her head let Nadine study her features. How long had Emilia'd been worrying about her? Her hair seemed tangled in a messy ponytail, while her eyes were framed with dark circles that paled her complexion.

"She hasn't slept since you were taken," Bucky muttered quietly, as if knowing what she was thinking. "Frankly, I haven't either."

Nadine's gaze lifted towards Bucky. His eyes were bloodshot, but he was wide awake. He, too, looked exhausted, but alert and eager. His hand played with the corner of the blanket that covered her legs.

"How long?" Nadine hadn't asked the question before, but she knew it was time. She needed to know.

Bucky's lips pressed into a hard line, debating whether he should tell her, but he relented, and with a sigh, answered, "Forty-five days, eight hours, and twenty minutes."

Nadine let out a breath. Bucky had counted her disappearance down to the last minute. It broke her heart. The worry he must have felt... She would never forgive herself.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, quieter than she actually intended. "You deserve better."

"Don't say that," Bucky replied quickly, leaning forward to be closer to her. His brows were knit together and his mouth turned downwards in a deep frown. "You're worth it all."

"I'm not," she stumbled over her words as she shut her eyes to stop the tears from falling. Deep down, she believed he deserved better. He always did. She was always going to be his undoing. And now, here she was, Jameson's only successful experiment. He also still had the sphere, and even though he wanted to call Nadine a miracle, she knew it was only a matter of time before he found others that could survive like her. It made her sick again.

"Draga mea," Bucky said, concern in his tone. She opened her eyes to look at him. His expression was full of sorrow. "You are everything, especially to me. I would go to the ends of the Earth for you."

His words haunted her. She wanted him safe and happy and it didn't calm her nerves at all to know that she could be the reason he got hurt. His fingers delicately brushed her cheek, and she leaned into the touch. "Talk to me, Dina, please."

A thought crossed her mind. "Natasha."

"What about her?" he asked, brows furrowing together in confusion. He clearly didn't expect her to say that.

Distrust whispered in her mind. "She seemed..."

Words were limited for her right now, which was starting to irritate her. Her tongue felt as heavy as a sandbag, and her mind... her mind was elsewhere. Nevertheless, she pushed herself to continue: "She seemed worried."

"She is worried, Dina," Bucky replied, seeming even more confused now by her statement. "What's this about?"

Nadine looked at her hands. A part of her understood that Jameson did this to her, planted the seeds of doubt about the woman. The other part was struggling not to believe him. When she thought back to how they met, what Jameson said, it seemed too much of a coincidence. Did Natasha help her because she cared, or did she simply use her as a means to an end?

She decided to drop the subject. "Nothing. It's nothing."

"Okay," Bucky relented immediately. The concern and the confusion wasn't gone, but Nadine appreciated that he didn't continue pushing and left her to her thoughts. For now, he seemed okay with it. "We can talk about something else."

"Can we not?" she muttered. "You being here, with me, is enough."

Bucky softened, nodding once before extending his hand. She took it immediately, and her body relaxed for the first time in a long, long time. With his gloved hand, he traced circles around her palm, before leaning forward and gently placing his lips over it. "I will always be with you," he whispered into her hand, his voice low and firm.

Despite Nadine's paranoia, her fears, and doubts, she knew this to be true. She knew, that no matter how much she tried to prevent it, she and Bucky would always find their way back to each other.

And for now, that was enough.
_________________________________

A/N: oh my god, I cannot believe I am almost done with this story. Only 1-2 chapters to go!

I've grown so much with it and I never thought I'd be able to finish it. It's insane.

Thank you for reading, and tune in to the next one!

-N